


Shattered

by ScorpioDarkMoon



Series: Blood Alloy [4]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Betrayal, Brainwashing, Brutality, Character Death, Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Psychological Torture, Shooting, Talking, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 151,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioDarkMoon/pseuds/ScorpioDarkMoon
Summary: Her gun started to shake, her eye twitched like she was in pain. Her eyes clouded over while her gaze drifted. Yes, that was it. Come back to me Gray. Wake up. I know you're still in there. Just fight it. She pressed her fingers to her eyes, teeth bared. Words slipped out in a mumble that I couldn’t hear until suddenly she snapped her gaze back to me. “I’ve heard enough.”And then she killed me.





	1. John Still Can't Beat Me

**Author's Note:**

> !!WARNING!!!
> 
> This is not a happy work! This is one of the most brutal pieces that I have ever written. I have reservations about posting it online but as it's written and there's no going back here it is. 
> 
> There is major character death here, major on screen torture, and intense violence. 
> 
> You have been warned.
> 
> Also, My name is no longer on the fic but The Observatory is still part 3 of Blood Alloy so make sure that you read that before you read this. Thanks guys for your cooperation!

“your move.”

“I know.”

“why don’t you move?”

“just hold on.”

“you know if this was blitz chess, I’d already have won.”

“shut up synth.”

Smirking I sat back in the couch, arms crossed, brow cocked. Across from me, I watched the ghoul rub his chin, contemplating the checkered board between us. The bottle caps had little letters scratched into them, in an attempt to turn checkers into chess. I just sat there silently. In three moves I’d have him beat and he knew it. “you’re out of practice aren’t you?”

“I’m out of practice?” John scoffed, quickly moving his knight deeper into the board. It blocked off one of my moves, but not all of them. “you don’t have anybody but the kiddo to play against.”

“she doesn’t play chess.” Laughing I lazily reached forward and moved my bishop to intercept his knight. A few more moves and it would be check mate. Unless he saw the play. Which was quite frankly unlikely. John was good, just not that good. “every time I try to sit her down and teach her she won’t pay attention long enough to learn.”

“I know how you feel.” Fahrenheit muttered on the couch beside me. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. As usual she wore her heavy metal armor. Burn scars on her face, head half shaven, she reminded me of a war lord. Her sharp intelligent eyes stayed steady on the paper while she talked. “I once tried to teach her when she was a teenager. Almost beat her out of irritation.”

“you did beat her, and that wasn’t the only time you did.” John pointed out, leaning forward on his knees. Those dead features were twisted in the ghoul equivalent of confusion. I tried to hide my smirk of satisfaction. So he didn’t see the opening. “remember when she snuck into the Third Rail? You wailed on her hard.”

“girl needed to learn, how else was I going to do it?” Fahrenheit shot back with the barest hint of irritation. 

My jaw tightened despite myself. “ya know, before the war you could get arrested for hitting a kid.”

“well tell that to the bombs Valentine.” At last John reached forward, his fingers hovered over a pawn for a few seconds before he retracted it. I suppressed a sigh of frustration. “does Vel feel like we mistreated her? No. Did she turn out alright in the end? I’d say so. No harm no foul.” 

I narrowed my eyes at him, tilting my head so that the brim of my hat shadowed my eyes. People seemed to take me seriously when my eyes were a bit brighter. “you shouldn’t have hit her, John.”

Innocently he put up a hand. “yeah, yeah, probably right. There, it’s your move.”

I leaned forward, scowling at the pieces. “it’s kind of disgusting to me that you two talk so casually about it.”

“It isn’t as if we abused her.” John’s voice became mildly defensive. “she had a better life here than she was going to have anywhere else in the commonwealth. Ask her yourself, she’ll agree.”

“still.” Grumbling under my breath I moved a piece forward and sat back with a blank expression. Poker face. Easy to make your expression utterly blank when you were a machine. It couldn’t have been more useful in my line of work. 

Or when playing any game against anyone. John’s black eyes narrowed, peering into my slack face. “I hate it when you do that.”

“do what?”

“you know what.”

“no, I don’t have any idea.” Casually I shrugged. 

A gruff chuckle issued out of Fahrenheit, so low it could have come from a man. “where is the girl anyway?”

“in the Memory Den.” I answered easily. John knew where she was anyway. 

“haven’t seen her in a few weeks. I’m not used to that.” Not that she seemed overly concerned with that. If the way she kept on reading that paper was any indication. It was one of Piper’s. An older issue. Of course they wouldn’t get up to date news here. 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that Valentine.” John dropped into his couch, slinging a leg over the other. His black eyes found mine and they were serious, as about as serious as he could manage. 

“you’re just delaying the inevitable here.”

Ignoring my comment he plowed on. “this is serious. I don’t need to tell ya that life in the commonwealth is short and brutal.”

“no, you don’t.”

“good.” He waved a hand. “then you should be able to guess what I’m gonna say next.”

Honesty I didn’t have much of an idea. I was finding it difficult to take this conversation entirely seriously. John was just trying to avoid admitting defeat, again. “go on.”

“look, Valentine, our lives are short. Even if we weren’t fighting for survival every damn day our lives would still be short compared to you.” There was a bitterness in his words that I didn’t understand. After all, ghouls were essentially immortal so long as they didn’t go feral. Why would he be bitter about living as long as me? “you’re what? A hundred? A hundred and fifty now?”

“I don’t know.”

“and you’ve probably got a couple hundred years left in those circuits.” He jabbed a finger at me. Now he had my attention, the chess game totally forgotten between us. “maybe more. You’ve got all the time in the world. Hell you might see the day when this dried husk gets back on its feet.”

“your point?”

“the point is, you’ve got time.” Now he sounded almost exasperated. “the kiddo, doesn’t.”

I forced my face not to react. He’d be right, if it weren’t for one simple fact. Vel wasn’t human, she was a synth. DiMA had told me that most synths weren’t built to age. The institute had had no need for servants that would eventually decay and die. Others like Violet’s son Shaun did age naturally. We still weren’t entirely sure which one Vel counted among. We probably wouldn’t for a few years more until it was clear that she wasn’t changing. She could have even more years than me left. 

“do you hear what I’m saying?” John’s rough voice brought me back out of my own head before I started inner monologuing. Which I was extremely liable to do. I blinked and focused on his hard expression. “you’ve got all the time, you don’t have to make any decision now. that’s how you’ve lived your whole life. You get that option. Normal people don’t. Vel’s gonna die.”

“you don’t have to tell me.” My voice went so low it actually surprised me. 

He heard it and shook his head. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but she’s gonna die Valentine. Could be a raider tomorrow, could be old age thirty forty years from now. Either way her life is practically a damn blip in the road compared to yours.”

“I’m not seeing your point here.” I jabbed a finger at the board. “can we finish the game please? Gray should be done in the den soon.”

But he didn’t make a move to touch the chess pieces. He remained right where he was, coolly watching me with black eyes. Years of interacting with ghouls had allowed me to read him like any other human. At that moment he looked genuinely concerned. “my point… is that you take a while to make decisions because that’s who you are. But Vel doesn’t have the time you’ve got. Before you’ve figured out what you want she’ll be old or dead. And then what? She’ll have spent her whole life with you with nothing to show. Are you going to do that to her? Take her whole life?”

My jaw slipped open a fraction of an inch. It had never occurred to me that John Hancock would be the one to bring this up. He didn’t usually play the part of father to Gray these days. It wasn’t that he didn’t care it was simply that he was that kind of man. On those rare instances that he had it had usually been to remind me that he’d kill me if I hurt her. He’d never spoken much about the future of our relationship. Sighing I reached up and removed my hat, carefully dusting off the rim. 

“believe it or not John, I’ve thought about this.” I made my voice dry and humorless. He deserved a serious answer here. “I’ve lived over a hundred years here in the commonwealth. I’ve made friends, lost them, made new friends and lost them all over again. You don’t think I’ve made the mistake of being too cautious? Procrastinating too much? I learned my lesson a million times. I won’t make the same mistake with Vel.”

“so what?” it was Fahrenheit that spoke next, drawing my hard stare to her. “what are you going to do? Kiddo’s part of Goodneighbor which means she’s mine to protect. You’d better have an answer.”

I did. But I couldn’t tell them. Yes Gray may die tomorrow, hell I could die tomorrow. But the difference was that we both could live for years. Decades even. If the circumstances were different, if Gray was human, then they would have a valid argument. In fact I probably wouldn’t even contemplate maintaining a relationship with her. Somehow the fact that she was a synth made the relationship easier. I didn’t feel guilty for taking her life away when she potentially had so much of it to live. 

There was a sliver of selfishness there too. It was the same selfishness that had allowed me to turn a blind eye to DiMA at first. For the first time there was someone else. Someone else that had a life as long as mine. There were only so many times you could lose a friend before it started to get to you. I could lose her, but I was pretty sure that she wouldn’t die of old age. 

At last I stopped fiddling with my hat and put it back on my head. Carefully I angled it, like I always did. Then turned my gaze steadily back on John. “believe me, I have nothing but the best intentions toward Gray. I’m committed to her and will be for as long as she wants me.”

“damn Valentine.” With a shake of his head John dispelled his serious mood, which Fahrenheit maintained with her usual level of intimidation. “I’m not sure you’re real sometimes. Did the institute do something to that morality compass?”

“you wanted an honest answer.” I pointed out blandly, glowering. “I gave you an honest answer. Now make your move.”

Fahrenheit reached out and moved a piece. It was the exact piece I’d been hoping he wouldn’t move. “check.” Leaving that dry word hanging in the air she folded her paper carefully and walked toward the door.

John leaned over his knees, grinning. Good thing I didn’t have a stomach or that smile would have turned it. “haha, got you on the ropes now.”

“she’s got me on the ropes.” I put a hand to my chin, contemplating the board. “she’s the only reason you ever win against me.” 

“seriously though Valentine.” That stern voice was back. A quick glance revealed his half smirk in spite of it. “think about what I said. Don’t take her whole life if you’re not going to make something out of it.”

“I hear you John.” Carefully I picked up my bishop again, removed one of his pieces from the board and sat back. “check mate.”

“fuck.”

With a groan I rose, straightening my trench coat as I did. There were new patches, expertly sewn together. I’d never realized how much of a seamstress Gray was until recently. The repairs she made were a hundred times better than mine. A fact I constantly praised her for. I loved watching her blush. 

“just when I start to worry I see that stupid little grin cross your face and I know who you’re thinking about.” John stared up at me with his head leaned back against the couch. That knowing grin stretched to its breaking limit.

I erased the smile with a roll of my eyes. “maybe you should find a girl John, might help you clean up your act a little.” 

“Fahrenheit is the only girl I’ll ever need.” He laughed.

From the next room Fahrenheit gave an audible groan. “oh, you again…. What are you…?”

“is that the prototype?” an excited high pitched voice reached us.

My eyes went wide with surprise as I turned to find a small blond woman racing down the stairs. Her energy was practically infectious as she bulleted into the room to stand directly in front of me. Her hands on her hips, dark blue eyes narrowed, she peered directly into my face. “hello Scribe Ellison.” The smile twitched at the corners of my mouth.

Her peering didn’t stop for several seconds. I noticed that her scribe uniform was practically in tatters. There were a few fresh scars, her cheekbones stood out a little more than they had when I last saw her. Her skin was a little more tan too. Not by much. What exactly had she been through? “I see miss O'Malley has taken proper care of you. As she should. If you don’t mind I’d like to run a few tests. I’m sure you’d appreciate a tune up anyway. I’d be more than happy to-”

“slow down scribe.” I put up a hand, taking a step back to put distance between us. I’d never really minded her scrutiny. It could get a little uncomfortable but it wasn’t anything compared to how the engineers back at the institute had looked at me. “what are you even doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with the brotherhood?”

Visibly she scowled, it actually looked kind of adorable on that face. Pouting she folded her arms. “those buffoons weren’t capable of appreciating the exertion I put into maintaining their precious power suits and armaments. I spent four months developing new armor modifications but did any of them even comprehend the level of sophistication that equipment required?”

“I’m willing to bet not.” Smiling crookedly I stopped the chuckle from escaping me. 

“no! They did not!” She threw her arms into the air, so exasperated you’d think it had been the end of the world. Probably shouldn’t point out to her we’d already missed that. “when it became clear that my expertise were not appreciated as they should have been I left.”

“that was four months. What have you been doing for the last three?” 

For a moment my question took her aback. Blinking those big eyes of hers she frowned at me. Like I’d suddenly developed a new feature that didn’t quite work with a human face. Her mind seemed to have totally shut down. Her blank stare was worse than her scrutiny. Finally she gave a small noncommittal shrug. “has it been seven months? I had no idea. It all seems to run together…. This is concerning. I wonder if excessive exhaustion and dehydration could have tampered with my memories…. Perhaps I should pay a visit to doctor Amari to ensure no permanent damage had been done.”

“I found her wondering around Boston.” John interjected, leaving the chess board behind. We’d stopped keeping track of how many games I’d won. He probably had no desire to remember anyway. “I thought the woman was half out of her mind from hunger, turns out she’s just half out of her mind.”

“excuse me, Mayor ghoul, but that is a very rude thing to say.” That pout again. Scribe Ellison sure wore her heart on her sleeve. She’d be considered strange before the war, let alone now. 

John just shrugged with his hands in the air. “you don’t deny it.”

“I suppose I didn’t….” she nodded, face going suddenly contemplative. I wasn’t sure I remembered Ellison being quite this… sporadic before. Then again, I’d been pretty preoccupied when we last met. Namely, with finding Gray. 

Several seconds of silence followed her trailing words. Her expression didn’t change but her eyes went unfocussed at a point somewhere over John’s shoulder. It became very clear that she’d lost herself in her own head again. I’m guessing she’d spent those three months in relative solitude. That much alone time could put a dent in anyone’s sanity. 

“you really are out of your head, you know that?” John muttered, more to himself than to either of us.

As if she didn’t hear him, Scribe Ellison blinked and snapped her gaze back to me. “is miss O'Malley around?! I’d like to have a few words with her. If she is looking after you there are several key aspects she should be aware of. For instance how to maintain and repair your skin. How to ensure that your coolant is at a sufficient level. What types of debugging-”

“she’s at the Memory Den.” I interjected loudly, hoping that John hadn’t been keeping notes on my upkeep. I viewed all that stuff as my version of personal hygiene, the literal last thing I wanted to talk about in front of John.

Scribe Ellison didn’t seem to mind the interruption, her face instantly brightened. “oh good! Let’s go see her now. There’s so much to talk about.”

And before either John or I made a move she bounded back out the door and down the stairs. Just outside in the hall Fahrenheit groaned. “why do you let her stay Hancock?”

“cause she’s… entertaining?” He offered half heartedly. With a hand he gestured for me to take the lead and we followed the hyper woman down the stairs. “she’s pathetic really. If I just kicked her out she’d get herself killed. I’m fucking surprised she lasted this long.”

“you’re not usually one for charity cases John, especially with brotherhood.” I replied over my shoulder.

“considerin’ she saved your life twice, it’s the least I can do.” He groaned audibly. “I’ve regretted it since the moment I brought her back.”

“if you let her, she’ll make herself useful I’m sure.” 

“got no doubt, once she’s put herself back together.”

“so how did she end up staying here?”

“funny story.” We left the Old State house and came out onto the street in front of the Hotel Rexford. Drifters and ghouls sat around on curbs and fire pits. Guards kept firm eyes on them. “so I found her, right? just wondering around, rambling to herself about robots and Molerats. She didn’t shoot any of us so I thought why not? Getting her back to Goodneighbor was like herding cats. When she got here she just wandered up to Vel’s old room. She’s sort of taken up residents there.”

I laughed out loud, not even attempting to hide it. “Gray is not gonna be happy about that.”

“well I’m not gonna tell her.” He heaved a large shrug as we came to a stop in front of the Memory Den. The red signs reminded me pointedly of what this place had been before the war. “besides, she’s been staying with you every night for the past two weeks. I figured what harm could come of it?”

“agreed but Gray is still going to have words with you.” Smirking I made to enter the Memory Den when the door burst open and out marched Gray herself.

Gray, Vel O'Malley, never changed. She almost always wore that torn up coat even though she was perfectly capable of repairing it. Her short dark brown hair refused to be tamed at the best of times. That 10 mm pistol hung at her side, her constant companion. And those eyes. Storm gray eyes that, as far as I knew, were entirely unique to her. 

Scowling she came to a stop when she noticed us standing at the curb just outside. Ellison followed quickly behind her, wagging a finger like a school teacher. “I told you to take better care of him! He is entirely unique! A specimen like him-”

“for the love of god! Shut up!” Gray threw her arms high over her head before extracting herself from Ellison. Furiously she jabbed a finger at the other woman’s chest. “and don’t call him a specimen! His name is Nick Valentine! Say it with me, Nick, Valentine.”

“I see you two are getting along as well as ever.” I laughed which drew a dark glare from Gray. 

“where the hell did she even come from?!” Gray blurted, choosing to ignore the blond standing at her elbow. Gray was half a head taller than the scribe, making this scenario all the more hilarious. 

“I came from the capitol wasteland.” Ellison replied naively. 

“I meant how did she get here!”

“I walked of course.”

Again Gray threw her arms into the air, a groan of exasperation leaving her throat. 

“ask John.” I jabbed a thumb at the ghoul, who had been trying to quietly pull himself out of the conversation.

Gray rounded sharp eyes on him to which he just shrugged. “I found her wandering around. I gave her a home. Like a lost puppy.”

For a moment it looked like Gray might actually explode. Her face turned a little red and she stopped breathing. I noticed her fingers tapping on her leg, counting, making herself calm down. The corners of my mouth turned upward slightly. Gray had been trying harder and harder to temper her temper lately. She said it was cause of me. I wasn’t entirely convinced. After ten beats she let out a breath. “she’s the most annoying lost puppy you’ve ever picked up.”

“I’m trying to do you and the prototype a favor!” Ellison protested indignantly, waving a hand at me. “do you even comprehend the level of maintenance a complex system such as him requires in order to operate smoothly? You should know and understand every aspect of his function or he could begin deteriorating at an alarming rate.”

Gray turned her gaze to me. Something stirred in my chest and the corners of my lips twitched. She wouldn’t like me smiling at her irritation. “do you need my help maintaining your body?”

“I think I’m pretty good on my own thanks.” I chuckled.

“there ya see?” she turned back to Ellison who was looking less and less pleased by the minute. “he’s fine. You don’t need to train me. We’ll be going now.”

“but wait!” Ellison looked practically frantic now. Her hands gripped hold of Gray’s arm, eyes wide. “surely-surely there’s something. I can examine him, ensure that his systems are still operating at pique efficiency.”

“seriously… what is your-”

I cut Gray off. “we have something to do tonight Scribe Ellison, or we’d take you up on your offer.” 

My smile did nothing to keep her from deflating miserably at my words. Dejectedly she dropped Gray’s arm and took a small step back, eyes downcast. “oh… alright then….”

Gray and I exchanged looks. I could tell she didn’t want me to say what I was about to say next. And she knew perfectly well what I was about to say. Her head shook a fraction of an inch. I grinned crookedly and gave a half shrug. Her scowl deepened. I softened my face and made the smile a little more genuine. With a sigh she nodded. 

“but I’ll hold you to the offer.” I returned my gaze to Ellison. “how about tomorrow? Does that sound good?”

She instantly brightened, a smile as wide as the Mississippi splitting her face. Delighted she clapped her hands together and nodded. “yes! Absolutely yes! I’ll have things set up when you arrive! Oh by the way miss O'Malley, I hope you don’t mind, I’m staying in your room. Mayor ghoul said it would be ok.”

“you’re what?!”

“it’s mayor Hancock, how many times do I gotta tell ya?” John groaned. 

I took Gray by the arm and started dragging her across the street. “we’ll see you both tomorrow then! Don’t get into any trouble!”

John stood idly by while Ellison raced off back to the state house. I imagined she was now practically beside herself at the prospect of examining this bucket of bolts. The mayor waved to us lazily. “it’s Vadim’s birthday ain’t it?! Send that old barkeep my regards!”

“will do!” I called back.

Gray made a face before looking back at the mayor. “you had better not let her ruin my room!”

“it’s hardly your room anymore!”

We were around the corner before Gray had a chance to give her usual vulgar retort. She grumbled it under her breath instead. Once we were around the corner she stopped fighting my grip and walked beside me. My hand slipped from her arm into hers. A few guards gave us significant looks to which I just grinned. 

“how’d it go?” I asked as we left Goodneighbor into the bright evening streets of ruined Boston. 

Gray fell in step beside me, running a hand through her unkempt hair. “it went alright. Amari says everything looks normal.” 

“that’s good.” I squeezed her hand in an attempt at being reassuring. 

“she said I’m being paranoid.”

“considering what DiMA was willing to do to you I wouldn’t call it paranoia.” I grumbled bitterly. That so called brother of mine had done a lot of damage in the short time we’d known him. The hard part was there was still some part of me that regretted having to kill him. If it meant protecting Gray though, I’d do it all over again. 

“yeah, well…. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about it so much.” A strained forced laugh left her chest. “I mean, there’s nobody left that could do that.”

“you’re probably right.” or so she wanted to believe. I wasn’t as convinced but I didn’t say it. Instead I steered the conversation away from the topic back to lighter things. “Vadim’s party is going to start in an hour or two.”

“officially.” Another laugh, this time a real one. Good. “knowing that man it’s already started!”

“his twin won’t have any of that.”

“has Yafim ever been able to stop Vadim?”

“you make a good case, lets hurry then, or all the good drinks will be gone.”

“don’t have to tell me twice.” We picked up the pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we begin! I hope if nothing else you all enjoy this story, even if it does take a dark turn, and relatively soon. For the time being have a little bit of light hearted fun. I know my Hancock isn’t exactly true to the original, but I think I’m managing his fatherly side fairly decently. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Little bit of bookkeeping. I’ll be posting once a week on Sunday for now until after my surgery. After that I’ll start posting Friday nights. Make sure you hold me to my deadlines. Come August I’ll be moving across the country and I’ll need to be held accountable to you guys.
> 
> So thank you everyone that’s got this far! I look forward to this new journey with you. Like I said this is a departure from my normal tone, and as you can see I’m trying my hand at Nick’s POV. Let me know what you think, any suggestions you have to strengthen Nick’s voice or what not please don’t hesitate to comment or even email me directly through darkmoonscorpio@gmail.com
> 
> Once again, thank you for your support and time! Write on!


	2. Moonshine Ain't Good For You

The Diamond city gates opened for us and we strode up the ramp into the old city. Nick had kept my hand in his the whole way but once we were inside he let go. Was it out of concern for my safety or just a gut reaction? I didn’t know. I had to resist the urge to take his hand back as we passed through the market to the agency. Moe wasn’t out pushing his wares. A sure sign that the party was underway. 

“how the hell did Vadim convince Yafim to let him throw a birthday party in the Dugout Inn?” I questioned aloud as we cleaned up at the agency.

Nick stepped out from behind the wall, buttoning up a fresh shirt. “I’m not entirely convinced that Yafim knew.”

“Vadim isn’t exactly subtle.” As I stared down at my clothes sitting in the box I frowned. Nobody was expected to dress nice for this occasion but Nick was already pulling on that stupid suit I’d sewn back together for him for Christmas. if I went in my normal clothes with him looking like that I’d just end up drawing attention. So with a small groan I reached for the only dress I owned. “Yafim probably picked up on it a month ago.”

“he was too preoccupied with the Christmas party Vadim was organizing.” Nick disappeared back around the corner, adjusting his suit. He’d been practically beside himself when I gave it to him. Now he wouldn’t stop praising me for all the work I put in to keeping his wardrobe in shape. “then there was the New Year’s Eve party, I’m not sure Yafim has had the energy to watch his brother too carefully.”

“fair point.” Laughing I pulled the dress on over my head and adjusted the sleeves. It was a bit too tight around the middle and a bit too loose around the chest for my liking. If I cared I was willing to bet I could fix it but I wore it so rarely it hardly mattered. Satisfied I looked in the mirror and started running my fingers through my hair. 

It wasn’t until I felt Nick’s eyes on the back of my head that the blush rose in my cheeks and I turned. He couldn’t have looked any more charming. The black suit fit him as best as I could make it. No tie this time, his shirt had a couple buttons open. His yellow eyes shone brightly beneath his ratty fedora. I hadn’t been able to find a black one to go with the suit. I’d always like his trench coat best, but he looked pretty damn good in this too. Like a spy from one of his novels. 

“you’re beautiful.” He murmured gently, smiling softly. 

That blush deepened and I looked down at the dress. It was knee length, subtle faded red, a wide v shaped neck. It was just something I’d gotten from Becky for the Christmas party. Violet had been partially responsible for making me feel self-conscious enough to get it. I smoothed out some of the creases in it. “I couldn’t let you out do me.”

He was in front of me before I even realized it. Gently he took my chin in his hand and lifted my eyes. I could see the servos and metal beneath his skin. This close I could even hear the coolant pumping. None of that mattered to me. His warm yellow eyes filled me with warmth that no fire could give. “and now you’ve out done me.” 

Pretty sure my face started to glow. In order to hide it I pecked him on the lips before slipping out of his grip. I didn’t have any shoes to go with the dress so I just threw on my old black boots. They weren’t made for dancing but hopefully this wouldn’t be one of those nights. “come on, we’re already late, which by Vadim’s standards means we’ve practically missed the party.”

Chuckling Nick adjusted his suit jacket one more time before nodding. “let’s not keep them waiting.”

Together we left the agency into the cool, crisp night of January. Once on the street Nick offered me his elbow. I gave it an eye, both skeptical and somewhat irritate. He just rolled his eyes and forced me to loop my arm with his. Arm in arm we made our way back through Diamond City toward the Dugout Inn. A stupid smile stretched over my face.

Even before we reached it we could hear the sounds of laughter and music. Someone had the music playing full bore, blaring into the night. Everyone had pretty much been invited to this party, leaving no one to complain about the noise. Well, everyone except those upper stands assholes. The door leaked a sliver of warm orange light into the night. Standing to one side, Nick held it open for me with a grin. 

“I’m not some prewar woman.”

“pretend for the night.” He replied, still smiling.

The smell of smoke, alcohol, body odder and freedom filled the little inn. We entered and were almost immediately toppled over by the sheer force of the chaos. Like I said, pretty much everyone in Diamond City had been invited to Vadim and Yafim’s birthday. And at least half of them had accepted. Moe and Arturo stood at the bar, drinks in hand, arguing loudly over the merits of weapons. Becky leaned heavily in the couch with a drink in her hand, trying to ignore Myrna who was talking her ear off. At a table was Hawthorn and his mother along with a girl I remembered seeing out in the wasteland. Lucy something. Sheng, Polly, Ellie, Scarlet and Travis stood to the left. Like I said, pretty much everyone in Diamond city worth inviting had been.

Doctor Sun stood with Yafim in the far distance, trying desperately to get away from attention. The bulk of which was centered squarely on his boisterous over eager brother. Who came striding toward us the moment we entered. “Nick! Vel! So good of you to make it!”

“happy birthday Vadim.” Nick and him embraced. 

“thank you! Thank you! You are too kind!” Vadim went to give me a hug and I threw up a hand.

“I think I’m good.” 

“nonsense!” in spite of the hand I had planted firmly on his chest Vadim hugged me. I felt something pop in my back as he squeezed. He smelled like stale beer and too much fun. “there! Hugs among friends are important!”

“right….” I readjusted my dress self consciously.

That was a mistake, his eyes were drawn to it and they widened with delight. “you didn’t have to get dressed up just for me! You look lovely!”

“thanks Vadim….” As genuine as it was coming from him I couldn’t help but feel even more out of place in the damn thing.

“come in! Get yourselves a drink! Tonight is on the house!” 

“the first drink is on the house!” Yafim’s voice cut through the music and laughter. “honestly brother, this’ll ruin us!”

“it’s your birthday brother!” Vadim threw out his hands, turning to face his twin across the room. “loosen up brother or you’ll die before me!”

Yafim had his arms crossed and was giving his brother a pained expression. “I’ll die early? You’re the one that loves risk!”

“I am just seizing life by the horns! You need to learn do the same.” 

“I think I’ll take you up on that drink.” I let go of Nick’s hand and skirted around Vadim toward the bar. Greedily I snatched up one of the beers and took a long draft of it. It wasn’t until I was leaning on the bar that I noticed the man standing beside me. 

“oh it’s you….” He grumbled.

I dropped the beer from my lips and looked up into the rough face of Macready. There was a five o’clock shadow on his jaw, his hair was a shaggy but he’d worn a nice-looking shirt and pants this time. So everyone had put in the effort. Glad I went with my gut. “hi.” I managed returning my gaze to the room at large. Nick had gotten caught up in a conversation with Vadim which honestly didn’t surprise me one bit. 

Awkward silence filled the space between us. The last time we’d gone drinking together it hadn’t ended well. I had no intention of repeating history. Eventually he cleared his throat and shifted. “you and Valentine doing alright?” 

“as good as you’d think. How about you and the house wife?” I quirked a brow. Looking at him closer I now could see the bags under his eyes.

With a heavy sigh he shrugged, a hand going through his hair. “ah, ya know…. Pregnant ladies….”

“no, no I can’t say I do.” The smile leaked into my voice and he glowered at me.

“it’s not funny.”

“it kind of is.”

“no it’s not.”

“look, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.”

A groan escaped him and he turned around to lean heavily on the bar. “yeah well, I know that….”

“any idea when she’s due?” I hadn’t seen Violet since the New Year’s Eve party. She’d looked pretty big back then. 

“doc says sometime in April.” He sighed heavily. 

“it’s gotta get better after that right?”

“you’d think so, but you’d be wrong.” With a shake of his head he caught my eye. That man looked truly exhausted. “right now I’ve got one hungry, grouchy person to deal with. In April I’ll have a squirmy little baby that won’t sleep when they should and cries at night.”

“Danny made it rough on you didn’t he?” 

“yes he did.”

We both laughed, which immediately stopped when we realized what we were doing. I took a swig of beer then cleared my throat. “so, any idea what it is? Boy or girl?”

“she says it’s gotta be a girl.” He gave a shrug. “says it feels different from when she had Shaun. Me, I don’t know.”

“there’s something about trusting a mothers judgment.”

“did you just suggest I trust Vi’s judgment?”

“fair.” I put the beer back to my lips, scanning the room. There were a lot of people, most I recognized a few I didn’t. Vadim sure got around. Speaking of Vadim, he had Nick by the sleeve, dragging him toward Hawthorn’s little group. Nick shot me a pleading look. I just raised my beer to him. No way I was getting dragged into that mess. 

But then a mess found its way to me. A flash of red and a rounded belly caught my eye. Turning I found Violet Macready wobbling in from outside. She looked pregnant. So pregnant in fact I was surprised she could still travel. A little flushed she smiled brightly at me to which I just scowled. “Vel! You made it! RJ and I were beginning to wonder if you’d show.”

“never miss a chance for free drinks.” Before I could even put up my palm defense, she reached a hand around my shoulders. The hug was made all the more awkward by the basketball stuck between us. 

When we parted she was still smiling, a hand on her back, another on her belly. “how have you been? It’s been a couple weeks since I last saw you. How are things with you and Nick?”

“oh you know.” Vaguely I shrugged, lifting the beer back to my mouth. “a theft there, a missing persons there. Last week we had to track down Steven the Molerat.”

“what?”

“how’re the kids? Are they here?” my brows shot up. 

“Danny and Shaun are at Homeplate, Codsworth is with them.” Macready supplied while Violet frowned at Steven the Molerat. 

“why aren’t Piper or Zoon here?” I’d seen those two with each other more and more often lately. Whether that was because they enjoyed each other’s company or Zoon was just clingy I hadn’t figured out yet. There was a running bet between Nick, Vadim and I on when Piper would snap. 

Macready and Violet exchanged looks while the latter spoke. “don’t know actually. Last I heard they were chasing down a story in the south. Something about an abandoned vault site?”

“sounds interesting.” And to my surprise I meant that genuinely. Vaults were either dangerous or useful. An empty vault could be worth exploring. “so did Piper hire him this time or did he just tag along because he wants to marry her?” 

“we’ll let you know when they get back.” Violet laughed, now leaning heavily on the counter. 

Macready noticed and touched her arm. “lets go kick someone off the couch. You need to sit down.”

“I don’t want to bother anyone.” She protested. 

I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly. “it’s just Myrna, Becky will probably thank us for the interruption.”

“come on.” Macready dragged his pregnant wife away from the bar toward the couch. 

The moment Myrna saw us coming she scowled, which brought a smirk to my face. “oh, you guys….”

“yes, us guys.” I replied smugly.

Her nose scrunched up like she’d smelled something bad. Maybe she’d finally got a whiff of herself. “I’m still not convinced that you’re not a synth.” She grumbled.

“that’s cause I am.” I laughed, smirking. Violet’s eyes went wide and flicked to me but at least Macready followed suit and laughed.

“so am I!” he announced proudly.

“me too.” Violet picked up on the joke faster than I thought she would.

All three of us gave her broad smiles. Then I let it slip from my face and narrowed my eyes. “better be careful Myrna, or we’ll replace you next.”

Her face went white as a sheet. Stammering she shuffled off. “come on Becky, let’s go.”

Becky didn’t make a move, in fact she seemed to sink deeper into the couch. “nah, I think I’m good, you go on.” 

As Myrna left we sat around the couch. Violet gave me a questioning look as we did and I just shrugged. It was Myrna. If she was going to believe that I was a synth regardless of what I said then what was the point? In fact denying it profusely probably would have the opposite effect. Violet sat next to Becky and the latter leaned over. “thank you.”

“no problem.” Violet smiled, a hand set firmly against her belly. “no one blames you.” 

“anyone hungry?” Macready questioned, standing over us. 

I contemplated my beer for a second then nodded. “yeah, I should probably get some food in me. Where’s Nick?”

“I think he’s over there with Vadim.” Violet pointed while Macready wandered off to find some food. 

“I should go rescue him.” with a groan I leaned forward on my knees then paused. Slowly I sank back in the couch. “on second thought, no I think I’ll wait.”

“you’re evil!” the housewife laughed.

“not yet I’m not.”

If someone had told me six months ago that I’d be laughing and joking and enjoying time with Violet Macready, I’d have smashed your teeth out. Yet I didn’t even notice time slip by until a smooth slow song came over the speakers and Nick appeared in front of me, cross. 

“you abandoned me.” He grumbled, eyes narrowed.

Cheekily I just grinned up at him. “I don’t have any idea what you mean. You looked like you were enjoying your time with Vadim.”

“I bet you wish you could drink now.” Macready laughed, arm in arm with Violet. She looked about ready to nod off. In fact I was pretty sure she already had a couple times. 

Nick gave him a look before holding his hand out to me. “seems to me you owe me something.”

“and what might that be?” in order to hide my excited smirk I put the bottle back to my lips. It was only my second or third one that night. The buzz lingered at the back of my mind making everything seem a little softer. 

“stand up.”

I did, a little unsteadily. Then suddenly he wrapped me in his arms and carried me away from the couch into the middle of the inn.

“you owe me a dance.”

“Nick.” I drew out his name, a deep, deep blush settling in on my cheeks. The dress fluttered around my knees making me feel like a sore thumb. Nick was smooth, a sure dancer who knew exactly what he was doing. He guided me around the room in gentle small circles. Compared to him I was practically a clumsy child, stumbling around on the dance floor. There were eyes on us but I couldn’t make out any of the faces. I only had eyes for Nick.

His glowing yellow irises filled my vision, filled my chest with warmth. “are you happy?” he whispered quietly so that no one else could hear.

I blinked, my feet stumbled a little but Nick guided me back to the dance easily. “what do you mean?”

“are you happy?” He repeated still in a quiet whisper. I had to lean in to better hear him. 

“like, right now?”

“with me.”

My mouth fell open a little and I blinked a second time. When the shock of the question had subsided I smiled. “what kind of stupid question is that? Of course I’m happy with you.”

“are you sure?” there was something in his voice. It was almost guarded, almost reserved. Had something gotten into him? He never beat around the bush, that wasn’t his style. What was going on?

“are we ok Nick?” I glanced around to make sure no one could hear us. Vadim watched on, standing beside his brother, a broad smile plastered on his face. Was this his doing? Somehow I doubted it. Myrna was scowling visibly at us. Scarlet with Travis were dancing beside us. A couple of others too. No one could over hear us. 

Nick’s gaze drifted too before it came to rest on me. “of course I’m ok, I just wanted to make sure that you were ok.”

Tenderly I wrapped my arms around his neck, clasping my hands behind his head. His hands shifted to lay on my waist and our dancing became a slow sway back and forth. “Nick, I’ve never been happier. Things were scary there for a minute yeah sure, but you guided me through that. You’ve saved me so many times in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine.”

“so you don’t… want things to change?” carefully he pressed his forehead against mine. I could feel the servos under his skin moving as his expression shifted.

Smiling I closed my eyes. “I don’t need things to change. This is where I want to be right now. I don’t want anything else.”

“good.” And he kissed me. 

Then the cheering started. The blush went nuclear and I quickly separated myself from Nick. Scowling I rounded my eyes on Vadim who had his hands cupped around his mouth. “that’s it Valentine! That’s how you romance a lady!” 

“Vadim….” I groaned out but remained by Nick’s side in the middle of the dance floor. “if it wasn’t your birthday, I’d punch your lights out.”

He laughed, waving a hand like he didn’t believe me. “don’t be mad at me, I’m just trying to teach Travis a thing or two!”

“I don’t need you teaching me anything!” came Travis’ protests. Scarlet hid a giggle.

The music picked up to something livelier and the makeshift dancefloor filled up with a mass of people. With all the commotion I found myself separated from Nick, driven toward the center of them. Amid the bodies I could see all the people I’d known in Diamond city. All my friends, because they were my friends, and all the people that I’d worked for. There was Moe, Arturo, Sun, Travis, Becky, Myrna, Scarlet, Polly, Rush. 

Wait!

I span around on the spot, eyes wide heart beating loudly in my ears. The music drifted out, I couldn’t hear it any more, I couldn’t hear anything. The world buzzed at my fingertips. It felt like I might pass out. There were too many bodies! Too many faces! I couldn’t breathe. It was too hot in here. Swallowing dryly I dashed toward the exit and practically leapt into cool night air. The moon was high in the sky tonight, little more than a sliver of silver. The street lamps of Diamond city drowned out the stars. 

Standing there on the patio I tilted my head back, breathing in slow breaths. My heart pounded, the beat slowing. What had gotten into me? I was seeing faces. This was stupid. I’d let old memories scare the shit out of me. Nick would laugh if I told him about this. I rationalized it. But my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. 

It took several minutes before I turned around and when I did my heart leapt up into my throat. 

“great party, not as great as some we’ve seen, eh love?” a man stepped out of the Dugout Inn. He was tall, half a head taller than me. With jet black hair cut close to his head, a jagged scar on his cheek and deep green eyes. Green eyes I recognized. Green eyes that I’d fallen in love with. Green eyes that now stared at me and filled me with terror. “what’s wrong love? Did you miss me that much?”

“Rush….” I breathed in a hoarse whisper.

A smile of ecstasy filled his features and he closed his eyes, as if savoring something. “ah… it’s good to hear you say my name. And so sultry too. You really have missed me.”

“you-you’re dead….” It was hard to speak, hard to move. My mind had gone into panic mode. My worst nightmare. This was my worst nightmare come to life. And I couldn’t do anything.

He slowly walked up the steps onto the patio. If I hadn’t known him so well before it might have been impossible to recognize him. The clothes he wore were different but familiar. Waist high jacket, black, steel toed combat boots. Patched jeans. A black silenced pistol on his belt. While he moved his eyes remained locked onto me. Like a predator stalking his pray. “course I am, you shot me. No one could survive that kind of hit could they?”

My mouth went dry. I stood in place, turning to keep him in eye sight. Slowly he circled me, smiling toothily at the dress. 

“you look good, did you get all prettied up for me? Or is this for Vadim? Or maybe that machine.”

“leave him alone!” the words tore out of my throat, scraping against one another as they went. It hurt.

Rush put up his hands but kept his green eyes on me. “now, now, I don’t plan on doing anything to that machine, not yet.” 

Hands shaking again. My right wrist ached to hold my pistol but that was back at the agency. Who would have thought to bring a damn gun to a party? Where was I supposed to go? I couldn’t go back inside, Rush wouldn’t hesitate to hurt the people in there. Could I run into the city? No, Rush would just catch me. There had to be a way. There had to be a way to escape this!

His sudden presence at my side made me jump and I lifted a hand defensively. He caught it tightly. “you’ve lived a cozy life haven’t you? Safe behind these walls. You’ve gotten soft.”

“what do you want?” the fear filled my voice no matter how hard I tried to hide it. 

Gently he drew my hand in, forcing me to open my fingers. He pressed his lips to the center of my palm. A shiver ran up my spine. Not out of excitement. Out of disgust and terror. With my hand still held to his face he smiled at me. “your hands aren’t soft though. You still practice like I showed you?”

“what do you want?” I repeated with a little more steel.

Abruptly his fist tightened on my wrist. A strangled cry of pain escaped me as his grip bruised. His green eyes flashed dangerously. A light glinted there that I knew so well. It had been a source of excitement before. I’d loved that light. Now…. oh god. “what do you think I want?”

Then the door opened and Rush dropped my hand. The light disappeared and a pleasant almost normal smile came to his face. Out walked Violet and Macready followed closely by Vadim. 

“come now friends! The party has only just started! Stay! Drink!” he bellowed happily.

Violet smiled while her eyes struggled to stay open. “I’m sorry Vadim, next time though.”

“besides she can’t drink, she’s pregnant!” Macready replied a little outraged. 

Vadim heaved a large shrug. “that never stopped my mother!” head tilted back he laughed. 

That was when they noticed Rush and I standing there on the patio. Violet’s eyebrows shot up as she glanced between the two of us. “hey Vel, what’s going on?” 

“are you… are you by any chance Violet Flynn?” Rush said, in a voice that didn’t sound anything like his own. He rushed forward, hands outstretched. 

Violet was too clearly taken aback. “uh… yeah, but it’s Violet Macready now actually. Who are you?”

“sorry! I’m Calum!” his bubbly reply contrasted sharply with the rage I’d seen before. He gripped her hand and shook it vigorously. “I’m just, such a fan! I can’t believe you did all that stuff! You’re incredible! A real-life superhero!” 

Macready stiffened beside Violet but she smiled good naturedly shaking his hand. “I wouldn’t say that… but thanks.” 

“oh, no! I should be the one thanking you! After all! It’s cause of you the Institute is gone!” he beamed.

“sorry.” Macready forced their hands apart and guided Violet around him. “but we should be going.”

“oh sorry of course, of course, I didn’t mean to keep you!” waving boisterously he watched them go. “take care now!”

Vadim threw an arm around his shoulders, laughing. “come back inside Calum! There more drinks to be had! Coming O'Malley?”

Hearing my name startled me so badly I jumped a little. They were both staring at me. It was then I became aware of my hand holding my wrist and my heart hammering in my ears. Swallowing hard I nodded. “I’ll- I’ll be there in a minute.”

“don’t keep us waiting.” Rush flashed me a smile but the light glinted in his eye again. 

Vadim dragged him away back into the Dugout inn. The moment the door closed I sank into one of the patio chairs and held my head in my hands. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. Fear filled my veins with adrenaline. I wanted to run. I needed to run. Run and never look back. Get the hell out of here before he did… whatever he was going to do. It was hard to breathe, I couldn’t get my lungs to work right. tears stung my eyes. 

“gray?” that warm and deep voice drew my gaze up. Nick stood at the top of the steps. The moment he saw my stricken expression his eyes widened and he closed the gap between us. He dragged a chair against mine and folded me against his chest. “what’s wrong? What happened?”

I shook my head into his chest. The terror was too thick, too real. What could I say? I couldn’t tell Nick. What would Rush do then? No I had to pretend everything was alright. I had to make something up to put him off the scent. But what could I say? “can we go home?” the words sounded pathetic in my own ears.

“sure, of course, whatever you want.” He rubbed his hands up and down my back but made no move to get up. I could feel his chin on the top of my head as he talked. “but, what happened?”

That wasn’t really the question. A better one would be, what was going to happen next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to get worse, much worse, before they get… better’s not really a good word for it but I can’t figure out a better one for it haha. So as you can probably guess this is primarily an original story with a fallout skin. If that bothers you I’m sorry. There’s still gonna be plenty of Nick and Hancock and Fahrenheit action but the primary conflict is my own design. 
> 
> Please give it a chance, I won’t disappoint you. Thank you for reading and leaving kudos! Oh and I should also mention that Shallw may or may not come in later and retcon the relationship change between Vel and Violet but that's up to her, i have no control over it. 
> 
> In the mean time, write on!


	3. Talking to Myself

Gray was quiet. It wasn’t like her. At least not with people she liked. I’d seen her maintain stone cold silence for full days when in the company of people she hated. No that was normal. This wasn’t. 

After the birthday party she hadn’t spoken a word back to the agency. Then the next morning she’d made a good show of pretending everything was alright. The woman was infuriating really. I was a detective for god’s sake, did she really think she could put up a convincing act? It was pretty good, but the little things gave her away. She jumped at minor noises, random appearances. When we walked through the market her eyes darted around, searching, watchful. When she was walking she kept her hand on her pistol.

That was a habit she had kicked almost three years ago. 

We were in Goodneighbor for the second time in as many days. Much to the excitement of Scribe Ellison. “you’ve been through a lot haven’t you?” she babbled away, forcing me to strip my coat off. 

“you could say so.” I watched Gray out of the corner of my eye. We were up in her old room, that mattress still lay in the middle of the floor. The dresser still had some of her things. Gray stood against the wall, hand on her pistol. I noticed she stood directly across from the open door. In that coat, she looked the part of a native.

Scribe Ellison didn’t wait for me to unbutton my shirt, doing it for me. I kept one eye on Vel, waiting for her to show signs of jealously. None. “look at all this damage. You really should take far better care of yourself. Why if you keep this up you’ll be needing a new body in no time!”

“and I guess you’ll take up the challenge.” I joked lightly despite the knot steadily forming in my chest. 

Ellison opened her mouth then froze. Not for the first time I wondered if her brain had short circuited. For all I knew she was a synth with a faulty component. We stood there, her hands wrapped in my shirt, half opened. 

Eventually Vel gave out a long sigh, shaking her head. The first sign of humanity I’d seen in her since we arrived. “hey Ellison, want to get on with the examination?”

Blinking rapidly Ellison rounded eyes to her before nodding slowly. “yes, yes sorry. So sorry. What was I doing?”

Vel just shook her head again. No blowing up. No irritated yelling. Nothing. What had happened to her? “you were making sure Nick would live to see another decade?”

“oh yes! Right! The prototype.” Big blue eyes returned to my chest as she threw open my shirt. I’d have accused her of being a showman if I didn’t know better. “if you don’t protest, I’d like to open up a few of your plates to get a good read on the damages inside. If I may, I could also make a few combat modifications, reinforce your scaffolding, put extra bullet resistance around vital pieces. Maybe even add some secret little tricks if that’s agreeable.”

For a moment I didn’t answer. The last time someone other than me had opened me up…. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience. Memories leaked in from around those firewalls I’d put up years ago. My fists tightened without me realizing. I managed to keep my face slack despite it. 

“you don’t have to agree Nick, if you don’t want to.” 

Gray’s heavy and dry voice drew my eyes back to her. Her storm gray eyes nailed me with worry. I’d never say it to her, mostly because I knew it’d make her angry, but she wore her heart in her eyes. It only took a single glance at those to know what she was thinking. Something I loved about her. I’m not sure I remembered her doing that before the switch. Maybe that was simply a quirk the synth had developed herself. 

I produced a half grin. “don’t worry Gray, it’s fine. Have at it scribe.”

A long breath left Gray but she didn’t say anything in protest while I lay down on the bed.

Ellison leaned over me. While words went under her breath she ran her fingers along the seams on my chest. I closed my eyes, hoping to banish old memories that I’d never been able to forget. DiMA had told me that he’d purposefully removed many of his memories of the Institute. They’d been too painful for him. He’d kept just enough to remember me. He’d also offered to do the same for me, help me forget what the Institute had done. I’d told him no. If synths like us were anything more than machines we were the culmination of all our memories. Good and bad. I couldn’t keep myself from forgetting parts, but I’d never make myself forget. 

That didn’t make lying there while Ellison pulled off one of my plates any easier. Every moment I had to fight the urge to spring up and toss her aside. She was trying to help, and that was the only thing that gave me comfort. 

“the Institute put a remarkable amount of work into constructing you.” She murmured under her breath. At this point I couldn’t feel where her hands were so I guessed she was wrist deep in my guts now. “your charging mechanism for one. The brotherhood has only just started experimenting with utilizing ambient radiation to charge power cells. I’m guessing that the stronger the radiation is the less time you have to wait to be fully charged.”

“right.” I nodded, still with my eyes closed.

“hm… it seems a bullet grazed your coolant tank. A few more weeks and it would be emptied….”

“that would explain the stains I’ve been finding.” Muttering, I tried to make my voice light. 

It fooled Ellison but not Gray. Her hand found mine and I cracked an eye to find her kneeling beside me. There was fear in her eyes. Not just worry but real honest to god fear. What about this had her so spooked? “are you sure you’re alright with all this? I can force her to stop….”

A forced smile took my features. Couldn’t be sure it was entirely conscious or just gut instinct. “if you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you stay where you are.”

She nodded and settled down, gripping my hand a little tighter. 

Ellison either didn’t notice or didn’t care. My guess was the former. I took a quick glance down at her. One of her hands wasn’t visible in my chest, the other held a pair of pliers. A wave of nausea swept through me. I closed my eyes and set my head back. 

“I’d like to take one of your plates to run some tests.” When she finally addressed us directly Ellison raised her voice so much you’d think she was trying to talk over a battle. “if that’s agreeable. I have a theory about better protection.” 

“I don’t exactly have a spare plate Scribe.” 

“couldn’t you do it without one?” Gray asked sharply.

Ellison loosed a long sigh. I could practically hear her shaking her head. “I may be able to but I’ll need to run tests with the prototype at some point.”

“what kind of tests?”

“we’re discussing armor plating, what kinds of tests do you think I mean?”

“you’re not going to shoot him!”

“Gray please.” 

“you can’t be ok with that!” 

“tests are tests. If it’ll help, I’ll do it.” 

Gray groaned audibly but her hand tightened on mine. “you’d better be careful with him Ellison, or I’ll kill you.”

“don’t worry, I have no intention of making a mistake with the pro- Detective Valentine.” She hesitated a split second before I felt the distinctive pinch that signaled she was prying off another plate. My hand subconsciously tightened around Gray’s. “there is a little erosion from the coolant leak. I’ll repair that then proceed to clean up the rest. You’ll thank me later when you don’t smell like rotted eggs all the time.”

“right.” nodding I cracked an eye to look at Gray. She had her eyes set firmly on my chest where Ellison worked. Her face was pale. That fear hadn’t gone. What was wrong? Did this bring back memories for her too? Or was this something else? Did this have to do why her hand rested on her pistol? 

“I never thanked you.” Ellison drew Gray’s eyes to her. 

“what?”

“you don’t know what it’s like.” The scribe continued while she repaired my plumbing. “being in the brotherhood. They all looked at me like I was a creature, barely any better than ghouls or synths. They treated me like I was a synth.”

Gray’s shoulders relaxed but I didn’t say anything. “then why’d you stay? If they treated you so badly why did you stick around?”

“they were the only ones that would have me I guess.” Ellison shrugged once before running to her tool kit against the wall. While she searched for a new tool she talked over her shoulder. “I did some things… in Rivet City. That’s down in the capitol.”

“I didn’t know you were from the capitol.” 

“oh! Well, I was born there but I wouldn’t say I’m _from_ there, if that makes sense.” With a triumphant cry she sprang back to my side, eagerly sticking her hands deep into my open chest. I closed my eyes, banishing the feeling of being a corpse on a slab. 

“how’d you end up with the brotherhood?” I asked around gritted teeth.

Gray’s hand squeezed mine once, trying to be reassuring. 

While she worked Ellison explained. “oh well, after one of my experiments got loose in Rivet City, they decided that it’d be better if I moved on. I went wandering in the capitol for a while. A brotherhood scribe found me and brought me back to their base.” 

Silence followed her abrupt end, punctuated only by the quiet scrub. She had to be cleaning out the erosion or whatever it was. I’m not sure I’d ever taken the time to do that myself. When Ellison didn’t continue for several minutes Gray let out a breath. “is that it? You got kicked out of your city, the brotherhood picked you up and that was it?”

“did you expect something else?” Ellison grunted and I felt something jerk in my chest. Grimacing I tightened my eyes. Don’t look. “I never pretended to align with the brotherhood of steel’s beliefs. I thought that would be clear based on our first interaction.”

“why’d you help us?” Gray questioned dully. There wasn’t any bite behind her words which surprised me. Her patience with Ellison wasn’t like her at all. “back then, why’d you help us? And why have you helped us every time since?”

“well….” Her voice was sheepish now, and the sounds of her work stopped for a split second. I opened my eyes to find her staring blankly down at my opened chest. It was the most human expression I’d seen on her since we met. “I don’t know… I guess I wanted to?”

“that’s it? You wanted to? No other reason?” the barest hint of irritation slipped back into Gray’s voice. 

Ellison gave a large shrug and returned to work. I threw my eyes shut again. “I guess so. You and the detective… you’re the first people that didn’t look at me like… I was a freak.”

“this is the bit where we’re shocked to find out you’ve never had any real friends.” I could practically hear Gray roll her eyes. 

I wanted to tell her off but then I heard Ellison give a small gasp. “are you- do you mean to say you’re my friends?!”

I chuckled, couldn’t help myself. Before Gray could give her obligatory protests I nodded. “that we are Scribe.”

Ellison clapped her hands together in delight, I could hear the floorboards under her creek as she shifted. “please! Call me Kendal! It’s Kendal to my … friends.” She savored that word. “besides I’m not technically a Scribe anymore seeing as I left the brotherhood.”

“bet they’d take you back.” Gray muttered sulkily. 

“maybe…. If I wanted to.” Something tugged at a point inside my chest again and I tried to make myself relax. “anyway, I’m almost done. You should be good for the next little while. After having a look at your scaffolding I have a few ideas for improvements.”

“I look forward to it.” 

Gray released my hand and I cracked an eye to watch her. Her face was grim again, worried. Hand rested firmly on her pistol. With careful steps, she inched around me back to the door. She was keeping watch. For what I had no idea.

Ellison finally put my chest back together then took a step back. “there! All done! Friend.”

“thank you.” Subconsciously I put a hand to my chest as I sat up. Before Ellison got any new ideas I threw on my shirt. While I dressed Ellison poked around in a corner of scrap while Gray stayed at the door. It was hard to hide how eager I was to get dressed. Not that either of the other two noticed. 

In fact I was fairly certain Ellison had forgotten we were here. Leaving her to mess around with her scrap and tools I stepped up to Gray’s side. “ready to go?”

She gave a start, whirling to look me in the eye. For that split second I saw it, the terror. In the next second it was gone and she flashed a forced smile. “if you’re done flirting with that scribe.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” I peered into her eyes, trying to see what she was hiding. “Gray… I feel like we need to talk.”

“let’s get out of here before Hancock hires us for a job or something.” Before I could say anything more, Gray shoved off the wall and marched down the stairs. I hesitated, grimacing after her. 

“oh, prototype!” 

I turned to find Ellison bouncing on the balls of her feet. She smiled at me but it wasn’t quite her usual grin. “yes?”

She stuck a finger into my face. “I’ll start work protecting that pretty little brain of yours first shall I? I should have something for you in the next couple of days, in the meantime….”

I watched her expression fall a little. Her eyes strayed over my shoulder. I sighed. “I’ll protect her.” 

“you’re the only friends I’ve ever had. Make sure you look after each other, please.” 

Gray would be furious if she heard Ellison say that. She loved to pretend that she was the lone wolf type but that couldn’t be further from the truth now. If it ever was. “don’t worry Scribe, we look after each other. I’ll make that promise.” 

That smile returned, twice as large and just as unnerving. Delighted she clapped her hands. “splendid! I look forward to seeing you both very soon! Take care now!” and like a switch had been flipped she span around and instantly forgot I was there. 

Leaving her to hum some quiet tune to herself I chased after Gray. I found her waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs beside the front door. Arms folded she shifted from foot to foot, looking utterly impatient. “finally, lets go.” Without waiting for me to say anything she flung open the door and marched out.

It didn’t matter how many times I tried to talk to Gray on the way back to the diamond, she wasn’t having any of it. Didn’t help that the city was particularly dangerous that day. We ran into a party of Supermutants facing off against some raiders. For a split second it looked like Gray wanted to join in but she instead took my hand and guided us around it. We avoided a roving Deathclaw next, followed by a pack of ferals. Between these little distractions Gray scanned the streets carefully.

Before long we were back at the diamond and Gray’s shoulders visibly relaxed. As we descended down the steps I came level with her. Giving her a sidelong look. “Gray… we need to talk.”

“about what?” she replied a little too lightly. 

I narrowed my eyes. “what’s gotten into you? What’s happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“don’t lie to me.”

“I’m… not.”

“you promised that you wouldn’t lie to me.” 

“Nick, please….” 

Grabbing her arm I brought us to a stop. We were just inside the market now. “whatever it is you don’t have to deal with it on your own. Will you please talk to me?”

Her face twisted, contorted in the silent debate. What could be so bad that she was more than scared to tell me? We’d made a promise not to keep secrets. After the Institute, after Hintzen, after DiMA, after everything we agreed not to hide anything from the other. Whatever had her scared was worse than any of that. Standing there, Gray’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Wide eyed, desperate. That fear again. 

“hey guys!” 

For the first time I felt a wave of irritation sweep through me at the sound of Violet Macready’s voice. Dropping my hand from Gray’s arm I straightened to find the red head striding toward us. Striding was probably a bit generous. Wobbled was closer the mark. Like a penguin. “hey kid.” I kept my voice in its usual dry tone. No need to tip off the kid.

Violet came to stand beside us, hands wrapped around her belly, huffing. She looked a little red in the face despite the cold. “what have you two been up to?”

“just got back from Goodneighbor.” Gray murmured hollowly. Her eyes didn’t quite meet Violet’s. “Ellison is back by the way.”

“Ellison?” Violet frowned.

“you know the scribe that helped dig Kellogg out?” I elaborated, brows raised.

“oh right!” the flash of guilt sped over her features. As usual Violet still blamed herself for Kellogg, not that Gray let her off the hook. Even after all this time that was still one thing I knew Gray held on to. When the guilt was gone Violet smiled again. “how’s she doing? I didn’t think there were any brotherhood camps here anymore.”

“there aren’t, but she left the brotherhood a few months ago. She came wandering back up from the capitol.” Impatience slipped into my voice. As much as I loved Violet, Gray was my concern right then. 

“oh! Well that explains it.” Violet nodded knowingly, as if that made perfect logical sense. I doubted logic had played much into Ellison’s decision to come here. For a few seconds we stood awkwardly around while Moe’s heckling filled the silence.

Before I could make a smooth extraction Gray spoke, “so what are you still doing here? Macready around?”

Violet nodded, glancing about. “he’s somewhere around with the kids. I wanted to get a check up with Dr. Sun before we went back to Sanctuary.” 

“for the baby?”

Another nod. “yep. He says everything is looking normal. Should be due sometime in April.”

“you sound a little nervous about it.” Gray seemed to be doing everything in her power to keep this conversation going. If I wasn’t already onto her, that would have tipped me off.

Violet averted her eyes at that question, frowning at the front entrance of the city. “I’m not nervous… about that baby anyway. I’m more comfortable with babies than with _teenagers_.” She made that last word sound like a curse. “It isn’t the baby at all….”

“then what is it?” while she spoke Gray’s eyes darted around the market. I took a sweeping glance for myself. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Moe, Arturo and Myrna were at their shops. Sun was treating a wounded guard. Takahashi stirred a pot lazily while a couple of drifters sat at the counter. The market was particularly busy, lot of people passing through with goods to sell. Nothing too out of the ordinary. 

Violet talking brought me back to the conversation. “I’m just not sure about raising a baby in… the wasteland you know?” 

“it’s not gonna be easy.” I nodded, slipping a hand onto Gray’s shoulder. She leaned into me. “but you’ve got the help, and a settlement you can hunker down in. If anyone is gonna pull it off it’s you.”

“besides.” Gray gave a shrug. “there are plenty of people that raise kids in the wasteland. It’s not the prewar world you come from but it’s still livable.” 

“I know, I know.” Violet forced a smile and looked back up at us. “I know people have been having babies and raising them for two hundred years, I know. I’m just nervous.” 

“you don’t need to be nervous.” Chuckling Gray shook her head. Then I felt her go stiff against my body. 

Frowning I glanced down at her. She had her eyes set firmly over Violet’s shoulder. I followed her gaze to a drifter standing at Myrna’s shop. He had a wide brimmed hat on, a leather vest over a plaid shirt. There was nothing particularly distinctive about him yet Gray’s breathing stopped. I squeezed her. “Gray?”

“oh!” the exclamation came from Violet as she put a hand firmly against her belly. “she’s kicking! Come here you two.”

Even before the war I didn’t understand this thing. Pregnant ladies and making anyone in their immediate vicinity touch their stomachs. She took hold of our hands and forced us to press them to her belly. For a few seconds nothing happened. I was about to accuse her of imagining things when the tiny foot bumped against my palm. 

“feel that?” Grinning, Violet looked between us.

I smiled softly. Ok, maybe there was a reason behind the weird tradition. “yeah, she’s gonna be a strong kid.”

“yeah….”

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Gray’s eyes gloss over. Her face went slack except for the corners of her eyes. No idea what she was seeing, but it wasn’t Violet. Suddenly she tore her hand away, taking a step back. 

Violet’s green eyes widened in confusion and concern. “Vel? Are you ok?”

“what?” her eyes snapped up, blinking rapidly, like clearing her vision. She focused, looked between us before clearing her throat. “yeah, yeah I’m fine. Yeah. Hey Violet you want us to walk you home? You look tired.”

Now Violet frowned but her shoulders sagged. “I guess I’m tired….”

“like I said, we’ll walk you home.” Gray strode forward and took Violet under the arm. 

I held back for a second, letting them go ahead. Gray dragged Violet along a B-line for Homeplate while the latter glanced back at me repeatedly. Once they reached the door Gray took a step back looked back at the market. 

“where’s Macready?”

“the park maybe?” 

“I’ll see if I can find him.” 

“slow down Gray, maybe Violet want’s-” but she was already gone before I’d finished. Sighing heavily I stood beside Violet and watched Gray disappear into the city. With a groan I took off my hat and ran a hand over my head. “damn it….”

“is everything alright between you two?” Violet’s hand on my arm brought my gaze back around.

Casually I replaced my hat, plastering a half grin on my face for her benefit. “I hope so. What do you think is going on with her?”

“is this a test?” her brows shot up quizzically. “Vel told me you test her with questions like that.”

“if it is?”

A grimace, she glanced back at where Gray had disappeared around the corner. After a second she gave a shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t know her well enough remember?”

“take a wild guess then.”

Still grimacing she looked back at me. “maybe something’s up, but it could just be her being Vel. Myrna gave us her usual spiel last night during the brothers’ birthday party. Maybe it got under her skin more than she let on.”

“Myrna?” I looked over my shoulder at the crazy old bat at her shop. Her synth paranoia hadn’t dimmed even a little since the destruction of the Institute. I shuttered to think what she’d do to Gray if she ever found out the truth. Unless she had figured something out I doubted she was the source of all this. Gray had never let her get under her skin before. “thanks kid, I’ll talk to her.” 

As I walked away Violet called after me. “take care you two! You should come visit us at Sanctuary soon! It’s been too long.” 

“we’ll drop by.” I waved lazily over my shoulder. “look after yourself and the baby kid.”

Leaving the bustle of the market behind I wandered down my alley. The sign to Valentine Detective agency flickered badly. I’d need to fix it or it would drive me crazy. As I reached it a shiver ran up my spine. Slowing my pace I casually half turned, staring down the path. Now I didn’t have hair, but I remembered the feeling of it standing on end. Right then I felt it. Someone was watching me. My gut never steered me wrong. But as I looked back I saw no one. 

Either I could write it off as Gray’s paranoia getting to me, or….

Or she wasn’t just paranoid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow wind up as usual, things go to hell next chapter so I’ll see you all next week! Until then, write on!


	4. I have to come clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning, stalking and uncomfortable closeness. 
> 
> Look I’m just covering my bases on warnings. I figure if I felt uncomfortable writing it, people will feel uncomfortable reading it.

I saw him every day.

Or maybe I was looking for him.

Or maybe he was doing it on purpose. 

That was probably it. Every day I’d find him in the market, at the Dugout Inn talking to Vadim, or reading the newspaper in front of Publik Occurrences. Once or twice he’d brush by me. Give me his sickly sweet smile. Just small reminders. He wanted to make sure I didn’t forget that he was there. That at any moment he’d snap and do whatever he was here to do. And I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. 

I wouldn’t let Nick out of my sight. If I did that’s when Rush would strike, that’s when it would be over. I stuck by Nick’s side like glue but he wasn’t the only one I was worried over. Rush had already taken interest in Violet. He wouldn’t care she was pregnant, had a family or anything. He’d make it slow with her. Thankfully she and Macready left with their kids the next day. With them in Sanctuary and Rush in the diamond, at least they were safe. Even if no one else was. 

Days past but it felt like weeks. Every moment Nick and I were alone, hell even when we weren’t, I thought Rush would be there. I could imagine his sadistic smile when he put the bullets in Nick’s head, smashed his chest then turned the gun on me. Rush wouldn’t be done with that. Not by a fucking long shot. It’d start with Nick, of that I was certain. He’d never tolerate me with the machine that had torn our family apart. 

Sure Nick hadn’t been the one behind the trigger but he sure as hell helped. Because of him Chloe was dead. Because of me Rick was dead. I’d thought, prayed, that Rush was dead too. No such luck apparently. Now I lived in constant fear of what he’d do. When would he make his move? When we were working a case? When I was eating? When we were outside the walls of the city? Maybe in Goodneighbor? Ironically it was in Goodneighbor that I felt safest. Rush was too much a part of the background in Diamond City now. 

Nick knew something was wrong and he tried so hard to get me to talk. Every time I thought I might be able to I remembered Rush’s hand wrapped around my wrist and the words died. I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to tell him. But because if I did Rush would stop playing games and he’d come after us. How Nick didn’t recognize him was beyond me. I could have sworn Nick got a couple of good looks at him. At least. Every time Rush got close my grip tightened on my pistol and my heart leapt into my throat. 

It was killing me. 

Maybe that was his plan. I should be so lucky. You’d think after the first few days of this the fear would have subsided. Then you didn’t know Rush. Each day was one more day for him to plan and scheme. He was waiting for the moment to strike. And I didn’t know if I was going to be ready.

Nick and I were in the agency. It was night, I’d just finished eating. What little food my stomach would tolerate at any rate. Sitting at our respective desks I tried to ignore the prickling on the back of my neck. He was sitting quietly, reading the newspaper. The bare bulb flickered over our heads. A quiet night. I used to enjoy these so much. They were a far cry from the lonely, dark cold nights I used to have back in Goodneighbor. Couldn’t enjoy it this time.

A knock on the door sent me reaching for my pistol which still sat on my hip. Nick glanced at me, brows drawn, grimacing. I knew he’d noticed the pistol. Couldn’t help myself. As he stood I rose too, carefully lifting my gun free of its holster. He pulled open the door and stepped aside. “Yafim, what brings you out this late?”

The large man squeezed himself through our door. Those broad shoulders barely fit in his suit jacket as he folded his arms in irritation. It wouldn’t take much if he wanted to tear out of it. “it’s my brother!”

“what’s Vadim done now?” chuckling Nick walked around the desk and sat back down. With a nod he gestured for Yafim to sit too. 

He did with an irritated huff and I finally relaxed. Just Yafim and Vadim. Another Bobrov brother feud. They were an astonishingly regular thing. You could practically set your calendar by it. 

Last month it had been Vadim on our doorstep, guess it only made sense it would be Yafim now. “I’ll take notes shall I?”

“don’t think we’ll have to.” Nick waved his hand and leaned over his desk. “has he locked you out of the inn this time?”

“like a petulant child!” Yafim threw his arms into the air dramatically. I never saw him like this except when he was fighting with his twin. “it’s because he refuses to take the business seriously!”

“I’m sure.” With a small groan Nick got up, hands on the desk. “let’s go get you back in. I’ll play mediator… again.”

“I’m not such a child that I need you to-”

“but he does.”

Yafim didn’t have a proper comeback for that. Slowly he closed his mouth then nodded mournfully. “perhaps you’re right….”

“I know, I’m always right.” smugly he stood and adjusted his coat. With a grin he looked at me. “I won’t be long, these two just need someone to make them have a sit down.”

“I’ll come with you.” Impossible to hide my eagerness so I made no secret of it to begin with. Ignoring his heavy look I came to stand at his side. 

For a moment we stood there in silence. Nick staring at me, me ignoring him. Yafim increasingly confused. Eventually the synth let out a long sigh and turned to the door. “lets go. The sooner we fix this the sooner business can go back to normal.”

“this is normal business.” I tried to joke lightly. It only drew another heavy look from Nick. 

Yafim lead the way back to the Dugout Inn. At this hour most people were at home. There were maybe one or two people that would still be inside. Maybe Vadim had locked them in with him. Anything to irritate his brother. As we approached music drifted through the door at top volume. “you see?!” Yafim called over it. “he did this on purpose.”

“probably.” Unconcerned Nick knelt at the lock and inserted a bobby pin. “what exactly did you say to him this time?”

“I was just trying to get him to read the damn messages I left for him on our terminal.” 

I stood to one side, arms folded, listening to the music. It sounded like one of Magnolia’s. While Nick and Yafim talked my eyes strayed upward. It seemed kind of silly to be here. After the last few days one of the brothers’ spats was almost welcome. A relief. 

Then I saw him. Walking casually down the path, whistling some nonexistent tune to himself. His wild black hair gleamed in the moonlight. The muscles under his sleeves rippled. My heart crawled up my throat. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him as he disappeared down the path deeper into the city. 

“gray?”

I turned to find Nick looking at me, holding the door open. Yafim had already gone inside. Warm welcoming light escaped through the open door. Magnolia’s music drifted out even louder now. Had Nick seen Rush? I hoped not. But then an idea struck me. It was an insane idea. A stupid idea. But maybe it was the best way out. “I uh… I just remembered something at the agency. You go inside. I’ll be back.” 

“what did you-”

But I was already walking briskly down the path, following Rush. Before I’d fully made the decision my gun was in my hand. The weight felt reassuring. The ache in my wrist was almost unbearable. This is what I had to do. Nick would be safe, surrounded by the Bobrov brothers, and whoever else was in the bar. Time was limited. But so long as I got Rush in sight first it would be fine.

It didn’t take long. I turned into what had once been the outfield. There he was. Standing on the stage, hands on his hips, head tilted back. He grinned toward the sky. I came to a dead stop. The gun suddenly felt heavy. It shook. God damn it, you had to do this! You didn’t have a choice! If you let Rush live it’d be as good as killing your friends yourself! 

Rush was liked in Diamond City, I knew that. There were enough people to raise brows at his death. Enough interest. I could be fingered for the murderer. I could be exiled from the city. But that paled in comparison to the alternative. Diamond city would hate me. Nick may hate me at first but he’d understand when I told him the truth. This had to be done. For his sake. For the sake of everyone around us.

“you going to shoot me girly?”

The name alone made my heart go cold. The shaking got worse. I gripped the gun in both hands now but didn’t raise it. Why wasn’t I raising it? It had to be done! Just point it at him already!

Slowly Rush brought his gaze down to me. Smiling. “you want to see the scar?”

“what?”

For answer he started unbuttoning his shirt. A weird mixture of curiosity and horror filled me, making my limbs heavy. Silently I watched him undo the buttons, one by one. His chest was tan like the rest of him. Except for the ugly jagged scar under his right bicep. “looks bad doesn’t it?” he grinned, almost proudly, touching it with his finger tips. “wouldn’t think a bullet could do this much damage would you?”

“you were going to-”

“kill you?” his eyes flashed. Green eyes becoming dangerous. Abruptly he leapt from the stage. The movement sent a wave of fear shooting through me. At last I threw up my gun. The barrel wavered over the scar. Back then it had wavered. Back then it shouldn’t have hit him in the first place. I wasn’t even really trying to. Slowly he closed the gap. I couldn’t take my eyes of the scar. “did you really think I was going to kill you? I love you. I still love you.”

“you-you don’t know-” words were rough in my throat. 

“I love you Vel.” He repeated steely, voice husky. “I will always love you.”

My feet carried me backward but it was stiff. Smoothly he strode toward me. Easily overtaking my feeble attempts to get away. Something bumped into my back. I didn’t dare glance back to see what it was. I didn’t dare take my eyes off him. 

He leaned in, a hand beside my head. With his other he held open his shirt. Nothing I did could make me take my eyes off that scar. “like it? Surgery was rough. Went through a couple before they got it all. Like to think you did that on purpose.”

“I didn’t-”

“I’m not angry love.” That voice. It took the breath out of me. My heart thudded so badly I could only hear him because he was in my face. “it’s a part of me now. It’s a mark. Your mark. You left this mark on me Vel.”

“Rush… please….”

“sh.” His hand came to my cheek and I flinched. “don’t worry, I cherish it now. Sure I was angry at first but I had some time to think.” 

The gun was pressed between us, still clutched in both my hands. The barrel pressed into his belly. All I’d have to do is squeeze the trigger. No one could survive a couple bullets to the gut. Then again I’d thought no one could survive getting shot in the chest. I’d thought Rush was dead. 

The gunshot would draw people to us. He’d be helped in time to save him. I’d have to shoot him in the head when he went down or-

“do you remember the marks I left on you?”

His voice in my ear. That whispered, husky, deep voice. God it brought back memories. Memories that at one time had been sweet. Now they made my stomach twist and my heart rise to my throat. My body stiffened. I still couldn’t pull the trigger. Why couldn’t I just do it already?!

A chuckle. His breath wafted against my neck. When had I let him get that close? Bile rose in my throat but I still couldn’t move. “you do, don’t you? Don’t you miss that? Don’t you miss the feeling of my hands on you, the pain, the pleasure?”

“please, just leave….” I moaned, jaw tight.

A more pathetic response couldn’t have come from me. Another chuckle, deeper than the first. He leaned in. The gun went flat between our bellies. There was nothing I could do now. His weight bore down on me. “now why ever would I do that love? After I found you? Touch it.”

“what?”

“touch the mark you left on me.” There was something different in his voice now. An undertone that wasn’t there before. I couldn’t place it but it tugged something at the back of my mind. Bringing on goosebumps from long forgotten nights. 

“no.”

“touch it.” 

“leave us alone….”

“touch it!” he roared, grabbing my wrist and forcing me to press my hand against the scar. It hurt. His vice grip caused me to drop my gun. It thudded in the dust between our feet. Useless. I was useless. Teeth gritted but eyes wide, I watched as he tilted his head back. He closed his eyes, smiling in pleasure. “do you feel it? I’ve spent nights memorizing it. The mark you gave me, that only you could give me. I know you can feel it.”

What the hell was I supposed to feel?! The scar was rough under my fingers, almost dry. The bumps, the ridges, it made me sick. Beneath that I could feel his muscles moving, coiling and uncoiling with his breathing and heart. It thudded excitedly. 

“I know you didn’t really mean to try to kill me that day.” Slowly he brought his green eyes back to me. Under that stare I wanted nothing more than to flee. “just say it love, it’ll all go away if you just say it.”

“I didn’t mean to kill you….” I murmured desperately. A pathetic attempt to make this nightmare end.

He smiled toothily, his teeth looked sharp in that light and menacing. “that’s good, that’s my girl. Now tell me that you want it back.” 

My hand was still pressed against his chest, held in place by his. I tore my gaze from his eyes only to land on my hand. It covered most of the scar. It didn’t tremble held firmly in his grip. It hurt. But the pain was all too familiar. Pain and pleasure, that’s what he was like. That’s how he’d always been. It used to excite me. I used to love it. I used to love him. “no, Rush, I don’t want it back….”

Rush’s fist tightened and I yelped. He growled in a low tone, closer to an animal than human. “don’t lie to me love.” 

My knees buckled from the pain. Somehow I held myself upright. Whether it was from fear or bravery I had no fucking idea. “I’m not lying Rush. Let go!”

Green eyes flashed again and he shook me. He lifted my hand up above my head. There was enough height on him to bring me to nearly my tiptoes. “don’t lie to me. Say it, say you love me. That you always loved me and never stopped. That I’m your whole world.”

I reached up a gripped his hand, digging my nails into his skin. “I don’t love you Rush!”

“you do!” roaring he threw me. 

In a puff of dust I hit the ground. Coughing spluttering I turned around to find Rush standing over me. His green eyes were wild, insane. They stared fixedly into mine but there was so much fire there I could hardly stare back. My body started to tremble.

Stiffly he pointed at me. “I can see it. you still love me. You can pretend with that machine, you can play the good little girlfriend but I know what you are. You’re a killer, a monster, you’re not human.” 

“I’m not a killer!” my voice rose. Why wasn’t anyone coming to help? Surely they could hear the yelling. A guard at least! Some small part of me wished Nick would come. He wouldn’t though and if he did Rush would just kill him and it’d be over. 

But Rush smiled that sickly sweet smile. The fire drained from his eyes for a few seconds as he slowly knelt down beside me. “I get it…. You’ve forgotten who you are. You’ve spent so much time pretending to be something you’re not you’ve forgotten what I made you.” 

“please Rush, go. Don’t do this. I-”

“sh sh sh.” He put a finger to my lips, still smiling. “it’s going to be alright love, I promise. I’ll set things right. I’ll remind you who you are.” 

“I’m going to kill you.” I said. My voice wavered, my insides were a mess, I could feel tears streaming down my face, but I knew one thing. “I’m going to kill you Rush, I won’t let you do this.”

Shaking his head his hand went from my lips to my neck. His long fingers wrapped around my throat, squeezing. The breath caught in my throat. “you already killed me love, remember? And now here I am again. But don’t worry, I’ll return the favor.”

Eyes going wide I grabbed his hand and pried it off. Laughing he stood, taking a step back. “not just yet, love, don’t get so excited. There are still things to do. People to kill.” 

“if you hurt Nick I swear to god I’ll-”

“Valentine?” his brow shot up but he continued to grin down at me. My heart might as well have been a cold stone in my chest now. Casually Rush turned to face me, looping his thumbs into his belt. It provided a perfect view of the scar. “you’ve got me all wrong love. I don’t want to kill Valentine, not yet anyway. No, no, no, my only interest is you. The others though….”

My stomach flipped over. Everything felt cold. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. “others…?”

“oh yeah.” Slowly he turned, started walking back toward the city. “you remember the others right? They’re out for blood. That machine’s blood. Why, for all I know, they could be back at the Dugout Inn right now. Having themselves a grand old time.” 

I lunged to my feet, swiping up my gun from the ground and surging down the road. Rush’s laughter filled my ears. It felt like he was chasing me all the way through the city as I bounded back to the inn. Raw, unadulterated fear pulsed through my veins. Images of what they’d do to Nick. Of what they’d do to anyone in that bar filled my mind. Tears were streaming down my face while I ran. There was nothing I could do to stop them. 

Rush had played me. 

The inn came into view. There were people slowly making their way outside. None of them had the trench coat and fedora that I loved so much. My heart swelled to fill my mouth as I bashed my way passed them. Inside the warmth hit me first, followed closely by the boisterous laughter of Vadim, then finally Yafim’s large chest in my face. 

He was yelling in rage and irritation, pointing a massive finger back at the bar. A string of words I didn’t understand left his mouth while he bellowed ferociously. 

It could have been funny. 

I shoved passed him till I stood in the middle of the bar and found Nick sitting at the counter. He puffed casually on a cigarette, cheek in hand, staring at Vadim amused. When he saw me coming he snapped to attention before his eyes widened. 

“my god, Gray what happened?” 

Relief flooded me like a wildfire. They weren’t here. Nick was safe. The brothers were safe. Everyone was safe. Had Rush been bluffing? It’s possible. But why bluff? He could have done whatever he wanted to me but instead he’d made me run. Why? 

It didn’t matter. Nick was alive and well and that’s all that did matter. 

Tears still spilling from my eyes I ran to Nick and threw my arms around his neck. I couldn’t help it. Didn’t matter there were people around, didn’t matter we were in public I sobbed. Actual sobbing. While I heaved into his shoulder he wrapped his arms around me.

“shhhh, Gray calm down, what happened? Tell me what’s wrong?” his voice was soft, careful. God I loved it. I loved everything about him.

I just shook my head. “I – I can’t- please just… keep talking.” 

He shifted under my embrace until he stood up, arms still around me. “I’ll be going. Take care of yourself Vadim.”

“don’t worry bout me.” Came his thickly accented voice. It could have been concerned but I couldn’t tell. Not right then. “go take care of the poor girl. I’ll close up shop here.”

“what about your brother?”

“I’ll give him the night to cool off. Believe me, all will be well by morning.” He laughed. It was a good laugh. The kind of laugh that could infect an entire room. I wished I could laugh like that.

Carefully Nick guided me toward the door. I had to let go of his neck to do it, as much as it pained me. The tears weren’t coming nearly as hard and fast now. I tried to wipe away the evidence but it was useless. When we were outside in the cool air Nick handed over a piece of cloth from his pocket. I took it with a grateful nod. 

“what happened Gray?”

I shook my head. 

He let out a long groan. With his hand wrapped round my waist he carried us back through diamond city, back toward the agency. Yes the agency. The one place Rush hadn’t tainted yet. The one place that was still safe. I was safe there. I knew that. With Nick, I’d always be safe. 

But then I looked up. And there he was, smiling and talking animatedly to Takahashi. And I felt my body go a little colder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me uncomfortable, in that way where I've never done something like this before but I'm proud of it. I feel like I captured the feel fairly well, and Rush is a new standard of insane that I’ve never explored before. This is the reason I like writing fanfiction. Without having to come up with a setting, or characters or sometimes even a story, you can explore and expand your own writing styles and tools. That’s what this story is for me. I take things to an extreme so I can write the milder stuff later. 
> 
> So let me know what you think. Let me warn you next week is something of a doozy. I’ve done terrible things guys. Terrible. Speculate in the comments!


	5. Blood’s hard to get out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Graphic descriptions and post torture

Gray hadn’t cried like that since… I don’t know. She’d _never_ cried like that as far as I’d known. What had gotten into her? It couldn’t have been just stress from work and family. There had to be something else. I wish I knew what had caused all of this in first damn place. The only thing I could think of could have triggered it was the drifter. I’d seen him around the diamond a lot lately. But something nagged at the back of my mind. I knew him from somewhere.

I wracked my old memory chips while I lay in bed, Gray tucked into my side. She was sleeping soundly, finally. It took hours to calm her down enough to relax, then hours more to get her to sleep. According to my internal clock she’d been asleep for a little over three hours. It was about nine in the morning. Outside the market was already well on the way to busy. If we were lucky, no one would knock on our door until noon. 

Hoped Gray would sleep more. She needed it. But before long she started to move. I laid still, hoping she’d just go back to sleep. I felt her head turn to look at me. Her hand gripped my shirt a little tighter. “I’m sorry….” She whispered hoarsely. Her voice might as well have been stones on gravel. “I’m so sorry. This is my fault.”

“Gray?”

She stiffened against my side, her breathing stopped. Opening my eyes I looked down at her. Her eyes weren’t on me, she had her face buried in my shoulder. 

“talk to me.” I murmured gently, squeezing her. “Gray, just talk.”

Swallowing hard, she shook her head into my shoulder. 

Groaning I sat up in bed, pulling my arm out from under her. Her large gray eyes watched me, as if truly scared that I was about to leave. Leaning on an arm I turned to face her. “you can’t keep running from this. Whatever happened last night it hit close to home. So stop trying to protect me and tell me the damn truth.”

Gray’s eyes wavered on mine, sweeping back and forth. The skin around her eyes tightened, a few tears formed. She crushed her fingers into them, trying to hide, again. “I can’t Nick… if I tell you I don’t know what will happen….”

Sighing softly I reached up and brushed some of her hair away from her face. She looked back up and I forced a small smile. “whatever’s gotten to you, we can handle it. We’ve been through worse.”

“I don’t know that, you don’t know that!” she now gripped her head between her hands. Her shoulders shook. “I don’t know what’s going to happen but it’s going to be bad. I know it’s going to be bad.”

“stop.” I tugged her into my chest, crushing her in my arms. “breathe, you’re not talking sense. Just relax. We’ll work through it.”

“I don’t want him to hurt you.” she moaned. 

“who?”

Silence.

“who, Gray?”

More silence.

Taking her by the arms I guided her away. There were fresh tears, not as many as there were last night. “who is coming?”

She opened her mouth.

Then someone pounded on the door. She gave a cry, leaping out of bed. I stood, holding her by the shoulder. “calm down.”

Breathing heavily she shook her head. “it’s not him, he wouldn’t knock. I’m sorry.”

“stop apologizing and tell me why you’re-”

“Valentine?! You up yet?!” Yafim’s voice interrupted me. 

I watched Gray’s shoulders relax a little and her breathing even out. Her attempt to look in control and relaxed didn’t fool me. Her eyes were still hard and watchful. At her side, her fist flexed. I tried to reach for her.

Yafim pounded on the door again. “Valentine! I need a hand here!”

Ignoring him, I looked her dead in the eye. “Gray, I need you to tell me the truth.”

“Valentine!”

She shook her head. “it’s my fault.” 

“what is your fault?”

“Valentine!”

Her eyes wavered. “I betrayed them and now they’re here to make me pay.”

“who?”

The pounding got worse. “Valentine! Open up already!”

A new voice issued in from outside. Ellie. “oh, Mr. Bobrov, why haven’t you opened up shop yet?”

“my brother’s the one who’s supposed to open up!” Yafim bellowed irritably. “and he hasn’t! I don’t know what he’s thinking! He’s never opened up late before.”

“well Nick should be able to pick his way in.” a key jiggled in the lock, the door swung open. “Nick! Vel! You decent?”

“of course.” Gray peeled herself out of my grasp and walked down the hall. 

I stood there for a moment, grimacing at the space where she’d been standing. Him. She knew the drifter and for some reason he had her terrified. I knew him too, but from where? Chewing on that sobering thought I trudged back down into the office to find Ellie, Gray and Yafim facing each other. Yafim was a little red in the face. “what seems to be the problem?” I asked, unable or unwilling to hide the tiredness in my voice.

Yafim threw up his arms before promptly crossing them again. “Vadim hasn’t opened shop yet. I understand him refusing see me, but he is just being ridiculous now.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “and you don’t have your key?”

“no.”

“we’ll get inside.” Gray swept on her ripped up coat. From a pocket she produced a bobby pin. I noticed she already had her pistol on. Wasn’t sure she’d taken it off last night. “don’t worry, he’s probably just hung over.” 

“you two have fun.” Ellie sat at her desk, pulling a newspaper toward herself. “I’ll just be here, holding down the fort.” 

“lets go.” Gray refused to look at me as she slipped by Yafim out the door. Yafim followed, swinging his arms stiffly. 

I hesitated to follow. “Ellie?”

“yeah?”

“do me a favor.” While I talked I veered around my desk and searched through one of drawers. I reloaded my revolver and pocketed the rest of my bullets. “There’s a drifter, usually wears a plaid shirt, black hair, green eyes, pretty unique.” 

“I know who you’re talking about.” She nodded, setting aside her paper. “he’s been hanging around for a few days now. People seem to like him.”

“find out where he is. Don’t approach.” I shoved the revolver back into my holster, locking Ellie’s eyes. “I repeat, don’t approach. Just figure out where he is and tell me.”

Her brows drew together, while she put down the paper. “what’s going on?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’m figuring it out. Just keep your distance. I’ll handle it.” wouldn’t be the first time I’d had Ellie do something like this, I could trust her. She was good. But more importantly she actually listened to me and was careful. Whoever this guy was to Gray I’d find out soon enough. First to take care of the brothers. 

Leaving Ellie with her orders I left the agency and caught up with Gray and Yafim as they approached the bar. A small group of patrons sat outside, grumbling audibly. Hawthorn looked up at our approach, waving. “hey! You here to open?”

“he still hasn’t opened the door?” Yafim growled, shaking his head. He threw together a few words that I assumed were insults to his flesh and blood.

Gray laughed, forced it really, and approached the door. “don’t worry, we’ll have a talk with him. sit tight.”

While Yafim and Hawthorn talked I stepped up beside Gray. She ignored me, concentrating instead on the lock. It wasn’t that hard, we both knew it. “do you think you can talk him down?” 

“have you ever known him to pull something like this?” at least she was willing to talk, even if it wasn’t about the important things. “he loves opening early. He’s probably just nursing a hangover or something.”

“that man has the highest threshold for alcohol I’ve ever seen.” I countered, folding my arms and leaning against the wall beside her. “I don’t remember the last time he got hungover. Maybe back when he was a teenager.”

“wait… did you know him as a teenager?” 

I smirked. “I’ve known a lot of people since they were kids. You forget how old I am?”

She grimaced at the lock. “I’m hoping one of these days I’ll just come to terms with how much older you are.” 

“well, ya wait long enough you’ll be in the same boat.” 

“yeah.” She shook her head. 

The lock clicked open and the door swung inward. A rush of warm air flew by us. It carried with it an all too familiar smell. Quickly I span to the group before us. “stay out here, all of you.”

“what?” Yafim questioned, eyes narrowed. “why?”

“Hawthorne, go get the city guard, now.” 

“sure….” As usual Hawthorne didn’t question me. 

The others though gathered closer. “what’s going on Valentine?!” Yafim demanded.

I pointed at him. “stay here.”

“this is my bar.”

“I’m aware. I’m doing you a favor.”

“the hell is going on?!”

Hawthorn came back with a couple of guards in tow. I pointed at the door, glaring them in the eye. “no one goes in, you hear me?”

They exchanged looks, or I assumed under those helmets. They weren’t carrying anything more lethal than a bat. It’d be better than nothing. I couldn’t afford to let anyone inside. Finally they looked back at me. “what for? We don’t take orders from you.”

“you do now.” my voice went cold and steely. The guards and I never got along. That was to be expected after all I usually had to go around them to get things done. But there were times when I needed their help, and this was one of them. “stand guard, I’ll be back in a second.” 

The crowd shifted forward, led by an outraged Yafim. “what the hell is going on?!”

The guards wised up and faced the crowd, bats up. “stay back please.”

“Valentine!”

“this is for your own good.” Slowly I turned around to find Gray glaring through the door. No lights on inside. Her fists were clenched. “do you want to stay outside?”

“no.” she shook her head. 

Sucking in a long breath I led the way into the inn. The darkness was suffocating as we walked. Glad I didn’t need to actually breathe. I heard Gray’s breathing go shallow. She could smell it too by now. I tried not to speculate what had happened. The gloom was totally silent. I had the urge to call for Vadim, to fill it with some kind of sound. Yet it didn’t feel right. “light?”

“hold on.” Gray fumbled in the dark for a moment before her Pipboy blared to life. The florescent green light filled the inn with a sickly hue. 

I scanned the bar. Empty. Nothing looked out of place. The furniture was right where it had been the night before. A few stray bottles still sat on the counter. An untouched meal had drawn a few flies to it. The light from the Pipboy cast deep shadows that could hide anyone. Carefully we walked in. My hand rested on my revolver. Gray already had her gun out. 

“I don’t see anything….” She murmured barely louder than a whisper. 

“stay close, don’t get separated.” Moving together, almost back to back, we crept around the inn. We checked Yafim’s office first. Nothing there. It looked undisturbed. Whatever else had happened it wasn’t a robbery. Next we checked the rooms. Then the back, then the kitchen. It was on the way to the kitchen that we both froze. The green light fell on a pool of black liquid that oozed out from beneath a door. 

We exchanged looks. If I had a stomach it would be tight right then. It would never matter how many times I saw something like this, or even how many times the old Nick had. There was no getting used to it. More so in this case than ever before. I placed a hand on Gray’s shoulder and nodded. She nodded back. Hard to tell in this light but she might have already gone pale. 

Gun in hand I stepped around the black pool and shoved open the door. 

Here’s the thing, if you shine green light on a something red it looks black. I knew what I was supposed to see but the light made it a hundred fold worse. And it was everywhere. The metallic scent hit us like a tone of bricks. It filled my nose and I threw a hand up to cover it. Black covered the floor in a thick layer. There were splatters on the walls, on the furniture, on the ceiling. The black pool trickled slowly across the floor. It was impossible to avoid. I had to step in it as I stepped out. 

Gray followed, bringing with her the light, and that’s when I saw it. A single arm dangled poignantly from chains attached to the ceiling fan. The bed was upturned against the wall providing plenty of room directly beneath it. A crumpled heap lay there, blood soaked, reeking, contorted in ways that were far from natural. Slabs of meat lay nearby in corners, thrown aside. 

Coughing and retching reached my ears. I turned just in time to see Gray retreat from the room back into the bar. I followed grimly, feeling strangely numb. It was shock, I knew it. The shock was familiar. It reminded me of the memories I had right after Jenny Lands was killed. The old Nick knew what it had been then too. 

Against a wall Gray leaned, retching and vomiting into a planter pot. If I had a stomach I’d be right there alongside her. Instead I just put a hand on her back and waited. When the heaving finally stopped she straightened shakily, bracing a hand against the wall. “who the hell could have done that…?”

“I don’t know.” I held out a hand. “give me your Pipboy and go outside.”

“no.” defiantly she shook her head, thrusting off the wall. “I’m fine.”

“you’re not fine, I’m not fine.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. gently I took her wrist, reaching for the latch on the Pipboy. “I’ll handle this, go outside and make-”

“no.” she wrenched her arm free and took a step back. there was so much blood on her shoes that she slipped and almost toppled backward. I caught her by the hand and hauled her up. “no.” she repeated, a little more meekly. 

“Gray.”

“no way! That’s Vadim in there!” she cried, thrusting a finger toward the door. “someone killed Vadim! I’m not going to stand by and let you handle this alone!” 

I dropped her hand. No point trying to fight her, not when she had that look. With a breath I nodded. “fine. There’s no shame backing out. I’ve seen things worse than this.” it wasn’t untrue. Back before the war there were a string of serial killings. The crime scene photos from those had been enough to give the old Nick nightmares for weeks. 

Gray sucked in a long breath, steadying herself, before nodding. We reentered the room. I could shut off my sense of smell, she had no such luck. She coughed repeatedly as she stepped inside. The blood rippled under our footsteps. There was no avoiding it so I just ignored it. I ignored the arm dangling from the fan. I ignored the blood splatter. I ignored the upturned furniture. It all pointed to the same fact. Torture. 

Someone had strung Vadim up and tortured him. My best guess was that whoever it was had used a knife. Carved him up like a piece of Brahmin meat. That wouldn’t be enough. Now came the part of the job that I’d never get used to. “Gray, put the light here please.” She did, turning the screen of the Pipboy over to Vadim’s remains. 

He lay curled up in a tight ball in a pool of his own blood, hand covering his face. Rigor mortis had set him in place of the way he died. His shirt and jacket were stripped and crumpled in a corner. I couldn’t see his chest under his arms but his back was a collage of gashes and cuts. Whole chunks of flesh had been flayed off. “if I didn’t know any better I’d say a cannibal did this.”

“how do you know better?” Gray muttered thickly, a hand clasped firmly over her mouth. 

I glanced back at her and pointed at the pile of meat in the corner. “does that look eaten to you? A cannibal wouldn’t have left that behind. No this is just some sick scumbag that did this for pleasure.” 

Gray turned away.

Carefully I knelt down. I’d have blood on my clothes but that didn’t matter to me. Ss I pried Vadim’s arms apart I gritted my teeth. “judging by the level of rigor mortis and the body temperature I’d guess he was killed somewhere between ten and seven hours ago.”

“were we the last people to see him alive…?”

“focus Gray, now’s not the time for that.” At last I got his hand away from his chest. His killer had gone to town even more here than on the back. It was hardly recognizable as human anymore. The muscle gleamed warm and wet in the green light, some bone stuck out from under it. There were even some purposeful gashes on the exposed ribs. No telling how much damage had been done before he was finally killed.

A gasp from Gray brought me around to find her staring transfixed at Vadim’s face. “his… eyes….” 

Dreading what I’d find, I slowly brought my gaze up to his expression. For the most part his face had been kept intact. Contorted as it was in a mask of agony, horror and terror. Blood dripped down his cheeks from his eyes, or where his eyes had been. Someone had cut them out and replaced them with… stones? 

“good god….”

“who would do this?” Gray whispered hoarsely. 

“some sick fuck.” I growled, getting to my feet. The blood had soaked right through my knees. The edge of my trench coat was worse. My hands were covered in it too. There’d be no getting it out. “have a look around, see if you can find any clues who this was. Who was here.”

“Nick… this is a bar. There’s no telling if what we find has any connection to this.” she said thickly, in a rare moment of forethought. 

“then we’re going to have a lot of suspects aren’t we?” I squelched my way to the terminal against the wall and turned the screen on. It flooded the room with computerized green light. Not much better. “I’ll handle this room, see what you can find outside.”

“s-sure….” 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched her leave with stiff movements. Most of the light went with her. Not for the first time I wished the Institute had sprung for night vision. Maybe Ellison could figure that out. Trying not to look at the dark heap on the ground I turned to the screen. Then frowned. 

There were a series of notes on file. Four each addressed to Vadim, probably from Yafim, a fifth marked simply with the date. With a few quick commands I brought up the file information. It was an audio file. Without thinking I started playing it. 

“is it working? Hope so. Or I’ll be very angry.”

“p-please.” Vadim’s voice. 

My skin crawled. The voice that spoke over him was cold and unfeeling. He practically sounded bored. “don’t plead for your life Vadim, it won’t do you any good. Now then lets get started. Say hello to my love.” 

“why are you doing this?” Vadim screamed in agony. 

“say hello.” 

“hello….” 

“better.” The voice said coolly. There were footsteps, the gentle clink of chains. This was after Vadim had already been strung up then. The killer had purposefully recorded himself torturing Vadim. My stomach crawled. I didn’t want to listen to this, but I had to. “now, lets talk. How long have you been around Vadim?”

“I – I don’t remember.” Another scream of pain. “my whole life!” 

“so you must be pretty familiar with the city, am I right?” 

“stop.”

“sh, don’t be boring.” Metal scraped against concrete. “now tell me, what do you know about the detective? That machine?”

“Valentine?” Vadim sobbed, voice torn by the ache. “he’s a synth.”

“from the Institute?” 

“yes.”

“see, this isn’t hard. Don’t get me wrong I’m still going to kill you but you’re making it easier on yourself.” Chains rattled. I imagined Vadim’s killer was in his face now, holding him by the arm. “is he with Vel O'Malley?”

“you looking for a date?” 

Instead of getting angry, like I expected, the killer chuckled. It was a cold unfeeling thing, deep too. “you’re not entirely wrong. I want to know everything there is to know about Valentine. I want to know what he knows. I want to know what he means to O'Malley. And I want to know what he’s done for the last five years.”

Five years?

“you think I’m going to tell you?!” Vadim’s courage seemed to return to him. His boisterous voice bellowed over the speakers. The light increased in the room signaling that Gray had come back. “who the fuck do you think you are?! They’re my friends! Why would I - ah!”

Several seconds passed, filled by the sound of tearing flesh and Vadim’s screams. I reached for the mute button before the next words made me freeze. 

“my name is Rush, and I’m here for Vel O'Malley.” 

Slowly I turned. The rest of the recording faded into the background. It didn’t matter anymore. That name. I knew that name. It was a name I hadn’t heard in almost five years. The last time I’d heard it was when I’d asked John who Gray had run with. Like a nuclear blast realization donned on me. Gray’s eyes were wide, horrified. They weren’t looking at me, instead at the terminal over my shoulder. My gaze strayed over her shoulder to the arm hanging from the ceiling fan.

I reached back and switched off the recording. The moment the screams stopped Gray blinked and flinched. At last her gaze met mine. The sweat was clearly beading on her forehead. Silence stretched on for several long minutes. The ceiling fan creaked with the strain of the arm. It had clearly been hacked off slowly by Rush. 

Rush….

“this is my fault.” Gray murmured, horrorstricken. 

I relaxed my shoulders, forcing my face to go slack. No idea what I was supposed to say. Telling her that she was wrong, that it wasn’t her fault, that was a lie and we both knew it. “how long have you known he was back? Since the party?”

Stiffly she nodded. There were tears forming on her eyes now. I should take it easy on her but I couldn’t. She was now a witness. A witness connected directly to Vadim’s killer. As much as it hurt me to do it. 

“did you know he was planning to kill Vadim?”

“No!” she blurted, backing up. She bumped into the dresser and the suitcase on top fell. It squelched on Vadim’s remains sickeningly. Gray looked back at them before tearing out of the room. 

Quickly I followed her, excepting that she would flee out the front door. Instead I found her leaning over the bar, head in her hands. With a grimace I approached, setting a gentle hand on her back. 

“I didn’t know!” she sobbed into her hands, her shoulders shook. “I didn’t know he’d kill Vadim! I had no idea! Nick please you have to believe me!”

“I know, I believe you.” I made my voice soft, folding her gently into my arms. She turned her face into my chest. Both of us were covered in blood now. “he’s been tormenting you, hasn’t he? What did he do last night? What triggered him?”

Still crying, she pulled herself away just enough to look me in the eye. Fear, the likes of which I’d never seen in her before, filled her face. Rush had her more than scared, she was terrified. “he wants me back…. last night he asked me to come back but I … I told him no…. God Nick why? I should have gone with him!”

“don’t talk like that.” I reached up and held her face steadily between my hands. Her eyes quivered but she swallowed hard. “you did what you should have done. We couldn’t have known he’d go after Vadim.”

“I was so worried about you that I didn’t see….” She wanted to turn away but I kept her in place. There was no way I’d let her go now. “I didn’t realize he’d target anyone else. I thought so long as I kept close to you everything would be fine.”

“you should have told me from the beginning.” 

Gray flinched. 

I knew more accusation slipped into my voice than I intended and I relented. Sighing heavily I dropped my hands from her face. “at least we know who did this….”

“but-”

A loud bang made us both flinch and we turned just in time to find Yafim barreling through the doorway. He came to a dead stop the moment he saw us. His eyes lingered on my hands and knees. “wh….” 

“Yafim I told you to stay outside.” I tried gently, taking a few steps forward. 

His eyes dropped to the floor then followed our bloody footprints. 

“Yafim wait.” 

Before I could stop him he strode to the door and shoved through it. I ran after him, only reaching the door frame in time to find him collapsed in front of his brother. Doubled over, he held his face in his hands. Sad desperate words in a foreign language slipped through his fingers. His shoulders were shaking.

Jaw set tight I dropped to his side, gripping his shoulders. “come on Yafim, he wouldn’t want you doing this.” 

“why….?” he moaned miserably.

The light brightened in the room and I looked over to find Gray standing awkwardly in the doorway. “go get Crocker, tell him I need him to help clean this up. Then go find the captain of the guard and tell him what’s happened.”

“Nick… I don’t want to leave-”

“it’s alright, just make it quick.” With a little coaxing I got Yafim back on his feet. There was blood on his pants too. His brother’s blood. The shock in me hadn’t worn off entirely. I couldn’t comfort him. So instead I guided him back into the bar and grabbed a beer from behind the counter. He hardly touched it. the tears were still coming but he was now silent. 

Crocker and a few more security thugs came in soon after that, led by Gray. I told them what happened, gave them orders, then left them to handle it. With Gray we left the Dugout Inn. No point sticking around when we already knew everything worth knowing. I hated to leave Yafim like that, but I had little choice. Time was of the essence. 

Gray didn’t speak a word as we made our way back to the agency. When we got inside we found Ellie waiting for us. She didn’t look good. Maybe word had already spread that fast. “what’s the word Ellie?” I asked.

She shook her head. “that drifter, Rush, he was last seen last night leaving the Dugout Inn by a couple of guards. No one knows where he holds up or where he’s from.”

“that’s what I thought.” Groaning I sat at my desk, letting my revolver land on the desktop with a loud thunk. 

Ellie shifted off to the side. “is it true what they’re saying? Is Vadim….”

“it’s true.”

Slowly she sank into her chair, cradling her face in her hands. “my god….”

Gray leaned on my desk, her gaze down. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. 

I didn’t need to ask to know what she was thinking. “this isn’t your fault.”

“yes it is.” She growled weakly, fists clenched on my desk. “I’m the one he’s after. I’m the one that just let him have free run of the place!”

“you couldn’t have done anything to stop him.”

“who else could have done anything!?”

“anyone!” I shot to my feet. Anger leaked in around the shock. She flinched and threw her gaze around to me. wide gray eyes. I didn’t want to yell at her. I didn’t want to make her feel any worse than she already had, but not even I could pretend. She was at fault for not telling anyone about Rush. If she had maybe things could have turned out differently. I understood that she did it to protect me and everyone else, that could hardly be an excuse. “look, what’s done is done, we can’t change what happened.”

Swallowing dryly she nodded, lowering her gaze to the floor again. Silence filled the office. Ellie didn’t have the slightest clue what was actually going on and I wanted to keep it that way. Yet another reason I couldn’t be angry with Gray. She did exactly what I’d have done. Eventually Gray let out a shuddering breath. “what are we going to do Nick?” her voice broke again. It hurt to hear. She’d been going through so much I didn’t even understand it. Now more than ever Gray needed me. But I sincerely doubted I could put an end to Rush and protect her at the same time. 

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.” Heavily I sat back down, leaning my head in my hand. “we’re going to track down Rush and give him a taste of wasteland justice.” 

No one did this to my Gray. 

She wiped her eyes miserably, shaking her head. “you’re talking about killing him Nick, are you serious? That isn’t like you.”

“no it’s not, but this scumbag is supposed to be dead anyway so I’m not actually going to kill him.” it was a flawed reasoning. If this was anyone else, any other case, I’d insist on letting the injured party handle it. B=But the injured party was Gray. And I’d be damned if I let him get away with what he’d done. To her and to Vadim. 

An all too familiar rage rekindled in that moment. I thought I had shaken it off. I thought that I’d left it behind. Back when I faced Winter I’d felt it. When I put a bullet in his brain I thought I’d killed it too. Now it was back and it burned. Didn’t know what I was going to do next, but I knew I couldn’t just stand by. Rush had to pay for what he did. No pretending this was about justice. I knew what this was. 

“so the drifter?” Ellie said shakily, drawing our attention. “he’s the one that killed Vadim?”

“yeah.” I murmured dully. 

Her hands shaking she held out a small note to me. 

Frowning I took it. while Gray leaned in I opened it and let out a disgusted groan. The note was written in red, I didn’t need to test it to know what it was. Gray read the note over my shoulder. She took in a sharp breath. 

_You inspire everyone to love you, don’t you Vel?_

“god help Rush when I get my hands on him.” I growled venomously, crushing the note in my fist. 

It wasn’t the last note we got. While Gray and I searched the city for Rush more notes arrived. Some were quick scrawls, others were practically essays. One or two came in the form of Holotapes with experts from Vadim’s murder. A few days went on like that. We had no luck finding him, but the notes kept coming. None of the messengers we questioned had any information worth knowing. Rush was careful as he mocked us. Once or twice there were letters addressed to me. Describing what he was going to do to me for what I’d done to Gray. Apparently he had it in his head that he was doing Gray a favor.

With each note Gray got worse. Her fear couldn’t have been more obvious. She refused to leave my side which made our investigation difficult. There was no telling if Rush would go after her though, so I had to keep her close. It was the safest place I had. At least I thought. I was an idiot. I was underestimating Rush and what he’d do. 

There was a funeral service for Vadim on the fifth day. Gray didn’t want to go but I made her. Everyone was there that lived in Diamond City. I was sure the kid would have come too if she had been able to. Had word even reached them in Sanctuary? Yafim was quiet, even more than before. He looked like he’d been dragged through the Glowing Sea. Mechanically he accepted condolences, eyes red from crying. I didn’t know what it was like to lose a twin, but I sort of understood what it felt like to lose a brother. 

When we shook hands he held on tight to mine, looking me in the eye. “find whoever did this, make them pay.” 

I dropped my forced smile and made my face grim. “I’m already taking care of it. I promise.”

“good.” He let go of my hand and that dead look came back to his face. 

I’d have liked to tell him that vengeance wouldn’t fix his grief, that it wouldn’t do any good. It would feel like a lie. The world would just be a better place when Rush was a corpse. At least Gray would be free. 

I found her on the edge of the bar. The service was held in the Dugout Inn, Vadim’s ashes were in an urn by the bar. There was plenty of crying but Gray remained surprisingly composed. The same dead look in Yafim was in her face too. “are you ready to go?” I asked quietly.

She nodded and led the way out. We returned to the agency to yet another note. I didn’t want to read it. The last one had been particularly graphic about the way Vadim died. Ignoring it I sat at my desk, shrugging off my good coat. 

Gray on the other hand picked it up. Slowly she opened it, eyes shaking as she read it. “Nick….”

“I don’t want to know.”

Instead of responding she just held out the letter to show me. I couldn’t help but read it and what I read made my nonexistent blood go cold. 

_Vi and her family look good together. It’ll be fun tearing them apart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm late. This weekend was a shit show for me, I couldn't bring myself to open my computer. 
> 
> I feel like whatever I say here is just going to make people mad so, I’m sorry for killing Vadim. And in such a terrible way. Regardless I hope you keep reading. Once again, not a happy story. 
> 
> See you all next week! Writ on!


	6. A Moment of Hesitation

I’d managed to convince myself for the longest time that Violet, Macready and the kids were safe. They were in Sanctuary, Rush had been in the diamond. They were safe, or at least as safe as I could manage. But I should have known better. If Rush wanted to hurt them he wouldn’t have waited around for no reason. I didn’t dare imagine what he planned to do. Vadim’s corpse still lingered at the forefront of my mind. It was sick, it was awful and it was exactly the sort of thing he enjoyed. 

But that had been torture for information and boredom. Rush didn’t use it as a means to break me, it had just been fun for him. Violet though. He knew that Violet was a friend, family even. He’d make it worse with her. Didn’t know how, and I didn’t dare ask. I knew him. he wouldn’t even spare the kids. I’d brought him to their doorstep. If anything happened to them I’d never forgive myself. I’d sooner let Rush kill me than let the kids die or grow up the way I did. Duncan would be right back to where he’d started. Shaun wouldn’t last long, not since he spent most of his life in the Institute. 

I wouldn’t be responsible for the death of someone else I cared about. 

All these thoughts whirled around inside my head as we raced across the wasteland. The journey normally took four hours but we did it in half that. Nick was normally careful when we made our way out north. We didn’t have time. We skirted around the CIT crater, then risked running through college square. A parade of ghouls followed us out, I’d never run so fast in my life. One of them nearly caught us. Nick punched him so hard he actually tore off the ghoul’s jaw. Leaving it to die of starvation we kept running. 

Lexington was next. A raider hotbed if ever there was one. We were forced to stop and deal with a handful that blocked our way. Every second that ticked by was another second Rush could be in Sanctuary. Another second that he had to tear them apart. Doing god only knew what to them. I bore little love for Macready but even imagining him under Rush’s knife made me feel sick. It would be my fault.

It was my fault.

All of this.

The raiders dead or dying in the dust, we tore off down the road again. After Lexington little stood in our way until we reached Concord. A pack of feral dogs snapped at our heels. After a grenade they got the message though and we kept going. By then my legs felt like jelly and my lungs burned. Everything ached, my ears wrung and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Nick hadn’t wavered, and he still wouldn’t. I kept pace even while every part of me begged to stop. 

I couldn’t. Not when my friends were in danger.

But as we approached the bridge to Sanctuary nothing seemed out of the ordinary. There were guards on the posts, a few people wondering on the banks of the river. There was someone up on top of a water purifier with some tools. It all looked remarkably ordinary. Had we gotten here in time? 

Nick slowed down as we crossed the bridge, looking up at the guards. “Where’s Violet Macready?!” 

The guard peered down at us. I bent over my knees huffing miserably. Couldn’t get a single word out. With his gun he gestured up the road. “up by the main house.” 

I’m sure the guard was going to say more but I didn’t care. Before he was done talking I was already running through the gate and up the road. Everything seemed normal. disgustingly normal. kids played, adults talked, guards patrolled. Dogmeat barked happily as he pranced through the neighborhood with a group of kids chasing him. 

As we came around the corner the main house came into view. Great care had been taken to repair it. I still didn’t know if it was Violet or Macready that had insisted on it. wasn’t this the house that she’d bought before the war? That probably didn’t sit too well. Never asked. Hoped to god I’d get the chance. 

As we careened up the road a familiar plump figure came into view. Violet stood on her front step, smiling tenderly at her two boys who played in the front lawn. When we caught sight of her we both came to a stop. Painting I collapsed over my knees, my heart felt like it might burst out of my chest. “fine… they’re fine….”

“it looks that way.” Nick turned on the spot, casting his eyes around the town. “there’s no way we beat him here….”

Cold sweat formed on the back of my neck that had nearly nothing to do with the run here. Still panting I tilted my head to look at him. I wanted to believe that they were safe. He knew better. “what… now?”

His yellow eyes fell on me.

“Nick? Vel?” Violet’s voice made us both flinch. We looked up to find the red head wobbling toward us. Duncan and Shaun had run off leaving her free to spot us. I forced myself to stand straight, couldn’t do anything about my breathing. Her big green eyes were concerned as she came up on us. “are you two alright? I didn’t think I’d see you for at least a few days.”

“hey kid.” Nick, being the one with energy to speak, stepped forward. “did you hear?”

Violet dropped her gaze and nodded mournfully. “we couldn’t make it down for the funeral or we would have. How’s Yafim?”

“as well as you’d expect.” Nick gave a shrug that said little, yet his face spoke volumes. Grimacing I slipped my hand into his and squeezed. He squeezed back while keeping his eyes firmly set on Violet. “how are things here? Anything new to tell? Anybody recently move in?” 

Her brows shot up. Now I enjoyed making fun of Violet’s intelligence as much as the next person, yet she saw right through Nick. “what’s with the detective questions? Why are you two here?”

He just smirked, trying to divert suspicion, as usual. Casually he jammed his hands into his pockets. “we can’t visit friends? We were in the neighborhood working a case, hoped you’d have a bunk open for us.”

Violet’s brow shot up. I held my breath, willing my heart beat to finally calm down. Lately I’d noticed Violet had a weird knack for figuring out when someone was lying. Maybe it had something to do with being a mom. Fuck if I knew. I was sure she’d see right through us. But then a small slow smile spread over her face. “well, it’s good to see you both.” 

“yeah.” Relief flooded me. Maybe she thought we were here because of Vadim. I hoped that would be the case. It seemed as good an excuse as any. 

Nick’s shoulders relaxed a fraction. He was as tense as me. “how are things here? Been a while since I saw the place.”

“we’ve got a few problems with the water purifiers.” She waved vaguely back toward the river. 

It gave me the excuse to scan the street around us. Rush wouldn’t have teased us like this. not without a real reason to. He was coming. He had to be. There were plenty of unfamiliar faces. An old misty-eyed woman sitting in a chair across the road. A dark-skinned minuteman marching down the street. A scrawny looking kid with a white shirt. Some children rushing around. Guards on the rooftops. It seemed normal. seemed safe. Rush could be hiding in the forest around the settlement for all I knew. 

“what do you think Gray?” 

“what?” Nick’s voice snapped me back to the present. I whirled around to find him and Violet staring at me. The latter had that look, like she knew what was wrong. Shit. Plastering a smile on my face I nodded. “sure.”

Nick’s smile dropped for a split second long enough to reprimand me, before he forced it back on. “it shouldn’t be too hard, me and Gray can take the trip.”

“are you two sure? I hate to put you to work when you just got here. You look exhausted.”

“you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I laughed, maybe a little louder than was strictly necessary. Jabbing a thumb at Nick I smirked. “that man doesn’t get tired. He’ll be running at hundred percent till the next Armageddon.” 

“don’t jinx me Gray.” He slipped his arm around my waist and kissed my temple. It had been so long since we had embraced like this that it almost took me by surprise. Smiling I leaned into him. “besides, you’re probably going to last longer than this bucket of bolts.”

“don’t jinx me.” there was a blush coming on. 

Then I noticed Violet smiling and I extracted myself from him. “don’t stop on my account.” She raised her hands, smiling. 

I scowled. “come on Nick, the sooner we do this the sooner we can take a load off.” 

He chuckled but followed me as I headed back down the road. Violet called to us to be safe and I forced a smile. We passed by Macready on the way out, who raised his brows at us. He didn’t say anything though. without trouble we left back through the front gate. The guards watched us confused. 

Once out of ear shot I leaned into Nick. “what are we doing?”

“I didn’t see him.” he murmured out the corner of his mouth. 

My throat swelled again so I nodded. “neither did I.”

“do you think he’s on his way?” we were by the Red Rocket station now. Nick led the way inside and turned to face me. hopefully no one would see us here. “he has a head start if he sent that note. But why isn’t he here?”

“you’re asking like I know exactly what he’s going to do!” my voice shot up in frustration. Irritably I ran my hands through my hair and paced the length of the garage. There were signs of use here. Maybe Violet had used it at some point, who knew? 

“I don’t know Rush.” Nick managed to keep his voice controlled, but I could read the impatience in his eyes. he leaned up against a work bench and lit a cigarette. “but you do. You ran with him, you knew him, you were involved for gods sake Gray. Don’t tell me you didn’t pick anything up from then.”

“that was a long time ago.” And a lot had happened since then too. To begin with, it hadn’t really been me that was involved with him. All that, the gang, that night, it had all happened to the original Vel. But I had her memories. And according to almost everyone else in the commonwealth she and I were the same. What would Rush do if he found out that I wasn’t that Vel? Don’t think about that. 

Nick let out a breath, taking off his hat to run a hand over his head. In that moment he looked older. For a brief second all his years seemed to weigh on his face. “well, think about it. We’ve been running around, chasing him ourselves. That needs to stop. Figure out what he’s going to do next.”

Swallowing hard I averted my eyes. “I’ll try.” 

With a huff he replaced his hat and stood straight. “Sanctuary needs a part from the quarry for their purifiers. We’ll grab it then spend the night in Sanctuary.”

“and then what?” I hated asking it but my gut felt tight. “we stay another night? And another? For how long Nick? How long can we sit around here waiting for Rush to show up?”

Slowly he turned to face me. the weight in his eyes was suffocating. “we’ll figure it out, for now, figure out what Rush is going to do next.” And with that he left the red rocket station.

I thought about his words. I thought about Rush. I thought about our time together. Those were the things on my mind as we made our way to the quarry. Those were the things I thought about as we fought against a group of raiders. Those were the only things I could think about while Nick pulled apart the pumps to get at the part they needed. 

Nick was right. We’d been reacting to Rush this whole time. Since he killed Vadim he had stayed ahead of us. He had toyed with us. He had made this into a game, and he was in it for the long haul. For the longest time I’d focused on one simple fact, that he was after me. And he was going to kill everyone around me to get me back. but that was the wrong thing to focus on. 

It wasn’t the who or the what but the how. As much as I hated it, I had to think like Rush. To my disgust and surprise that wasn’t too difficult. I’d been a raider. I’d been a murderer, and those weren’t things you ever really got away from. Rush was sadistic. He’d draw out the punishment. But more importantly he was a showman. He’d want his attacks to be public. That’s why he’d targeted Vadim instead of literally anyone else in the diamond. Vadim was one of the most public figures in the city. Hell if he’d set his mind to it he probably could have become mayor.

Killing Violet would fit that motive. She was about as close to a superhero as the wasteland had. But she lived in sanctuary. In fact Sanctuary was so far out of the way that it would take at least a day for word to reach the diamond. That wasn’t fast enough. Rush was impatient. Which may have been the reason that he drew me here in the first place. But he wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t let me get there first on the off chance that I wouldn’t kill him. and by now he knew that Nick was on the case. Did he really think he could take down a machine before Nick killed him? 

No this entire stunt with Sanctuary made no sense. It was a distraction, it had to be. But from what?

That thought made it difficult to focus on anything as we returned to Sanctuary. Nick hadn’t said anything to me. maybe he was as lost in thought as I was. By then the sun had long since gone down. we entered the settlement, guards nodded to us, and approached Violet’s home. Warm light leaked out from the windows onto the pitch black street. 

Nick and I hesitated for a moment. Violet was inside, busy in the kitchen, making one of her signature roasts. Codsworth helped her. Macready, Duncan and Shaun sat on the floor of the living room, playing some kind of game. We both just stood there, watching it.

The whole scene felt so ridiculous to me. things like this just didn’t exist in the commonwealth. The most you could hope for in terms of happiness was dying of old age. But somehow Violet had managed to bring a little bit of the prewar world with her. 

You’re jealous. 

I dropped my gaze, guilt filling my mouth. Yeah I was jealous. 

A hand slipped into mine and I looked up to find Nick staring at me. his yellow eyes glowed warmly in the night. There, right there was a piece of the old world that belonged to me. “don’t tell them.”

“agreed.” He hardly even had to say it. 

Having said all that needed to be we marched up the steps and into the house. The warmth flooded over us and I let myself genuinely smile for the first time in a week. Nick took in a long breath. “Smells good kid, as usual.”

Violet stood up from the oven, grinning ear to ear. “I’m just sorry you can’t have any.”

He shrugged. “smell’s good enough for me. what are you three playing?”

“trying to play blast radius.” Macready offered, holding up a water stained torn up booklet. “but the instructions are all washed up, can’t make heads or tails of it.”

“and I’m guessing we’re missing some pieces.” Shaun added, frowning at a little mushroom cloud shaped piece. 

“scoot over boys, I’ll teach you the rules.” Nick settled in between Macready and Shaun, eagerly gathering up the game pieces. 

I crossed my arms and smirked. “watch out, he cheats.” 

“I don’t cheat.”

“you cheat at sports.” 

“just because I can calibrate my swings doesn’t mean it’s cheating.”

“actually….” Violet called, leaning on the island counter. “I’m pretty sure that does constitute cheating.”

“if I can’t have the kid’s roast, I get to cheat.” Nick said smugly, winking up at me.

I rolled my eyes and settled into one of the chairs to watch. 

Duncan gave me a wide smile. “aren’t you going to play?”

“by Nick’s rules?” I laughed, shaking my head. “nah thanks, he’s just going to keep anyone with blood from winning.” 

Codsworth floated over then, waving around his buzz saw hand. that always made me a little uncomfortable. “does that mean I would win?”

Macready grinned broadly. “course Codsworth, you’d always win.”

“splendid sir!” 

There were some days that Codsworth and Nick sounded almost the same to me. I let my head fall back, closing my eyes. I savored this. the smells of cooking dinner. The sounds of laughing kids. Nick’s wonderful deep laugh. I couldn’t say that I’d fallen in love with that laugh but it certainly helped. He made me happy. He made me more happy than….

Than Rush ever had. 

With the thought of him came a wave of mental images. First Vadim’s corpse, torn up, carved up like a piece of meat. Then Yafim’s face, red from crying, void of emotion. Then I saw the kids, not in the living room playing a game, broken and bloody. Their limbs angled in all the wrong ways, bones visible through the skin. Macready with his face bashed in and a cinderblock in his chest. Violet so full of bullet holes it was impossible to count. Then Nick, torn apart, piece by piece. Metal and circuits strewn across the lawn. 

I threw open my eyes. banishing that nightmare with the lights in the room. The kids were grinning laughing. Macready was making a face as Nick explained the rules to blast radius. Codsworth helped Violet pull the roast out of the oven. They placed it on the table and Violet clapped her hands. “dinner’s ready guys! Come get it!”

I hardly had to be told twice. With more eagerness than was probably necessary I shot to my feet and raced to the dinner table. Not even Duncan got there first. Violet eyed me, the same way she did when her kids were doing something they shouldn’t. “don’t give me that look.” I grumbled, carefully taking my seat. 

The roast smelled even better now than it had before. Wiping her hands she shook her head at me. “honestly, if you’d just spend some more time around here I’d teach you how to make something better than a kabab.” 

Forcing a scowl I crossed my arms. “I happen to like kababs alright?”

“no you don’t” Nick dragged a chair from the wall and set it down beside me. He was the only one that didn’t need to sit at the table so he usually occupied himself quietly teasing me. Dinners at Violet’s were always interesting.

Macready sat at the head of the table awkwardly. Not sure who had told him to do that. It could have been some prewar custom or something. I had no idea. Macready certainly didn’t look comfortable about it, and I couldn’t help myself. Leaning my chin in my hand I grinned at him. “still getting used to being the man of the house?”

“shut up O'Malley.”

“RJ.” Violet grimaced at him. 

Like a child he dropped his head, mumbling a sorry under his breath.

I laughed. “guess we know who wears the pants in this family.” 

“what does that mean?” Duncan gave me a look.

Before I could explain to the kid his dad was neutered, Violet slammed a bottle of Nuka cola in front of me. “here, we’ll be fancy tonight.” She gave me one of those looks. Violet sure knew how to make everyone feel like a kid. 

Nick leaned into me, an arm around the back of my chair. “what’s the occasion kid?”

Violet put another bottle down in front of Macready before taking a seat herself. “do I need an occasion? It’s just a good old fashion family dinner.”

“minus the potatoes.” He pointed out dryly. 

Violet let out a long disappointed breath. “yeah….”

“what are potatoes? Are they like Tatos?” Duncan questioned innocently. 

Shaun chuckled. “not exactly. Tatos are a genetic hybrid of a tomato and a potato.”

“what’s a tomato?” 

Nick waved his hand. “don’t worry about it kiddo.” 

An adorable little scowl filled Danny’s features. Once again I was reminded of how alike he and his dad were. Uncanny was a good word for it. “I hate it when you guys start talking like that.”

“so do we kid.” I grinned, reaching for the pot of mashed Tatos. “they always seem to be talking in code don’t they?”

“all adults talk in code.” Still scowling he jabbed his fork into a slice of Radstag meat and plopped it on his plate.

“eat your vegetables too.” Violet scolded.

“yes mom….” 

I didn’t know what a family dinner was supposed to be like. Hancock had never exactly been the type to have a sit down meal. So this, felt, nice. There were even a few minutes where I could forget about what had brought us here. When it was done Violet and Macready put the boys to bed. We stayed up for an hour after that, just talking to them. Light things. Avoiding Vadim, avoiding anything too heavy. It amazed me that we had anything to talk about. There was enough baggage between the four of us to fill a warehouse. 

When Violet let out a yawn Macready announced it was time for bed. There was a spare room in one of the houses next door so Nick and I retreated to it. it was a bit draftier than Violet’s home but at least it would keep the rain off us. If it did rain. And more importantly it was close to Violet’s house. 

As we settled into a bed Nick wrapped me in his arms and pulled the blanket up over our shoulders. There were sounds of people talking in the far distance. Settlers that hadn’t quite gone to bed yet. Their conversations didn’t matter to me. 

Nick leaned down to my ear, whispering gently. “you should get some rest, I’ll stay up and keep watch.” 

“are you sure?”

“I don’t need rest.” He replied with an awkward shrug. “besides, I’ve got better hearing than you.”

That was true. I closed my eyes and pressed my face harder against his shoulder. sleep wouldn’t come that easily though, not by a fucking long shot. For a while I just lay there in silence, willing myself not to think about him. not to think about this god damn mess I’d found myself in. I tried to focus on the sound of the coolant pumping through Nick’s body. On the feel of his arm wrapped around me. Of his strength. “I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“for what?” 

“not telling you.”

He let out a small sigh. His arm tightened around my shoulders. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told you I was scared.”

“not about Rush now, about Rush back then.” 

Oh. Guilt filled my mouth again. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. This was a long time coming. I was just surprised that he hadn’t asked before now. “I was ashamed…. You watched me put a bullet in him. if you’d known that I was… with him at the time you would have thought I was sick.”

“that isn’t true.”

“it is true.” I balled my fist into his shirt. He couldn’t lie to me. Nick had been hard on me back then. When I first started running with him. He hadn’t let me forget the things I’d done but he also had made it clear I could do better. Somehow he’d found the right balance of holding me accountable for my actions, and forgiving me. I hadn’t wanted to ruin that. “you said I’d done the right thing shooting him that day. But if you’d known what he meant to me at the time, you would have thought I was a sick twisted fuck.”

“do you still have feelings for him?”

I hesitated, it was only for a split second, but it spoke volumes. “no, I don’t.” 

Another breath escaped him. His arm didn’t tighten around me. “we’re going to find him, and we’re going to stop him. can I trust that you’ll do that?”

“Nick I love you!” I sat up, leaning over him with a hand beside his head. His yellow eyes were almost the only thing I could see in the darkness. “I don’t care about Rush, he’s insane, he’s a nutcase. It’s you I love, not him.”

“I believe you.” yet his voice went hollow. 

My heart gave a twinge in my chest. Tears started to form on my eyes. this couldn’t be happening. Miserably I sank back to the mattress, placing my head on his shoulder. at least he didn’t try to stop me from doing that. 

Silence followed that for several minutes. I held back the sobs as best I could but the tears were coming. I couldn’t stop those. The sounds of the settlement’s occupants drifted away to be replaced by the night sounds of the wasteland. Off in the distance a pack of wild dogs howled. They wouldn’t come near the settlement, not with all the guards. Too bad the same couldn’t be said for Rush. 

“Nick….”

“Gray get some rest.”

“I need you.” my throat felt thick and my chest ached. These were the kinds of words I loathed to say. They needed to be said though. “I need you now more than ever. I can’t do this alone. I’ve never been able to do this alone. Please.” 

He shifted and for a brief terrifying moment I thought he was going to get up and walk away. Instead he twisted around until he held me in both his arms. His chin rested on the top of my head. One of his hands held my head steadily to his collar. “I’m here Gray, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if some small part of you still cares about Rush. It’s hard to forget someone that you loved. But I want to make sure that you’ll be ready to do what has to be done when the time comes.”

It’s not just some small part.

I ignored the voice in the back of my head. “I will, I promise.” 

“Rush will get what’s coming to him, I promise. I won’t let him hurt you anymore.”

I closed my eyes as a fresh wave of tears filled them. “thank you, Nick, thank you.”

“now get some rest.” He squeezed me once before loosening the hug. “we’ll figure out what to do in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say here other than the depression continues. Thank you for sticking with me everyone! I really want to know what you think of this! Good or bad! Please don't hesitate to comment! 
> 
> Until next week, Write On.


	7. Off Limits

I wasn’t sure I could trust Gray anymore. 

It wasn’t that I thought she’d turn on me. Not by a long shot. If there was one thing I could trust it was that she would never turn on me willingly. But it was that willingly part that gave me pause. Rush had an affect on her that I’d never seen before. At first I’d been able to pretend that it was just pure fear. Rush was a madman, out to break Gray and turn her into a monster like him by any means necessary. He’d already killed Vadim, who knew who else he was willing to kill. And how he intended to do it. 

That was more than enough to make me scared. Yet I couldn’t just assume that fear is all that motivated Gray. Not anymore. She had feelings for him. Buried deep, maybe, but it was still there. I knew from experience that those kinds of feelings didn’t just go away. I wished Rush had stayed dead. Not just because he’d killed my friend. Some small part of me wished he had never come back to bring those feelings in Gray back. 

When we finally cornered Rush there was no way of knowing what Gray would do. Could she kill him? Would she even want to? Or would he have already done the damage? I wanted to believe that Gray could handle it. I still loved her, even knowing what I did. I had to give her the benefit of the doubt. But doubt continued to plague me.

The night went quietly. Gray got a couple hours sleep. Even before the sun was up she was wondering the town. I kept close to her, unwilling to let her out of my sight. Rush hadn’t attacked. And I doubted very much that he would now. This trip to Sanctuary had been meant to distract us from something. I didn’t know what yet, and it left a tight knot in my stomach. Slowly but surely the settlement woke. Danny and Shaun ran out the front door in an excited tangle. 

Preston Garvey strode down the road, carrying his laser musket. The last Minuteman. I’d never really gotten a straight answer out of the kid about leading them. She probably wouldn’t until she had her baby. But seeing him gave me an idea. “Hey Garvey!” 

He came to a stop and looked to me. His shoulders relaxed a fraction and he grinned. “hey Valentine, long time no see. How are things back at the diamond?”

“not great.” I admitted, coming to stand in front of him. “I was hoping to talk to you about this case I’m working.”

“yeah? What kind of case?” an eager glint came to Garvey’s eye that I tried not to smirk at. He was a good kid, always had been. I remembered hearing about him when he first joined the Minutemen. He’d been an idealist back then. Good to see that hadn’t changed much.

“it’s a murder investigation.” 

The smile slid from his face and his expression went dark. His finger slid up the side of the trigger guard. “this is about Vadim Bobrov isn’t it?”

I nodded silently.

Sighing he shook his head, hiding his face behind his hat. “they said it was a blood bath. Did you see him?”

“I did.” 

“and?”

“and you don’t want to know.” I waved my hand dismissively. “look, Garvey, I need a favor. The guy I’m looking for, he goes by the name Rush. He’s got black hair and green eyes have you seen him?”

“nah.” He shrugged then gestured to the street. “but Sanctuary is gettin bigger every day. I can’t always keep track of who is coming and going anymore.”

“well you have to.” Firmly I set a hand on his shoulder and leaned in. to anyone else this looked like a friendly conversation between two men. Garvey had a hero complex, even more than me. I just had to appeal to it. “I suspect that he may show up here. You need to be ready kid. Can I trust you?”

“why would he come here?” his brows drew together. 

“I have reason to believe that he may target someone here in Sanctuary.” He wanted to question me further, I could tell. If he did that, I wouldn’t have a choice. I’d have to tell him the truth. So I plowed on before he could say anything more. “You’re just going to have to trust me kid. promise me that you’ll protect this place with your life. And if you see Rush, shoot him on sight. You’re the only one I can trust.”

He frowned, brows drawn. “maybe we should tell Violet and Macready?” 

“absolutely not.” My hand tightened on his shoulder. “do you want to put a pregnant woman through this kind of stress? Macready doesn’t need to know either. I know you can handle this, I have faith that you won’t let me down.”

Maybe I was manipulating him a bit. Garvey seemed to have a particular brand of daddy issue that wasn’t too hard to trigger. Combined with his hero complex it wasn’t hard to get him to do what I needed. This time was no different. He stood up straight and gave a firm nod. “I’ll make sure the guard keep an eye out for him. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“good man.” Slapping him on the shoulder I went off to find Gray again. I found her sitting at a bench next to the park. Her eyes were unfocussed as she stared at Macready and Sturges repairing one of the water purifiers. 

When I sat she flinched. Her hand shot straight for her gun. “oh! It’s just you….”

“how’re they doing?” I pulled out my carton of cigarettes, slowly lighting one. 

Gray returned her gaze to the water purifier. “Macready’s already fallen into the river twice. Sturges is complaining about not getting any decent help anymore.”

“sounds like him.” I chuckled around the cigarette. As we sat there we watched Macready lose his footing one more time. With a cry of surprise he toppled backward and hit the water with a loud splash. The settlers watching burst into laughter. Sturges just brought his hand to his face. 

Gray leaned into my side, head on my shoulder. “what are we doing?”

I slung an arm over her shoulders casually. While I pressed my lips to her temple I murmured. “I’ve given warning to Garvey, he’ll make sure Sanctuary is secure.”

“Rush will just eat him alive.” She growled angrily. Good. It had been a while since I heard that rage from her. The fear and terror had been all she felt for the longest time. “we leave him here to protect Sanctuary, mark my words we’ll come back to a crater.” 

“do you have a better idea?” forcing a smile on my face I straightened to continue watching the spectacle. Macready was trying to climb back up to Sturges again. Not easy when his hands were slick with water. “we can’t stay here forever, like you said. We’ve got to go after Rush ourselves or he’s going to murder his way through the commonwealth until there’s no one left.”

“you don’t have to tell me that.” Her fists tightened on her lap. They shook ever so slightly, rage fueled her now. I couldn’t be sure what had changed over the course of last night but she now seemed more determined than ever. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a show. “I just don’t like the idea of leaving Violet and the kids in Preston Garvey’s hands.”

Neither did I if I was being entirely honest. Garvey and the minutemen didn’t have the best track record. But if he told the guards that it was to protect Violet and the kids, then I knew they’d give their lives to do just that. “aren’t you worried why Rush lured us out here? He got us out of the diamond, what’s he doing there right now?”

She dropped her head and leaned in over her knees. I should have told her to sit up, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. mostly cause I knew the exhaustion she felt. “you’re right, we don’t have a choice.”

“I’ll go tell the kid we’re leaving.”

“I’ll go with you, I can’t watch Macready fall on his ass again.” 

With a collective groan we both stood. Leaving Macready and Sturges to do their best to repair the purifier. I probably could have easily leant a hand. Machines were my thing after all. But we had more important things to do than this. 

Back in front of her house we found Violet talking to a couple of scraggy looking settlers. A slouched young man wearing a white shirt and black hair. Jun if memory served. Standing at his side was Marcy. Husband and wife. “that’s great guys, I’m so glad to hear it!” Violet was saying excitedly, grinning ear to ear. A slight sheen of sweat on her forehead, pregnancy really didn’t look great on her. 

The pair glanced at each other. Marcy wrung her hands self consciously. Whatever they were talking about, probably wasn’t something they wanted to in front of me and Gray. “well… sanctuary seems to be in a good place we figured…. Maybe it’s safe enough.”

“its completely safe! Well not completely but it’s one of the safest places in the commonwealth!” Violet caught sight of us over Jun’s shoulder and waved. “guys! Listen to the good news!” 

Marcy turned and her scowl could have curdled milk. She folded her arms instantly becoming closed off yet Jun gave us a half smile. Timidly he went on. “we’re, uh, we’re going to try to have another baby.”

“that’s… awesome!” Gray replied extatically. Even I had to gape at her in surprise. 

“I didn’t expect that coming from you.” 

She shot me a look. “honestly it’s great. There aren’t enough people having kids these days.” 

“yeah well….” Jun laced an arm around his wife’s middle, squeezing her. “we think it’s time to try again.” 

“well I think it’s fantastic.” Violet’s face became sincere. She reached out and took Marcy’s hand. “and you’ve got us. Sanctuary is more than just a town, we’re a family. We’ll help each other out.” 

Marcy blushed visibly and averted her gaze. She reminded me a little of Gray way back when. They had both been angry, slow to trust, and incredibly temperamental. My Gray sure had come a long way since then. “yeah,” Marcy extracted her hand and marched off down the road. “thanks anyway Macready!”

“good luck guys!” Violet called after them, still excited as ever in spite of Marcy’s cold shoulder. “I know this is the right thing to do!”

“we’ll let you know when it works out.” Jun gave a crooked smile, like he wasn’t quite sure how to, as he walked away waving.

Once alone Violet turned to us. “isn’t that great? They’ve had it so rough ever since Quincy, I’m glad they’re finally coming to terms with it.” 

“and I’m sure you had no hand in this.” I winked, putting an arm around her shoulders. “we’re headed back to Diamond City kid. it was good seeing you and the kids.”

“oh….” As we parted Violet’s face fell visibly. Like a child that had just been told no. Gray hated it when I voiced it, but a part of me really did think of Violet as a kid. Maybe not quite a father daughter relationship, maybe an uncle. “won’t you guys stay another night? I was planning to try my hand at sweet rolls.” 

“sorry Vi.” I jammed my hands in my pockets and heaved a shrug. With luck Violet’s mom instincts wouldn’t kick in and sniff out the undertone. It’d be just my luck if she figured it out before we left. “but we’ve got cases to work and people to see.” 

“alright fine.” She sighed, grimacing up at me. “I understand. Then I guess take care you two.”

“we will.” And Gray hugged Violet.

I actually froze. In the short time these two had known each other they’d spent most of that time at each other’s throats. Or at least Gray had been at Violet’s throat. Even after they’d come to terms with each other Gray still didn’t often express anything short of indifference to the woman. Let alone a desire to hug her. 

Violet was as clearly shocked as I felt. Automatically she put her arms around Gray’s back. shakily she smiled. “well uh… it was really great seeing you two. When are you going to be back?”

“we don’t know.” I said, trying my best to hide the shock. 

Gray let the hug go and took a step back. her face didn’t show any signs of embarrassment. If she wasn’t careful, Violet would find us out. “but… we’ll try to make it out here soon. At least I will.” 

Now Violet gaped. 

Before she could question either of us I took Gray under the arm and steered her down the road. “we’ll see you later kid! stay safe!”

“you too Nick! Bye Vel!” 

“bye.” Half heartedly Gray waved. 

We left through the front gates. Garvey stood there, talking to some of the guards. He gave me a significant look as I passed and I gave him a nod. Once across the bridge, back in the wasteland, I let go of Gray’s arm. “it’s not the last time you’re going to see her you know.”

“sorry I just got…. Forget it.” she stuck her hands into her jean pockets and glowered at the road ahead of us. “so what are we going to do now? You have some kind of plan don’t you?”

“not yet.” How could I come up with a plan when I didn’t have all the information? Slowly I brought my heavy gaze onto Gray. It took a second for her to realize I was doing it. when she met my gaze she almost immediately looked away. 

“right….”

“did you figure anything out?” 

We continued walking, and as we did she kept her eyes firmly on the road. Her hand didn’t rest on her pistol. Her arms swung smoothly back and forth. There was anger there, the fear could have been a thing of the past. “we’ll talk on the way.”

The walk back to the diamond wasn’t easy on Gray. She had a few good ideas. What she told me helped me come up with a plan. It wasn’t much of one, but it was far better than what we’d been doing up till now. In the very least I had a good idea of what Rush would do next. Since he didn’t target Violet, the next logical target had to be someone Gray cared about in equal measure. Her family. 

John.

When we entered the city we found it operating as usual. The market was alive. Nat didn’t stand on her box but she wouldn’t be without a new issue to push. The guards seemed to have been doubled though. they all hefted bats carefully, heads on a swivel. It was good to see the mayor had increased security, even if it was too little too late. 

“Ellie should be holding down the fort.” I said over my shoulder as we walked down the street. My sign was still flickering. I had no idea when I’d get around to fixing it now. “we’ll let her know that Sanctuary is safe then head out.”

“Think Rush will try to reenter the city?” 

Once inside the doorway to the agency, I shrugged. “you tell me. how stupid is he?”

“I don’t think he’d be dumb enough to sneak back in here with everyone on the look out for him.” 

“then we can assume that everyone is safe here.” 

“you still think he’ll go after Hancock?”

“didn’t you tell me he always had a grudge against the man?” I held onto the doorknob, looking at her. “now that he knows that your close to him he won’t hesitate to go after him.” 

“I guess you’re right.” of course Gray’s face said otherwise.

I tried not to let it bother me as I stepped in. what I found on the other side made that easy. The entire agency had been turned on its head. The desks were upturned. Files littered the floor in no particular order. Cabinets were on their sides, drawers open. I froze half way inside. Gray stepped around me and she let out a sharp breath. 

“where’s Ellie?” I murmured quietly, fear gripping my insides like a vice. Jaw set, I strode into the room, picking my way around the mess. Whoever had come through here left a mess worse than a hurricane. Damn it, who was I kidding? I knew exactly who’d done this. where the hell was Ellie?

Gray split off silently, racing down the hall to check the rest of the agency. No sign of Ellie here. She wasn’t under the files or the desk, I don’t know why I expected it. Then I heard Gray call from down the hall. “Nick! Get over here!” 

If I had a heart it’d have gone cold from the sound of her voice. The sweat would be rolling down the back of my neck right about then. I ran down the hall to find Gray on the floor beside the stairs, cradling a broken Ellie in her arms. A fresh wave of anger surged through me at the sight. 

Ellie was off limits. I’d managed to protect her from my job even while keeping her on as my secretary. Not once, since I brought her in, had any harm come to her. Except when I inflicted it…. And Stern. But this went beyond either of those times. Her face was so badly swollen I hardly recognized her. Purple and black bruises swelled along her cheeks jaw and forehead. One of her eyes was totally swollen shut. I wasn’t sure she’d be able to speak if she were conscious at all. 

Gray cradled her gently, peeling back bloody clothes to reveal yet more bruising on her stomach. A particularly nasty bruise emanated out from where her kidney was. “god damn it. she’s breathing shallowly, probably a broken rib. She needs Sun.”

“go get him, I’ll stay with her.” Usually I could flip that switch somewhere inside my brain. It came in handy when crisis formed. Something that I’d inherited from the old Nick. But it had been hard for the old Nick to flip it in situations like this. I found it absolutely impossible. Carefully I took Ellie from Gray’s arms. A look in her eye said she wanted to protest, at least she didn’t. 

“There are Stimpaks in my drawer, I’ll be right back.” 

“hurry.” Ellie felt so fragile in my arms, limp. Gray was right, her breathing was shallow and rasped. Placing my ear to her chest I listened for the tell tale crackle of blood in her lungs. For a few agonizing seconds I listened, holding my own breath. When I heard nothing but the shallow rhythm of her breathing I relaxed a fraction. At lest things hadn’t been taken that far. “stay with me Ellie, you hear me? Don’t go dying on me now.” 

She didn’t respond. Not even a twitch of recognition. Damn it. 

A few seconds later the door in front burst open and two sets of footsteps raced inside. Doctor Sun careened around the corner, a bag in hand, and face serious. The man never dropped that expression but I couldn’t be happier to see it. “lay her flat on the ground please, tilt her head back.” 

I did as I was told, too scared and angry to think for myself. With Ellie spread out on the floor of the agency Sun went to work checking her injuries. First he gently put a stethoscope to her chest, listening for the same thing I had. “no fluid in the lungs, that’s good. But I’m worried about internal bleeding. O'Malley find a Stimpak in my bag.”

I’d hardly noticed Gray step inside. She searched through his bag and handed over one of the miracle syringes. “how bad doc?” 

That question actually made me more angry.

Sun shook his head. “not as bad as it could have been.” Without warning he jabbed the Stimpak into Ellie’s side, directly over the bruise. She twitched, a small cry of pain slipped out of swollen lips.

“take it easy!”

“I’m sorry detective, I don’t have a choice.” Next he felt around her chest and sides. His eyes narrowed as Ellie twitched again. “a cracked rib, we’ll need to get her in a brace soon. She’s likely suffered a concussion. No spinal injuries from what I see.”

“what do we need to do?”

“I need to get her back to my clinic. O'Malley, do you think you can carry the stretcher on your own back here?” 

“probably.” She spoke steadily. 

“then go. Detective, I need you to remain calm.”

I tore my gaze from Ellie’s bruised face to find Sun staring at me. his dark eyes were warning, like he expected that I’d break down at any moment. I’d seen that look before but never directed at me. He used it on loved ones of patients that were in bad shape. It’s that look that was supposed to remind them what was important. Did I look that bad? 

“I’m fine doc, worry about Ellie.”

“there is nothing I can do for Mss. Perkins until I get her back to the clinic. But I need you to remain calm.”

“I’m calm.”

“no you’re not.”

“you should be focusing Ellie!” I snapped surprising even myself.

Sun just gave me a skeptical look which I tried to ignore. 

Gray returned with the stretcher. With Sun’s help we put Ellie down on it. I insisted on taking one end of the stretcher while Sun took the other. Gray went ahead opening doors. A few people had already gathered on the street, drawn by Gray probably. Moe was there and he looked furious when he saw the state of Ellie. “who the hell did that!? Who’s the piece of shit that beat Ellie?!”

“stand back please.” Sun insisted, barreling through the growing crowd to the clinic he shared with Crocker. At least the other doctor didn’t have a client when we entered. 

He looked up from his terminal, wearing those ridiculous bug eyed goggles. “what’s going on?” 

“Ellie Perkins is suffering from a fractured rib, possible concussion, internal bleeding and major bruising around the face.” Hearing Sun list out her injuries so matter-of-factly and calmly left me feeling cold. Together we lifted her up onto a bed in the corner. “go get a bag of Med-X and my kit please.”

“right.” Crocker, a man I’d always thought was strange, scurried out the door. 

Gray skirted around me to stand alongside Sun. “is there anything we can do?”

“no.” Sun replied firmly, straightening. “don’t worry either of you, she’s in good hands, but I give no guarantees of when she’ll wake up.”

“then we’ll stay.” I murmured quietly.

“I can’t allow that.” Sun shook his head firmly. 

I shot him a glare. “just try to stop me.”

“Nick.” Gray grabbed my arm and carried me to the edge of the room. By then Crocker came back, hands full of IV bags and tools. In an undertone Gray spoke. “we can’t help her. Sun can handle this. We have other things to deal with.”

“look at her, do you honestly think I can just leave her like this?” I threw a hand in Ellie’s direction, baring my teeth.

Gray grimaced, brows drawn in sympathy. “I get it, I really do. But we have to deal with Rush or this will happen again.”

“this is your fault.” The words slipped out before I could stop them and I instantly regretted them. 

Instead of looking hurt, or even mad Gray just nodded solemnly. “I know.” 

“Gray I didn’t-”

“no, I get it.” she dropped her hand and slipped passed me. “I’ll go see what I can find at the agency. Meet me at the gates in ten minutes.”

“Gray wait.” But she was already outside before I reached for her. My hand grasped at thin air uselessly. I stared at it. on days when I thought I was human I’d glance down at that hand to remind myself the truth. Since Kellogg though I hated looking at it. once again I’d hurt Gray. Damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing a week. I moved across the country and it's been a long emotional roller coaster. I'm going to post on Fridays, I feel like it's an easier day to remember than Sunday. 
> 
> Anyway, I'd very much like to hear what people are thinking of this so far. again i know it's extremely depressing right now but it will get there, I promise.


	8. Home Arrest

That wasn’t Rush. Nick was angry and if he wasn’t, if this wasn’t suddenly so personal, he’d see it. Rush liked to inflict pain, but he did it with a knife. He cut, he tore, he ripped into his victims. He’d always liked to do it that way. This wasn’t his style. I had no idea who had hurt Ellie but I knew it had to be connected to Rush somehow. I just didn’t know how. Nick wouldn’t be able to think about that until Ellie was back at a hundred percent. I didn’t blame him. I’d be doing way worse if a friend that close had been beaten to within an inch of their life. 

So I left Nick to watch over Ellie while I searched through the agency. It was more than a mess. There was no rhyme or reason to the carnage. Papers hadn’t been put down carefully, or searched through completely. Whole files were just left on the ground unopened. Our desks hadn’t been searched through either, just left there. This wasn’t about information, this was about intimidation. What happened to Ellie had been about intimidating us, scaring us. Rush wanted to scare me, but he’d have known this would hit Nick more than me. And as much as Rush probably hated Nick, his focus was on me.

This just wasn’t Rush. My gut said it wasn’t. that voice in my head that knew Rush knew it wasn’t. Nick wouldn’t have any of that. He was angry. He blamed me. I blamed me. I couldn’t just let that paralyze me though. Even if this was Rush, even if he’d sent that note to get us out of the agency long enough for this, he was still out there. Nick was probably right, his next target would be Hancock. Hancock could handle himself but in the very least we could warn him.

With as many supplies as I could easily carry, I left the agency. I found Nick waiting for me at the base of the stairs, puffing on a cigarette, staring hollowly at the ground. Slowing down I felt my heart give a twinge. There was no way he wasn’t angry at me. Nick wouldn’t admit it, why should he? But I knew he was furious. 

As I approached his eyes slowly came up to mine. “Gray, I’m so-”

“let’s just get to Goodneighbor.” I murmured over the top of him, hefting the bag further up my shoulder. “Hancock needs warning if nothing else.”

His gaze fell again. He’d done that thing where he shuts off his face. It was literally impossible to read him that way. So I just walked passed him and up out of the diamond. Didn’t honestly know how I was keeping so calm. Rush had made it clear that he wasn’t going to stop, so there was no point in worrying over that. I had to make him stop. And I’d have to remember what it had been like to run with him. maybe that was his intention all along. Make me return to those days. Maybe he thought he’d be able to manipulate me into becoming like him. That I’d come back to him. That it’d be like the good old times.

Well he got one part right. I’d become like him, if it meant tearing him apart with my bare hands. 

I held on to that rage. Sure I was scared, fuck I was terrified. The rage kept it in check for now. There was no way of knowing how long this anger would last. But I’d carry it right up to the bitter end. Hopefully Nick could turn his anger on Rush long enough to deal with him. We could deal with our relationship after. The priority was that piece of shit.

Goodneighbor was on alert when we got to the gates. The guards were running back and forth, orders were being exchanged alongside ammunition and guns. We came a stop in the middle of the courtyard. Among the rush stood Fahrenheit, barking orders in her usually rough voice. “what’s going on?!” I called as we approached her. 

One of her brows shot up at the sight of us. “Didn’t see the Supermutants camped outside the walls?”

“they didn’t give us any trouble.” Nick shrugged. 

“good for you.” Fahrenheit’s attention snapped to a trio of ghouls carrying an arm full of automatic rifles. “those are supposed to be at the other end! Goddamn it! were any of you listening?!” 

They made a quick u-turn and got the hell out of there. Someone dropped a grenade that rattled noisily as it rolled toward us. I picked it up, quickly checking the pin was still in. “not your smoothest operation there Fahrenheit.”

She snatched it from my hand and chucked it at a guard in the other direction. “the green skins started attacking our walls last night. We spent most of the night scrambling. This is the first time we’ve had a minute to breathe for almost twelve hours.”

“holly shit.” I took a better look at the walls. There were sure signs of the fighting now that I looked. Craters in the pavement, chunks of the wall barely holding together, scorch marks. “super mutants never act that organized. What’s going on?”

“no idea.” Fahrenheit scowled at a couple of ghouls leaning on the wall of the old state house. As she walked to tear their throats out she called over her shoulder at us. “if you’re looking for Hancock he’s in the house with that scribe and Kleo!”

“thanks.” I glanced at Nick. 

He had his eyes firmly on the gate, like he fully expected the super mutants to come crashing through. Or maybe he was just trying not to look at me. 

Carefully I reached out and touched his arm. “Nick?”

“hm? What sorry.” He shook his head and strode toward the house. “lets go find John.” 

“I was just going to suggest that….” Grimacing in spite of myself, I followed him inside. 

Compared to the streets inside was much quieter. There were a few more drifters than usual huddling within the safe walls of the state house. Someone pointed us to the basement where we found the mayor, scribe and Assaultron standing around a table. “well, I gotta admit, you’re a lot more useful than I thought you were going to be.”

Ellison shot Hancock a confused look. “I wasn’t helpful before?”

“no.” Kleo answered in a bored tone, leaning over the table. “but your design is remarkable for a human. It should work.” 

“how many of these babies can you two throw together?” Hancock demanded. 

“with the materials we have in the city, five.” 

“what about the ammunition?” 

“that’s entirely up to your chemist.” Ellison looked up from the table, over Hancock’s shoulder at us. Her eyes went wide with pleasure and she dashed around to grab my hand. I tried not to punch her. “it’s you two! How are you two?! How did you get around the mutants? Have you done anything terribly dangerous? I told you to protect each other didn’t I?”

“calm down scribe.” Nick stepped forward, hands up, smiling. “we’re fine.”

Hancock stood up from the table, folding his arms. Behind him I could make out the profile of a rifle. 

“syringe rifle?” extracting myself from the scribe I approached the table to appraise the hardware. 

“that it is.” I could hear the smile in Kleo’s voice. “Those super mutants don’t stand a chance now.”

“what are you two doing here? Don’t suppose you’ve come to lend us a hand.” from a pocket Hancock produced a pack of cigarettes and proceeded to light one. “not that we need the help. Goodneighbor can handle herself.”

“not quite John.” Nick jammed his hands in his pockets and shook his head. “we came to warn you.”

“about the mutants? Thanks but I think we got that warning.”

“no, Rush.”

He froze. For the first time in a long time I watched his entire body just stop moving. He could have easily just died right then, standing up. Deliberately he took a long drag from the cigarette, released the smoke in a long breath then looked at me. “Kleo, scribe, get to work on the syringe guns. Take what you need from wherever you find it. Give Fred the recipe for the ammo.”

“yes sir.” Kleo marched loudly down the hall, carrying the gun in her three fingered hands. 

For a few seconds Ellison kept standing there, right in my face, grinning. I didn’t want to look into her blue eyes but I couldn’t help myself. Staring at them I felt like I had a glimpse at a strange world. Not an entirely nice one. 

“scribe.” Hancock growled warningly. 

She blinked, that smile didn’t slip from her face. practically bouncing she waved and left the room back up the stairs. 

I just shook my head. “that woman is absolutely out of her mind.”

“Rush.” 

Hancock’s rough voice brought my gaze back around to find him sitting on the table. The cigarette dangled lazily from his mouth. I got the distinct impression that he was actually trying not to react. “you remember him then.”

“course I remember.” Leaning forward on his knees his black eyes narrowed. “I remember all of them. Cormac, Rick, Maria, Chloe, Tag and Rush. You wouldn’t listen to me when you left to join up with them. People who tear apart my family tend to stick with me.”

Heat rose in my cheeks. Only hoped Hancock wouldn’t notice it. “He’s back.”

“I thought you said you shot him.”

“I did, it didn’t kill him.” my fists tightened at my sides. Rush’s face that night, the scar, it filled my mind’s eye. I hated it. It made me feel disgusting. 

“so he’s back to get revenge?” Hancock’s eyes darted between me and Nick.

Nick spoke next, around a cigarette. When had he lit a new one? “not exactly. The way we figure it, he thinks he’s going to turn Gray back over to his side.”

“his side eh?” He cocked his head, smirking. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded angrily, clenching my teeth. 

“you tell me.” another long drawn drag from his cigarette. I wanted to rip it out of his hands. “have you been thinking about it?”

I punched him. my fist collided so hard with his jaw that he went tumbling over the table and my wrist popped. Nick leapt back, eyes going wide. I shot him a look, cradling my hand, before turning back to Hancock. The ghoul was laughing, carefully collecting himself from the ground. “guess that’s answer enough!”

“you’re disgusting!” I spat unable to control myself. 

Nick reached a hand out for my shoulder. “hey, Gray calm down it’s alright.”

“no!” I jabbed a finger at him then glowered back at the mayor. “you both want to hear it! I’m never going back to that piece of shit! Not one damn thing could make me do that. I’d sooner die than go back to him. than go back to the way I used to be. And I want you both to remember that!” 

Hancock’s expression didn’t change, he was still grinning, one hand on his jaw. God I hoped I bruised it pretty good. My knuckles hurt. At least I’d knocked that damn cigarette out. Eventually he nodded. “I believe you kiddo, I was just checking. Don’t need to get so violent on me.” 

While he laughed gravely to his own quip I turned to look at Nick. His eyes wavered for a moment to catch my gaze. When they steadied I could see that he believed me. except for that tiny flicker of doubt that I’d put there. Damn it, why? 

“so what’s the plan?” we turned to find Hancock lighting another cigarette. “I assume you’ve got a plan right? please tell me you two have a plan.”

At that we exchanged sheepish looks. “not much of one.” Nick admitted, glancing back at Hancock. “Rush tortured and killed Vadim Bobrov.”

“fuck.” Hancock sank onto the table, shaking his head. “I’d heard but… well now I have all the more reason to see Rush dead.”

“and we think he’s going to be after you next.” The synth finished. 

The ghoul made a face that might have been skepticism. “what about Mrs. Macready? If Rush is gonna target people on the kiddo’s friend list then she would be next.”

“she’s got the best protection we can manage.” With folded arms I leaned up against the wall. “that only leaves you. he already hated you pretty bad before I betrayed the gang. I’m surprised he didn’t go after you first.”

“so that’s your plan? You wait around here until he strikes then spring some kind of devilish trap?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. at least I was fairly certain he rolled his eyes. 

Nick glowered. “my traps happen to be expertly made. But do you have a better idea?”

“yeah actually, go to him.”

“we cant!” I threw my arms into the air in agitation. “do you think we hadn’t thought of that?! If we could find the bastard he’d already be dead.” 

“well of course you can’t find him.” Hancock pointed the end of his cigarette at me. “He knows how you think doesn’t he? Sure you know him, but he knows you.”

“are you suggesting we find someone who knows him but he doesn’t know?” Nick’s voice went low and bored. It was his turn to roll his eyes. “and who the hell is that supposed to be John?”

“you’re the detectives, you figure it out.” 

I looked to Nick only to find his eyes unfocused. I knew that look. It was a look that I loved. Something was brewing inside that skull of his. It usually meant he’d suddenly put two and two together. “what have you got?”

He blinked, glanced at me and shook his head. “it’s nothing, just a hunch. John, how confident are you that you could handle Rush and his people if they showed up?”

Rubbing his jaw Hancock shook his head. “we’re talking about one idiot with more balls than brains. I think we can handle him.”

“on top of the super mutants?” 

At that he hesitated. We all knew the answer to that. Any one person could easily slip into the town when they were occupied by the mutants. With Fahrenheit coordinating defense and the town either hiding or fighting, no one would know Rush got in till it was too late. Hancock might be able to handle himself. Against Rush, I’d prefer certainty. 

Hancock pursed his lips and grumbled a string of curses. “I’ll be fine.”

“that’s reassuring.” I rolled my eyes irritably.

Nick crossed his arms, glancing between us. “it’s settled then. Gray you stay here and make sure John doesn’t find himself going up against Rush alone.”

“wait, where are you going?” 

Casually he took the cigarette from his mouth, dropped it and crushed it beneath his shoe. “Hancock’s right, we’ve got to figure out where he’d hold up. I’ve got a hunch but it’s going to take me a few hours to confirm.”

“then I’ll go with you.” hands held out I took a step forward.

“no!” his yellow eyes went fierce. They made me freeze, shoulders tense, like I expected a fight. For a second he held that look, then his expression softened. “no, you need to stay here and make sure Rush doesn’t get into the town. They worry about the super mutants, you worry about him.”

“but what if Rush is going after you?” my heart crawled up my throat. all the things Rush had described over the last few days came back to me. “if he finds you out there, how do you know you can handle him?” 

“she’s right ya know.” Hancock leaned forward over his knees. “at least I’ve got the town here, you out there on your own, you don’t stand a chance. Rush was a sharp shooter from what I heard.” 

“I’ll be fine.” 

Why was Nick being like this? why was he trying to leave me behind?! Angrily I stalked forward and grabbed him by the arm. I put as much strength behind my grip as I could manage. “you can’t go out there alone. If Rush finds you there’s nothing that’s gonna stop him from tearing you apart.”

The synth refused to look at me, pivoted on one foot to leave. “he’s not going after me. Once he finds out that you’re here he won’t be able to resist Hancock. You’re going to be in more danger than I am.”

It was a stupid excuse and we both knew it. since he wouldn’t look at me I could only guess what he was thinking. He was thinking he couldn’t trust me. that the moment I faced Rush I’d give in to him. couldn’t deny that thought had crossed my mind at some point. If giving up meant protecting him I’d do it in a heartbeat. That’s not what he was worried about. Bitterly I let his arm fall. “fine, I’ll stay here, you go do whatever you think you have to do. Just… be careful.”

Smiling tenderly he reached up and put his hand around the back of my head. He hardly had to even bring me close, I met his lips. Something in me stirred. The feel of his lips on mine, his hands on my arms. It felt good. It felt right. yet something at the back of my mind wouldn’t stop. It felt like kissing him for the last time.

All too abruptly he parted and raced out of the state house. I watched him go, heart pounding painfully in my chest. Every part of me wanted to go with him. I’d scarcely left his side since Rush appeared. This felt wrong.

Hancock slapped a hand on my shoulder, scaring the shit out of me. I almost decked him again. “well, looks like you’re stuck with me kiddo.”

“well fuck.” I grumbled, shrugging off his hand.

He gestured to the hall. “don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.”

“that’s not going to stop me worrying about him.” 

“yeah, him either.” Chuckling Hancock walked passed me down the hall, smirking to himself. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?” as I followed him my hand drifted back to my gun. 

“don’t you get it kiddo?” another gravely laugh that made the hairs on my arms stand on end. “he’s tryin to protect you. Ya honestly think he doesn’t know full well that Goodneighbor is the safest place in this hell hole?”

The blood drained from my face and I suddenly felt cold. “that goddamn idiot!” 

I tried to rush past Hancock but he grabbed my arm. his grip was surprisingly strong for his scrawny stature. Guess that was a ghoul thing? He fixed a firm angry look on me. “he played you kiddo. Sorry.”

Narrowing my eyes I clenched my fist. “get your hand off me Hancock.”

“not a chance. Afraid I agree with Valentine on this one. You’re staying upstairs, where you’re safe, until he figures out how to deal with Rush.” 

“we don’t even know if Rush is the only one out there!” I shouted bitterly, trying to wrench my arm free. Didn’t Hancock care about Nick?! What the hell was he doing this for?!

Hancock’s face didn’t change, as hard as ever. “sorry kiddo, this is for your own good.”

And that’s when I was put under house arrest. Never in my life had I ever been grounded but god damn it Hancock knew how to take things too far. He’d told a couple of guards to make sure I didn’t leave my old room. honestly I wouldn’t have been surprised if he just locked me up in the basement. Probably didn’t want to make me that much of a sitting duck. 

Lying flat on my back I listened to the commotion outside. Fahrenheit’s voice rose above everyone else’s most often. “get that over there!” “Reinforce the damn gate!” “where the hell are Irma and Amari?!” “will someone tell me why there’s a goddamn box of nukes over here?!” 

Didn’t like thinking about what that meant. 

I should sleep, or at least try. For a while I closed my eyes, trying to make my body relax. Just when I thought I had a firm grip on it a distraction came bouncing into the room. “oh! I’m sorry O'Malley are you asleep?”

“not anymore.” I grumbled bitterly, sitting up on an arm. the hyperactive blond scribe bounced into the room, carrying with her a half finished syringe rifle. “how’s prep going?”

“it couldn’t be better!” With a clatter she dropped her weapon onto the floor beside me. smiling broadly she practically skipped to her tool box up against the wall. “Fred is a remarkable chemist! I’ve never seen anyone so well versed in chemistry! We should have more than enough ammunition to deal with those freaks.”

“freaks?” one of my brows shot up. Lazily I turned to my side to better watch her work. Nothing better to do besides clean my own weapon, which I’d already done plenty in recent days. “is that the brotherhood talking?” 

“I have no issues with ghouls or Supermutants as a rule.” She answered distractedly working on the syringe rifle. “but if they’re trying to kill me that’s a different story.”

“fair enough.” Groaning I laid back down, closing my eyes. for a while silence filled the room, punctuated only by Ellison’s tinkering. Sleep started drifting up on me. how many hours of sleep was I running on total for the last five days? Ten? Less than that? Maybe some sleep was warranted.

That wasn’t about to happen. “so… O'Malley….?”

“yeah?”

“do you mind if I ask?” Why was she acting so sheepish suddenly? She’d once asked, quite calmly, if she could pull Nick apart in this very room. what was this about? “I mean, I understand if you don’t wish to talk about it but I’m curious. It’s just we never really hypothesized exactly what a synth was capable of. we were mostly concerned with how to kill them. But since working on that wonderful prototype I’ve found myself more and more interested in how the institute built him.”

“what’s the question?” I murmured in a board voice. 

“oh yes, rambling again, so sorry….” I could hear her shift uncomfortably. “but uh… I was wondering how… human the institute made him?”

Heat rose up my neck and into my face. I was fairly certain DiMA had said something about this subject when he caught Nick and I making out. What had he said? What had Nick said? “the institute didn’t build him to be… totally human. He made some adjustments when he got out.” 

“oh….” A more complete silence followed that. I cracked an eye to find Ellison contemplating the syringe gun. She looked frustrated, with a little crease between her brows. Come to find out, she was trying to word her next questioned tactfully. “so are you saying he gave himself genitalia?” 

Groaning I rolled over onto my side and tried to ignore her. “do you mind Ellison? I’d like to get some shut eye.”

“oh! Yes, yes of course!” clunking and clanking she grabbed up her work and left the room at a skip.

It wasn’t long after that that I fell asleep out of exhaustion. It felt good. Maybe it was cause this was my childhood bedroom, or the guards outside my door, or the prospect that Hancock was downstairs. In any case I slept soundly for a good long while. 

When I woke it was to the sound of fighting outside. I sat up, rubbing my eyes groggily. The Supermutants must be attacking. Stiff, I cracked my neck and glanced around. The guards weren’t at the door, probably called to the front. I should go lend a hand. Hancock wouldn’t be too pleased but I’d never hear the end of it from Fahrenheit. As I stood I glanced at my Pipboy. It was late. How had I slept that long? 

I took a moment to check my magazine when I noticed the Holotape lying on the floor beside my bed. Had Ellison left that? I didn’t remember her bringing it in. could have blocked it out all things considered. Stooping I picked it up. I was about to set it down on the dresser when the writing on it caught my eye. 

My blood went cold.

Before I even knew what I was doing I put it into my Pipboy and waited. 

Static crackled for a few seconds then through the tiny speakers I heard his voice, like he was right there in the room with me. “Hello love, how have you been?”

My legs gave out beneath me. I leaned on the dresser. 

“oh don’t be scared, I know you are, but don’t be. I hope you like this little gift. It took me a while to make it for you. I hope it finds you well. Now then, shall we talk? I miss you love. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been around to visit you myself lately. It’s that damn synth. He just won’t leave your side will he? Or he used to.” There came the sound of an opening door then chains rattling. “say hello detective.”

Nick’s voice came over the speakers, quiet, strained. My body started to shake. “scumbag.”

“now is that any way to talk to your betters machine?” Rush snarled and Nick screamed. My knees hit the ground and I doubled over, sweat dripping down the back of my neck. “don’t worry love, I won’t kill him, yet. I want you to be here when I do. I want you to appreciate it when I finally free you from him.”

“Gray don’t listen to him!” another scream tore out of Nick. I wanted to throw up. This couldn’t be happening. 

“maybe I will kill him, if he keeps mouthing off like that.” Rush groaned. “now then love, I’m waiting for you. we’re waiting for you. remember where we took down that Deathclaw? I’ll see you there.” 

I ejected the tape and left it on the floor.


	9. Help in Unlikely places

“she’s going to be furious with me. Hopefully John can keep her out of trouble.” I murmured to myself as I crossed the bridge into Sanctuary. It hadn’t been until a few minutes ago that I’d truly started to question what I’d done. Only a matter of time before she figured it out, or John told her. I had to protect her though. Rush wasn’t going to stop. The safest place for her was hidden behind Goodneighbor’s walls. If she left Rush wouldn’t waste a second kidnapping her and doing who knew what to her. 

John was right, I needed someone that knew Rush and his patterns. There was only one man for that job. It remained to be seen if he’d help me. 

The guards were on high alert as I passed through the gate. Garvey stood with them, looking tense. When he noticed me he quickly moved to intercept me. “detective! What are you doing back here? Is everything alright?”

“there’s been a development. How are things here?” I tried to play nice but all I wanted to do was see the kid. 

Garvey proudly hefted his weapon further up. “all’s quiet here. Haven’t seen that murderer.” 

“good, stay alert.” Before he decided to make a longer report I brushed passed him up the road. With the sun low on the horizon the street looked almost picturesque. If the gardens had actual plants in them and the houses were better repaired you could easily mistake it for prewar. Nice place to retire, if it ever came to that. 

I caught sight of Shaun and Danny pelting rocks at Codsworth. I should go tell them to stop. It was too convenient. At least I’d get the chance to talk to them alone. Violet’s house was bright and warm when I stepped inside. They were sitting on the couch, listening to the radio while dinner cooked on the stove. 

They both jumped, sitting up straight. “Nick! What’s going on? I didn’t think I’d see you again today.” Violet’s eyes went wide. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

“to me?”

I shook my head, and turned my gaze on Macready. the shaggy haired kid frowned. “what’s this about?”

Grimacing I glanced at Violet. Could I afford to put her in danger by telling her? What choice did I have? what I was about to ask would put her in as much danger. Groaning I sat heavily in one of the arm chairs, leaning over on my knees. “what do you two know about Gray’s past?”

They exchanged looks, settling back in. Violet shook her head and Macready let out a breath. “I know she ran with Cormac’s gang.”

“so you do remember.” Good, that would make this trip worth it. potentially. I looked at Violet who seemed confused. “I told you she was a Goodneighbor local when I met her, right?”

She nodded silently. As usual she kept quiet until she understood what was happening. I was used to that.

“that wasn’t entirely true…. When I met her she was actually part of a raider gang terrorizing the commonwealth.”

“are you serious?” Violet’s jaw fell open. 

“I told you she was worse than a Gunner.” Macready growled.

“you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I warned, glaring at him. “she ran with them for about four years before I met her. The first time I met her she and her gang were attacking a farm, not far from here actually.” 

“I had no idea….” Violet murmured quietly, a hand to her mouth.

I hated this. Gray didn’t want them to know. At first it was because she didn’t care about what they thought of her. They didn’t have the right to know. Now it was because she did care. she didn’t want them thinking any less of her, or think that she was too dangerous. Macready knew of course. Which was the whole reason I was here. 

“what happened?” Macready questioned in a guarded tone. 

“what changed?” still frowning Violet leaned forward. 

Carefully I took a breath. What I wouldn’t give to light a cigarette. Violet hated me smoking in the house though, and I knew that, so I couldn’t. “I’d gotten to that farm on another case. The family told me they were being terrorized by a group of bandits so I stuck around to give them a hand. That was the first time I heard of Cormac’s gang. They were small time, though from what I gathered afterward they were trying to go big. The family wasn’t much, parents, couple of kids, the mom was pregnant. Cormac didn’t care. He walked right up to their door and threatened to kill all of them if they didn’t give him everything they owned. Gray was standing at his side.”

Macready had fallen silent, leaning forward on his legs. Had no idea what he was thinking and I hardly cared. 

Violet though, her lips were pursed and she frowned at her belly. “what did she do?”

“there’s the catch.” I leaned back, casting my gaze down at the floor. “Gray and Cormac left, promising violence. I organized the farmers to fight, didn’t have a choice. Someone shot me through the stomach, didn’t do anything more than give me a new hole. Cormac came running up the farm toward the house. The mother ran out to face him. That’s when Gray shot Cormac in the shoulder.” 

“so she switched sides? Why?” Violet questioned.

“to this day I’m not all that sure.” I shook my head and returned my gaze back to her. “Gray fought Cormac herself and killed him. it wasn’t easy. I killed another woman. the rest of the gang swarmed in. Gray came up against a man with black hair and green eyes. he terrified her. Since then I hadn’t seen her that scared save for a handful of times.”

“who was he?” Violet spoke around a thick throat. 

“Calum Rush right?” Macready muttered dryly.

I nodded. “From what I gathered afterword yes. They drew on each other, she shot first, and he went down. We’d both assumed he’d been killed that day.”

“I’m guessing you were wrong…?” the words were barely louder than a whisper from Violet. 

“the night of the birthday party he showed up again. He terrorized gray and has been ever since. He’s responsible for Vadim’s death.” 

“you knew that and you didn’t say anything?” now she was astonished, gaping at me. 

“it wasn’t simple and it wasn’t an easy choice.” I tried not to get angry but I was frustrated. I’d been out of control too long. Rush had been playing us and for all I knew I was playing right into his hands right now. “look, Rush was gray’s lover back then. He’s obsessed with getting her back and he’s going to kill everyone that gets in his way. He’s already threatened me plenty of times. And he threatened your lives as well.”

Violet went a little pale while Macready became red with anger. “you knew we were in danger and you didn’t tell us!”

“I told Garvey, and he swore to make sure you were both safe. But I need your help now.”

“what could we do?” Violet shook her head. “we didn’t even know about all this till just now.”

“that’s not true.” I lifted my eyes up to Macready. 

His jaw went tight and he nodded. “yeah, I knew about all this….”

Violet flung her head to face him. “what?”

“Cormac was getting bold near the end.” I supplied for her benefit. “pushing in on territory, attacking larger and larger caravans. The Gunners couldn’t have that.”

“so they organized a team to track down his gang and put an end to them.” Macready continued where I left off, somewhat reluctantly. “I was part of that team. We spent months tracking them, learning their patterns, where they were hiding.” 

“as far as I could gather you’d been chasing them for three months before Gray switched sides.” I finally looked him in the eye. I’d known for a long time that Macready knew about what Gray had done. I’d suspected it for years since he came back, it had only been confirmed when they got back from the capitol. Gray didn’t know. She didn’t know that Macready had been part of the team that went after her. That was probably for the best. “what did you do after?”

“we didn’t have any idea why, but we suddenly found ourselves chasing half the gang.” Macready shrugged, with a shake of his head. “Rick, Tag, Maria and Rush. We cornered them at one of their hide outs. Rush was already bad off when we got there. They ran, and we chased them.”

“you chased them out of the commonwealth?” that part I hadn’t anticipated. When John had told me about the Gunners targeted the gang I’d assumed they had found them. Hoped they had found them. If it meant that Gray didn’t have to look over her shoulder. That was a stupid assumption obviously, but it left the question of what kept Rush for so long? 

Macready slung an arm over the back of the couch and tried to look relaxed. His jaw was set and his eyes tight. Doubted he liked reliving his Gunner days with Violet beside him. “we did, as best we could. We couldn’t exactly go back to the bosses without some good news. So when they gave us the slip the first time we split up, hit each of their safe houses that we knew about. I got put on one at the edge of the glowing sea where they were at. We chased them into the sea.”

“was that it?” 

“yeah, what’d you expect? None of us wanted to go into the damn sea.” 

“but you’re sure they left the commonwealth after you tracked them down?”

He groaned airily. “there were a couple of sightings for a few weeks after. The big guy and the girl, but those stopped not too long after.” 

“so you have no idea where they’ve been hiding since they fled?” 

“what good would that do ya anyway?” Macready’s tone became venomous. I didn’t let it bother me. He was angry and I didn’t have time to deal with that. “it’s not as if they’re still hiding there.”

“true, but if I knew where they’d been I could figure out what their path is.” Suddenly I surged to my feet and started pacing the living room. There weren’t many cases anymore that demanded pacing. In the early days I’d done it a lot. Like a nervous tick. 

Violet stepped in my way, putting a hand on my arm. I drew my eyes up to meet her green gaze. In that moment it struck me how much she’d changed over the year. From the timid, scared, self loathing house wife, to a soon to be mayor of a full blown settlement. Her confidence had grown in recent months and I could see it. She gave me hope. “what can we do?” she asked softly.

I forced a half smile for her benefit, and turned to Macready. “I need to know everything. everything your group figured out about Cormac’s gang. Their MO, their patterns, their known safe houses, everything. if I stand a chance of putting an end to them I need an advantage.”

“I don’t know as how much of my information is gonna be useful to you.” Macready shook his head, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “it’s what? Five years old? People change, and Cormac isn’t in the picture anymore.”

“it doesn’t matter.” 

“what are you desperate?”

“of course I’m goddamn desperate!” my voice rose in spite of myself, fists tightened. the rage boiled up from under the surface. Of all the people I thought for sure Macready would understand this. After all Gray was going through almost the same thing he had with the Gunners. They’d hunted him and he’d hunted them back. I needed this, Gray needed this. 

“look.” Macready raised his hands in surrender. I knew it and tried to make my gaze softer. “I’ll tell you what I know alright? If this’ll help put Rush down.”

“thank you.” slowly I pulled myself away from Violet and took my seat back. She gave me a grimace before sitting back down beside Macready. From a pocket I took out a pad of paper and a pen. Business. This was business. Gray was a client, I had to compartmentalize or this would never get solved. 

“let me start off by saying first, they weren’t easy to find. There was only ever a handful of them and with that small of a group they were pretty easy to miss.” He began in a dry tone. I just nodded. No point interrupting him now while he was willing to talk. Macready ran a hand through his hair. Violet put a hand on his knee. I tried not to think about how that made me feel. “we first got wind of their gang when one of our caravans got attacked. Still don’t know for sure that they knew it was Gunner. When we sent people to handle them they never came back. Honestly I was impressed a bunch of raiders could handle an entire squad of Gunners like that.”

“remember where the caravan was when it got attacked? Or where the first squad went to find them?” there were bits and pieces that John and I had figured out over the years. it was gratifying in a strange way to get the whole story.

“somewhere just north of Graygarden, and the squad tracked them down to Jalbert Brother’s disposal. That little dump up there.”

“right, I know the place, keep going.” Noted that one down. with luck Rush would be stupid enough to use one of their old hide outs. 

Macready sucked in a breath, grimacing. “well since they proved themselves to be more than a pain in the ass, the bosses decided to give them a little more attention. They threw together a team, small at first, but when they couldn’t handle Cormac’s gang they added more members. I came on board about a month in.”

Violet looked away and I understood why. It was never easy hearing how the ones you loved lived before they met you. sure you knew they had lives before, lovers, mistakes, but it never quite registered. It probably wasn’t easy hearing about his time with the Gunners either. It was different for me. I’d known Gray was a raider from the start, a fact she was clearly ashamed of. Years of experience had taught me who she really was. Violet didn’t have years of experience with Macready and that would have been enough to trouble anyone. 

“by then they’d only found one other hideout they used, Mahkra fish packing plant up north.” Macready’s voice brought me back to the present. Now wasn’t time for those inner dialogues Nick. “Cormac’s gang started getting cocky after that. They actually hunted down our camps and caravans. Reports started coming in about them and the bosses got more anxious to get them off the street. I tell you I hadn’t seen the bosses that freaked out since… well ever.”

Some small part of me was actually fairly proud of Gray for giving the Gunners a run for their money. Not that I approved of anything else she’d done back then. “so?”

“we figured out they had safe houses tucked away all over the commonwealth.” Now he leaned over his knees, a glint in his eye. he, like any wastelander, enjoyed the hunt. And recounting it was almost as good. “they’d attack a camp or a farm or a trader then disappear into one of their holes. pretty much like any raider gang you’d think of, only they were good. If there was one thing I could say about Cormac it’s that he ran a good crew.”

“right.” at the mention of Cormac my hand gave a jerk, leaving a long black line across my page. Damn it. “which holes did you identify?”

Macready leaned his head back to look at the ceiling. “Walden Pond…Poseidon Reservoir, Suffolk county school, Shaw high school, and… we caught them at vault 95 once before the Gunners took it over.” 

“that doesn’t exactly paint the picture of the whole commonwealth.” 

“there were little ones too.” He grumbled defensively. “all over, I tell you. I don’t remember them all cause I didn’t see em all.”

I let out an airy groan as one hand inched toward my pack of cigarettes. Thankfully I noticed before I took them out. “so you’re telling me, that you were on the team that hunted down Gray and you don’t even remember half the places they were hiding at?”

“look it was a long time ago! A lot has happened since then.” 

“you’ve got that right boy.” What use was there being polite anymore? Frustrated I surged to my feet, shoving the paper and pen back into the inside pocket of my coat. “A lot has happened since then, like Rush coming back, torturing and killing my friend, beating my secretary to within an inch of her life and terrorizing my-” the word caught in my throat. 

Violet forced herself to stand, reaching out a hand. Some of that mother instinct kicking in probably. “We know Nick, we do, and we’re hurting as much as you are. Vadim was our friend too and Ellie… I’m so sorry.” 

Deliberately I hid my eyes with a tilt of my head. Gray had started getting irritated with me every time I did it. Violet either hadn’t picked up on it or didn’t care. “don’t be sorry. We can be sorry when Rush is in the ground.”

“look I get wanting him dead I do.” Macready held out his hands, not pleadingly just in his version of shrug. “I want him dead too for what he’s done, I had friends in the Gunners. But my information isn’t exactly going to get you anywhere.”

“you.” Violet replied.

“that’s what I said, him.”

“no, you, as in you both.” 

I took a step back and shook my head. “not a chance kid.”

“I’m not leaving you Vi!” Macready leapt to his feet. now we were all standing. That wouldn’t look strange.

Violet fixed Macready with a hard stare. “I’m not giving you a choice. Nick can’t just go after Rush alone, he could get hurt or worse. And Vel can’t go with him. So someone has to go with him.”

“I’m not asking for a hand here, I just came for information.” Damn it, this was getting out of hand. why did Violet always seem to figure out the last thing I wanted? “you’re both going to be targets. You should stay together.”

“why?” she rounded her gaze on me and I got the distinct impression of facing off against one of those overzealous aunts. “so we can be a convenient little target package for Rush? It makes way more sense for one of us to go with you, and if RJ isn’t going then I’m going.”

“now wait a minute!” Macready grabbed her around the arm, mouth hanging open. “don’t be an idiot! You’re pregnant. You’d be more of a liability than help out there.”

“have you ever fought a pregnant lady?” 

“no but-”

“so how do you know how dangerous I could be?”

“this is ridiculous.” I threw my hands into the air, turning on the spot. This was the last thing I wanted. Maybe this was the real reason we hadn’t told Macready and Violet about Rush. “I’m not taking you with me.”

“then you’re taking RJ.”

“damn it woman!” Macready growled.

“Macready needs to stay here and keep you safe.” I protested.

“you can’t expect me to leave you here while a lunatic is out there that threatened you!”

“you’re safest here.”

“Nicholas! Robert Joseph Macready!” silence fell, protests died in our throats and Macready quickly dropped his gaze. If I had been anyone else I’d have done the same thing. Instead I just stared her in the face as she glared. “Enough! RJ, you’re going with Nick to find Rush and stop him before he hurts Vel. Nick you aren’t going to argue with me, are we clear?!”

It went silent again. Standing there in the middle of the living room I blinked in shock. Was this what pregnancy did to people? Old Nick had some memories of when his sister was pregnant but those were dim memories. Clearing my throat I tried to recover some dignity. “look kid, I do appreciate it, but I can’t put you in danger. Macready should stay here to protect you.”

“and who’s going to protect you?” she shot back angrily, glaring into my face. “you can’t pull a lone ranger thing here Nick. Rush has you scared, not to mention Vel, she’s not scared of anything! How dangerous is this guy?”

More dangerous than I wanted to admit. Groaning I turned my back on her and strode to the kitchen. Hands on the counter I leaned over, closing my eyes. 

“you owe Nick.” Violet said firmly.

“how?” Macready replied exasperatedly.

“for getting you and Lucy out of the commonwealth.” 

“that isn’t fair kid.” I grumbled at the countertop, fists tightening. 

“but it’s true.”

Macready gave a groan.

Protests got caught up in my throat. Could I really put Violet in this kind of danger? Sure she’d put herself in the line of fire plenty since I met her, but that was all self-inflicted. Could I really let myself be responsible for this? Could I let Macready get guilt tripped into helping me?

As it turned out, I wasn’t going to get the choice. “I’ll go, alright I’ll go.” Macready finally announced with a groan. “but I’m not going yet. I need to talk to Garvey, get defense set up right here.”

Grimacing I turned to face the room. They were folded in each other’s arms, tender looks passing between them. A knot formed in my stomach, or maybe that was my imagination, after all I didn’t have a stomach to knot. They were happy. I hated to pull them apart. It felt selfish. 

“thank you RJ.” Violet whispered gently, kissing him on the jaw.

He leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. At that I turned away. 

To occupy myself I pulled out the notepad and scanned the page. Mahkra fish packing, Walden Pond, Poseidon Reservoir, Suffolk county school, Shaw high school, and who knew how many more possible safe houses. Hopefully Macready would come up with more before this was over. Suffolk county school was overrun with ghouls the last I heard but Rush could be crazy enough to clear it out. The high school was surrounded by Super mutants, a perfect place to hide for a psycho like Rush. The rest of them I wasn’t so sure. There were too many unknowns. Depending on how long Rush had been in the commonwealth he could be hiding any number of places. either by killing the current residents or allying with them. 

“Valentine.” 

Macready’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. Blinking I focused on him. 

“can you wait for a couple hours while I organize the guard? They need to know what might be coming.” 

I nodded, waving a hand. “go, let me know if you need a hand.”

Silently he nodded and walked out the front door. Outside I heard him yelling for Garvey. 

Dejectedly I sank onto a stool and leaned over my knees. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

Gentle hands landed on my shoulders. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t look her in the eye. “it’s going to be ok Nick. You’re going to beat him and save Vel. I know you will.”

I shook my head, closing my eyes. “I know you might think otherwise kid, but, I don’t actually believe in happy endings. Something is going to go wrong. Someone is going to end up dead. I just don’t want it to be anyone else I care about.” 

Her hand tightened. “it won’t be Nick, I promise.” 

You can’t promise that. None of us could promise that. Rush had gone after first Vadim and now Ellie. Thank god Ellie hadn’t been killed. What was next? Had he already gotten into Goodneighbor, killed John and was torturing Gray right then? I was suddenly and entirely seized by the terror of that prospect. Had I made a mistake by leaving her behind? Could John protect her? Could he protect himself? God damn it, I shouldn’t have left her behind!

“I need to make sure she’s safe….” I murmured aloud, sitting up at last.

Violet frowned, head tilted but she didn’t get in my way. “calm down Nick, you left her at Goodneighbor right? there’s nowhere safer. Hancock and Fahrenheit will make sure nothing happens to her.” 

“I thought Diamond city was safe but look what happened there.” This was a mistake. This whole thing was a mistake. It had already been hours, plenty of time for Rush to do something. I tried to leave but she held tight to my arm and kept me in place. “what are you doing kid?”

“wait until RJ is done, then you both can go and check on her.” 

“I can’t wait that long.”

“if you go now you could walk right into Rush’s trap.”

“kid….” I groaned. She was right of course. It had been dangerous going up here alone. Rush could have easily gotten the jump on me. but I had to wonder then why he hadn’t. He missed an opportunity. It didn’t fit. What was he planning? What was he doing right then?

“I’m going to see if RJ needs any help with the defenses.” Violet let her hand fall and took a step back. “if you go anywhere I’m going to have Dogmeat track you down.”

Grinning I shook my head. “ya know I don’t give off a scent like a human right? Dogmeat couldn’t track me even if you tried.”

“we’ll have to see about that wont we?” smirking back at me she turned and headed back out of the house. 

A lot of trust that one. it wouldn’t be hard to slip out of Sanctuary the back way from here. I could be half way back to Goodneighbor before anyone realized I was gone. But Violet was right about one thing. I couldn’t do this alone. And protecting Gray took priority. Macready would be useful. between the two of us we might actually stand a chance of cornering Rush before he made his next move.

I just dreaded what his next move would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot this week! Crap guys. There have been so many trainings and orientations this last week I can barely function. Hopefully things are settling soon, next week will be the beginning of my routine so remembering to post should be easier. 
> 
> I'll keep saying it till people do it, comment! i want to hear what you think! don't be shy about it! and thanks for your time! till next week, write on!


	10. Some People Don't Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!
> 
> Torture, chem torture, beating

_Remember where we took down that Deathclaw? I’ll be waiting for you._  
Hard to forget. It had been fun tracking that beast across the city after it almost killed Chloe. We finally cornered it at the northern cemetery. We’d exhausted almost all our ammo and Stims to take it down. but we did. We’d eaten good for a few days after that. 

It used to be a good memory. Now all I felt was sick. 

Nick had been taken by Rush. Didn’t know how, didn’t know when, but I couldn’t just sit around. Getting out of Goodneighbor was easy. Hancock, Fahrenheit the guards they all had their hands full with the Supermutants. I climbed the wall, hopped it and tore off north around the fighting. All I had was a pistol and the Pipboy. Not a lot of good, but if I could just see Rush coming before he got to me then I could end it. Nick could survive being locked up somewhere until I found him. He’d want me to finish Rush. That was the priority. 

Could I finish him?

The message played over and over in my head as I tore off down the city. Nick’s screams. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Surrender to Rush. If surrendering meant getting Nick back, or at least making sure he’d live, it was a fair exchange. Didn’t know what Rush planned to do to me. and I didn’t care anymore. Either he was going to die or I was going to give myself up to him. that was the only way this would end. 

My world was falling apart. I focused on getting Nick back or I’d be too scared to walk into this trap. Oh and I knew it was a trap. Even my panicked brain figured out that much. I wasn’t that much of an idiot. With Nick as the damn bait though I had no choice but to trip it. To hell with what was going to happen to me. 

Up the road the cemetery came into view. It was twilight, casting deep dark shadows and filling some streets with bright orange light. Not ideal. Couldn’t rely on night vision and there wasn’t enough light to make it easy to spot people. The perfect time for an ambush. Rush had to have a plan. He was good with a handgun but he’d never been a sniper. Beside that he’d want to make this personal. He’d want to sink that knife into my gut and watch the panic in my eyes as blood filled my stomach. 

My hand gripped my stomach and my heart pumped faster. The fear made the world come into focus. The headstones, the crumbling buildings around them, the banister blocking the cemetery from the road. The silence of the air. Anyone in a five block radius would have sensed the danger and fled. 

About ten feet down the road I came to a dead stop and scanned the area. There had to be something. a trip wire. A mine. Hell even a tesla coil, something. Rush wouldn’t just let me walk in there without trouble. Carefully I crept up the steps, 10 mm pistol clutched in both hands. No trip wire, no mine, no coil. No visible trap. He was here though, I knew that. Ghoul bodies lay scattered across the cemetery. Their sick thick blood oozed out of knife wounds and bullet holes? 

Frowning I knelt beside one and nudged it over with my gun. It splayed out, face bashed in and little more than a bloody crater. Bile surged up the back of my throat at the sight. Scanning the rest of the body I narrowed my eyes at the wounds on its chest. A peppering of bullets had reduced its chest to mincemeat. No not bullets. A bullet. Bird shot to be precise. A shot gun?

Oh god.

A giant fist slammed into my jaw and I tumbled back into the nearest headstone. Blindly I whirled my gun up but a hand grabbed it and crushed my fingers. Screaming I let the gun fall. Another hand grabbed me around the collar. Suddenly I was in the air, held by strong tree like arms. Then I went flying. I slammed hard into a headstone. Something popped in my back, the stone cracked and the dirt sped up to meet me. 

Coughing for breath I leaned up on an elbow. There was already blood in my mouth. Everything ached. Adrenaline surged through my veins. Fear filled my mind when I found the man standing over me. he was the biggest man I’d ever seen. Shoulders as broad as a Supermutant’s, thin dark eyes, a bald head, scars crisscrossed his bare arms and face. he towered over me, face contorted in triumph. Rick reached down, grabbing me around the throat. “hey bitch, long time.” 

He punched me again. My jaw popped out of place then right back in. the world rocked, my ears started to ring. A shot to the kidney, the breath left me in a rush. Desperately I reached up to his face, searching for his eyes. he chuckled and tossed me to the ground again. My shoulder hit the dust and popped, I bucked with a silent scream. “I was disappointed you weren’t at the diamond when I paid you a visit.” Rick spoke but I could hardly hear him or understand his words. “how’d you know I was coming? Who tipped you off?”

“please….” It hurt to talk. My jaw was already beginning to swell and my tongue felt thick. “don’t do this Rick….”

“you fucking cunt.” He grabbed me by the hair, hauling up to my knees. I couldn’t do anything but dangle there, staring into his deranged and furious eyes. “you think you’ve got the right to beg? I don’t want to hear you beg, I don’t give a fucking shit. You killed Cormac!” and with that he slammed the side of my head into the headstone. 

Blood poured down the side of my face into my eye. blinking furiously I tried to recover. Meekly I held onto his hand. there’d be no point in trying to pull him off, he’d always been the strongest of us, second maybe only to Tag. This was a death sentence. “I’m sorry Rick…. I didn’t-” have a choice? To hell with that I had a damn choice and I’d chosen to get out.

Rick knew it, he saw it in my face, that flicker of defiance. I knew right then that I was going to die. It didn’t matter. Had this been a trap set by Rick? Where was Nick? Rush? None of that would matter. It was over. One his beefy hands wrapped almost cleanly around my throat. without so much as a groan he lifted me off the ground and slammed me into the wall. Stars danced on my eyes while his fists crashed into my sides stomach and face. 

“sorry ain’t gonna bring him back!” Rick yelled into my face while the pain brought me to the edge. “sorry isn’t gonna fix what you did! You fucking killed him! You killed Chloe! You and that god damn machine!” 

Weakly I raised my arms to try and protect my face. it was all I could do to keep standing there. My knees were beginning to buckle. This wasn’t going to stop. Not till I looked like that ghoul over there. 

“Rush made sure you weren’t in Diamond City when I came knocking!” He continued to shout. His voice suddenly came in loud and clear. The pain momentarily forgotten. “but you weren’t there! So I took my frustration out on that bitch instead!”

“you bastard!” I snarled, wrenching to the side right before his fist connected with my nose again. 

He howled in pain as he fist smashed into the wall, blood spurted from his split knuckles. While he reeled I wasted no time diving for my gun. Thank god the adrenaline kept the pain suppressed or I wouldn’t be able to move. Scooping it up I swung around to face him just as he came charging at me. three shots left my barrel in the time it took him to reach me. one whizzed over his shoulder, another lodged in his arm and the last went wide as he crashed into me.

His shoulder smashed into my stomach, forcing the air out. My gun flew from my hand. once again I landed hard on the ground. His weight pressed down on my stomach, making it impossible to breathe. Wheezing painfully I reached up to search for his face, hoping to at least do some damage before he killed me. instead he just slapped my hand away then punched me in the temple. My head jerked and my neck popped. 

“you tore us apart!” Rick yelled throwing another punch. “if it weren’t for you Cormac and Chloe would still be alive!” Another punch. “we wouldn’t have gotten chased out like a couple of mole rats!” another. “we’d own this place!” 

The next punch never came. Rick jerked around to look up. Blearily I blinked. There was so much pain. I couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t fractured my jaw or the rest of my skull for that matter. Miserably I rolled my eyes up, even while one already began to swell shut. A blurry figure stood directly behind Rick, holding his fist high in the air. 

“that’s enough, I said you could have your fun but don’t kill her.” That was Rush’s voice. 

“Rush….” I moaned around a mouth that barely worked anymore. 

Rick wrenched his arm free, getting slowly to his feet. I took in a grateful breath right before he threw a kick into my side. Something cracked, pain lanced up my spine and I gasped. 

Sighing heavily Rush stepped between us. “are you done?”

“not even close.” Rick growled but stalked off anyway.

Peering through tears I watched Rush carefully. This was it. this is where I died. There wasn’t anything to do. Only one thing remained on my mind. “where’s… Nick…?”

“isn’t that sweet?” Rush murmured turning to look at me. carefully he knelt down beside me, brushing gentle fingers against my bruised and bloody cheek. “I’m sorry about this love, truly, but I knew you’d never come easy.”

Weakly I reached up to grab his hand. my fingers just fumbled with his sleeve. “where… is… Nick?” 

“all in due time love, all in due time.” Tenderly he leaned down and pressed his lips against my split lips. I flinched back, bile rising up in my throat. He leaned back glaring.

Rick laughed somewhere to his right. “doesn’t look like she loves you there kid. not your happy ending you were hoping for?”

“she will.” With a groan he rose, tone light but I could tell he was angry. “Tag! Come out from there!” 

Slowly I forced my head around. There was too much pain to do anything more than that. A dark skinned man stepped out from around the side of the building. A surge of relief washed through me followed closely by dread. Tag had been the best of us, the nicest, softest spoken, noblest. To this day I still didn’t understand entirely why he had ever run with Cormac and the others. He wore a baggie faded hoody, with some cargo pants. His bald head had a burn scar that ran from the corner of his left eye to the back of his skull. Those eyes were strangely pale, like a muddy brown. And they didn’t look at me. 

“there you are, were you hiding from the ghouls?” Rush laughed, hands on his hips.

Tag glanced at the dead ghouls arounds us before looking back up at Rush.

His laughter gradually died, leaving behind that strange silence. “never mind. Go make sure the route’s clear. I’ll make sure she doesn’t stray.” 

Tag and Rick left together, carrying guns at the ready. 

Rush turned back to me, my whole body stiffened. There was rage there. Maybe I shouldn’t have rejected the kiss. “don’t worry.” He murmured quietly, more to himself really, as he wrenched my hands together. I cried in pain. “it’ll all go back to the way things were. You’ll be who you’re supposed to be soon enough.” 

“where’s Nick?”

“enough!” he threw a back handed slap across my face which sent pain coursing through my body. Bile surged up my throat. lying on my side I coughed into the dirt, hoping that I wouldn’t vomit out of pain. When I turned my face up it was to find Rush shaking, teeth bared, eyes wide with anger. His knife was at his belt. Would he draw? Would he make me regret this? more than I already was? 

After a few seconds he took in a long breath. With a forced smile he dropped back to a knee, caressing my head. “enough of that machine alright love? Let’s not talk about him. you’re not going to remember him for much longer.”

“where is he?” 

Groaning in anger he wrenched my hands back toward him then bound them with a thick piece of rope. The rough material bit deep into my wrists. A surge of bad memories raced across my mind’s eye. Stern, DiMA, all of it. God don’t panic now. once my hands were tied he grabbed me by the hair and forced me to stand. “we’ve got a ways to go, don’t stray love, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“where are we going?” it still hurt to talk but a little strength was returning. I was going to die, now just to make him regret this. “it doesn’t matter what you do to me Rush, I’m _never_ going back to you.”

As we descended the stairs back to street level he looked over his shoulder at me. a truly sinister smile stretched his features. My blood went cold. What he said next wasn’t an idle threat. “we’ll see about that love.”

Could have run. Probably should have. after that beating I wasn’t going to get far before Rush put that knife in my back. Would he though? He’d stopped Rick from killing me. that meant he didn’t want to kill me right? Did he really think he’d be able to turn me into his perfect little murderer? Fix me? or was he just waiting? Did he want to kill Nick in front of me first before he finally put an end to me? 

The thought of Nick is really what kept me in check. If Rush had him somewhere I at least had to know for sure. There was nothing I could do to stop what was going to happen next. If I could just see nick one last time. Tears started to form on my eyes. There were suddenly so many things I wanted to tell him. Things that I’d left unsaid. He’d been my anchor for so long. If it weren’t for him I’d have killed myself after finding out I was a synth. If it weren’t for him I’d have died in the wasteland alone. If it weren’t for him I’d never have found my family. 

“god damn it.” I moaned.

“it’ll be over soon love, keep up now.” Rush murmured.

“shut up. Just shut up.” I sobbed into my hands even while he shoved me along. “I hope you burn in hell!”

“don’t say that now.”

We didn’t go far, not even an hour. Tag and Rick would wait for us at corners before moving ahead to clear the way. Because of them we didn’t meet any resistance. I expected he’d drag me out to the middle of nowhere. We were so close to Goodneighbor I could probably still pick up the Silver Shroud broadcast. It wasn’t a comforting thought. In a weird way it was smart. If Hancock thought to go looking for us he wouldn’t think to look so close to home. 

Eventually we reached a bridge with some walls erected across it. Tag waited outside a door on one of the apartments off the road. I tried to get his attention. He was angry, but if I stood a chance with anyone it was him. yet he refused to make eye contact. 

“wait here.” Rush informed him. “don’t know how long this will take. Warn us if you see anyone coming.”

Tag nodded, as silent as ever and faced the bridge. 

“please….” I whispered hoarsely to him. It didn’t do any good. 

Rush dragged me inside. It was a cramped space, with a single room apartment on the right and the stairwell leading up right ahead. There were blood stains and gun casings littering the floor as we went. Couldn’t be sure how fresh that was. Rush could have cleared the place out or found it like that. He dragged me up to the second floor where Rick waited with….

“Maria….” My heart sank.

The woman hadn’t changed at all over the years. Her blond hair was a bit longer than it used to be, but her light green eyes were still the same. Or I thought. As I made eye contact with her, hoping for a life line, I noticed it. the dead look. Her eyes were dull. Any of the laughter she had before was gone. Her clothes didn’t just look the same, they were the same. 

Rick crossed his arms and huffed in irritation. “that woman you hired is still working on the memory thing. She said it’ll be another hour.”

“another hour.” Rush murmured wistfully, a faraway expression coming to his face. “I suppose I’ve waited for over five years for this, I can wait another hour. Maria will you be a friend and lock Vel up in the room? I’ll go see if our guest needs anything.” 

As he handed me off to Maria he headed up the stairs.

“wait!” throwing caution to the wind I wrenched my hands free of her and went to grab Rush. Rick’s hand shot out instead and took me by the throat. The words scraped their way out. “where’s Nick?!”

Rush, with one foot on the stair, slowly turned. That smile again. That blood chilling smile. “didn’t I tell you? he’s not here.”

“then… where?” my face went slack. “that tape, where are you keeping him?!”

Rick laughed this time, his fingers loosened around my throat just enough to let me breath again. “don’t you get it broad? Valentine ain’t here. We never had him in the first place. We forged that Holotape.”

“but… how?!” my legs were beginning to feel impossibly weak. If not for the hand around my throat I’d have already collapsed. Had I been lured into a trap that didn’t even have any bait?! 

Still chuckling to himself Rick tossed me against the wall and let me fall to my knees. “it’s a trick Rush’s guest came up with. You’ll meet her soon enough.” 

“so… Nick was never….”

Rush rolled his eyes. “it looks like she’s in shock. Maria see if you can give her anything for that will you?” and with that he headed up the stairs.

Maria took me by the arm, not exactly a hard grip. In spite of her tug I just stayed there, staring at my open hands. I’d been played. I’d been played and now I was going to die or worse. What did Rick mean by memory thing? What was Rush planning? 

“don’t do this Maria….” I murmured while I let her force me to my feet. “please, help me…. Rush is going to kill me…. I’m sorry about Chloe….”

At the mere mention of Chloe she stiffened and I knew right then I’d made the worst possible decision bringing her up. If there had been any hope before, it was totally gone. Still silent she carried me by the arm to the room. a single bare mattress lay on the floor. Well wasn’t that nice? She wasn’t harsh, in fact she just let me walk out into the middle of the room.

Confused I turned on the spot to face her. She had a satchel slung over her shoulder, like before. It used to be full of Stimpaks and Med-x. She’d made sure that we all lived to see another day. Even Cormac had needed her plenty of times before. We all owed her our lives one way or another. That’s why I thought she might help me. god I was so fucking wrong. 

From that satchel she produced an inhaler. Jet. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d taken a chem, but it would be the first time in a long time. “I’m not scared of that….” I tried to sound brave while my stomach knotted itself up. 

Maria’s expression didn’t change and as she spoke it was just a monotone. “this is a special kind of Jet. I’ve been working on it for years.” 

For this one reason? I backed up, trying to put distance between me and that chem. “don’t do this Maria, please.”

“Rush said we can’t kill you.” she murmured still quiet, still monotone. With deliberate pace she approached, chasing me across the room. “but he said that we could do whatever else we wanted to you.”

“no… don’t….” my back bumped into the wall.

Maria darted forward with speed I hadn’t expected. Before I knew it she had me by the jaw. The pain of her small hand crushing my already bruised jaw buckled my knees. She had me on the ground, holding my mouth open. How was she suddenly so strong?! My hands scraped uselessly against her hand while she put the inhaler in my mouth. I held my breath. 

“you didn’t kill Chloe.” She whispered into my face, calm, unemotional as ever. “you didn’t kill her but that machine did. I want to make him pay, I will make him pay.” 

Then why do this to me?! My lungs were already beginning to ache, eyes watering. 

She noticed and used a hand to clasp my nose shut. With all her weight on me she forced me to my back. lying there I couldn’t do anything except wait for the moment I’d gasp for breath. 

“Rush says we’ll handle the machine next. He says you’ll be on our side when we do.” She murmured and for the first time a little emotion seeped into her words. “I so hope so. I miss our family.”

I grasped her hands, trying to fight the urge to breathe. Tears filled my eyes. this couldn’t be happening. Why was this happening? 

You deserve this.

No I don’t.

Yes you do, you killed Cormac, let Chloe die, you deserve everything that’s happening to you.

Shut up!

I couldn’t take it any longer. I opened my mouth to breathe, she sprayed the inhaler into my mouth. The drug flew down my throat into my lungs. Coughing didn’t help, it just made me feel like I would throw up. Maria remained on top of me, one of her knees pressed into my chest. Nothing I did helped.

The jet settled in. seeped into my veins before it hit my heart. Adrenaline filled my body. I bucked, contorting as my heart suddenly sped up ten fold. It felt like drowning all over again. I couldn’t breathe fast enough. My lungs hardly even worked. Sweat coated every inch of my body. Blood started pumping out of my cuts and wounds. Spit slid out of the corners of my mouth. It didn’t hurt exactly. I’d have preferred the pain. 

Bucking, gasping, I contorted on the ground. My hands clasped my chest while my heart hammered harder than it was ever meant to. Maria was there still, I thought. It was hard to tell. It all became a blur while my mind struggled to cope. I couldn’t breathe. I was going to black out. But that would be a blessing after all this shit wouldn’t it?

Somewhere on the edge of my perception I heard footsteps enter the room. Rush’s voice came in under the panting and panic. “you out did yourself with that one Maria, I’m impressed.” 

Impressed?! She was going to kill me! 

But just as that thought crossed my mind I felt my heart rate drop significantly. Gradually I regained control of my breathing. My body shook as I lay there, panting into the floor. 

Rush huffed. “shame it doesn’t last too long. Guessing you’ve got a few doses made up?”

Painfully I turned my head to look up at him and Maria. Her eyes were unfocussed, staring at a point over my shoulder. when had she become so cruel? No not cruel, insane. Who the hell did this and kept an unemotional face. Was she a synth? 

Bitter anger rose and I looked Rush in the eye. “I don’t know what you’ve got planned but let me clue you in on something. I’m not that girl you ran with all those years ago.”

He smiled, almost tenderly, which made my stomach cold. “I know you think that right now, but by the time we’re done you’ll remember who you really are.”

“no!” I shouted, forcing myself up on my hands. “I’m _not_ Vel! Vel is dead! She’s been dead for a year now! I’m a synth! I replaced her!”

He paused, staring at me with a blank look. Good, maybe this was my chance.

Gritting my teeth against the pain I got to my knees and held out my hands to him. “look Rush, I’m not your Vel, your Vel is dead. You can’t make me like she was because I was never her to begin with.”

Rush stood there stalk still. Except for his right hand which flexed over the top of his knife. Was he even breathing? What had I done to him? then slowly he looked at Maria. “give her another hit.”

“No! Rush stop! Wait!” Maria tackled me again. Before I could shut my mouth she shoved the inhaler into it and sprayed another dose in. 

I choked on the chem. Retching, writhing, I leaned over, gripping my chest in agony. 

While I struggled to breathe I felt Rush lean over me. he whispered into my ear softly. “I know you’re lying to me. you’re scared, I don’t blame you. I blame that machine for filling your head with lies. I’m going to set you free. It’ll go back to the way things were. You and me, the gang, it’s going to be great. Don’t cry. It’ll all be over soon. She’s almost ready for you.” his lips were on the side of my face and it hurt. I was about to vomit. “you’ll be begging for my arms soon enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vel's torment is coming to an end soon I promise. So things will be... less depressing! If nothing else.
> 
> let me know what you all think! and in the mean time write on!


	11. Bat to the Face

“is there anything else I should have done?” Macready asked for what must have been the hundredth time. 

I let out a long breath, tilting my head back to stare toward the sky. It was so late, probably too late to be walking through the commonwealth. Time was of the essence though. if Rush was left to wander for much longer it would signal the end of everything. “no, Macready. Garvey isn’t just some country bumpkin. He knows what he’s doing. Besides, Violet isn’t helpless.”

“I know, I know, I just….” Agitated Macready ran a hand through his hair, glancing back over his shoulder. “you never went up against the gang did you?”

“just the once.” I answered with a shallow shrug. We were passing by bunker hill. Not much further to Goodneighbor. I had to see Gray before I went out again. As irrational as that sounded. 

Macready groaned, keeping pace with me easily. He was a couple inches taller, probably could have out paced me if he wanted to. “then how do you know if it’ll be fine?”

“I trust Garvey and the kid.” I replied firmly, staring at him out of the corner of my eye. “they can take care of themselves and Sanctuary. Everyone is safe there. We’re the ones out in the open.”

“guess so.” At last Macready returned his sniper’s gaze to the streets. I just hoped he hadn’t gotten rusty with that rifle of his. Be nice to have someone like him on my side for once. “can I ask you something?”

“I guess so.” Not as if I could stop him even if I had the patience to. 

“when you found out that Vel was a synth, was there some part of you that hated her? I mean the friend you’d known for five years is dead because of her.”

“are you the same person you were five years ago?” I murmured, hoping that the anger his words brought didn’t show. 

“hell no, I’m not that dumb kid I used to be.” 

“so, the old Macready is dead.” This gave me déjà vu. Gray had been terrified that I’d reject her when she woke up. Remembering the absolute terror, the tears, it made me feel sick. “I never once, not even for a second, hated her. As far as I was concerned gray was gray, didn’t matter to me which one of them had survived that day. She’d already changed so the person I used to know was dead.”

“I get you want to tell yourself that, but… the Vel we’re going to see isn’t the same Vel that ran with Cormac’s gang, or the same one that you met.” 

“look Macready.” I stopped in the middle of the road. The neon red sign of Goodneighbor sent a glow through the dark street. Couldn’t help but think how it provided a nice cliché background to my tattered trench coat. Fixing the boy with a hard stare I muttered, “I don’t care. I grieved for Vel like I would have anyone else, but Gray is my Gray. She’s alive and she’s the only one that matters. You didn’t even know the original so why do you care?”

Macready raised his hands, swallowing hard. Good to see that I could still successfully intimidate him when the time called for it. “alright, alright, sorry. I was just curious. I’m happy for ya man, really. Plus with her being a synth and everything doesn’t that mean you won’t have to grieve again?”

“so long as she’s not stupid enough to get herself killed.” The light tone came back to my voice and I strode the rest of the way into Goodneighbor. There were Supermutant bodies lying everyone outside the walls and gates. A few were missing limbs, most of them seemed to have just fallen over, no visible trauma. Even before we entered the town we could hear the celebration. Apparently the siege was over and once again the drifters of Goodneighbor had won. Most of them would already be under the table drunk. 

Sure enough, upon entering we discovered that the town was alive with excitement. Groups of guards leaned on each other, bottles and chems between them. The only two people that seemed to be taking things seriously was Daisy and Kleo, who were taking inventory. A guard stumbled passed us, grinning ear to ear. Nice view of rotting teeth. “we showed those- hic- green skins who owns the commonwealth!”

“right….” I pulled myself free of his grasping hands while he teetered on his own feet. “where’s John?”

“state house.” With another hiccup the ghoul stumbled away to rejoin the rest of his friends on the ground. 

“I miss these….” Macready murmured wistfully. “time was you could get shit faced and people would just keep handing you drinks.”

“Gray used to tell me about them.” I chuckled. “wonder if she’s up stairs getting drunk with Fahrenheit and Ellison.” 

Leaving the town behind we walked up into the state house. Things weren’t quite as loud and festive here as outside. In fact it was nearly silent. A bad feeling crept up on me, my gut warning to brace myself. 

“you don’t know what he means?” Fahrenheit’s voice drifted down to us from the next floor.

“of course I don’t know.” John, angry. 

“so we have no idea where she went?”

“that’s what I’m sayin.” 

God damn it no. Rushing up the stairs two at a time I crashed into John’s office. “don’t tell me she’s gone!”

John flinched but Fahrenheit managed to keep a calm face. they stood over a terminal in one corner. The woman smoothly turned it off. As if I wouldn’t notice that. “calm down Nick before you blow a circuit.”

“shut up!” I snapped surprising even myself. Through bared teeth I took in a long breath. This couldn’t be happening. “what happened? Where is she?”

John ran a hand along the back of his neck, avoiding my gaze. Noticed how his gaze drifted to a pack of Mentats on the desk. Of course he’d want to drown out his problems in that. 

The only reasonable person here was Fahrenheit and she maintained a neutral tone as she spoke. “we don’t know. John stuck guards on her room but they abandoned their posts during the fighting. When it was over she was missing.”

“how in the hell did she get around you? surely someone saw her escape the city, you were all on the walls for god sake!” was I shouting? It sounded like it. but why? I used to laugh at clients that got angry, a lot of blood pressure in all the wrong places. I needed to calm down. 

“She grew up in Goodneighbor.” John finally spoke, tearing his eyes from the tempting chems. “even when she was a kid she knew all the ways to get in and out, better than me. she could have gotten out without any of us being the wiser.”

“obviously.”

“Valentine!” Macready barked. “calm down alright?! This isn’t helpin.”

I opened my mouth to blame him next. If he hadn’t taken so damn long fortifying defenses we could have got here sooner. Then we could have stopped her. If she was out there alone, who’s to say Rush wouldn’t just kill her? The rage ebbed to be replaced by fear. Gray could already be dead. “why did she leave?” 

“for you.” Fahrenheit replied firmly.

“hold up Fahr….” John tried to stop her but she had already hit the key on the terminal. 

Rush’s voice came over the tiny speakers. “Hello love, how have you been? oh don’t be scared, I know you are, but don’t be. I hope you like this little gift. It took me a while to make it for you. I hope it finds you well. Now then, shall we talk? I miss you love. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been around to visit you myself lately. It’s that damn synth. He just won’t leave your side will he? Or he used to.”

My nonexistent guts felt cold. Fists flexed at my sides, my jaw tightened. what had he done?

“say hello detective.”

My voice spoke next, low with rage, but ragged, and something else…. “scumbag.”

“now is that any way to talk to your betters machine?” Rush snarled. The me on the tape screamed. “don’t worry love, I won’t kill him, yet. I want you to be here when I do. I want you to appreciate it when I finally free you from him.”

“Gray don’t listen to him!” At least recording me had his priorities straight.

“maybe I will kill him, if he keeps mouthing off like that.” Rush groaned. “now then love, I’m waiting for you. we’re waiting for you. remember where we took down that Deathclaw? I’ll see you there.” 

The tape ended. My rage was back and in full force. “give me the tape….” 

Fahrenheit silently handed it over while Macready spoke. “how the hell did he make that tape? He never had you.”

I ran the Holotape through my processor, downloading it. After only a few seconds I shook my head. “his voice is genuine but mine is computer generated. He said he made it, well he wasn’t lying. He made this tape to lure Gray out.” 

“shit.” John sank into a chair, leaning over on his knees. “I should have made sure she couldn’t leave…. Locked her up or something.”

“Rush had to have delivered this message somehow.” I answered dryly, tossing the tape onto the desk. “he’d have made sure she could leave. There wasn’t anything you could have done except stay at her side.”

“then I should have done that.” He growled.

“you had a town to defend, I shouldn’t have expected you to spend your time guarding one person.” 

“would you stop being so damn reasonable?” 

“the moment I stop is the moment I start yelling again, and we don’t have time for that.” Angrily I started to pace the room, frowning angrily at the floor. “the Deathclaw… Gray told me about a Deathclaw chase once…. Damn it why can’t I remember where it happened?”

“come on synth, you’ve got a computer for a brain, can’t you just run a search or something?” Macready questioned, arms crossed. 

“it doesn’t work that way Macready….” or at least I’d never made a conscious effort to do it that way. Being mostly human in a mechanical body had its advantages and disadvantages. It took me a long time to figure out a lot of my… quirks, like diagnostics. Maybe this could be one other. Without much hope I sat at one of the couches and grasped my head in my hands. Eyes closed I tried to access that part of me I liked to forget existed.

Hard to explain what this was like. It wasn’t like using a terminal, typing commands and reading a screen. It was more like a feeling. Not all of my thoughts translated into commands but the right ones did. Parts opened up in response to that. This was how I did diagnostics, software repairs, and internal scans. If I jacked myself into a computer I could also control it the same way. That was less pleasant since I could feel the computer network beyond it like a big void in my own head. 

I tried a few things, a few command like thoughts. For a few seconds nothing seemed to be working. Just thinking about Gray and Deathclaw in the same sentence didn’t work. I was about to get frustrated when another thought occurred to me. Direct Memory Access. That did it. no longer did memories float outside of my reach, they organized themselves. Like the difference between a human memory and a machine’s files. After a few quick commands I found it. Gray’s voice echoed around inside my head. 

“yeah! That girl was huge! And meaner than Piper during that time of month! What? It was at the north cemetery. I can tell you don’t believe me. I swear! It was two stories tall with enough teeth to lacerate metal!”

“north cemetery.” I opened my eyes, shooting to my feet.

Macready and John both jumped. “that was quick.” The former commented.

“felt like it took a while.” Giving a shrug I checked the cylinder on my gun. “she went to the north cemetery. With luck she’ll still be there. If not….”

“give me a sec, I’ll go put together a team that isn’t too drunk to stand.” John rushed for the door followed closely by a silent Fahrenheit. 

“shouldn’t you stay here? In case more Supermutants come around?” Macready questioned over his shoulder.

John shot him a glare. “Vel’s under my protection, she’s been my responsibility since she was eight years old. I’m not about to let some fucker kill her.”

“then hurry.” I waved a hand dismissively. “I’m going to stock up with Kleo.” 

Wasn’t sure how many people would fit the criteria of sober enough to stand in Goodneighbor. There was scarcely a single person without a bottle or chem in hand. Once I explained to Kleo what was happening she immediately handed over what was left of her ammunition. John appeared then with Fahrenheit and half a dozen ghouls behind him. Kleo gave up most of her guns, with a bit of grumbling, at that point. 

“you sure these guys are going to do us any good?” Macready grumbled, eyeing our recruits skeptically.

John loaded his shotgun and shrugged. “better than the ones throwing up in the back of the Rexford. These guys have got a high tolerance.”

“I don’t care what they’ve been doing, so long as they can shoot and walk straight.” Didn’t really dare stick around to find out how well any of them did that. Gray was the only thing that mattered and I couldn’t afford to be choosy with my backup. Not against Rush and not when the options were limited anyway. 

So with Macready, John and what was left of the neighborhood watch at my back we left Goodneighbor. The battle must have scared off most of the dangeers in the ruins. With the Supermutants dead, and raiders none the wiser, the city was quiet. That was good. Maybe we could get the drop on Rush. No telling how long Gray had been out here. Rush could have made his move already. What would he do next? I had no idea. It made me sick. 

The North cemetery was near the bank of the Charles. Didn’t usually do much work around here. The area was fairly deserted except for the bandits and Supermutants. Then there was the railroad HQ which as far as I’d heard hadn’t been active much following the destruction of the institute. When the grave yard came into view up the street I pulled out my revolver while the others did their weapons. 

It wasn’t necessary.

We ran up the steps into the graveyard but there was no one. plenty of signs. The dead ghouls were one, done in by shot gun fire and a couple of knife wounds. Not Gray’s kills. “god damn it….” I swore around gritted teeth, shoving my revolver back into place.

“spread out! Look for any signs! You all know kiddo! You’ll know what you’re looking for!” John span around to issue orders to his men.

I waved a hand at him. “no good, they’ll be long gone. Look, there’s dried blood on this tombstone, at least a couple hours old. It doesn’t belong to the ghouls.” 

Macready, with his sniper in his hands, stepped up to my side, staring at the ground around us. “what now? can we track them?”

“no….” I knelt down at the dirt, feeling the depth of the footprints there. “maybe… have a look around, see if you can find heavy combat boot prints. They might give us a general direction to search. Otherwise it’s a grid.”

“what happened here?” John came up on my other side, leaning over and into my light. 

Suppressing a sigh, I got up. “there was a struggle, Gray must have come after the ghouls were long dead. Someone ran out of cover from over there and ambushed her. They fought…. I can’t tell whose blood this is…. Eventually two others came out of hiding, their prints are over the agitated dirt. After that they dragged Gray off.”

“I agree.” Fahrenheit stood on the other side of the yard, examining a stone that had been cracked recently. “Rush wasn’t the one that did the ambushing, these prints are too deep, it’s a tall guy, heavy. Who do we know that fits that description?”

“Rick.” John murmured in such a rough voice it sounded more like a growl than an actual name.

“so the rest of them are here….” Not good. At least Rush wanted Gray back, he probably wouldn’t kill her, but Rick? Rick wouldn’t be satisfied with leaving her alive. He’d want her broken and begging before he put the bullet in her head. And what about the others? Tag and Maria? Gray had told me less about those two over the years. Who knew what they’d do? “we’re running out of time, does anyone see what direction they headed in?!”

The guards looked between each other then scanned the ground directly at their feet. the damn idiots. Someone’s life was on the line and they were probably still preoccupied with their drink. I turned to yell at them when Macready stepped back around the corner. “there are some prints a little west of here along the riverbank. Could be our people.”

“North….” 

“Makes sense.” Fahrenheit nodded. “there isn’t much east of here but water and if they go any further south they risked getting caught by Goodneighbor, the Gunners or Supermutants.”

“so North West.” John stepped forward.

“split into pairs!” I shouted across the heads of the watch. “Macready you’re with me. We’ll follow the prints as far as we can then split off in different directions until one of us picks the trail back up! If you find them do not approach! Come find John or myself before charging, are we clear?!” 

The watch, so used to taking orders from Fahrenheit, didn’t even argue. They quickly formed themselves into pairs then waited expectantly for us to take the lead. “Macready, show us where you found the print. Fahrenheit I want you on point, you’re better at this than I am.”

“whatever you say boss.” The red head followed Macready with John and I directly behind her. 

“we’re gonna find her Nick, don’t worry.” The ghoul tried comforting me which only produced a smirk.

“I appreciate the sentiment John, but I’m not going to stop until Rush is cold in the ground.”

“fair enough.” 

Macready pointed out the print, which looked to be the same as the one at the cemetery and we set off. Had to hand it to the kid, he knew how to track almost as well as me or Fahrenheit. We followed the trail up the river to the bridge leading to Bunker Hill. Here the trail went cold. “Damn it… alright listen up!” search and rescue wasn’t my thing, not like this. It was easier to find people when time wasn’t a factor. I didn’t have time to take things carefully, we had to brute force this. “Fahrenheit! Take half the group and head across the bridge, see if you can pick up the trail. If you can send someone back for us, if you can’t come find us. The rest of us will search this side of the bank. Remember stay in pairs and don’t approach!” 

Wordlessly Fahrenheit’s group tore across the bridge. the rest split into pairs and raced into the streets, looking for the trail. I didn’t have much hope they’d pick it up themselves. “Macready, with me.” 

“where are we going?” he still had his sniper out, good.

“I got a hunch.” Up the road and down an alley brought us face to face with a private property sign. The concept of private property was relatively ridiculous especially outside of Diamond City. Of course the Cabot family had always been a bit pretentious, even back before the war. Points for persistence. 

The moment we crossed into their square a sentry bot revved to life. Macready immediately went into a defensive stance, raising his gun. I grabbed the barrel and forced it down. “what the hell are you doin?!”

“it won’t attack if we don’t threaten it.” I muttered, raising a hand to signal to the thing we came in piece. 

“you are trespassing.” It grated out mechanically.

“I’m aware.” I said, both hands up now. “we’re here to see Edward Deegan, he in?” 

“I am so sorry.” An accented voice drifted around the corner followed closely by a mister Handy. It drifted passed the sentry bot, buzz saw hand waving. “Mr. Valentine isn’t it? I’m sure the masters will be pleased to see you.”

“not here on a social call.” The sentry bot rumbled away up the sidewalk. Macready and I instantly relaxed. “we’re looking for people. You might have seen them actually. Four people, one woman, probably three men.”

“not many visitors out here, at least none that don’t fire at us….” The Handy grumbled arms twisting around in agitation. “I saw your group, they came through here three or so hours ago. The woman didn’t look well at all….”

“and you didn’t stop them?!” Macready shouted in surprise and outrage.

“we’re programmed to protect this house I’m afraid. As soon as they left the property line we couldn’t follow.”

“never mind that.” Waving a hand I called Macready off. “can you point us the way they went? Do you have any idea where they might have gone?”

“one mentioned something about apartments near the amphitheater.” With his saw hand the Handy gestured for us to follow him. “they passed through on the other end of the square. The moment they spotted my colleague they rushed out through this street.”

“thank you.” grabbing Macready by the coat I shoved him through the alley. 

As we raced out I heard the Handy calling after us. “good luck finding your friends sirs! Do take care!”

“I think I know where they are.” Macready called over his shoulder as we ran down the street. 

“me too. Circle back and regroup with the others, bring them here. If we’re lucky we can box them in before they know what’s happening.” My gun was back in my hand. 

“are you sure?”

“yes, now go! Don’t make me repeat myself.” 

Grumbling under his breath Macready skidded to a stop and ran back the way we’d come. With luck he’d get there just as Fahrenheit and her team came back. If we could surround the apartments then Rush wouldn’t have anywhere to go. This could all finally be over. “Just hold on Gray, I’m coming for you….” 

I ran up a set of steps from the banks of the river. The first thing I saw was a dark man standing guard outside one of the apartment buildings. He snapped to attention the moment I appeared. Eyes narrowed then widened when he looked at me. recognition. He knew me and he was scared.

“where is she?!” I shouted, throwing my pistol up. It didn’t shake, didn’t waver as I trained it on this unarmed man’s chest.

He raised his hands slowly, taking a small step back. his face remained grim. Not angry or even scared anymore, resigned maybe. 

I thumbed the hammer. “answer me god damn it! Where is she and what have you done to her?!”

A bullet tore through my shoulder and out the other side. The pain flashed for a split second. I cried, staggering back out of the line of fire. The man threw open the door and ran inside while over my head I heard someone shouting, “he’s found us! Better finish it up!”

Finish what?

Recklessly I swung around the corner and fired up at the gunman. A figure darted out of reach. While he was distracted I tore across the street and crashed through the door. A fist with scarred knuckles, flew out of the darkness and smacked me in the jaw. There was enough force behind it to fracture bone, thank god I was made of metal. I recovered in less than a second and caught the second fist that came my way. The man from outside tried to pull his arm free of my grip but I tugged him in close. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and brought our faces mere inches apart. “Tag isn’t? Where the hell is Vel O'Malley?!”

His eyes were clear, and steady staring into my face. “it’s too late….”

“so be it.” fiercely I smashed my forehead into his nose. Blood spurted. Clutching at his face he staggered back. with a kick I sent him tumbling into the stairwell. The door beside me crashed open, nearly taking me out with it. 

That’s when I finally saw him. Rush ran out into the hall, grinning ear to ear, brandishing an all too familiar pistol. Considering he was supposed to be dead he looked pretty damn good. He looked practically normal too. Hard to believe this scrawny punk had been responsible for what happened to Vadim. “well look who it is. Thanks for coming to us.”

“where is she?!” my gun came up too. We stood there in the dimly lit hall, trapped in a weird stalemate. 

“why should you care?” he replied almost amused, still grinning that god damn smile. “she doesn’t belong to you.”

Angrily I thumbed the hammer. “she doesn’t belong to you either.” 

“maybe we should ask her.” With a glance he took his eyes off of me and I took my chance. 

Knocking aside his gun I reached for his neck and tackled him to the ground. My barrel pressed into his forehead I bore all of my weight down on top of him. and he was laughing. “I’m going to kill you, if you tell me where she is I’ll make it quick.” 

Rush continued to laugh, staring at the barrel of my gun out the corner of his eye. “didn’t I tell ya? She’s right here?”

I turned just in time to see the bat that slammed into my face.


	12. A Walk Down Memory Lane

“doesn’t look like they got the message boss.” Chloe murmured out the corner of her mouth. With her sniper resting on her forearm she kept the scope against her eye. Her tiny figure pressed flat against the dusty mound. Anybody out there would have a pretty hard time spotting her like this. 

Next to her Cormac leaned down. A burly man with thick stubble and broad shoulders. He narrowed his eyes, glaring over the top of the dirt. “they arming?”

“looks like they called some guy. He doesn’t look like much. Easy pickings.”

“with the minutemen pretty much nonexistent there aren’t many people they can call.” I pointed out smugly. A wonderfully familiar excitement beat in my chest with the weight of my gun. The 10mm fit perfectly in the palm of my hand. My wrist ached in anticipation.

“Vel’s got a point there.” An arm wrapped around my shoulders, squeezing me tightly. A familiar scent filled my nose and I smiled. Rush, as usual, was as eager as me. His hair tickled the side of my face as he leaned into me. “I say, don’t give them a second chance. Let’s hit em while their backs are turned.”

“we should hear their reply first.” Maria appeared, shoving a Stimpak into Rush’s arms. She gave him a dark look. The voice of reason, or morality really, in this band of scoundrels. “after all they may still surrender.”

“sorry sweetie, but I doubt it.” Chloe glanced over her shoulder at the rest of us. “looks like they’re arming up now. Expect a fight.”

“if it’s a fight they want.” A growly voice entered the conversation. This one belonged to a bald headed, scar faced brute. In his hands he hefted a modified shotgun which looked almost too big to be real. I’d seen him use it to bash someone’s face open before. Think it still had some blood stains to prove it.

Maria shot him a look. “we gave them our word Rick.”

“so?”

“she’s right.” Cormac left Chloe’s side and came to stand with the rest of us. He produced a wicked grin as he spoke. “but if they refuse us then well, we don’t have a lot of options do we?”

A chuckle rolled through our group. Even Tag, the big dark skinned brawler, chuckled. Still wasn’t sure I’d heard him say more than a couple of words. I smirked to myself quietly. Could we just get on with it?

“alright you low life’s, listen up.” Cormac barked. A few looks were exchanged at that. Rush and I looked at one another grinning. Our fearless leader, as usual, knew how to inspire confidence with elegant words. “Chloe, stay put you’ll do good work from here. Rick, take Tag around to the back of their shack. Maria, Rush swing a little west. Girly, with me. We’re gonna have a chat with our friends.”

“me?” surprise sent my jaw to the ground. Normally Rick and Cormac handled this sort of thing. Why the hell did he want me to come this time?

“yes you. If Rush can stop sucking face with you for five minutes.”

“oh come on boss.” Rush instantly grabbed me and threw me around to face him. He planted a possessive kiss on me. His lips were rough against mine, just like it always was. Heat rapidly rose up from the pit of my stomach while I leaned into him to deepen the embrace. A small chuckle escaped him as he forced us apart. Asshole, did he have to tease me in front of the others like that? It was a brief kiss but as usual it left me breathless. “gotta take moments when you can, living in the wasteland and all.”

“yeah, yeah, go get in position.” Cormac growled waving him away.

Rush gave me a look as he and Maria headed off. A look full of promises for the night to come. My chest tightened with excitement. 

Cormac grabbed me roughly by the shoulder and dragged me up the slope passed Chloe. Affectively drawing me out of my fantasies. “you two can’t keep your hands off each other.”

“what can I say?” with a shrug I brushed off his hand. “we’re madly in love.”

“you’ve got the mad part right.” he laughed boisterously at his own joke. To which I rolled my eyes. Typical Cormac, always thought he was the funniest man in the room. Probably didn’t help that everyone was usually too scared of him to say otherwise.

Then I saw it for the first time. 

Cormac hadn’t made any secret out of what we were targeting. He’d told us the day we made the trek out to the middle of fucking nowhere what we would be doing. Things had started getting hard since the Gunners were following us. It had been a while since we’d brought in anything worth while. We needed to score big soon or we’d starve. 

But this? This pitiful spit of land someone called a farm? Didn’t look like anything special. They’d slapped together a bunch of rickety shacks for shelter. In front they had a field of Tatos and a brahmin. They didn’t have jack squat. What was the point of attacking some farm like this? We could have easily just stolen food from them in the middle of the night. What the hell was Cormac thinking?

Then again this place didn’t even have a guard post, let alone turrets. Easy pickings, easier than caravans at any rate. Yet they’d still put up a fight. Of course they would. People just didn’t know what was good for them.

Cormac led the way through the Tato fields right up to their porch. A boy, barely 15, faced us defiantly. Had to give him props for standing his ground, even if his legs were shaking. Couldn’t blame him. Bet we looked pretty intimidating. “boy!” Cormac barked at him menacingly. “go get your old man.”

It looked like he might refuse us for a second. He held a cracked baseball bat in both hands like a sword. It shook visibly. Again pretty impressed he could manage that much. I’d been on the receiving end of Cormac’s intimidation tactics and let me tell you, they worked like a charm.

“that’s not going to happen.” Someone stepped outside from in the shack. At first I had to stifle a laugh. He wore a patched and faded trench coat, fedora to match. It almost looked like he was trying to be the silver shroud. That brought back some memories. Then I saw his face. Particularly the eyes. Now I’d never seen a synth but I’d heard the rumors. Those glowing eyes, plastic skin, the mechanical parts beneath. There was no mistaking it. “you’re going to deal with me now.” he finished in a gruff voice.

“what the fuck are you?!” I blurted without thinking, jaw open. 

He gave me a look, half disgusted, half amused. “I’m a detective. The names Nick Valentine.”

“Valentine is it?” Cormac folded his arms. A ploy to draw attention to the grenades on his belt. “fine, let’s talk then. I-”

“these people aren’t going to give you anything.” Valentine interrupted him flatly. Pretty dangerous to do to Cormac. I’d seen him punch out teeth for less. “take your thugs someplace else if you don’t want to get dead.”

I snickered. “oh yeah? And I suppose you’re the one that’s gonna kill us?” there couldn’t be more than three people in there, four at the most. They weren’t soldiers either, just farmers. What could they, and this machine, do against us?

His yellow eyes fixed on me, fiery, dangerous. It gave me something to think about. “promise you one thing, you hurt these people, you won’t be hurting anyone else. Ever again.”

“is that your final answer?” Cormac asked in an astonishingly civil voice.

“yes.” The machine replied firmly.

Cormac heaved a shrug and turned around. “fine, we gave you a chance. Let’s go girly.”

I gave the machine one more once over. He was pretty ballsy for standing up to Cormac like that. Had to admit. Still we couldn’t let him get away with that kind of shit. So I followed Cormac back to where Chloe was watching us. “time to kill them?” 

He nodded with a thin smile stretched over cracked lips. “they’ve got it coming. That synth pissed me off.”

“are the others in position?”

“they had better be or-” blood spurted from his mouth and his chest exploded. Bits of bone and gore flew out in a fist sized exit wound. A shot whizzed over my right ear, giving me no time to think or react to Cormac’s death. 

Bending low I raced to the nearest cover I could see. A rickety wood fence was all I had. Desperately I dived behind it as a bullet grazed my shoulder. blood pouring down my arm, gun shaking in my hand, the panic grabbed me. Cormac was dead. Holly shit how the hell? Who’d shot him? That machine? He didn’t strike me as the type to shoot someone when their back was turned. One of the farmers? God damn. They wouldn’t get away with this. 

Sticking my fingers into my mouth I whistled shrill and loud. A split second later the one gun was joined by three others. Just in time too. My cover was reduced to splinters as a shot gun blast tore it apart over my head. I dived out from behind it, flinging my gun around to fire at the farmers now fighting the gang. Rick was fighting with the dad, probably the asshole that shot Cormac. Rush was exchanging bullets with a woman on the porch, Tag fought with the synth. 

Maria appeared beside me, skidding to a halt. “your hurt.”

“I’m fine! Can you get to Cormac?!”

Grimacing she shook her head. “it’s too late… there’s nothing we could do….”

“who shot him?!” a grenade went off around the corner of the house. This was getting out of hand, we had to retreat. Not without some pay back.

Maria pointed at the man tangling with Rick. 

“go check on the others! Tell them to kill who they can but make a retreat!”

“are you-”

“do it!” my right wrist ached. I wanted blood, and not just anyone’s would do. My attention focused on the farmer. He didn’t look like much. Tanned skin, thick arms, not a fighter. His muscles were built from taking care of his crops. I didn’t care. he’d die the same as anyone else. 

In his rage Rick hadn’t bothered drawing his shot gun. I could relate. It would be nice to do this with my bare hands. We didn’t have time for that. I strode right up to the dueling pair. The farmer didn’t even see me before I smashed my gun into his nose. ok maybe we had time for a little. While he staggered Rick threw a punch into his ribs. The farmer howled in pain, crumpling like a paper ball. I kicked him in his head while he was bent over, then Rick smashed his elbow into the back of his head. 

The farmer hit the dust in a heap, gasping from pain, clutching his bruised ribs. “that’ll teach you to shoot someone in the back!” Rick spat.

As much as I would have enjoyed to beat the shit out of him some more the synth was running up on us. Deftly I pointed my gun at the farmer’s head and without even looking pulled the trigger.

“Jesus….” Rick muttered.

“get out of here!” I shouted, pointing in the direction that Tag was running. 

“I don’t take orders from you girly!” 

“get your ass moving!” the synth was raising his gun. I got between him and Rick. I wouldn’t just stand by and watch someone else die. Teeth gritted I fired at him, one bullet hit his chest and he staggered grunting. For a second he seemed to lose control of his arms, giving us a chance to turn tail. 

Retreat didn’t taste good, but with Cormac dead we were about to lose focus. I hated leaving this farm to itself, at least we’d killed one of them. That piece of fuck could rot in hell for what he did. At the hill Chloe stood, waving us forward. Tag dashed passed her and down the slope on the other side. Maria went next, turning back just long enough to plead with Chloe to come next. Rush reached the hill and turned back. 

Bullets zoomed over our heads. I risked a glance back. The synth was chasing us along with one man and a teenager, all armed. The other two didn’t know how to run and gun but that detective was good. I saw his eyes fix on me, the gun go up. Rick shoved me aside. I hit the dust just as the gun went off. Maria screamed.

I shoved myself up and kept running. Chloe lay on the ground, a bloody hole in her forehead. Maria lay splayed across her, sobbing or was that screaming? A combination of both? Tag tugged uselessly at her arms. There wasn’t anything that any of us could do. “pick her up!” I shouted, skidding in the dust just behind cover and firing at the approaching farmers. “carry her out of here damn it!” 

Tag gave me a look before obeying, wrapping his massive arms around Maria’s middle. She struggled, clawing viciously at his arms as he dragged her away from the body of her lover. Don’t worry Maria, I’d make that machine pay for this. While I fired I found Rush down beside me. He couldn’t use a pistol as well as me but he did manage to take one of the farmers down. “what are we going to do?”

“give Tag a few minutes head start then toss a grenade.”

“we’re just going to run?!” He shouted in outrage, getting up on a knee to fire. 

I gestured at Chloe’s body. “do we have a choice?!”

Rush turned, mouth open, anger in his eyes. then a bullet tore through his chest. I screamed in surprise, reaching out to catch him before he hit the ground. He coughed, a spray of blood plastering my face. “damn it not you too, don’t you dare!” I shouted into his face while I searched around for the Stimpak. Thank god I found it. I stabbed it into his chest. That wouldn’t do much good. We needed to stop the bleeding. “Rick!”

“I’m here.” The big man appeared beside me and scooped Rush up into his arms. “Grenade on my belt!”

“got it!” I tugged it free, popping the pin with a thumb as I lobbed it over the hill. Rick raced down the slope after Tag. I waited just long enough to hear the grenade go off and the screams of agony that followed. A quick glance told me that the synth had escaped the blast but the last farmer was dead. Good. At least we’d gotten an eye for an eye here. 

Less than pleased I followed after the others. Rick moved quick even with Rush weighing him down. the one slowing us down was Maria, who still struggled in Tag’s arms. “we left her! We just left her! How the fuck could you do that!”

“we didn’t have a choice!” I shouted back angrily, coming up beside Tag. “I’m sorry about Chloe, I am, but you’d be as dead as her if we didn’t run.”

“we need a place to hide or Rush is gonna bleed out!” Rick announced in a booming voice. 

I risked a glance back at them, Rush’s pale bloodstained face. “Maria, can you stop the bleeding?”

For a second it looked like she might not even reply. So angry was she that she actually glared at me like I’d been the one to kill Chloe. Eventually she stopped fighting Tag and relaxed a little. “I can stop the bleeding but I need a place to get in a repair the damage. Stimpaks aren’t gonna be enough here.” 

“alright, lets find a place to rest out of sight, Maria will take care of Rush then we’ll move out.” I ordered. It wouldn’t occur to me till later how odd it was for me to be giving orders so soon after Cormac’s death. 

Rick thrust his chin at me. “where after that? You heard her.”

“I know a place, just keep up with me.” 

After a few minutes running we found an abandoned drive in movie theater to hide out in. Maria did what she could for Rush which wasn’t much. The bleeding did stop and after a couple of stims and Med-x he stopped moaning in agony. I should have been more scared than I was, but I was still angry. Cormac and Chloe were now dead and if we weren’t fast Rush would join them. That machine had better get his affairs in order soon. I was going to come for him if Rush died too. 

Back on the road I led the group south. During the journey Maria became progressively more quiet, subdued. She walked with us but I bet she’d have turned right around if she weren’t worried about Rush. She was the only one with enough medical experience to help him and no one in Diamond city would serve us. There was only one option for us and they didn’t even have a proper doctor. Maria was Rush’s only hope. And I would shoot her if she refused.

The red neon sign came into view only a couple short hours later. It had been what four years since I’d seen it? longer? Who knew? I’d long stopped counting. Surprised I still remembered the way to be honest. Walking through the gates we found ourselves held at gun point. The neighborhood watch, who had always been a source of comfort, now looked intimidating behind their machine guns. And there he was. John Hancock, in that red coat and tri corner hat. His leathery face was slack, maybe a little amused. 

“so you’re back.”

We all stopped just inside the gate, outnumber, out gunned, we didn’t even dare reach for our weapons. Instead I held out my hands, trying to be pleading. “hey Hancock… long time no see.”

“I’ve been hearing some rumors kiddo.” He said casually, hefting his shotgun at his side. I had a feeling he was one twitch away from making mince meat out of my chest. “people are sayin how you’ve been hitting farms, killing people just trying to survive. That right?”

I opened my mouth to lie, make up whatever tale I had to, to get into Goodneighbor. Then I saw him. the damn detective watching the scene from the back. a cigarette sticking out of his plastic mouth, glowing eyes staring at me from under that fedora. Anger surged through my chest. It took all my willpower not to just shoot him and be done with it. Maria was stiff at my side. She’d probably seen him too. “look Hancock, it’s rough out there. You gotta do things you aren’t proud of.” I grumbled unsympathetic. 

Hancock tilted his head, face still slack. “that your final answer kiddo? You think I’ve got sympathy for murderers like you?”

“he’s the murderer!!” Maria screeched, pointing a finger at the synth. 

The guard bunched up, forming a human, or ghoul, wall in front of the detective. Hancock wasn’t moved. His black eyes narrowed. “he killed someone that deserved it. you’ve killed innocent people. You call that an act of survival? That’s bullshit. You’re the worst kind of scumbags there are.” 

My right hand flexed, inching toward my gun. That would be a death sentence. We’d be dead before I even got it out of its holster. As good as it would feel to put a bullet through Hancock’s smug face. “that it? you gonna turn us out? After all the years you’ve known me you’re just going to turn your back on me?”

He scoffed. “you turned your back on me first. I’m just returning the favor. For the sake of old times I’ll let you and your pieces of shit leave with your lives. You’re not getting a better offer.” 

Carefully I took in a long steadying breath. In one fluid motion I let it out through my nose. calm overtook me. the rage boiled around in my stomach, it made things real clear, but my head knew better. Now wasn’t the time for it. “well…. You’ll pay for this zombie.” 

The rest of the crowd shifted and muttered in response to the insult but Hancock didn’t even care. coolly he fixed his gaze with mine. “get out before I blow your brains out.”

Maria didn’t move for a second. She stared transfixed at where that detective stood. I didn’t blame her. If we weren’t staring down the barrels of a dozen machine guns I’d shoot him myself. I’d kill Hancock. Hell I’d kill everyone in this fucking place. That wasn’t the smart thing to do, and we still needed to find a place where Maria could work. Eventually Tag reached forward and steered Maria around through the gate. Rick grunted something about cowards under his breath before he turned to follow them. I looked back at Hancock.

The detective had stepped out from behind the crowd, speaking with the ghoul in an undertone. “hey! Machine, what’s your name again?”

An emotionless face turned to look at me. Didn’t even see anger there. “The name’s Nick Valentine.”

“I’ll be seeing you again.” I murmured with a large smile that I hoped came off as sinister instead of joking. 

“get out.” Hancock warned in a low tone. 

With a nod I turned and headed out the gates of Goodneighbor.

I threw open my eyes, gasping for breath. 

“whoa, whoa, love it’s alright, take it easy.” 

In a wave pain washed over my body. Groaning I leaned over, gripping my stomach and gritting my teeth. Which only made my ribs and jaw hurt so I immediately uncurled and relaxed. Blinking through tears I turned to find Rush leaning over me. “what…?”

“you’re gonna be alright.” He said soothingly, brushing his fingers through my hair. Why did that make me feel weird? “Rick just had a bit of a tussle with you is all. Your brain took a bashing.”

“what?” groaning I leaned forward. I was sitting in a memory lounger. Was I in the memory den? No this wasn’t the memory den. We were in a tiny room, how the hell did they get the machine through that door. Never mind that where were the others? “Tag, Maria, Rick where are they?”

“outside.” Rush leaned back, an exceedingly pleased look on his face. what did he have to smile about? Didn’t he just say that Rick bashed my head in? “but afraid we have to move, he’s found us.”

“who?” 

The answer to my question came in the form of shouting from outside the door. “Where the hell is Vel O'Malley?!”

Rush shot up, shooting a glare toward the door. “get on your feet, we don’t have a lot of time.”

“what’s going on Rush?” I demanded, shakily sliding out of the memory lounger. Why was my body in so much pain? It wasn’t just my muscles or the bruises, my lungs ached too. What the hell happened? 

“I’ll explain later. Just get moving.” He left my side, bashing his way through the door. As it swung shut behind him I heard him say, in that smug voice of his “well look who it is. Thanks for coming to us.”

“where is she?!” another voice I didn’t recognize shouted.

Groaning I forced myself to stand. My legs felt weak, like the muscles didn’t quite know how to work. the room was dim. I couldn’t see anything. Cold too. My jacket did jack shit to stave off the cold. Outside Rush was talking to someone. Was someone chasing us? Why would they be? None of this made any sense. What had happened? Why had Rick beat me to a pulp? Why did we have a memory pod and where the hell were we?

A crush and a thud brought me out of those thoughts. Rush was fighting. Had to help him. casting around I found a cracked baseball bat leaning in a corner. That would have to do. I ran to the door, ok it was more of a stumble than a run. All the same I came rushing through the door to find someone pressing a gun to Rush’s head. 

The trench coat, the fedora. That mechanical right hand. god damn it that wasn’t possible! How the hell had he found us!?

“I’m going to kill you,” he growled down at Rush who he had pinned. “if you tell me where she is I’ll make it quick.” 

Rush just laughed. That man just didn’t feel fear the way the rest of us did. As for me, I wasn’t so much scared that he was going to get dead, but furious that someone was pointing a gun at him. “didn’t I tell ya? She’s right here.”

The machine turned a fraction too late. I smashed the baseball bat into the side of his head, putting enough force behind it to send him backward. Rush got to his feet, still laughing. “thanks love.”

“no problem.” I didn’t care, I didn’t have the mind to care. my eyes were locked on the synth who groaned on the ground. Had I managed to jostle something in his skull? I hope so. He deserved a lot more than that. Fist tight on the bat I took a step forward.

Outside gunfire started raging against the apartment walls. Surprised I took a step back, eyes darting to the door. “we gotta move.” Rush grabbed me around the arm. 

“don’t tell me what to do.” My gaze snapped back to the detective, Nick Valentine, as he turned over to stare at me. At first relief washed over his features before utter and complete confusion took them. His brows drew together and his mouth twisted into a frown. 

“gray… what are-”

The front door smashed open and in tumbled a couple of ghouls. Swearing in frustration I turned and followed Rush up the stairs. On the second floor waited Tag and Maria, both staring at me, waiting. “what?!” I snapped irritably, shoving passed them. “we’re being attacked, where the hell is Rick?! Rush where’s our escape route?”

He pulled ahead of us while gunfire filled the stairwell. “up top, we can get across to the other building. I’ll blow the trap when we get there.” 

Trap, liked the sound of that. Still I’d have liked to give Valentine a long proper death. Judging by the shouts form down stairs we didn’t have the time. So following Rush the rest of us tore up the stairs while footfalls banged on the stairs beneath. From time to time Rush would point his gun, my gun, down at the ghouls to give them something to think about. Up several flights we went until we broke out into night air. We were on the river banks, next to a bridge. the lights of Diamond city weren’t too far away. 

Down at street level people were shouting, voices giving orders. One of them I recognized but at the moment I couldn’t remember where from. I had a goddamn headache. And my wrist ached. Fuck everything ached. How was I still moving? Maria had better have a damn med-x when we got out of here. 

For the moment it didn’t look like we had much hope of getting out of here. The building was surrounded, the ghouls were coming up from inside. We were on the roof of a lone apartment building. With one pistol, a shotgun and maybe some fists to our name. “Rush what the fuck were you thinking?!” I shouted, taking my gun back from him and preparing to pepper the door with bullets.

He smirked. “don’t worry about it love, they’re gonna be too preoccupied to follow us.” 

“and how are we getting down?!” I suddenly wanted to shoot him.

In answer Rush held up a small box with an antenna and a single button. Didn’t need to ask what it was. The moment he pressed it an explosion tore through the bottom floors of the apartment building. The roof heaved as its supports crumbled. As far as insane stunts went that didn’t exactly fall in Rush’s top ten, it did make the top twenty. Didn’t make me want to throw him off the building any less. What was his next brilliant idea?

“get your asses moving if you don’t want that building coming down from under you!!” Rick’s voice drew my attention around to the building across the street. Some enterprising raider had built a bridge between the two. And while our building was falling apart at the seams, Rick’s wasn’t. Tag and Maria were already making their way across the bridge. I shoved Rush forward, turning my gun on the door as it burst open. The first ghoul that came through died with a hole in its head. The others tumbled over him, giving me easy targets. Two more were dead before I span around and followed the others.

The bridge splintered as one of its sides started to plunge. Rick held out a hand to Rush who leapt the remaining distance. Then he turned to wait for me. “come on love! Don’t fall behind!” 

I’d have liked to shoot him a couple of insults but I didn’t have the breath to do it. not only did it feel like my body might fall apart my lungs burned so badly it was almost impossible to breathe. I felt the bridge give out underfoot. In one desperate leap I flew the last few feet. Rush’s hand grabbed mine just as the bridge gave out and I fell. Thank god Rush actually had some strength in him or I’d have fallen to my demise right then. He held on tight as I swung down and slammed into the other building. My ribs felt like they might shatter. I gasped in pain, dangling there uselessly.

“I could use some help here!” Rush yelled, grunting from the effort of holding me up. 

Large dark hands came around my arm and helped haul me up onto safe ground. Once safe I leaned over, grasping my ribs and gasping for breath. Thunder filled the air as the building slowly toppled over. I looked up just in time to see it lean toward the river, bricks and rubble raining down on the forces at its base. Whoever was inside would surely be crushed. It would be too much to hope that Valentine was one of them. Even if he was inside I was willing to bet it would take more than a building to kill him.

“they’ll be panicked for a while but we don’t have time to stand and watch.” Rush spoke firmly, reaching for my arm. “don’t worry Vel, we’ll be back for them.”

“you’ve got some explaining to do Rush.” I murmured hoarsely, sitting up slowly from the ground. Things felt weird. My head didn’t feel right and it wasn’t just from the ache. When I looked at the others it didn’t feel the same as I remembered. I loved Rush didn’t I? Rick and I were good. Tag was the best and Maria, well Maria was Maria we’d never gotten along quite that well. Maybe it had to do with Cormac and Chloe? How long ago was that?

“lets go.” Rick’s hard voice brought me back to the present.

Casting one last glance at the men below scrambling over the remains of the apartment, I turned and followed my family to safety.


	13. The Hunt for Gray

“Valentine! Valentine where are you?!”

“is he over there?!” 

“no!” 

“find him!”

The voices slowly came into focus while my ears remembered how to work. I knew I should be aching. It wasn’t often someone managed to knock me clean out, in fact I wasn’t entirely sure how that was possible. probably some sort of self defense thing I hadn’t figured out how to turn off. Either way I woke up, and I knew I should be in pain. Thankfully the institute had never figured out how to give me aches and pains and the only thing that registered were the cuts on my skin. And there were a lot of those. 

“Hancock! We’re never gonna find him!”

“Keep looking! Keep an eye out for her too!”

“I told you I saw her leave with Rush!”

John and Macready were arguing somewhere nearby. I should move, I should get up and do something. but lying here gave me time to think. Gray. What had gotten into her? She’d left with Rush, she’d defended him. why would she do that? Was he holding something over her? Was he making her do this? No that wasn’t right. what would he hold over her? There was plenty of blackmail but she wouldn’t care about herself. If someone close to her was threatened then maybe. Who did that leave? Me, Sarah, Violet, Macready, the kids, John. Macready, Violet and the kids were safe, they hadn’t been here and Rush didn’t have the chance to capture them. John was with me. obvious I wasn’t being threatened. Sarah was supposed to be back at Acadia. It was a long shot but she could have been captured. 

“I think I found him!” 

No, Gray wasn’t just taking orders. She wanted to kill me. I saw it in her eyes. hatred the likes of which she’d never shown me. But why? what had changed? It didn’t make any sense. She loved me. I knew that. So what had they done to her? Why would she turn? 

A chunk of wall came away from over the top of me and it was then I realized that my eyes were actually open. The first thing I saw was John’s scarred face backlit by a street light. The pitch back sky made him look like a red and orange outline on black. “ya with us Valentine? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“it’s your middle finger.” I grumbled, grabbing the hand he offered and hauling myself up. The building had toppled over into the river leaving behind a block long debris field. By some miracle my body had survived the collapse. Points to the institute for building good hardware I guess. Dust and dry wall fell from my trench coat. Good thing I didn’t need to breathe or this stuff would be killing me.

Like it was doing to Macready off in the corner. He coughed violently, hand over his mouth. Fahrenheit stood beside him, arms folded looking less than amused. “get over it, it’s just dust.”

“shut… up.” He growled between coughs. 

Patting down my clothes I trudged over the debris toward them. John followed, casting around. His ghouls were prowling over the area, searching for their fellow guards. “she’s not here.” He said thinly. “she left this.” 

I turned to find him holding out Gray’s Pipboy. My heart sank as I took it from him, frowning at it. 

“I told you!” Macready finally stopped coughing and sat up. He jabbed a finger up toward the roof of the other building. “I saw her run with Rush and the others.”

“I don’t believe it for a second.” John shook his head, gritting his teeth. “there ain’t no way the kiddo switched sides like that. She’d sooner cut off her own hand. she’s told me as much.”

“I believe him….” I murmured quietly, staring out over the ruins. 

John gaped at me. “the hell does that mean? You’re not turning your back on her are you? there has to be something else going on here right?”

“what are you thinking?” Fahrenheit questioned coolly. Always thinking ten steps ahead. 

Reluctantly I attached the Pipboy to my own arm. didn’t like to think how well it fit. These things were meant to be one size fit all, I tried to tell myself. This wasn’t going to be permanent. Carefully I looked back down at them. Macready was angry, John too, Fahrenheit was the only one that looked calm about all this. I wish I could make myself calm. “spread out, look for anything machine like. I have a hunch, but I hope I’m wrong.” 

Before any of them agreed I turned back into the debris. It had to be near the base, where the blast was probably. Rush would have wanted to be sure there wasn’t any evidence. Criminals were always that stupid. They always thought a well placed grenade was all they needed. Problem was that if it didn’t scatter the evidence wide enough the pieces were easy to put back together. And I wouldn’t need many parts to confirm my theory. Short of a nuclear blast there would always be enough to complete the puzzle. Temperatures in any ordinary explosive just weren’t hot enough for long enough to melt evidence. 

Rush should be too foolhardy to think too much about that. 

“do you really think she would have gone with them willingly?” John questioned me as we picked through the building. 

I didn’t look at him. focusing on the burn patterns. Should be close. I hoped I was right. if I was wrong then I didn’t have an answer to John’s question. “I think she would have if it’s not our Vel.”

“the hell does that mean?”

“it means something happened to her, or they did something to her.” A piece of mangled metal stuck out of the bricks. I started digging around it. 

“are you saying they tortured her?” John’s voice went low with rage while he stopped searching. This was why I needed a partner like Gray. She was passionate but didn’t let that get in the way of the job. Even during the Fahrenheit case she didn’t go off half cocked. No that had been me. 

“not exactly, maybe, but not in any traditional sense.” 

“will you talk straight with me damn it!” John stepped up beside me. “what the hell happened to her?”

I tossed aside a brick, staring with a blank expression at the ground. I hated being right sometimes. Grimly I looked John in the eye and pointed at what I’d found. “that’s what I’m talking about.”

“what’d you find?” Fahrenheit approached, with Macready not far behind. She looked down at where I pointed. A groan issued out of her. “that’s a piece of a memory lounger….”

John’s eyes snapped up to her then back to me. “are you saying they tortured her using a memory lounger? That’s fucking sick.”

“it goes deeper than that I’m afraid.” I answered stepping down off the debris. “memory loungers are able to let you relive memories as you remember them. But they’re also able to replace memories, or erase whole chunks of them.”

“Amari used to do that for the railroad and their runaway synths.” John spook hollowly while he followed me to the road. The others came too. “She never told us but we knew about it. why wouldn’t she tell us one of her loungers went missing? Unless….”

“you think she’s behind it.” Fahrenheit folded her arms. 

“who else has the technical skills to do that?!” He shouted.

“enough!” I snapped in anger, shooting him a glare. “we don’t have time to waste here. If Amari is the one that worked with them then she’s packing up as we speak. With her skills, we won’t find her. So we’ve got to head back now.” 

“then lets go.” John started walking down the road but I reached out to stop him. 

“no, you and Fahrenheit stay here and make sure the rest of your men survive. Macready and I will go deal with Amari.” 

“not a fucking chance!” that growl sounded almost feral as he swung around to face me. “I’ve been taking care of that kid for eighteen years, you’ve only just started worrying about her. I’m not sitting this one out.”

“which is why you have to stay here.” I shot back.

“no. Fahrenheit you get our men back safely.” And there he went, before I could do anything to stop him. Not that there was anything I could do. 

Fahrenheit wasn’t any help. she took her orders and approached her men. Macready looked to me, hands splayed questioningly. “this isn’t good….” I murmured. 

“what’s the problem? John won’t kill her, right away.”

“that’s not what I mean. Lets go.” We followed the ghoul mayor back through the city. The Pipboy felt heavy on my arm. It had nothing to do with it’s actual weight, those egg heads had made it practically nothing. Gray leaving it behind made it heavy. She wouldn’t do that. She relied on it, even if she didn’t admit it. nothing about this was right. damn it. 

John stormed through the gates of Goodneighbor like a raging Radstag. We barely kept up as he stormed to the Memory Den. Inside Irma practically jumped out of her seat when her front door smashed open. “goodness! Hancock what’s-”

“where’s Amari?!” he raged, cutting her off.

She blinked and waved a hand toward the stairs. “downstairs, what’s this about?”

“take a walk.” Without so much as a glance at her John marched toward the stairs. 

I looked Irma over, the nervous pursed lips, the sweat on her forehead, hair askew, before following John. Before we even got down the stairs I could hear him yelling. 

“why the hell would you betray her like that?!”

“Hancock please I don’t know-”

The sound of fist on jaw cut her off. I rushed the last few feet, careening through the doorway. Amari was on the ground, staring up at the raging John with utter terror. Her jaw was already bruising. He towered over her, fists clenched. “don’t feed me your lies! Tell me the truth now!”

Her eyes were wide as they darted between me and John. “please, Mr. Valentine, this is insane. I don’t understand what’s happening!” 

Projecting a cool exterior I dragged a chair from the corner and set it in front of her. Sitting on it backwards I leaned over the back. “tell us what you know about Calum Rush doctor, we’re not giving you a choice.” 

At least John got the picture. He stepped back while his hands continued to shake in fists. If I gave him the slightest indication he would tear Amari apart. That wouldn’t work here. We needed information not a crime scene.

Amari sat up on her arms, staring me in the eye. For someone facing an angry John she was remarkably composed. Of course I wouldn’t expect anything less from this woman. through a steady voice she answered. “I don’t know anything about anyone by that name.”

“what about Rick Castle, Maria Orsa or Taggart?” John demanded fiercely.

Her eyes darted back to him, then on me. “I recognize the names. Who are they?”

“don’t play dumb!”

I put a hand up, cutting John off. “there’s only one machine in here, what happened to the other?”

Confused she didn’t even hesitate to answer. “it went missing three days ago….”

“how could someone just steal a memory machine?” Macready spoke up from the door. I’d almost forgot he was there. And he brought up a valid question. I waited with steady eyes for Amari to answer.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. They’re nearly impossible to move and the amount of power required is enormous. It was the whole reason that you had to be brought here when Kellogg took over your mind.”

I dropped my gaze, trying to push down the feelings that brought back up. Now wasn’t the time. “how could someone move it?”

“well I suppose someone could have taken it apart then transported it piece by piece, but that would mean only someone with intimate knowledge of these machines could manage it.” when John made a move she flinched and turned her watchful gaze on him. “and they would have had to do it overnight, while no one was here.”

“or you helped them.” John spat.

She shook her head, a little anger leaking into her face. “why would I steal my own machine? I hardly leave Goodneighbor, what use would that be to me? what’s going on?”

“stop playing dumb!” the ghoul made a move forward. 

I caught him by the arm, staring steadily at the doctor. “do you know where Vel is?”

Fear leaked out of her face to be replaced by confusion. Slowly she got up on her knees, frowning at me. “what’s happened to Ms. O'Malley?”

“she doesn’t know anything.” Relaxing I leaned back in the chair, rolling my shoulders. 

“that’s it?!” John whirled furiously on me. “a few minutes and you believe her?”

“it’s my job to recognize when someone is hiding something.” coolly I fixed him with my gaze, daring him to argue with me. “I’ve got an old world cop in here and over half a century of my own experience, I know when someone is lying and the doc isn’t.”

“will you three please explain yourselves.” Amari gained the courage to stand and she glared between us. “where is Ms. O'Malley and what does she have to do with my missing memory lounger?”

Grumbling, John took off his hat. While he ran a hand over his head he sat in a chair against one wall. Macready finally entered the room, folding his arms to listen. I stood. “it’s a long story Amari, I suggest you take a seat.”

“I’ll stand.” Defiantly she folded her arms and waited for me to continue. 

“you remember the gang Gray used to run with right?” 

“I thought I knew those names….” Her frown deepened. “aren’t they dead?”

“afraid not.” I shook my head, reaching for a cigarette. “they’re back. they took Gray captive and used a memory machine on her. We think they might have tampered with her memory. Is that possible?”

Her shoulders sagged and her face fell. Taking a step back her eyes darted toward John then back to me. “if she were a synth, then yes that is entirely possible. it’s relatively easy to manipulate the memories of synths compared to humans. As you all well know, I used to preform memory resets for the Railroad.”

“but she ain’t a synth.” John grumbled, leaning over his knees while he played with his hat. “so what can they do?”

Amari took a steadying breath. “well… we have had strange requests over the years.” 

I offered the seat to her one more time and she took it. Carefully she sat, smoothing out her lab coat. 

“we had a client, about a year ago, who wanted us to craft a new memory for him.” Amari looked like she could use a stiff drink right about then. At least she was being careful with her words around John. “we identified a potential anchor point in his original memory structures, built a new one, then implemented it. the problem was that over time the introduced memory degraded.”

“broke down?” Macready questioned skeptically. “how would you even know the memory broke down?”

“because a week later he returned to us, requesting the same thing.” Her voice was clinical, in that way I expected from any doctor. “when we examined his memory and the one we gave him we discovered that the new memory simply didn’t hold. We reapplied it but he returned another week later.”

“sounds like a pretty lucrative business.” Macready commented with a chuckle. “your clients wouldn’t remember they keep coming to you.”

“we eventually stopped servicing him and sent him on his way.” She narrowed her eyes at him, distastefully. “but it was educational. I suspect that a human mind simply cannot be easily manipulated by a machine. Hence why the institute never simply abducted people and reformed their memories, why they had to send synths into the commonwealth in the first place to replace people.” 

“they couldn’t make agents out of humans, so they had to make their own, with programable minds.” I nodded, it made sense of course. I’d suspected something similar for a while without any proof. 

“exactly. Synth mind architecture is easily manipulated. The wipes and personality imprints I preformed for the Railroad never degraded.” She sounded almost excited now. scientists…. 

“could someone change the entire personality of a human? How long would it take to do something like that?” John asked slowly. 

She shook her head. “no, or if it did then the new personality would begin to degrade over time. Even a synth personality imprint takes hours to finish. We had to be careful to make sure that the memories fit the existing architecture as much as possible. for instance since the synths came from the institute we made sure their new memories were always of someone that did not live in the commonwealth. That common mentality helped the personalities take.” 

“so what you’re saying is….” John said slowly. “that there’s no way that anyone could have changed Vel’s personality and made her turn on us?”

Amari frowned, eyes darting toward me. “no… that isn’t likely, or if they have then her old personality will begin to leak through within in the next two days or so. She should be back to her old self before the week is out.” 

“what if they manipulate a key memory?” I puffed on the cigarette. Not even it was helping to rein in my nerves. “say, the day Gray turned on the gang? What could that do?”

She went a little pale at that, dropping her gaze. “I … suppose that would do some damage. Assuming they lock away the memories of her life after that point. It’s a common misconception among the Railroad agents that I do memory erasures, but it’s more like locking away the real memories in exchange for the old ones. We don’t even have to fill in all the gaps, the mind is powerful and will fill in the blanks for us once it’s had the chance to go over the new memories.” 

“so if they changed that memory, then erased all her other memories after it, her mind would just fill in the blanks on its own? With what?” 

“likely they would have to introduce one or two memories for her mind to cope. After all that is five years’ worth of memories they’re tampering with.” Slowly she brought her gaze back to me. “if this is Rush’s doing, I imagine his goal is to put his gang back together. In order to do that he would want to ensure that Ms. O'Malley of five years ago continued as if she was still a raider. They could introduce a handful of memories in the same strain to ensure that her personality developed, for want of a better term, as they want.”

“but none of that matters right?” John got to his feet, holding out his hands. “she’s gonna be back to normal in a couple of days. She’ll wake up and kill the gang.”

“in theory.” Amari nodded. “at this level of manipulation it’s almost a guarantee.”

“which means we have to find her before she wakes up.” Macready shoved off the wall and stepped deeper inside. “as soon as she does they’ll kill her. They won’t risk her turning on them. And there’s no way they’ll go through all this trouble again.”

“maybe….” I nodded, taking a long drag on the cigarette. 

“I’ll organize the neighborhood watch.” The mayor went for the door, looking less angry and more determined. “it’s the least I can do. With enough man power we can cover the whole commonwealth in a day or two. Maybe we can get what’s left of the minutemen to lend us a hand.”

“you go do that, I’ve got a couple more questions for the doc.” 

“let me know what you find out.” None the wiser he left the Memory Den. 

At last we could talk about the real issue here. “is he gone Macready?”

“yeah.” He glanced out the door. 

Slowly I took the cigarette from my mouth and looked to the doc. “Gray is a synth….”

“I am fully aware.” Her shoulders slumped hard at that, the weight she’d been hiding crashing down on her. “everything I’ve said so far is true. Rush could have easily manipulated that key moment in time and introduced other memories afterward to make her into what he wants. And because she is a synth, that manipulation could hold indefinitely.”

“is she still in there?”

“are you an idiot!?” Macready strode forward and jabbed a finger out the door, like Gray might come walking in right then. “she left with them! She attacked you! whatever’s left of her is gone! That isn’t the Vel you know!”

“I refuse to believe that.” I fixed him with a hard glare. He had never really liked Gray, and I understood why, but he wasn’t about to get in my way. “Amari, you said that you can’t ever erase memories.”

“right.” she nodded. “only lock them away. Given the right amount of care and time it’s possible to completely lock them up, but it doesn’t sound to me like they had the right amount of time.”

“so she could come back.”

This time she shook her head. “not alone I’m afraid. There may be some leak of her old self but it won’t be substantial enough to break the manipulation entirely. If you brought her to me, I could undo the damage, correct her memories and keep current memories intact. But she won’t return to normal on her own because she’s a synth.”

“why didn’t you say this in front of Hancock?” 

“Because he doesn’t know.” I answered quietly. Plucking the cigarette from my mouth I stopped it out against the side of a trashcan and tossed it. “he hates synths, imagine how angry he’d be if he found out that Vel had been replaced.”

“not good….”

“exactly.” I looked down at the date display on the Pipboy. “we have seventy two hours to find and bring Gray in before John does. If we can’t find her before then, or before him, then her secret is out.”

“do we even know what kind of person we’re going to be dealing with?” he asked hollowly, arms crossed. “do any of us know what a raider Vel O'Malley is like?”

“you’re the one with the most experience going up against her gang.” I pointed out. “if anyone has an idea it’s going to be you.”

“then I think we should hit them hard and fast. We can’t afford to let them slip through our fingers. They were bad before, hate to think what they’ll be like now that Rush is in charge of them.” 

“our priority has to be bringing gray in, alive.” 

“I doubt she’s gonna give us that chance. that isn’t your Vel.”

“you don’t know that.” How was I letting this little boy gut under my skin? I’d been alive twice as long as he had. Why did I care what he thought?

“I do!” he snapped. “Rush manipulated her, to make her into what he wants. She isn’t your Vel anymore, she’s his.”

“if I may interrupt….” Amari stopped our conversation before I could get any angrier. She stood, straightening her coat. “I can start working on a program to reverse the memory manipulation. It won’t take me long. All you have to do is bring her here.”

“then get to work. we’ll handle the search.” Gritting my teeth in rage I shoved passed Macready up into the Memory Den. Irma was no where to be found. She’d probably taken John’s advice earlier. 

“Valentine!” 

Groaning I came to a stop in the middle of the room, refusing to turn and face Macready. “don’t say it….”

“I’ll help you bring her in.” he answered, defying my expectations. “if we can, we’ll get her and bring her back. Vi would want me to help you anyway, hold onto hope. But what do you think Vel would say if she were here?”

“I don’t want to hear it….” not that I could stop him from saying it.

“she’d tell you that she’s too dangerous to leave out there alive. That if you got the chance you should put her down. That’s what she’d do.”

“that’s a lie.” At last I turned to face him, fists tight, the Pipboy like a twenty pound weight on my arm. Almost as heavy as my heart in my chest. “you know how I know? Because when I lost my mind, when Kellogg was in here, she didn’t give up on me. she did everything she could to make sure I got back. she went as far as to risk her own sanity to do it. If I don’t do the same thing then I wont be able to look at myself in the mirror.” 

Macready’s shoulders slumped and his eyes widened in surprise. He hadn’t thought about that. Not that I could blame him. he wasn’t the one that had to look at the scars he gave the love of his life every day and remember. Groaning he dropped his head and ran a hand through his hair. “I see where you’re coming from, and I’m not gonna insult you by saying I understand but hear me out. I’ll help you as much as I can, but if it looks like she’s not coming back. if there’s nothing we can do….”

“then I’ll put the bullet in her myself.” 

“no.” he shook his head firmly, filling me with surprise. “you’re not, I’ll do that. You wouldn’t be able to live with that guilt.”

“you don’t know me Macready.” 

“I know your type.” He replied. “you and Violet are the same. She lives with the guilt of killing her son every day, I see it. without me, the boys, she wouldn’t have survived. What would you have if you killed Vel by your own hand?”

He painted a vivid picture, and not one I was happy to contemplate. What made it worse is that he was right. I couldn’t even pretend otherwise. If I killed Gray… I don’t know what I’d do. Or where I’d go. Without someone to keep me grounded…. “thanks Macready… but that isn’t your responsibility. That’s mine and mine alone. I’ll use your help for as long as there’s a chance. when there isn’t, that’s when you’re off the hook.” 

“the offer is gonna be open for as long as it’s gotta be. Don’t forget.” 

Slim chance of that. “we’re wasting time. Make a list of safe houses and all routes they used to use then get some rest. First thing in the morning we’re hunting down Gray.”


	14. Jacket Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, Blood, Gore and Violence, Death.

I don’t remember my dreams that often. It’s not that I don’t dream, I’m pretty sure I do, I just don’t remember them. Except this time. I was walking along a road somewhere outside Concord. It was a sunny day, the air was nice. That’s how I knew it was a dream, days like that didn’t exist in the commonwealth. And I was happy. Someone walked with me. just one person. Not the gang. It wasn’t Rush or Maria or Tag or Rick. Yet I felt safe, at ease. It felt right. More right than anything else.

Then I woke up. My body is what woke me up, with throbbing in my jaw and pain in my chest. Groaning I rolled over, hugging myself with my arms. The smell of the mattress was disgusting it made me want to throw up. The pain was almost enough to make me vomit on its own. After a few minutes I uncurled, forcing myself to stretch the tense muscles in… well everywhere. 

“I feel like I’ve been through the worst night out ever.” I grumbled angrily.

“this should help.” 

A syringe landed on my stomach and I flinched. Irritated, I swung a glare at the man standing over me. “what the hell Rush? You could have killed me with that!”

The tall man in the doorway grinned. He looked older than I remembered. There were new scars and his skin was tanner. Was I just romanticizing him? probably. “come on love, it’s just Med-X, extra strength, Maria’s special blend.”

“guess I’ll have to thank her then.” I jabbed it into my arm and felt a wave of numbing relief wash through me. after a few seconds I couldn’t even feel the pain of my jaw anymore. “remind me, what did I do to deserve getting beat up by Rick?”

“you were mouthing off to him, not surprised you don’t remember.” Rush offered me a hand and I got up off the mattress. “he beat you pretty good, the doc said you might have some memory problems for a while.”

“which doc?” with a hand I brushed my hair back. why was it short? Wasn’t it long? Maybe not. I don’t know. 

Rush shrugged and led the way out of the room. “we killed her when she was finished putting you together, couldn’t risk her telling anyone else about us.”

“smart.” I nodded appreciatively. 

We were in an old power plant on the southern most side of Boston. I hardly remembered getting here. The night had been a blur of running and looking over our shoulders. It wasn’t until we passed the Mass pike way that I was convinced no one was following us. By then I was too exhausted to pay attention to where we were going. If I had I’d have chosen a better bed to collapse on. 

Let alone a better place to hide. “this is Poseidon energy isn’t it?” I questioned as we walked the catwalks. There were bridges connecting elevated office spaces far above the factory floor. It was cold up here, and not in the slightest pleasant. 

Rush nodded as he led the way through the corridors. “remember it? we used to camp out here a lot back in the day.”

“you’re so sentimental.” I grumbled snidely, running a hand over the old walls. “it’s gone to shit from what I remember. Maria pissed at how much of a shit hole this is?”

“she doesn’t talk much these days, not since Chloe.” 

Chloe right…. it had been five years since they were killed. It didn’t feel that long ago. Felt like only yesterday I watched that damn machine blow a hole through Cormac’s chest. Anger rose up in my throat, my fists clenched and my wrist started to ache. My right hand fell on my pistol and the ache subsided a little. “why are we back in the commonwealth? Last thing I remember we were down in the capitol.”

For a moment Rush paused, glancing over his shoulder at me. there was that cat grin, the one I loved so much, that made me excited. As he stared I felt nothing but curiosity. “Rick really did a number on you didn’t he? Don’t worry about it love, we’re here, and we’re here to stay.”

“what about the Gunners?” one of my brows shot up. “do you honesty think that they’ll let us stick around? They chased us out the first time remember?”

“from what I hear they haven’t been doing so good.” The deep rough voice of Rick drifted down the hall to us.

I turned and immediately tensed. Not like I would after having had a tussle, but like I was really expecting a fight. And for a minute there it looked like we might have one. Rick fixed me with those small beady eyes of his, angry. Not just irritated, I was used to that, actually angry. Not like I was gonna let him intimidate me. firmly I stood my ground, keeping eye contact with him, daring him to throw the first punch. Rush had his knife at his belt. If Rick came at me it’d be over before it began. 

Rick’s eyes darted toward Rush. I felt him shake his head, ever so slightly. Then the big man stepped down. what the hell was that? “someone cleaned out one of their camps almost a year ago and they’ve been taking bad jobs ever since. They’re not as powerful as they used to be.” He finished dryly.

My body untensed but my hand remained on my pistol. “and that’s why we came back huh? You think we can muscle in on their territory? Didn’t end well last time.”

Rush let out an airy laugh. “there’s a power vacuum in the commonwealth right now with the Gunners and Minutemen gone. The Triggermen are the biggest competitors but they control the ruins. Make the right allies and we’ll have the rest of the commonwealth in our pocket.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. Rolling my eyes I pushed passed Rush across the catwalk into the next room. “you want to make yourself a warlord? Aren’t you ambitious?”

“and what do you want to do?” 

That was a fair question. I should have an answer I suppose. Then again why should I want anything? All I knew was that my wrist still ached and I felt lighter than I had in a long time. 

In this next room Tag and Maria were waiting for us. She looked lankier than I remember, thinner, with hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. no maybe she’d always looked like that. Slowly she brought her gaze up to meet mine, barely a hint of recognition. “thanks for the med-x Maria. Don’t suppose you’ve got a stim in that magical bag of yours.”

She nodded silently and went digging.

While she worked I turned my attention to Tag who was staring at me. no not staring, watching. He was watching me extremely carefully. At least he was how I remembered. Just as big, just as dark, and just as silent. “what’s gotten into you Tag? You look like I might turn into a Deathclaw at any moment.”

No response. Pretty much what I expected.

“you’re up!” a booming voice snapped me to attention. 

Whirling I found a man sitting in what was probably supposed to be a throne. It was really just a red comfy chair sitting on a platform with a bunch of question marks peppering the wall behind him. question marks what the fuck? he wore a suit of raider power armor, lacking the helmet. The man had long thinning black hair and a poorly trimmed beard. Beside him stood a thin man with shaggy brown hair and small eyes. just cause we were raiders didn’t mean we could throw personal grooming out the window. 

“who are you?” I grumbled, glaring at him.

Rush stepped forward, slapping me on the back. “that’s Cutty remember? Him and Cormac were buddies.”

“I remember.” I growled, grip tightening on the pistol. “I remember that our gangs had a couple of run ins.”

Cutty raised his hands, grinning a mouthful of missing teeth. “all in good rivalry. We shared a fire a few times too remember?”

“vaguely.” Casually I walked the area of the room, admiring the dingy carpets and disorganized equipment. Out the windows I could see the rest of the factory. “just you two? Didn’t you have a gang bigger than ours before?”

Cutty shifted, which wasn’t a subtle gesture encased in power armor. “see, that’s the thing. We decided to clean out the lower floor, only problem was security was tough.”

The man beside him, whose name I didn’t know and didn’t care to find out, folded his arms scowling. “we lost everyone, it’s just me and Cutty now.”

“shame.” Maybe not. This was interesting. Casually I turned and leaned up against the windowsill. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rick watching me. why was everyone but Cutty and Rush acting like I might snap at any moment? I wasn’t Cormac after all. “I guess that’s why you agreed to help us huh? Hoping to rebuild?”

At that Cutty’s expression lightened. Suddenly wished I was playing poker against this guy. “you all just got back to the commonwealth, ya don’t know what’s what. You need us.”

“the way I see it, you need us.” I answered coolly, brows up. 

Cutty shifted again, face going gray. “how do ya figure?”

“how long have you been scrounging around in the dirt Cutty? Judging by this place I’d say a few months.” I threw a hand around the room just as Maria offered me a Stimpak. While I jabbed it into my arm I grinned at the raider. “a few months is a long time in the commonwealth. You haven’t been collecting on your dues have you? bet those farmers stopped taking you seriously when it was just you and stick over there.” Stick, yeah that was a good name for him. 

Stick, as he would be known from now on till I put a bullet in him, took a step forward. His face was twisted up in what I’m sure he thought was a menacing expression but it only made me laugh. “you’re the ones scrounging around in the dirt! You practically had to beg us to let you inside.”

“lets play nice.” Rush held up a hand, effectively preventing me from giving Stick a thrashing. “we’re all friends here aren’t we? We all need something. we need a place to lay low and you need man power. It’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned.” 

Sighing heavily I shook my head. Rush playing nice? That didn’t sound right. 

Cutty leaned forward on his knees, the armor whining annoyingly as he did. “what do you say? You guys join up with us? We’ve got what you want and you’ve got what we want.”

“I’m with girly on this one.” Rick grumbled glowering at Cutty instead of me. finally. “you guys have got a reputation for being pussies, we don’t need that kind of disrespect.” 

“pussies?!” Stick bellowed, that one had a set of lungs on him. 

Cutty didn’t yell but I could tell Rick’s words got to him. “we’re not pussies. We used to shake down every settlement between the coast and the glowing sea. We had respect, caps and firepower. With your help we could be back on top.” 

“sounds to me like you need us more than we need you.” I murmured more to myself than anyone else. 

Stick sneered. “you’ve been out of the game for a while, how do we know any of you can still shoot straight?” 

“want to test me?” my hand gripped my pistol pointedly. 

Rush though got in the way of the impending shoot out, much to my disappointment. “ya know, that might not be a bad idea. We are a little rusty, been a while since we did a shake down right guys?”

Had it been? I didn’t remember. Then again my memory was bound to be a little shitty for a while right? 

Rick’s dark gaze strayed back over me before he smirked at Rush. “maybe you’ve got a good idea. Girly might not be all she thinks she is.”

“want to go another round?” I faced him, glaring him right in the eye. “we can see who ends up on the ground this time.”

“it’ll be you.”

“and I want to see what your made of Cutty.” Rush stepped between us, making him a wonderfully tempting target. 

Cutty grinned again making my stomach turn. That look could turn anyone’s appetite. “I’ve got just the place in mind. There’s this farm out at the end of the road. The Warwicks run it.”

“I’ve heard that name somewhere before.” Slowly I made my way around the desk, eyes narrowed. “they getting a little too brave for their own good?”

“they won’t pay up, now it’s time to teach them a lesson they won’t soon forget.” Cutty nodded, staring me in the eye. “what do you say girly? You with us?”

“only one person gets to call me girly and that’s cause he’s earned it.” I growled, striding forward to stand in front of the throne. This little man. Sitting there, encased in all that armor, he thought he was untouchable. That would be his mistake. Didn’t get why Rush wanted to work with this sack of shit. But who was I to get in his way? “lets see if you can earn it.”

Cutty laughed loudly, spit flying from his mouth. I had to take a step back to avoid it. “I like you, you remind me of my old tech nerd. A lot of talk. So you guys have your own weapons I guess?”

“we wouldn’t want to use your rusty pipe-pistols anyway.” Rush chuckled glancing to Tag and Maria. “do you two want to sit this one out or are you coming with us?” 

Tag looked down at Maria then back up at me. one of my brows shot up. Why did he look like that? Tag was never an easy man to read, and he didn’t say anything. That didn’t mean there wasn’t anything going on up there. The only person that Tag had ever spoken to was Cormac. Cormac used to say that Tag was secretly a genius. All that silence was just him having too many thoughts to talk. I believed it. but thinking was dangerous. Thinking got you killed. 

Eventually he nodded and stepped up beside Rush. Rush was satisfied by that. “good, then lets get going. Cutty, you want to lead the way?” 

Eagerly he got up, that power armor sounded like it might fall apart at any moment. Just like the sack of bones wearing it. “let’s get one thing clear, you guys are following my orders. Step out of line and it’s over, understood?”

“understood.” I replied in a smooth voice, grinning at him. 

Rush cocked a brow and smiled. “I love that look on you.”

“we do this right, you’ll be seeing the look a lot more often.” I winked at him.

Cutty led the way down the stairs and out through the main floor. There were bloodstains, scorch marks, bullet holes and casings everywhere. Guess Cutty didn’t care to keep things tidy in his base of operations. Stupid. outside the sky was a bright playful blue, with the sun already part way up. A nice day. For someone at any rate. Walking along that broken road, following an old raider in an equally as old power suit, I was irritated. This wasn’t right. couldn’t quite put my finger on it but something was missing. 

Rush had his arm around my shoulders as we walked. Maybe he interpreted my slow pace as reluctance. “don’t worry love, it’s just a little farm, nothing we can’t handle.”

“it’s not the farm I’m worried about.” I grumbled quietly, hoping that only he would hear. “you telling me you trust these two?”

“we need them.” He shrugged dramatically. 

The farm came into view up the road. Guns and weapons appeared in our hands on instinct. Rush licked his lips excitedly while my wrist throbbed. It would be nice to spill some blood. felt like I hadn’t done proper killing in years. “we don’t need them, we need their hide out.” And I wasn’t even entirely convinced of that.

“they’ve got their uses.” 

The farm looked well off, at least more defensible than others I’d seen. A piece of land jutted out into the water with a building and a few water vats on it. A sturdy looking wall spanned the road, effectively cutting off the farm from the rest of the land. If you weren’t willing to walk through the heavily guarded gate you’d have to take a swim to get in. “Two turrets, couple of guards, they’re not easy pickings.” Rick growled just ahead of me. 

“you scared?” Stick sneered over his shoulder. 

“you should be.” I shot back. “being scared keeps you alive.” 

“are you?”

Honestly? No. which was weird because these weren’t great odds on our part. eh who cared? I wasn’t going to be the one stupid enough to get themselves shot. 

As we approached the guards went on alert and one of them raced back into the farm. The turrets sat up but didn’t fire. Good, I had no desire to spend the night pulling bullets out of people. “that’s what I call a warm welcome.” Rick chuckled, cocking his shotgun.

Cutty looked back at us, behind that helmet I couldn’t see it but I assumed he was trying to be macho. “we only kill if they refuse to hand over their dues.” 

“you really think they’re just going to hand over what they owe you?” I questioned with a visible roll of my eyes. 

Stick’s mouth twisted into something stupid. “just wait and see bitch.”

“gladly prick.” 

The guard came back with a man and a woman behind him. they were angry and carrying a pipe pistol each. Kind of ridiculous when they were standing beside two very angry turrets. The woman had on a black leather jacket and the man wore a thick coat. “Cutty?! What the hell are you doing back here?!” the man shouted.

Cutty trundled to a stop just outside the gates, mechanical fists clenched. “we’re here to collect what’s ours!” 

“what’s yours?!” the woman cried exasperatedly, brandishing her weapon. “didn’t you learn your lesson last time? You’re not welcome here!”

Stick took a step around Cutty, hefting his machinegun to be more intimidating. “shut up bitch and hand over the money! You’ve had it easy now it’s time to pay up.”

“not a chance!” the farmers swung up their weapons, preparing to fire. 

Sighing heavily I stepped around Cutty and Stick. “this is boring, you two are really bad at this aren’t you?”

“what the-” Stick never finished his sentence.

I put two bullets into one of the turrets. Almost immediately it tore itself apart in a spectacular explosion. The farmers screamed in fear and pain as the shrapnel shredded their exposed arms. Blindly they staggered for cover. The guards at least were trained enough not to retreat. They swung their weapons up to fire at us and we dodged to either side of the gate. The other turret revved to life. 

“this is more like it.” I smiled.

Stick and Cutty were on the other side of the gate, crouched and furious, apparently. “what the fuck?! We were trying to get them to hand over their money not kill us!”

“they weren’t gonna hand over anything to you.” Rick chuckled unamused, leaning out to fire once at the turret and guard. “they know how worthless you are.”

“shut up!” Stick bellowed like a child.

Cutty grabbed him by the shoulder. “they’re right, it was gonna come to this anyway. kill the guards but keep those farmers alive.”

Stick groaned. “fine.”

“we’re not gonna be killing anyone unless we get that other turret down.” Rush called.

“I’ll take care of that. Tag give me a boost!” I took a few paces back from the gate to give myself a running start. Tag knew what I was doing, we’d done this before. Hands cupped in front of him he crouched. It felt like there hadn’t been this much adrenaline in my system for months. My heart practically felt like it might blow out of my chest. I ran at Tag, catching my foot in his hands. He pushed me up just as I leapt. Easily I cleared the guard post, landing in a crouch on the other side.

The guards weren’t expecting that and the turret wasn’t smart enough to fire at me right away. I put a bullet in its fuel tank. It exploded spectacularly, the guards were retreating now deeper into the farm, firing as they went. The rest of the gang surged in, firing as they moved, mercilessly putting down two of the guards before the others ran for the building. The farmers were no where to be seen, probably inside. Greedily I pursued them with the others. Rush came even with me. 

Then Cutty surged ahead of us, pounding ridiculously fast for someone in power armor. He entered the building and fired at the nearest guard. We entered just in time to see the last guard go down. and there stood the man and woman, in the far corner, standing protectively over two kids. 

My head tilted as I stared at the boy. He was terrified and shaking, familiar situation there, but there was something about him. I recognized him somehow but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. 

“put the guns down or we’ll blow all of you to hell!!” Stick screamed, brandishing his gun.

The farmers put up their hands, gripping their guns loosely. “ok, ok, we get it. we surrender, please just don’t kill us.” 

Rick and Stick strode forward to disarm them. I dropped my gun to my side and stared at the group with growing curiosity. The man looked at me and his eyes widened. “O'Malley?!”

“you know me?” I shot up one of my brows while he gaped at me. 

Confusion flashed over his features before he gestured, causing the rest of the raiders to tense. “it’s me, Roger! Don’t ya remember we helped you when you were hurt.”

“why are you doing this Vel?!” the boy cried into the girl’s shoulders.

Brother and sister. Wally and Janey. Wait how’d I know that? I’d never met these people in my life. With a shake of my head I dislodged those troubling thoughts. “I don’t need a reason to do anything. Take em outside, this place stinks.” 

“hold up!” Cutty threw up a hand to stop me from leaving. I eyed it then him carefully. Waiting for him to throw the first punch. “I’m the one giving the orders remember?”

“of course….” Then give the damn orders dumbass. God Rush really wanted us to work with these idiots? It was a miracle they knew the difference between their ass and a gun! 

“lets take them outside! Girly, Rush and I will keep them under guard while the rest of you scour the farm.” 

“guard duty.” Rush groaned as he passed me to the outside again. “remember when Cormac used to give us guard duty?”

“I remember we were bad at it.” I answered in an undertone as I followed him. 

“I wasn’t really talking about guarding anyone.” He gave me a significant look, the kind that promised so much later tonight. 

I liked it, and grinned back at him, I’d be sure to hold him to it. 

Cutty and Stick led the farmers out into the light. They were terrified, but more than that, the man looked furious. He glowered at me like I’d betrayed him. smiling at him I removed my gun and waved it. “point that face somewhere else before I blow it off.”

“I told you we’re not killing them. Rein it in.” Cutty spat, getting up into my face. with the power armor he stood a good head taller than me. doubted he was all that tall out of it. and the armor certainly wasn’t intimidating. 

“sure thing… boss.” My pistol hand dropped but my finger remained on the trigger. This was starting to kill me. I’d only destroyed the turrets. I hadn’t even gotten to shoot anyone yet. What the hell kind of raid was this?! 

The farmers were forced to their knees out in the middle of the road. Meanwhile the rest of the gang spread out. Stick, who seemed to have more of a sadistic side than I thought, trampled through their fields. Tag and Maria looked around the buildings for anything worth taking. Rick didn’t look like he was doing anything, standing on a platform on the other end of the farm. Every once in a while I’d catch him looking my direction.

“well I think this went well!” Rush announced with excitement, grinning at Cutty broadly. “none of us even got shot!”

“so long as this trash has our caps.” Cutty responded with more venom than I thought he was capable of.

“and if they don’t?”

“then we’ll take it out of them, but not yet.”

“please.” The woman pleaded beside me, staring up at me. 

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. I knew her. There was no denying it, but from where? the guy too. And that sobbing boy. Would he just stop crying? It was getting annoying. A cold wind blew off the sea right through my coat. I shivered. 

“please don’t do this, we helped you!” Janey cried, gripping her little brother tightly. 

“quiet.” Roger hissed. 

“listen to your father.” Hands on my belt I looked up to the others.

Stick wandered back over, a scowl on his narrow face. “we found a few hundred caps, that’s it. they don’t got anything useful.”

“well isn’t that a shame?” Cutty turned on Roger, who was trying to keep a hard look. “what are we going to do about that?”

“give us a couple weeks…we can have it all by then.” Trying to save your skin, I could relate to that. It was stupid. did he honestly think we’d just leave and let them cheat us next time? Maybe call in some help to make sure we had a bigger fight. Those Atom Cats were always sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. 

“you’ve got one week.”

“what?!” I whirled on Cutty, mouth hanging open. 

He just turned to me. with that helmet I couldn’t see his face so I expected it was trying to be intimidating. “we’ll take everything they have now and be back in a week. Get ready to pack up.” 

“Boss!!” Stick yelled.

Someone sped passed us, some farmer that had managed to escape our attention. Terrified he ran for the gates. Stick chased him and Cutty joined him. Rush and I stood beside one another, watching the spectacle. He smirked, I glowered. “they’re idiots….” 

Still smiling he gave me a sidelong look. “but they’ve got their uses. Ya look cold.”

“this coat sucks.” Pivoting I looked down at the woman. she hadn’t taken her eyes off of me this whole time, I could feel it. my wrist burned, begged. “I like your jacket.”

“what? Th-”

I put a bullet between her eyes. 

The children both screamed in terror. Roger leapt to his feet, rage overtaking his features. Deftly Rush stepped forward and punched him across the jaw, sending him to the ground. He landed beside his dead wife, a massive hole in the back of her head. 

As I stooped to stirp the corpse of her jacket I heard Cutty’s loud footsteps come racing up behind us. “what the fuck?! What’d you do?!”

“I wanted a new jacket.” Shrugging I shook out the leather jacket. Good, no blood. smiling I tore off my own coat and tossed it into the dust. 

“I told you we weren’t going to kill any of them!” he howled in rage. “you were supposed to follow my orders!”

I threw on the jacket. It fit nicely, a little tight on the shoulders but it looked good. “what do you think Rush? Is it my style?”

He smiled hungrily, eyes smoldering. “I like it.”

“what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Cutty stomped up into my face, leaning over to peer at me through his helmet. “we can’t collect if you kill all of them!”

“you were boring me. in fact.” With a sadistic grin I looked back at the sobbing family as they leaned over June’s body. June? Was that her name? What did it matter? She was dead now anyway. “I think these people are better used as entertainment. We should bring them back to the factory. Is the basement level still flooded?”

“no!” Cutty shoved me in the shoulder, forcing me to turn back around to face him. “this is my territory! You don’t have the right to come in here and mess with my targets!” 

By this time the rest of my gang had congregated around us. Rick had his shotgun in hand, finger on the trigger. Tag and Maria were at my back. was beginning to wonder if those two were an item. With Rush at my side I smiled confidently into Cutty’s face. “the way I see it, boss, you’re outnumbered and outmatched. We don’t take orders from you.” 

Stick strode forward, fist raised. “after we took you in this is how you repay us?!”

“you’re all a bunch of sick fucks.” Cutty took a step back, helmeted head swiveling between all of us. “what the hell is wrong with you? this isn’t how you do things!”

“correction.” I kept that smile firmly in place, it would have been so much more entertaining if I could see Cutty’s astonished face. this just wasn’t nearly as fun. “this isn’t how You do things. This is exactly how things are done.”

“if you don’t like it you can leave.” Rush added, slinging an arm over my shoulders. “I’m not sure this partnership is gonna work out.” 

Stick spluttered in rage but Cutty threw up a hand to stop him. slowly he turned to me, I had a feeling he was trying to look me dead in the eye but it didn’t work so well with the visor. “Cormac was right about you freaks. If I ever see you in my territory again I’ll blow your god damn brains out.”

“sure.” Still smiling I wriggled out from under Rush and waved. “goodbye then.”

For a minute it looked like Cutty was going to fight us. Would be surprised to be honest. That would make a nice little tale. The raider who’d spent his whole life terrorizing farmers only to turn around and protect some. It was almost romantic. Stupid but romantic. He didn’t though. old man knew his life was worth a little more than that. His power armor creaked loudly as he turned and marched toward the gate. “come on Mark.” 

Stick gave me one more look before he followed his boss to the gate. They went. Their backs were turned. I could see the power cell sticking out of Cutty’s armor. With a long sigh I raised my gun and fired a single round into it. the power cell instantly ruptured, tearing itself, the armor, and the man wearing it apart instantly. A fireball engulfed them both. I actually had to turn away from the heat. 

The kids were screaming. 

When I looked back Cutty was gone, spread in a perfect two meter radius around the gate. A few feet from the scorch mark where he’d been lay Stick. “well that was fun.” Slowly I walked toward the corpse, gun held lazily in my hand.

“did you have to kill them?” Rick growled after me.

I glanced at him over my shoulder. Tag and Maria had both taken a step back, Tag’s eyes were wide. Rush smiled, like he’d been waiting for me to do that all along. What was he so happy about? Rick was the only one glaring at me and it was borderline hostile. “you heard him, he was gonna kill us if we showed back up here. I was just getting ahead of him.”

“you make me so proud.” Rush chuckled, folding his arms. 

“sure.” I came to a stop, standing over Stick’s body. Scratch that. “well color me impressed you’re alive.”

Alive was a relative term. Stick lay on the ground, his legs a bloody mangled mess of bone and muscle. Most of his clothes had been burned off leaving behind bits of leather and some armor. Painfully he wheezed, staring up at the sky in utter shock. 

Rush walked up to my side, leaning over. “well damn…. Look at all that, he’s not gonna last long.”

“no he’s not.” Steadily I raised my gun, aiming it directly at Stick’s head. Then I paused, and smiled. “if it’s any consolation, Mark’s a better name than Stick.”

“please….” He rasped.

“no, no I don’t think so.” Deliberately I made a show of putting my gun back in its holster. Adjusting my new jacket I turned to the rest of the gang. My gang. “I want to have a little fun with what’s left of the farmers, they pissed me off.”

“what do you want to do to them?” Rick questioned in a rough voice, grabbing Roger around the arm. 

“oh, I’m not going to do anything to them.” I flashed a grin for Rush’s benefit. “the Mirelurks are going to do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you have the worst ides in the world and you can’t help but go with them. Things are only getting started here. I just hope you all can stick with it till the end.


	15. She Makes Me Make a Hard Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know isn't exactly the forum for this but I'm too outraged not to put this everywhere I can. 
> 
> Recently a CERN scientist made a speech essentially declaring that women do not belong in physics. This is an absolute outrage! I am a first year PhD in physics, in a class of forty I'm one of only four women entering this year. I'm an officer in my local Women in Physics club and I've spent time in high schools trying to give young women the courage to pursue a career in science, not just physics. 
> 
> I'm reaching out to my readers now not only asking you to help me promote this article but specifically speak to those of you that are women looking in on the science community. We do not condone this man's statements. There is a place for you in this community as much as anyone else. If you are someone who wants to peruse a career in science math or engineering i encourage you to reach out to your local women's group, or you can even email me. I'm always open to talking to anyone thinking about science and physics as a career. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and for taking a moment to help me put the word out about this statement. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> https://www.particlesforjustice.org/

“there, that should take care of it! Really Nick, you need to take better care of yourself!” Ellison leaned back from my arm, trying to give me a reprimanding look, that didn’t quite override her pleasure. 

Flexing my left hand experimentally I took it back from her. “I didn’t get to choose if the building fell on top of me.” 

“I’ve heard the rumors….” Ellison’s voice went low suddenly. As usual that girl could switch between moods faster than anyone I knew. Sheepishly she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “about O'Malley….”

I shouldn’t have been surprised, and I wasn’t. Goodneighbor was small and if you weren’t on the guard then you were paying John protection. Knowing what was going on was just smart business. We had to tell the guards, since they would be the ones organizing search parties. Through them it made sense the rest of the town had heard. I just hoped they understood what was really happening. “what have you heard exactly?”

“just rumors!” she quickly threw up her hands waving them around. Flustered she picked up her things and scurried to the drawers. We were in Gray’s old room again. There were a few new signs of Ellison’s habitation. Wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “it’s nothing, never mind.”

“Scribe.” Groaning, I stood, adjusting my sleeve over my newly fixed arm. To say that I’d asked Ellison to fix me up last night would be assuming I’d even finished the question. she’d gone as far to put in a few upgrades but I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. “tell me what you’ve heard, please.”

She froze, back to me, hands in the drawer. Her shoulders slumped. I knew she cared but I didn’t realize she cared this much. “they’re saying O'Malley was kidnapped, that someone brainwashed her?”

“I thought you’d have used a more technical term for it.” I forced a chuckle that wouldn’t have fooled John. 

Yet I’m not sure Ellison picked up on it. “Brainwashing is a catch all term for many mind altering techniques, until I know fully what has happened to her I cant be more specific than-”

“yes, scribe, she’s been… brainwashed.” I interrupted her before she could ramble on any longer. 

Suddenly she whirled around, making me flinch. “what can I do? Do you know where she is? What has been done to her? I could assist in finding a way to reverse it.”

“we’ve got the search covered.” Picking up the Pipboy I tried not to think about how heavy it felt. This thing didn’t belong to me, it didn’t feel right wearing it around like this. grimacing I put it on anyway. “Amari is working on a way to reverse it, if you want you can give her a hand.”

Ellison’s face brightened almost immediately. Delightedly she clapped her hands together. “good yes, that wonderful doctor, I’m sure she and I can come up with something.”

“yeah.” Allowing the Pipboy to drag my arm down I glanced at Ellison. “How are those upgrades you promised coming?”

Blinking in confusion, she glanced around. Realization donned her face a split second later and she nodded. “of course, of course the upgrades! I suppose now is as good a time as any to make sure you have a little extra protection.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d focus on those. Amari can handle … curing Gray but I have a feeling I’m going to need more than a few repairs before this is over.”

Her wide eyes were confused but she nodded in understanding. “of course, of course, anything you need.”

“thank you. I’ll be back.” before she had the chance to keep me around with more technobabble, I left the room. the state house was quiet but the voices of people seeped through the walls. As I stepped out into the street in front of the Rexford it was to find a massive crowd of people gathered. Many of them were from the neighborhood watch, having recovered from their celebrations yesterday. Others were just ordinary drifters. 

John stood at a table that had been dragged out into the open. Macready was there too. They leaned over a map. “team three should take this one then split up and head in opposite directions.” The ghoul mayor was saying, tracing a line on the map. 

“that team’s already pretty small, do you think they should split up that much?” Macready scowled. 

“got a better idea?”

“yeah, three men from team two go with team three. If any of them find Rush and the gang it’s going to be a blood bath. If we don’t send more men then no one’s coming back.” 

“they’re not that dangerous.”

“they went up against Gunners.” I called forcing them to look at me. ignoring the sympathetic looks that flashed over their faces, I walked up to the table. “you’ve seen what the Gunners are capable of, Cormac’s gang could give them a run for their money, don’t assume they’re harmless.” 

Neither one of them quite looked me in the eye. It reminded me of funerals. No one wanted to look the dead man’s relatives in the eye. muttering condolences but too scared to meet their gaze. Gray wasn’t dead yet, they didn’t have the right to act that way. 

“we’ve almost got the teams together.” Macready offered, turning his gaze back to the map before them. “between the Neighborhood watch and the civilians we have enough to cover most of the commonwealth. If they’re still here we’ll find them.”

“they’re still here.” Hands on the table, I leaned forward. A dozen or so x marks were scattered throughout the map. Macready had come up with more possible safe houses last night. Good. “After all the trouble Rush went through to take Gray he won’t just leave satisfied. They’re going to try their hand at taking territory.”

“that won’t be hard.” John growled, popping a Mentat. “there aren’t a lot of gangs worth a damn out there nowadays. The Gunners have lost a lot of territory. The biggest competitors are the Triggermen.”

“lets just hope they don’t get too cocky and go for the big prize right away.” 

“why?” Macready replied dryly. “if they hit the Triggermen maybe they’ll kill themselves trying to take them out.” 

“and what about Gray?” John snapped in my place. “the Triggermen will kill her like the others. Is that what you want?”

“of course not!”

“it sure sounded like it.”

“enough!” I slammed a hand on the table making both of them jump. With narrowed eyes I looked at them from under the rim of my hat. It looked intimidating, or so Gray had said. “John how many men do you have for the search?”

“twenty.” Any amusement that usually laced his face left. Seeing John take something seriously was enough on its own to put me on edge. If I could be any more on edge that is. “we’re organizing three teams, they’ll head in opposite directions then branch out. We’ve instructed them to find, not engage and to tell us when they’ve found them.”

“good.” 

“I’m leading one of the teams Fahrenheit is leading another.” He continued, leaning back from the table. Producing his shotgun he checked it for shells.

“is that a good idea?” still leaning over I looked him in the eye, grimacing. 

Fiercely he cocked his shotgun and glared at me. “do I have to monologue to you again Valentine? I’m not sittin this out.”

“I get that, but both of you?”

“just try to stop me.” Fahrenheit’s voice drifted toward us from the crowd. She appeared, hefting her minigun in both hands. Time for the big guns I suppose. 

“you’ll be putting Goodneighbor at risk if you both go.” I shot back, glaring.

“we’re leaving Kleo in charge, she can keep the place safe while we’re gone.” 

“look I get it, I want her back more than any of you, but she has to have a place to come back to.” 

“Goodneighbor got along fine before us and it’ll be fine long after we’re gone.” John shoved passed me to stand at Fahrenheit’s side. Pure black eyes narrowed at me in what I could only assume was contempt. “don’t care what you do Valentine, but we’re going to find Vel.”

Before I had the chance to argue with them any more they both turned, barking orders into the assembled crowd. As they slowly drifted out of the street it occurred to me just how astonished Gray would be to know this many people were looking for her. If you asked her she’d say she could count the number of people that cared about her on one hand. sure some of these people were doing this for the job, or the caps, but there were plenty in there that weren’t. If only Gray realized it.

“so what now?” Macready’s question brought me out of my thoughts.

Gradually I turned to face him then looked down at the map. “where are the most likely places they’ll hide?”

“no idea.” He shrugged, leaning over the map too. “they weren’t easy to predict before. With Cormac out of the picture I have no idea where they’ll go.” 

“stop thinking about it in terms of Cormac and think about it as a raider.” In spite of myself I snapped. It wouldn’t do to yell at anyone I knew that. Didn’t stop me. 

Macready’s face darkened but he narrowed his eyes at the map. “far from Triggermen territory, isolated, with easy pickings for raids. Far from any other large settlements.” 

“so no where in the ruins of the city.” Mentally I crossed out that section of the map. “and probably not anywhere near Sanctuary Hills. They wouldn’t be stupid enough to go near the glowing sea so that leaves north east and south east of the city.”

“Mahkra fish packing, Poseidon energy and Soffolk county school are in those parts. We have teams heading for all of them.” 

“we need to narrow down the search.” But how? Rush had set up shop close to Goodneighbor because of the memory machine, that was obvious. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to stay close. Or at least Rick wouldn’t be. If I could count on any of them to have some tactical sense it was him. He had been Cormac’s second in command. Based on what John and I had dug up they used to be part of some military faction before they went raider. Maybe even Gunners. Which would explain why they’d been such a thorn in their sides. 

“where would the Gunners go?” 

“huh?” 

“just answer the question.” 

Macready gave me a skeptical glare before looking back at the map. After a few seconds of silence he pointed at the swamps. “somewhere in there. Good mix of tough and good terrain. Makes retreat easy and people will have a harder time reaching you. that’s where the Gunners would be.”

“then lets move.” Made sense, that’s what I’d have done, and that’s what the old world Nick would have done. I folded the map up and stuffed it into my coat. 

“hold on!” Macready barked, grabbing me around the shoulder. “we’ve got to supply up first, there’s no way I’m chasing down these psychos without a damn arsenal.” 

Groaning I shrugged his hand off. “fine, you’ve got ten minutes, I’ll meet you at the front gate.” 

“look Valentine.” Oh great another lecture. It came as a surprise how many Macready had up his sleeve. Was beginning to wonder which of us was supposed to be the cool headed one. “I get it, really I do. But there’s no reason to go off half cocked.”

“stop talking and get packing.” I stalked away, arms swinging mechanically at my sides. All I had on me was my revolver and that was all I was planning to bring. Anything more and I ran the risk of hurting Gray. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Macready didn’t care of course, he’d likely already written her off. Couldn’t live with myself if I did the same. 

So long as he was wrong. 

At ten minutes exactly Macready met me at the gate. Never knew him to be particularly punctual not that I’d complain. Exchanging a set of glances we headed out into the city. John had a lot of men looking for Gray. He would toss the whole of the commonwealth just to find her. That wasn’t the tactic I’d have used willingly. The gang could easily slip under their radar. With a little luck we’d find them first.

Nice bright day. Made travel easier as we made our way south toward Quincy. Been a long time since I came out this far not that it mattered. Nothing ever changed in the commonwealth, or if it did it wasn’t subtle. Either it stayed like it was, or something blew a hole in the streets. Quincy was still controlled by a group of Gunners last I heard and judging by the signs as we approached that hadn’t changed. 

“do you really think they’ll have set up this close to a Gunner camp?” I questioned, glancing around the street. Of course we wouldn’t have enough luck to just find them on the side of the road.

“look, I don’t know.” Irritably he held out his hands and shook his head. “Cormac was the one giving orders before, Rush and Rick? I don’t know how smart they’re going to be.”

It wasn’t them I was worried about. Gray had always been smart, careful. Now? with a lack of morals, or whatever, what was she capable of? I wasn’t ready to see this. carefully we gave Quincy a wide berth until we came out into the marshes on the far side. Here Macready paused, using his binoculars to scan the landscape. “not many good places to camp, they’d want it to be dry, probably a buil-what the?”

Arms folded I followed his gaze eastward. A figure darted between bits of cover, first a bush then a broken house then a car. Whoever it was cradled their arm like they were hurt. A pipe pistol dangled from their hand. there were more important things to worry about than an injured wonderer, or at least that’s what part of me said. As usual, I couldn’t just leave someone to die. Ignoring Macready’s warnings I jogged up to the crumbling wall where the man hid. 

“hey there friend, need a hand?”

He was little better than a boy, maybe eighteen, nineteen. Terrified he swung the pipe pistol at me which I caught in one hand. for a second he struggled to take it back but once he realized that wasn’t going to work he staggered back. “please! Don’t kill me! whatever you want you can have! just please!”

“calm down.” I dropped to his level, leaning over my on my knees. Blood oozed out of a whole in his shoulder which had already stained his shirt. Judging by the blood stain he’d spent a long time lying on the ground. Playing dead probably. “what happened? Where’d you come from?”

He looked pretty pale, and he trembled. Blood loss and shock. It was a damn miracle that he hadn’t died where he’d been shot. “m-maybe you can help! they attacked us.”

“who’s they and us?” Macready couldn’t have sounded any less invested. 

The poor guy didn’t even notice. He collapsed against the wall, hand clamped over his shoulder. “the Warwick farm… they came, Cutty and some others I didn’t recognize. When they shot me I just played dead. She shot June!” 

“the Warwicks were attacked?” god damn it why? I needed to find Gray but this?! how could I just ignore it? they’d saved her life when she ran after Kellogg. I owed them for that, so did Gray. She’d want me to check on them, to hell with her. “who’s Cutty? Do you know where he is?”

“he’s dead! Well I think. There was a lot of blood… it was everywhere.” Miserably he leaned his head between his legs like he might throw up. “they killed him! what kind of raiders just kill each other out of cold blood?”

“the worst kind.” Grimly Macready offered the kid a Stimpak before meeting my gaze. “what do you want to do?”

I wanted to ignore this and keep up the search for Gray. “lets go and see if there’s anyone else there we can help. I know where the farm is.” 

“be careful! They’re insane, I don’t know what they’re going to do!” the boy cried, panic rapidly overtaking him again. 

This was great. If we left this guy here alone he’d just draw out ghouls. We couldn’t exactly take him with us if the raiders were still around though. what a damn mess. “alright, Macready I’ll go ahead, you follow with … sorry didn’t catch your name.”

“Jay.”

“follow with Jay and I’ll let you know when the farm is clear.”

“you sure about that?” Macready crossed his arms. “you could end up as dead as Cutty.”

“I’m less likely to get killed than you are, just follow at a distance.” The sooner we got this over with the sooner we could be back on Gray’s trail. Every minute we wasted was another minute she could put herself in danger. What if she was stupid enough to attack the Gunners? My Gray wouldn’t be dumb enough but what about this one? this was the part of the job I hated. When I didn’t know yet who I was chasing. That was always the most dangerous part.

The farm wasn’t far and I reached it just as the sun reached the peek of its path. Smoke drifted up in twin sets of pillars. I didn’t need to get close to know that I was about to see was going to be bad. Just inside the gate was a small scorched crater. Bits of a power armor were scattered across the ground along with whoever had been inside. Must be Cutty I guessed. Beside the gate lay a dead man who had been too close to the power armor when it was destroyed. His entire lower body was nothing better than a pile of meat. 

There were more bodies, three at different places in the farm. One of them drew my attention first and it made me sick. June Warwick. She’d been the one to tell me where Gray was back after the Kellogg thing. She lay in the dirt, staring in shock and horror at the sky, blood oozing out of the back of her head. 

My revolver was in my hand now. carefully I made my way into the farm, trying to ignore June’s body just for a moment. A quick sweep of the farm proved no one was around. Whoever had done this had already cleared out. Grimly I put my revolver back then approached June’s body. Roger wasn’t here, neither were the kids, had the raiders taken them? Slavers? Probably. Gently I closed June’s eyes.

Macready came through the gate then, helping the boy through while he stumbled over his own feet. “damn… who did this?” 

“I don’t know yet.” We should take June’s body inside, or at least cover it up. A coat lay beside her on the ground I picked it up.

“where are the others?” frantically the boy ran to the house, almost tripping and falling face flat for his trouble. 

We just let him go. No point trying to make him calm down at this point. Macready came to stand at my side, staring grimly down at June. “the Warwicks used to do a lot of trading with us…. What do we do?”

“we go after them.” My eyes widened as I lifted the coat off the ground and got a better look at it. one sleeve missing, the other rolled up. Tears sewn haphazardly together. Blood stains on the collar. It couldn’t be. 

It took a second but eventually Macready looked at it. He frowned. “that looks like hers….”

“it is hers….” Gently I folded her coat up. My damn hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Not even when I clenched them. Had she really done this?

“god….” Macready looked around with new eyes. “what the heck has she turned into?”

“no time, where’s the witness?” handing over the coat to Macready I stalked toward the building. There I found the witness, on his knees, staring toward the ceiling. Be gentle. Yeah right. “Jay! Where did Cutty make his base!” 

He swung terrified eyes around to me. you’re going to scare him, take it easy. “what?

“Cutty!” I just managed to keep myself from shouting. “where is his hide out?!”

“take it easy Valentine.” Came Macready’s obligatory concern from the doorway. 

Jay swallowed hard and pointed at the wall. “the old Poseidon Energy building….”

“lets go.” Whether Jay followed us or not I didn’t care. I only cared that Macready followed because I would need backup for what came next. What did come next? Gray murdered that woman out of cold blood. something inside me thought maybe she’d killed Cutty too. Something Jay had said. No. I couldn’t believe she’d done that, not until I’d seen her with my own eyes.

Macready didn’t say a word as we left the farm, practically running down the cracked road toward Poseidon energy. It was one of the places on our list, Fahrenheit’s team was headed this direction. Probably wouldn’t be long till they showed up. We had to get to Gray first. John could be fooled by our explanations for a little while, Fahrenheit would see right through us. 

The building looked about as ordinary as they came. Concrete walls, metal stairs and platforms leading up to the roof. No flood lights, no turrets, not even any guards on watch. Getting in wasn’t an issue. We literally walked in the front door. The factory floor looked like a battle zone, with old blood stains and scorch marks. There was machinery everywhere that could have been used for anything for all I knew. We both had our guns out now, slowly creeping into the factory. 

Voices drifted toward us from the other end. “you are a cruel woman.”

“it turns you on and you know it.” that voice was familiar but wrong. Completely wrong. 

My coolant started pumping faster, a thing that usually only happened during a fight. If I could sweat I knew my hands would be clammy. Instead I gripped my gun tighter.

“I guess you’re right about that.” Laughter, cold angry laughter. “still, those kids aren’t gonna stand a chance down there. You don’t want to stick around to watch the show?”

“I’m hungry, we’ll be back before the party-”

I stepped around one of the generators only to find them staring directly at us. There she was. Gray stood just as I remembered her. I don’t know why I was expecting anything else. It’s not as if she’d physically become a different person. Same hair, same scars, same eyes. all except the jacket, a leather one. beside her stood Rush, grinning wickedly, with enough self confidence to make me angry. 

“well isn’t that interesting?” he murmured, tilting his head down just a little.

Gray stood there quietly for a few seconds staring at me. there was no recognition there, at least none that I could see. Neither was there rage like before. She just stared. Gray eyes calm and collected. She was calculating I realized with a jolt. Eventually she did speak. “I’m impressed you found us so quickly. That sore that I knocked you out?” 

My arms shook while I debated on what to do. With Rush there, and the others out of sight, I should raise my gun. It was the smart thing to do. But would that make her angry? Would that be it? So instead I kept it down. “Gray, are you in there?”

“Gray… I kinda like that.” She mused, smirking like something else amused her. “but the name’s O'Malley, not that you cared to learn any of our names before you shot at us.”

“Gray please it’s me.” 

“what are you doing?” Macready hissed at me, shooting a glare out the corner of his eye. 

“what are you doing?” Rush echoed with a sneer. “I thought we’d have to go looking for you ourselves but you came to us. How nice of you.”

“shut up, I wasn’t talking to you.” my gun hand tightened, raise it! raise it already or they’ll shoot you. no, not yet. Not when there was still the chance. grimly I locked Gray’s eyes. “this isn’t right, you know it isn’t. you can feel it.” 

Confusion flashed across her face. A second it was gone replaced by another sneer. “you’re right, this won’t feel right until I’ve torn off your arms and legs.” 

“don’t do this….” 

“is that a warning?” 

“it’s a promise.” Instead of looking at her I shifted my gaze back to Rush. He’d understand my words, he’d know what they meant, and he should be terrified. “I’m getting her back, you can’t stop me.”

Another smirk, more self confidence than a Brotherhood of Steel knight in full power armor. “come and get her if you can.”

Bullets rained down from above. Macready retreated, yelling at me to do the same. I didn’t, not at first, I just stared at Gray who smiled at me. she was in there I knew it, I just had to get through to her. And that’s when I made the dumbest decision I’d ever made in my life. I ran at her, holstering my gun as I went. They were both surprised enough to let me get close. Furiously I punch Rush aside, sending him sprawling. Didn’t break anything, no matter how much I wanted to. Gray scrambled to pull her gun free of its holster but I caught her hand first. With one hand I grabbed her by the collar and hauled her up then slammed her into the ground. 

The air left her in a rush. Dazed, she stared blearily upward passed my face. I never wanted to hurt Gray, not that she’d given me much choice. “listen to me, you’re not a raider, you killed Cormac and left the gang five years ago. You’ve got to remember.”

My words had the exact opposite effect I was hoping for. Her face twisted with rage while she struggled under my grip. “what the fuck is wrong with you?! you killed Cormac and Chloe! You’re the one that tore our family apart! I should have killed you before.”

“why didn’t you?!” there was gunfire everywhere now. Rush would be up soon and then it would be over, unless Macready moved his ass. I had to try this though. before we went any further I had to try and reach Gray. “why haven’t you come after me before now? why five years?”

“because….” Words caught in her throat while confusion filled her angry eyes. “because we couldn’t reach you….”

I shook my head. Maybe I really was getting to her. “no, you could have killed me anytime you wanted to. We’re friends Gray, we’re more than that. You’ve got to remember.” 

“I ….” Her eyes widened, the debate raging furiously in her head. This was it, that’s right come on Gray come back to me. then she blinked and all confusion was gone. “I remember you killed my friends.” She wrenched free her gun and fired it into my stomach.

Lucky me the bullet didn’t hit anything vital, the force still carried me back. Staggering off her I dodged the swing of her gun while she aimed for my head. Stepping into her swing I grabbed her hand and wrenched her forward. I hated this. hitting Gray. It brought back memories and phantom pain spread through my right hand. instead I raised my left fist and slammed her in the ribs. She grunted but rolled with it, twisting out of my grasp and putting distance between us. 

“see that?” she laughed, pointing at me like I’d just done something stupid. “would a friend hit another friend?”

“then what do you call Rick?”

That wiped the smile off her face. The crazed fury I’d seen before was back as she threw up her pistol. “this ends now toaster!” 

Then an explosion rocked the building from above. we all whirled around to look up, gaping. Someone leaned over the banister to scream down at the factory floor. Rick. “we’ve got a problem! They brought reinforcements.”

“god damn it….” she hissed throwing her gaze back down. 

Rush appeared at her side, a knife in hand. “I think a retreat might be in order love….”

For a minute it looked like Gray would argue. That look said she wanted blood, and she’d figure out a way to squeeze it out of me. How had Gray turned into this? could memory manipulation really go this far? Eventually she let out a groan. “fine, go tell the others, we’re retreating out through here. Less resistance.” And her eyes refocused on me menacingly.

Rush Grinned. “sure thing boss.” Then left.

I clenched my jaw. “do you love Rush?”

That question took her aback, giving me the chance to race in again. Once more I grabbed her gun wielding hand, keeping it firmly pointed at the ground. She was ready for the tactic this time though. a knife flashed in her hand and buried itself in my shoulder. I screamed as pain lanced through my spine. One knee hit the concrete with a thud. She smiled at me, holding me down like a shish kabab. “this feels right, now start begging machine.”

Breathing steadily I looked her in the eye again. “do you love him?”

With a jerk she twisted the knife, I bit down on the cry of pain before it came out. Times like these I wish I knew how to turn off my voice box. “I said beg machine.”

“do you love him?”

“beg.”

“do you?”

“god damn it beg!”

“do you?”

“why the fuck do you care?!” 

Blinking through the pain I looked up. “because I love you.” 

Her face instantly lost its color as the blood drained from it. for a moment she stopped holding me down, stopped trying to raise her gun. There was real recognition there and it lingered. Maybe a small part of Gray peeked out, knew what was happening. 

Then another explosion went off over our heads and snapped her back to the present. Rush and the others came running down the stairs. Gray jerked the knife out of my shoulder and I went crumpling back groaning. When I looked back up it was to find Tag clutching at a blond girl with a crazed expression on her face. “you!” she screamed, practically clawing at his arms to get at me. “you’re the one! you killed her!” 

“we don’t have time for this.” Rick barked, shooting her a glare. “you can kill him later right now we’ve got to move.”

“you’re not going anywhere!” that wasn’t a voice I expected to hear. My eyes scanned further up the ramp until they fell on the red head and scarred face of Fahrenheit. Now that was some timing. I didn’t know whether I should be grateful for their arrival or not. “surrender now and we’ll let you live!”

“go fuck yourself!” Gray cried then lobbed a grenade at her position. 

While Fahrenheit swore and dodged out of sight Tag started dragging the blond away. That was probably Maria, if her fixation of my death was any indication. Rick went after them, firing every once in a while at the bridges overhead. 

Rush leaned in to Gray, murmuring something quietly into her ear while he looked at me. I didn’t need an imagination to guess what he was saying. She shook her head. “later, we don’t have enough time.” 

“gray wait!” I pushed myself to my feet.

Rush tensed but Gray just looked at me with a cool, calculated expression. That, more than anything else unnerved me. “for the last time, don’t call me that, the name’s O'Malley.”

“don’t go, we can fix this. you don’t belong with these psychos.” I shot a glare at Rush who grinned proudly. 

Slowly Gray turned to face me fully. Even with Fahrenheit’s men coming down the stairs and half her gang already in retreat, she still took the time to have the final word. “I’m guessing you’re not going to stop chasing me are you?”

“I won’t let you leave this building.” 

She chuckled and a shiver ran up my spine. “how are you going to do that with a family to save?” 

“what?” my chest tightened. she didn’t….

Smiling she started to walk away. “in the basement. If you’re lucky they’re not Mirelurk chow yet. You’ve got a choice to make here. Come after me and maybe stop me from leaving, or going down there and maybe saving a couple of kids. your choice.”

“don’t do this gray….”

“I already have.”


	16. Damn Voice Won’t Shut Up

I smashed the clock with a metal pipe. It gave a satisfying little crunching noise as I did it too. With a tug I dislodged my pipe and smashed the clock again. And again, and again, and again. 

“that damn toaster….” I growled.

Another swing.

“what the fuck did he go saying something like that for?”

Another satisfying crunch.

“the hell is his game? Why would he-”

This time a toaster. 

“go doing something as dumb as that?!” 

The toaster started to smoke. Carefully I backed up. No telling how many of these prewar appliances had fusion cores in them. Last thing I needed was to get my face melted off. While I stared at it my hand tightened on the pipe, my right wrist ached. Do you love Rush? What a stupid question of course I loved him. he’d made me everything I was. I was grateful to him. of course I loved him. I owed him everything. 

That’s not true.

Furiously I threw the pipe at the toaster, knocking it off the table. It hit the ground with a crash and split apart. No explosion. Good. The others wouldn’t be happy if I’d blown a hole through our hideout. Not that it was much of a hideout. We’d been chased from Poseidon energy by some of Hancock’s men into the marsh. We were lucky. Tag found an old irrigation tunnel that someone had tried to make a home a while back. easy to miss, out of the way. Not exactly dry or welcoming but useful. we were hold up here until the heat died down. 

And all I wanted was to get back out there and shoot someone. Beating the shit out of appliances wasn’t nearly as satisfying as it should be. Maybe a ghoul or two would help take the edge off. There had to be some wondering out there right? maybe I’d get lucky and a couple would wonder into our hiding place. Nice little distraction. 

“feel better?”

“you were an idiot.” I growled, swinging a glare up at Rush who watched me with a smile. “the fuck do you have to smile about?”

“I’m just glad you’re here.” He shrugged. 

“whatever.” Leaving my little temper tantrum behind I stalked up into his face and jabbed a finger at his chest. “you were a god damn idiot, going to the Poseidon plant. We have a history of using that place of course they found us!”

“what? No nostalgia for the good old times?” His head cocked to the side while a brow shot up.

I groaned airily. “your nostalgia could have gotten us killed. It almost did. You’re lucky we had a distraction for those assholes.” 

“maybe it wasn’t just about nostalgia.” That’s when his voice went low and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Do you love Rush? Yes of course I loved him. He excited me. he made my blood pump. Then why did his every move make me tense? “maybe it was to prove a point.”

“to who? That synth?” then I understood. Mouth falling open I took a step back, my eyes going wide. “you son of a bitch. You wanted him to find us? What the hell for?! If anyone’s dangerous he is! The fuck is wrong with you?!”

Rush didn’t look particularly concerned, if anything he looked more satisfied than ever. So had he proven his point? Is that what that was? That smugness irritated me. it was like he was in on a joke I didn’t get. And no one made fun of me behind my back. “ya know, we’re all still alive right? so why should we worry?” 

“we should worry because the next time we might not be lucky.” I snapped, willing myself not to strike. I’d never struck Rush and I never wanted to. 

Friends don’t hit friends.

So what does that make you and Rick.

God damn it, shut up! 

Angrily I swung around, searching for that pipe again. There had to be something else around here to smash. Maybe that fridge I’d seen in the other room. That would probably last a while. Eventually I found the pipe and tugged it free of what remained of the toaster. Before I could turn arms came around me and squeezed tightly. Warm breath wafted over my cheek as a hard chest pressed against my back. 

“don’t be angry love, we’re alive, and if we’re alive that means this isn’t over. We’ll make them pay for everything they’ve done, I promise.” Rush murmured gently in my ear.

Maybe I imagined the edge his voice held. Couldn’t be sure. I dropped the pipe and twisted around in his arms. His deep green eyes glistened in that devious way I enjoyed. He was always plotting, something else I loved about him. “I thought we were here to take the commonwealth.”

A deep throaty chuckle drifted out of his chest. The way his muscles felt against my skin brought a heat to my stomach. “we will, in due time. But first maybe we should focus on the people that have wronged us.”

“and who are people exactly?” I knew the answer of course but I wanted to hear him say it. 

Still grinning he leaned in to my ear, so close that his lips brushed it. “well for starters what about that detective?”

“he killed Cormac and Chloe, I’m going to make his death slow.” I snarled so angrily it even surprised me. 

That got another chuckle from him. “then what about the Gunners? Or Hancock? Remember what he said to you? Called you the worst kind of scumbag there is.”

“pretty much word for word.” The anger flared again before settling back down. what was the point of getting angry right now? anger made you stupid. it could serve you when all else was gone. But there was a difference between pure unadulterated rage, and just anger. Going at them without a plan would just get us killed. “we’ll deal with them, all of them in due time. I’m working on a plan for Hancock but in the mean time lets just focus on us.”

“I like the sound of that.” Mischievously he leaned in for a kiss.

I shot a hand up between us. “not us, us. The gang.” With a hard shove I parted us and walked passed him. 

The irrigation ditch was cold, wet and muddy. There were bits of old ghoul bodies in places, some signs of Bloodbugs. Disgusting. To think they’d managed to reduce us to this. we’d had a pretty good set up at Poseidon, no denying that. Now here we were. Out in the middle of nowhere, hiding in the mud. Pathetic. We were better than this.

Maria and Tag sat against one wall on a soggy mattress. Both were as silent as ever. In fact once she stopped screaming Maria had gone particularly quiet. That should have unnerved me if I cared. Just inside the door sat Rick, stoically watching for anyone approaching. Judging by his posture you’d think he was practically asleep. Yet his knuckles were white on his shotgun. He was more furious than any of us were.

You don’t belong with these psychos.

“well.” I clapped my hands, drawing their attention. “according to Rush since we’re not dead this is a victory.”

Rick scoffed, returning his gaze to the wetland. 

Nodding seriously I sat on a table in the corner. “those are my thoughts exactly.”

In a sudden burst of movement Rick got to his feet and strode into the camp. “we should have stayed and fought!”

Coolly I watched his angry face storm close to mine. He stopped a few feet away, eyes darting to a point over my shoulder. I knew Rush stood there. Impressive that he could keep this raging bull in line. “now Rick, what exactly would that have gotten us?” I asked mildly.

His already beady eyes narrowed even more into a glare. I expected him to throw a punch, hell it might have been fun to tussle with him a little. To my disappointment he kept the distance between us. “we’re on the run now aren’t we? We can’t do anything while those jackasses are after us.”

“so you think staying and fighting would have been better?” With a mocking grin I leaned over my knees. This was the most ridiculous thing I’d heard. “did you really think that five of us, two with gun training, one medic, a brawler, and a knife thrower, would be able to go up against a team of six? A team armed with grenades and miniguns?”

“I’m saying we should have tried.” He growled but his gaze dropped a fraction. 

“and died in the process.” Exasperatedly I waved a hand, vaguely indicating the plant which wasn’t all that far from our location. “if we’d stayed any longer than we had then Fahrenheit’s men would have been on top of us and we’d have been cornered. Our little adventure into taking over the commonwealth would have been over before we even had the chance to start.”

Instead of saying anything he growled, like a dog, and turned his back on me. “I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t care. you killed Cutty out of cold blood.”

“and you supported me if memory serves.”

“I thought he was weak.” 

“he was weak.” With a thrust I got off the table and carefully approached him. like a feral dog he could snap and bite my hand off at any moment. “he couldn’t keep his gang together, he lost his territory, his men, and respect. If he was in our position what would he have done?”

Silence followed my question, which wasn’t rhetorical so it annoyed me.

“he’d have stayed and fought.” I finished. “like the worlds biggest idiot, he’d have tried to protect his little concrete building and died doing it. are you saying we should be weak like him?”

“you could have killed the machine before we left.” He muttered still refusing to look at me. his voice though almost seemed smug. Did he think he was proving a point by bringing this up? “I saw it. you had your chance but you didn’t take it. Why was that?”

“because we didn’t have time to give that thing what he deserves.” 

“tell that to Maria.” He jabbed a thick finger at the woman sitting crumpled on the ground, her face hidden in her hands.

I stared down at her sympathetically. I’d liked Chloe, we’d all liked her, but Maria loved her. What was it like to lose the woman you loved? I had no idea. Love was complicated and messy and a liability in the commonwealth. Not that I’d managed to avoid it any better. “I know you’re angry Maria. And I know you want the machine dead. But is a quick death really what you want?”

Slowly she raised her eyes to meet mine. They were deranged. No doubts about that. Her grief had driven her beyond mad. How she managed to function every day was truly beyond me. revenge wasn’t just a thought, it was her entire world. What kept her in line? 

It was Tag of course. He put one of his massive scarred hands on her back, gently stroking her. His gaze remained on her, he refused to look at me. now there was someone I didn’t understand. Rush was easy, Rick was simple, Maria was out of her mind, Tag was a different story. 

“see Rick?” gesturing I turned back to the big man. “she wants to make him suffer, if I’d killed him I’d have robbed her of her vengeance. Would you want that?”

“what about my vengeance?” he snarled, fists tight at his sides. Go ahead and throw the punch, I dare you. 

“what about your vengeance?” my brows shot up. “you want him too don’t you? well we’ll get to him, once we’re ready.”

“he’s not the only one.” like an angry animal in a cage he started pacing the width of the room. from one wall to the other he went back and forth. Just like a feral dog. Of course there was only one thing you could do with a feral animal. “the Gunners chased us out of the commonwealth. That machine started it but the gunners finished it.”

“you want to go after the Gunners? Cause we can.” Holding out my hands I shrugged. “we may die trying but hey, I’m sure we can take a chunk out of them before we bite the dust.”

“I don’t give a damn about all of them, just one.” then he punched the wall, as if the wall had been that one. wood cracked beneath the force and I was suddenly happy he hadn’t swung it at me. “Macready, that god damn kid, he was there when they chased us out. I want him to fucking pay for what he did to us.”

“Macready?” Rush spoke up, reminding me that he was still standing there. 

Casually I turned and sat back on the table. “what do you know about him?”

Wickedly he smiled self-satisfied. Like his plan was falling into place. “he left the Gunners a few years ago, came back to the commonwealth, started running with a woman called Violet Flynn. Rumor has it that he’s settled down with her and a couple of kids.”

“he gets to have a family while ours fell apart.” Rick muttered numbly then threw another fist into the wall. 

“doesn’t seem right does it?” in quiet amusement I chuckled.

Big mistake. Rick pulled his fist free. In the blink of an eye he was in my face, hand wrapped around my collar. “is this fucking funny to you?! do you think it’s funny that we have to hide in the mud, scavenging like a bunch of dogs?!”

“there’s only one dog I see here.” I replied still smiling at him.

“you bitch!” his fist went up.

Rush stepped in and caught it. “now, now, let’s not get violent with one another. That’s not what family does.” A significant set of looks passed between him and Rick. They were arguing silently. What had Rush done that made Rick act this way? Rick could have easily overpowered Rush, I’d seen it plenty of times before. Instead they locked gazes. A stalemate. “why don’t you have a seat Rick?”

With a fierce jerk he took back his fist and stalked away. I watched him go with a raised brow. It would be so fun to jab him a few times. How long could I jab him until he snapped and tried to kill me? probably shouldn’t be too hard on him. after all, my jaw still throbbed when I chewed. “alright Rick, I’m sorry, can we call a truce?”

He snorted. Refusing to look at me he walked back to his place beside the doorway, glowering out into the gloom “just don’t cross me girly.”

“never again, I promise.” The mockery threatened to overtake my tone but I kept myself in check. If I wanted to lead this gang I couldn’t afford to make him angry. Not yet anyway. “but lets get back to the issue. Macready. you want to go after him?”

Rick turned his head just enough to look at me out of the corner of his eye. “you should want to too, if you’re really one of us.”

One of them. Funny. 

You don’t belong with these psychos.

“believe me, I want to see him pay as much as the rest of them. Rush.” 

Casually he turned his head up and smiled. “yes love?”

“you seem to be well informed, where are the Macreadys?” 

Hands stuffed into his pockets he leaned up against a damp wall. “well, he makes his home in Sanctuary hills. It’s an up and coming settlement way up north. Violet Macready should be there along with his kids.” 

“who are the kids? how old?” 

“two boys, a younger one and an older one. I don’t have anything else to give you.”

“so Rick, what if we go and kill her and the kids? would that make you feel better?”

He groaned airily, returning his gaze back to the swamp. “I don’t care about them, I care about that kid.”

“did you fight him before we left?” Rush called over.

“quiet idiot.” I muttered.

Rick dropped his shotgun to his side and glared at Rush full force. “he tried to stop Tag and Maria from leaving. I got in it with him. I think I knocked out one of his teeth.” 

“good for you. but I think we can do a little more damage to him than that.” Sliding off the table I made my way to his side, leaning out to scan the marsh. “how are we doing? Any sign of them?”

“there hasn’t been any sign of them for an hour.” His voice sounded hollow as he spoke. 

“good, we’ll give it another half hour before we leave.” With a finger to my chin I turned back to the camp at large. Rush’s eyes were on me, so excited you’d think it was Christmas. Tag and Maria didn’t care. “Macready’s going to be surrounded by Fahrenheit, her men and that detective. We go back for him and we’ll end up as dead as those farmers. But if we hit his family, we’ll make him angry enough to come after us alone.” 

“and then what?” Rick shot me a glare.

I smiled at him, completely ignoring the glare. “then we’ll lure him to a location of our choosing and you can take as long as you want to kill him.” 

Slowly he met my eyes. I’d never thought there was a lot going on in that head of his. He was better suited to smashing things than thinking them through. To call him a brick would be insulting bricks. Yet when our eyes met something crawled up my back. He knew something, and he wanted to say it. whatever it was made him furious. Eventually his eyes softened a fraction. “sounds good to me.”

“good.” 

“we’ll need to set up camp near Sanctuary hills.” Rush walked up to us, hands on his hips. “Concord has some good places. we used to use the warehouse-”

“no.” I snapped at him, glaring so hard you’d think I was going to kill him. “not again. Any place we ever used is now off limits. They found us because you were stupid and nostalgic. Not again. From now on we’re camping where I say, are we clear?”

“who died and put you in charge?” 

A smile spread across my face at Rick’s question. “Cormac.”

His arms started shaking as his fists clenched so I quickly retreated from his arm’s reach. Rush watched me with a grin and a raised brow. “alright, boss, what’s the plan?”

“the speakeasy should still be empty. Just off of main street. We can hold up there.” 

“and then what?”

“then I’ll scout out Sanctuary. Unless you’d like to take on that responsibility Rush.”

“no, you can do it.” 

“in the mean time lay low. Maria, I need to talk to you alone for a second if you don’t mind.” 

She looked up at me with large light green eyes, momentarily confused. Without waiting for a response I walked back down to the other end of the camp. Out of ear shot of the others. When I turned she had followed, Tag in the hallway right behind her. That’s fine, he wouldn’t tell anyone about this anyhow. “Maria, I need to ask a favor of you.” 

Her head tilted a little, childish confusion plastered all over her face. It didn’t fool me in the slightest. I’d seen how deranged she could become around that detective. That madness was in her and could come out at any moment. Hopefully she’d never strike us. 

“I need you to go ahead of us to the Med-Tek research facility in Malden.”

“why?” she asked in an airy quiet voice, barely any better than a whisper.

Well that was good, I thought she’d lost her ability to speak. “I need you to make the strongest Rad-X you can, maybe some Radaway too. Can you do that for me? it’s important.”

She wrung her hands nervously, eyes darting around sporadically. There was some of that insanity I saw earlier. “but why do you need Rad-X?”

“as far as you’re concerned I’m going into the glowing sea.” I answered smiling. In what I hoped was a comforting gesture, I put my hand on her shoulder and leaned in. “please, you’re the best chemist I know, if anyone can pull this off it’s you.”

“how strong?” a little pride leaked into her voice while her gaze focused on me again. 

“I need, lets say 20 rads to be safe. Do you think you can do that? I know it’s a tall order but you can manage it I just know it.” 

Her shoulders squared and she nodded firmly. 

“good. When we go take Tag with you to the facility. When we’re ready for you we’ll come find you.” I looked to the big dark brawler who still hadn’t said a single word to me. Rick was a brick, Maria was a madwoman but Tag? He worried me. what was going on in that head of his? “Tag, can I count on you to protect her while she does this?”

Silently he nodded, eyes refusing to stray from me. 

“thank you old friend.” Casually I leaned down and picked up the pipe that I’d left behind. “this will mean a great deal to me, both of you. I’m counting on you.”

“I won’t let you down.” Maria smiled brightly.

I squeezed her shoulder. “I know you wont. I know you won’t. and don’t worry, I swear to you, we will put an end to that detective for what he did to Chloe. This will give you time to figure out how to make him suffer properly.” 

“I’ve had five years to think about that.” Suddenly her voice was low and husky. Sadistic pleasure filled her face and she grinned. “don’t you think I’ve figured exactly what I want to do to him?”

Giggling I nodded and dropped my hand. “I suppose you have. why don’t we sit down, you can tell me all about the things you’ve thought of?” 

Her eyes brightened.

And I felt nothing. maybe I should feel something. I loved her didn’t I? she was like a sister. At least that’s what I remembered feeling. She and Chloe. But I didn’t feel the love. All I felt was the anger from Chloe’s death. Was I manipulating her? Probably. But this wasn’t just about me. with her help I’d make all of them pay for what they’d done to us all. So was the manipulation all that bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading back through this i almost like evil Vel more than Grey. Why are villains so fun?
> 
> Anyway, some of you may notice i posted another part of Blood Alloy. It's an idea for a prequel that I thought up the other night. It's just the first rough draft chapter and i wanted to gauge interest in it. If you'd like to read more let me know, if not i'll just relegate it to my doodles. 
> 
> thanks for the support, till next week.


	17. Too Far Gone?

“he finally passed out.” Fahrenheit reported as she walked up to where I sat.

Before saying anything I took a long drag on the cigarette. What good did this do? Didn’t have lungs. Hell still wasn’t sure how I actually smoked in the first place, or why. it was a compulsion. Nick’s old memories had him smoking whenever he was nervous. Calmed his nerves I guess. There wasn’t any reason it should calm my nerves. It didn’t feel like it was doing anything right now. I let the smoke out and looked at her from under the rim of my hat. “how bad is it?”

“well, the Mirelurks did a number on his face. half of its melted off, there’s no saving that eye.” with a grunt she leaned her minigun against a wall and sat on the step beside me. we were on the factory floor, Fahrenheit’s team, as few as there were, swept the plant. It had gone quiet since the boy passed out. “they clawed at his chest too. He’s going to have breathing problems for the rest of his life.”

I’d had to chose when Gray and the gang fled. either go after her myself, or stay and search for the Warwicks. I hadn’t wanted to but it was the right thing to do, so I stayed. Fahrenheit sent her men to chase the gang while we went into the basement. What we found had been gut wrenching. The basement levels were flooded, Mirelurks infested it. we found parts of an adult man and a young woman. sitting on a pipe, shivering and screaming in pain while Mirelurks scratched at his perch, was the boy Wally. 

He was covered in blood, spit and murky water. His face had been rendered unrecognizable by their claws and his chest was shredded. When we found him he’d been too terrified and too hysterical to even recognize who we are. He’d nearly killed himself trying to fight us. Once upstairs Fahrenheit took him aside to tend to his injuries. The screaming hadn’t stopped until a few minutes ago. 

Slowly I took another drag. Wally would never recover. “I see….” Slowly I took another drag. 

“is that all you’ve got to say?!”

The enraged voice brought our gazes up. Macready stormed toward us, fists clenched, arms swinging tightly at his sides. He sported a black eye and a bloody lip. When had that happened? There hadn’t exactly been a full battle here. That was thanks to Fahrenheit’s arrival I suppose. If she hadn’t shown up Gray may have stayed to fight. Could Macready and I have stopped this ourselves? Killed the rest and grabbed Gray?

Macready in my face stopped those thoughts dead in their tracks. “is that all you’ve got to say Valentine?! A whole family is dead and a kid is on his death bed! And _I see_ is all you can say?!”

“what am I supposed to say?” I asked hollowly around the cigarette. 

“this is your fault!” 

“you don’t have to tell me twice.” Roaring, I rose, the cigarette fell from my mouth. Macready took a step back the rage momentarily replaced by fear. The room went silent. Fahrenheit didn’t react but I felt her eyes on me. after a few seconds I realized my fists were clenched. With a careful breath I let them go. “I know it’s my fault….”

“don’t be an idiot.” Fahrenheit rolled her eyes while she lit a cigarette. “you didn’t do this Valentine, they did.”

“you mean O'Malley did.” Macready growled venomously. 

My shoulders slumped and I sat back down with a huff. With one hand I took off my hat and rubbed the other over my head. 

“O'Malley isn’t herself, you said it yourself.” Didn’t know what Fahrenheit hoped to gain from arguing with him. who could deny the truth here? As much as I wanted to. 

“how do we know this isn’t just the real O'Malley. What if she’s been stringing us along this whole time?”

“you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I snapped, shooting fiery eyes at Macready. “this isn’t her. This is what they made her. She would never have done this otherwise.”

“or maybe you’ve been thinking about this all wrong.” He spat, jabbing a finger at me. “maybe they just let her be exactly what she always was.”

“you know that’s not true.” Getting angry wouldn’t help, no matter how much I wanted to. There wasn’t even enough energy in me to be angry. Because I blamed myself as much as anyone. “she’s spent years making up for what she did, she feels as much guilt over her past as you do. I thought you’d have more sympathy.” 

His jaw tightened. normally I wouldn’t bring up someone’s dirty laundry but in the case of Macready he needed a reminder. Violet gave him a chance, so I had to give him a chance. that didn’t mean I’d forgotten the things he was guilty of. 

“we’ve all got things in our pasts we’re not proud of.” Fahrenheit folded her arms and got to her feet. “so be careful when you dredge up someone else’s.” 

“whatever.” Like a child Macready stalked away, leaning against a box scowling. 

He wasn’t going to be any help. good thing Fahrenheit was here. So I turned on her. “they won’t be dumb enough to use one of their old hideouts again. Do you have any way to contact your teams?”

“I’ve already sent word to them.” She spoke quietly around her cigarette. “they’ll be heading back to Goodneighbor, the question I have is why you two went off alone.”

“we were going to link up with one of you until we found out about the Warwicks.” 

“don’t lie to me Valentine, I know your tells.” She narrowed her eyes which to be honest was intimidating. “what haven’t you told me or Hancock? He’s too much of a one track mind to think about it but you’re not telling us everything.”

My jaw tightened in spite of myself. Of course she knew my tells. That was the problem when you played games against someone too many times. Trying to lie to her would just makes this worse. “look Fahrenheit, all you need to know is that if we don’t get her back she’s never coming home. Can I count on you to help me?”

“of course.” Her voice didn’t stray from her usual hollow dead tone she usually wore. Hard to tell if she cared or if this was just a job to her. “but you’re going to have to explain yourself at some point.” 

“if it comes to it, I will.” I wouldn’t have a choice if things continued to go sideways. 

Casually she plucked her cig from her mouth and tossed it aside. “our priority should be getting Wally to Goodneighbor. He needs medical attention that we can’t give him here. O'Malley is going to have to wait.”

“I know.” I’d already made the decision that the boy was more important than Gray when I stayed to find him. it made me feel sick to leave her out there, to do more damage, to put herself in more danger, but what choice did I have? “we’ll regroup with John at Goodneighbor and come up with a new plan. Things have changed, we need to take a step back.”

“we need a whole new plan.” Fahrenheit agreed, picking her minigun back up. “Hancock may have some ideas for what we do next.”

“we don’t need his ideas.” Macready spoke up in a rough tone. 

We turned to him. I did my utmost to keep my anger down. we didn’t see eye to eye, but I needed him. at least for the time being. “what are your thoughts?”

With arms slack at his sides he leaned away from the wall to stand beside us. “I tried to stop Maria and Tag from getting out the building but Rick got in my way. He’s one tough son of a –. He punched out one of my teeth. He wanted to do worse but O'Malley stopped him. Angry isn’t a strong enough word for how he looked.”

“and what’s that got to do with their next move?” Fahrenheit shot him a spectacle look. “no offence Macready but you’ve never been the brightest tool in the shed.”

Shaking his head he groaned airily. His fists clenched. 

“what are you thinking?” I took pity on him. so far he hadn’t led us off course. 

“Rick knows I was on the teams that chased him out of the commonwealth.” His voice became guarded, hard and low. That was protectiveness. Even before he finished I knew exactly what he was getting at. “he knows I’m here now, and I’ve got his attention. if they’re not going to hit the Gunners, he’s going to come after me.”

“Rick might want to but what about the others?” at least Fahrenheit wasn’t trying to dismiss Macready outright. Like any good tactician she examined the situation with unbiased eyes. “he’s not in charge, if anyone is in charge by now it’s Rush or O'Malley, would either of them want to kill you?”

“Rush won’t care either way, he’s got half of what he wants already, the other half being me turned into scrap.” I leaned against the banister, putting a finger to my chin. “Gray though….” 

“don’t play dumb Valentine, we both know what she’d do.” I didn’t like that tone anymore. “she’s a sick twisted fuck. If she listens to Rick and decides that it would be fun to make me suffer. You know exactly what she’ll do next.”

“Violet….” My stomach tightened and my heart sank. “you think she’s headed for Sanctuary.” 

“that’s exactly what I think.” He nodded firmly.

“it makes sense.” Fahrenheit nodded in agreement. “assuming that Rick is fixated on the Gunners, and that O'Malley agrees, and that she doesn’t just target you. there are a lot of assumptions there.” 

“it’s not an assumption.” Macready roared at her. His eyes were practically wild when he turned them on her. “I’m not risking Violet. I shouldn’t even be out here! Valentine was worried about her safety before, how bad do you think it is now?!”

“calm down.” Fahrenheit wasn’t in the slightest moved by his outburst, if anything she was unimpressed. With her minigun she marched back up the steps. “you’ll hurt yourself. If you’re worried about Sanctuary then feel free to leave. No one’s stopping you.” 

With that grenade hanging in the air she marched up the stairs, leaving me to deal with the fallout. Thanks so much Fahrenheit. Macready glared at me and I let out a breath to keep myself from rising to the challenge in his face. “you know I’m right.” 

Miserably I nodded. “I’ll admit… it fits her M.O.” 

“after what she did to that kid? what do you think she’ll do to Violet when she gets there?” 

She wouldn’t really hurt Violet. Gray loved her, like a sister. She’d said as much to me before. No way she’d admit it to anyone else of course. And the kids. Shaun and Danny were as important to her as family. Gray would never hurt either of them.

Of course, I’d have said the same thing about the Warwicks. Vel checked on them once a month, she loved Wally. And look what she’d done to them. God. Was she too far gone? No. don’t think that. Just stay on the case. Nothing else mattered except getting her back. “look, maybe you should go home. If there’s even a slim chance that they’re headed for Sanctuary I want you there to protect her.”

“you’ve changed your tune.” The guard came back up in his voice to which I just sighed.

“after this they won’t stick to a pattern that you know. You won’t be as useful as you were before.” Blunt honesty to hide the truth. “no I don’t need you here anymore. It’ll be for the best if you go home.” 

Clearly he was surprised, and for a brief moment skeptical. When I gave him no reason to think otherwise, the skepticism disappeared. “you sure?”

“yes I’m sure. Fahrenheit, John and I can handle finding her. You need to protect your family. I’d do the same thing.” 

“and if she’s headed that way?”

I heard the worry in his voice. In his mind she was already there. It may not be true. Fahrenheit wasn’t convinced, which made me hesitate. “then we’ll be right behind you. we have to regroup and get Wally some medical attention first. As soon as John is with us we’ll come reinforce Sanctuary.” 

A breath left him and with it went a bit of weight off his shoulders. I’d taken a load off his mind. He deserved it after coming this far with me. “thank you Valentine.”

“go on ahead of us. You’ll get there before nightfall if you leave now. We’ll meet you there later tonight.”

“alright, thank you, I’ll see you there.” 

“don’t waste any more time.” 

With one last nod, Macready strode out of the plant. I watched him go silently, willing myself not to react. He had to do what he had to do. Protecting Violet should have been his priority from the start. If it weren’t for the kid and me he wouldn’t have been out here in the first place. I was selfish for bringing him in the first place. I’d been so focused on finding the gang that I’d barely considered anything else. Now Gray was with Rush and they were more dangerous than ever. 

Maybe it had been stupid to leave her in Goodneighbor. Who the hell was I kidding? This whole thing was my fault. It all started when I didn’t track down Rush and the others five years ago. If I had then she would have been free. But I’d let them escape. I’d left Gray at Goodneighbor. I’d left her vulnerable to them. And because of all that a family was dead. Their blood was on my hands. 

“you let the merc go?” 

I looked up to find Fahrenheit standing over me. turning back to the plant I picked out another cigarette. “he’s not going to be of any use. He’s more likely to kill her than bring her in. and his information is outdated. We’re better off without him.” 

“if you say so.” With a hand she pushed me out of the way of the stairs as her men came down. 

They held a makeshift stretcher between them. On it lay Wally. Half his face was bandaged up. He had no shirt and what little bandages we’d found for him hardly covered the worst of the injury. Blood muscle and tissue glistened in the dull light of the plant. There might have been a little white of bone. Painful didn’t do it justice. Exhaustion had driven him to unconsciousness. Even in sleep the good side of his face was twisted in pain. 

God. I couldn’t believe that Gray had let this happen. 

Carefully they carried him toward the exit. Fahrenheit stepped up to me, brow raised. “are you going off on your own again or are you coming back to Goodneighbor?”

“Goodneighbor for now, until I’ve decided on our next move.” 

“good, I could use another gun while transporting the boy.” She seemed to assume the role of my commander as she called over the heads of her men. “we’re skirting around Quincy then using the highway to fast track it back to Goodneighbor! Scot stay at our rear, I’ll lead, Valentine stay next to the stretcher. Don’t let anything near it.”

“yes ma’am.” What would attack us? We’d made good time here before with little if any resistance. And with Fahrenheit at the front who would look at us and decide she was a good person to piss off? One thing I could say for her, she brought with her a reputation. Glad she was on our side. 

So we left the plant with the sun inching toward the west. The most dangerous part of the journey came when we passed by Quincy to discover the Gunners there fighting a party of Supermutants. If even one of those green giants got wind of us we’d have been dead. Thankfully Fahrenheit knew how to avoid fighting as much as how to fight. Soon we left the gunfire behind in favor of commonwealth silence. 

About an hour or so from Quincy we strayed off the path and used a lift to reach the top of the highway. I remembered this lift. Gray and I had used it in an attempt to escape the Brotherhood of Steel. It was along this very path that I’d essentially died, a hole blown out the side of my face. Gray had almost killed herself to save my life even though it had been easier to just leave me at the bottom of the river. It might have been the safer option too. Would the brotherhood of steel been able to find me down there? Gray hadn’t cared though. 

Later when I asked her about it she’d tried to shrug it off, claim it wasn’t a big deal. When I pressed her for details she had told me that she would risk radiation poisoning and drowning all over again if it meant keeping me safe. Her devotion would probably surprise most people that knew her only by reputation. To anyone that had lived with her in Goodneighbor it would make perfect sense. Friends and family was all she had. Protecting those was her only priority. That didn’t just include me. that included Violet, Shaun, Danny, even Macready as much as she hated to admit it. 

so far I’d convinced myself that they were safe from her. After what she did to the Warwicks though I couldn’t write them off as targets anymore. As much as I wanted to believe Vel was still in there the evidence said otherwise.

How stupid I was. 

Leaving behind the scene of one of my many brushes with death, we entered the city. The convenient thing about the highway was that between South Boston and the Charles it was almost completely intact. We weren’t the only ones that used it of course but as soon as any raider or scavenger caught sight of Fahrenheit they gave us a noticeably wide berth. That woman carried with her a figurative restraining order against everyone. 

Like I expected, we got to Goodneighbor without trouble. On good time to boot. One of the teams had already returned. Empty handed as expected. They were sitting in front of the Rexford while White Chapel Charlie and Magnolia served them some drinks. When they saw us coming they drifted over. “oh darling.” Magnolia’s warm deep voice welcomed us and you could practically see the tension leave Fahrenheit’s men. “you look awful, did you find them?”

“yes.” Fahrenheit unloaded her minigun into a guard’s hands and waved him away. “we need a medic, ask Daisy to donate whatever medical supplies she has and send them to the statehouse. You two follow me.” 

With the stretcher following behind Fahrenheit disappeared into the old state house. I stood there, feeling suddenly hollow and empty. Wait for John to return, that’s what I should do. It didn’t feel right just sitting here though. 

Magnolia put a hand on my ripped shoulder to which I flinched a fraction. “rough night. Is she…?”

Is she what? That’s quite the blank to leave doll. Is she dead? Is she gone forever? Is she a psychopath with a thirst for blood unparalleled by anything I’d ever seen? “she didn’t give us the chance to bring her in.” it couldn’t hurt to be honest with Magnolia. In a weird way she was like a priest at confessional. She’d always given off a sense of trust. 

“Charlie, go talk to Daisy will you?”

“sure thing.” He glided away, carrying with him a pitcher of beer. 

Magnolia then refocused her eyes on mine. “I’ve heard the rumors, someone used a memory machine to brainwash her.”

“that’d be right.” by the time we got this wrapped up the whole damn commonwealth would know. 

Something filled her expression at that. More than concern, actual genuine fear. Frowning I tilted my head up to face her. What was going on inside that head of hers? When next she spoke it was in a whisper. “you have to be careful Valentine.”

“I know.”

“I’m not sure you do.” She leaned in, any trace of her sultry smile or that self confidence gone. “I’ve seen what happens when a synth’s memories are shifted around.”

“Gray isn’t a synth.” I responded automatically. 

Rolling her eyes she took me under the arm and dragged me toward the alley at the back of the Rexford. Here we were alone. No risk of anyone overhearing. It made me tense. “listen to me Valentine, we’ve known each other a long time, maybe longer than I’ve known Goodneighbor. I know your memory’s a little rusty but try to remember.” 

Where was this going? Trying to act casual I stuffed my hands in my pockets and pivoted my body. Ready for a fight or whatever she was about to pull. Something tugged on the back of my mind. Something that felt important as I stared into her familiar face. what was I forgetting?

“have you ever wondered why synth replacements are easily fingered by their counterpart’s family?” 

“I figured they’re the most likely to notice when their patterns change.” It always seemed that simple to me.

But Magnolia shook her head. “not exactly. Memories are easy to move around, change or even add altogether. But emotion isn’t. synth replacements don’t have the same attachments to their family as the original. When they don’t love someone they simply won’t act like it.”

“that doesn’t make any sense.” As painful as it was I thought back to those first few weeks after Gray had been replaced. She’d acted distant for a while sure but that was out of self-preservation. She’d been scared. Could it also have been because her memory imprint didn’t transfer the emotions of the original Vel completely? 

DiMA’s voice came drifting back to me then. “it wasn’t the human that loved you. the synth met you, she’s the one that fell in love with you. if she hadn’t been replaced then you two never would have grown so close.” Maybe there was something to this then. Vel before had never had any romantic feelings toward me, and I hadn’t had any toward her. Yet the synth Gray had. 

“what are you trying to get at Magnolia?” it registered somewhere in the back of my mind that I was no longer denying that Gray was a synth. Once again though, something about Magnolia made me trust her. 

She grimaced, which made her look that much sexier. That was inappropriate Nick. “this is the first time the synth has met Rush and any of the others. She won’t feel much toward them at first, if at all. She will still feel things toward people that have been part of her life since she arrived in the commonwealth. But those emotions might not be right after what they did to her.”

“love turns to anger.” I murmured quietly, dropping my gaze.

“I’m afraid that may be the case.” Her hand found my arm again and she squeezed. “I am sorry old friend, but I thought you should know.”

“no, no this is good info to have thank you.” it did give me a lot to think about, and a lot to work out. What did that mean for the people in her life? She hated me. What would her feelings toward any of the others be? Vel from five years ago had no reason to hate Violet. What did all this mean in that case? Groaning I ran a hand over the back of my neck.

“I’m sorry.” With one last squeeze Magnolia drifted back toward the street.

“wait.” I span around to face her. She stopped just inside the alley, smiling with a raised brow. In that low backed dress it was hard to focus. “how did we meet Magnolia?”

That smile slipped just a little, sadness and pain speeding over her face. but like any great poker player, she hid her tells well. “let me know when you remember.” 

I let her go, the itch at the back of my mind steadily growing worse. Itches like these were becoming increasingly regular. Bits of my memories just missing to make room for the new stuff. Times like these I wondered what it would be like to store some of them away like DiMA had. If I lived any longer I’d need to. Better to have it in storage than to let it disappear. 

With Magnolia gone I stepped back out onto the street. Our team looked disheartened and it slowly infected the rest of the men. Word was spreading what had happened at the plant faster than a wildfire in summer. Nothing to do about it now. doubted many of them could understand what had actually happened to Gray. Best case scenario they blamed Rush and the gang for the Warwicks and not her. 

“Hancock is back!” someone called from the front gate.

Hands in my pockets I strode back to the main square. John walked through the gates looking as healthy as when he left, if not a little angrier. When he spotted me he stalked in my direction. “you had her and you let her go?!” 

Breathing a sigh my shoulders slumped. “we didn’t have a choice. Sh-They had hostages in the basement with Mirelurks. We couldn’t leave them to die.” 

Clearly he wanted to argue with me but not even an angry John could dismiss the value of a human life. Fists tight he stalked toward the statehouse, all the while grumbling under his breath. “she’s not making this easy is she?”

“did you really expect she would?”

“guess not.” He burst through the door, slamming it against the wall with a bang.

From somewhere inside Fahrenheit called. “second floor Hancock!”

“so what’s the plan?” he questioned on the way up the stairs.

I followed with a grimace. “Macready thinks that their next target will be Sanctuary hills. I’m not entirely inclined to agree but it’s the best theory we’ve got right now.”

“why would they hit Sanctuary?” 

“to put it simply, Rick may have a bone to pick with Macready.” 

“who doesn’t have a bone to pick with a that merc? Fahr, what do you think of all this?”

She looked up as we entered the office, already sitting on the couch. Like always they had the chess pieces set out and ready to play. This was a little more complicated than chess. Most of all this wasn’t exactly a game. “it’s the best theory we have, and I don’t have another one. I say we give it a shot. Maybe we can work this to our advantage.”

“how so?” my brow shot up at her.

With an arm on the couch she leaned back. there was the cool headed tactician that I needed. I could pretend all I wanted but Fahrenheit was a head above me when it came to this sort of thing. Give me a case with clues. A man hunt like this wasn’t my area. “if we get there ahead of them then we can set up an ambush. They’ll come to us and we’ll corner them.”

“that’s all you’ve got?” John scoffed. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’ll have a better plan when I’ve surveyed the terrain.”

“it’s a plan worth trying at least.” And it beat the hell out of standing around here talking about it. “how soon can your men be ready to move out?”

“let them rest for a half hour. Once they’re fed and watered we can put them back in the field.” 

“in the mean time.” John now switched his gaze up to me. “you can give me the full report. What the hell happened?”


	18. Bloody Games

“well for such an out of the way settlement they’ve sure got a sweet set up.” I announced as I entered the speak easy.

Rick looked up from the table where his shotgun lay in pieces. Rush stood against one corner quietly sharpening his knife. Judging by the atmosphere in the room they’d been arguing not one minute ago. Wonderful. That’s exactly what I needed from my gang, dissention. Where was Tag when I needed him? he seemed to exude calm enough for all three of them. Then again I couldn’t have sent Maria alone to Med-Tek. No I did this to myself. Lets just hope that they could keep themselves in line. 

“what have you got?” Rick questioned with guarded eagerness. At least catering to his desire for revenge was keeping him answering to me. sure I had to put off my own revenge, but I had to wait for Maria anyway. 

Smiling at that thought, I sat on the edge of the table facing them. “they’ve got two gates. One on the bridge, and one further up the road. No other gates into the settlement. In order to get into the settlement proper, where I assume Macready’s got his family, we’re going to have to go through both.”

“and what’s the defense on the gate look like?” he started putting his gun back together. The fastest way to get shot was to not clean your gun he’d always say.

“well….” With a short pause I let the anticipation sink in a little before moving on. “the first gate has around four turrets and three guard posts. The guard posts are manned. You’d be lucky to get across the bridge before you get dead.”

“and the other?”

“a bit lighter, three turrets and two guard posts.” 

“what kind of fire power do they have?”

“simple Pipe-Pistols, but we both know those are dangerous in anyone’s hands, especially if you know how to use it.” 

“so it’s three of us, versus as many as five guards and seven turrets.” Rush slid his knife back in its sheath at his belt, scowling. “does this revenge seem worth all this trouble Rick?”

The old mercenary just glared at him.

“if it’s any consolation. I saw Macready arrive. He’s there, just waiting for someone to blow his damn brains out.” That had the desired effect. Rick smiled, as misshapen and odd as it was, he actually smiled. 

“good.” Man of few words, that was the only exclamation of pleasure I was going to get out of him.

While Rick was pleased, in his own way, Rush looked even angrier. “I love how confident you are love but these odds are far from our favor. Seven turrets? I’m insane but I don’t have a death wish.”

“what if we could even those numbers a little?” casually I turned my head just a fraction, smiling like I had all the pieces. Because of course I did. 

That wide mad grin split his face, like he could read my mind. “what’s your plan?”

“I go in alone first.” Neither one of them would particularly like that part, not that I was about to give them a choice. “I already know how to get in without being noticed. I find the terminal that controls the turrets and reprogram them to turn on the settlers. Before they even realize what’s happened half of them will be slaughtered.”

“how do you know you can reprogram them? That’s usually Maria’s area.” Rick’s skepticism made me smile. 

“trust me.” did I even know how to hack? My gut said yes, though I couldn’t quite place where I’d learned it. up till now Maria and Chloe had been our hackers. Without either of them it fell to me. “once the turrets have plowed through most of the guards you two can come in and mop up. I’ll switch off the turrets when you show up.”

“why don’t you just turn them off?” with his shotgun put back together Rick started filling it with shells. Deliberately he paused between each shell. I imagined he was thinking of each person he intended to shoot with them as he loaded. Macready, Violet, each of their sons. Probably Valentine too. Maybe some other Gunners for good measure. 

“because, it’s more fun to watch civilians scurry around while their own defenses turn against them.” No point pretending otherwise. This was purely out of enjoyment and laziness. “besides, isn’t it easier to let the machine do some of our killing?”

“seems to me that was the problem with the world before.” Rick cocked his shotgun.

I couldn’t do anything to make him happy could I? it would have been way easier just to tell him that we didn’t need to waste our time with his vendettas. Did anyone other than him care about Macready? No. if any of the Gunners deserved a face full of bird shot it was whoever was leading the gunners back then. A lacky like Macready? he didn’t have a choice what his assignment was. He didn’t make it personal, as far as I remembered. So why should we care if Rick wanted him dead?

There was only one reason I cared as much as I did, which wasn’t much. For what I had planned, I was going to need all the fire power I could get. It would have made better sense to keep Cutty and Stick alive I suppose. They were unknowns though, with their own agendas. I knew my crew. They were easily predictable, and would fall in line if I played my cards right. Helping Rick get his revenge on a Gunner, I guess I could do that to get my own revenge. 

“look, if you have a better plan I’m open to suggestions. I figured you’d want a clear line to Macready though.” I could have gone on to point out how reluctant he sounded to kill civilians, then I doubted that would get me anywhere. He’d interpret that as a challenge or something equally as disrespectful. This would have to do. 

And it worked perfectly. Scowling he laid his gun across his lap, clearly trying to figure a way around my plan that was better. There had been a time when I considered him one of the best tacticians in the commonwealth. That was when I was young, stupid and easily impressed. Eventually an almost inhuman growl escaped him and he nodded. “we’ll go with your plan then…. You’d better not fuck this up.”

“don’t worry about my part, I can handle it.” suppressing the condescending smile that threatened to break my face, I stood. That was easier than it should have been. Maybe Rick was warming up to me. Warming up to me? why the hell would I say something like that? “there’s a red rocket fill station across the bridge, well within ear shot. Should things go sideways or, in the more likely case, the turrets start firing on the guards, you’ll hear it.” 

“are you sure you want to go alone?” while he pushed off the wall Rush gave me a significant look. His words were concerned but in those eyes I saw something else. Did he think that I couldn’t handle this? or did he think that I’d turn on them like I did to Cutty? The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until he gave me that look.

So I just flashed him an overconfident smile. “unless you’d like to die in your lovers embrace. I can’t afford to take you with me.” 

“I doubt I’d want to go out any other way, but fine.” Huffing in disappointment he looked to Rick. “we’ll wait at the red rocket until we get your signal.”

“good, don’t kill each other while I’m gone. I wouldn’t want my crew in pieces this early.” 

This early? What was I talking about? They’d been my crew for five years now. 

“worry about yourself.” Rick narrowed his eyes at me.

Alright then, will do. Shrugging I ducked back out of the speak easy. This night there was no moon, making the landscape about as dark as it possibly could be. A convenient coincidence. Concord was empty. With Sanctuary barely a grenade throw away raiders probably didn’t dare use Concord as a hideout anymore. Or the residents of Sanctuary drove them out. Only the ballsy or dumb would set up camp so close to such a well established settlement. 

I hadn’t been entirely honest with Rick and Rush. If anything this settlement could withstand a Supermutant attack. The walls were high and thick. There were guard posts at regular intervals on the perimeter. And not all the guards had simple pipe weapons. There were a few with actual guns. Guns that you didn’t need to be good with to do some damage. On top of that half the settlement was surrounded by a lake that made getting to the walls impossible without drawing attention. 

So to get inside I had to skirt the entirety of the lake, around to the far side of the settlement. At least they didn’t have any search lights out. With the dark sky and the silent forest it was easy enough for me to sneak right up to the walls. I wanted to show off a little so I even approached one of the guard posts. The guard up there was none the wiser, he even yawned. They were afraid. Of what couldn’t be sure. Maybe Macready knew we were coming for him. that would make things interesting. 

But since they were afraid I’d thought they would take greater care with their shifts. Scared people were stupid people. Sure going all in, everyone hands on deck meant that no one could sneak passed you. but that would only last for as long as your men stayed on their feet. this guy had already let me slip in once, I wasn’t about to give him a choice the second time. Silently I climbed up the side of the guard post then waited for another yawn. The moment it started I shot up and stabbed the man through the eye. barely a sound escaped him as he crumpled. 

Inside and I hadn’t even broken a sweat. Sanctuary was begging for a good gutting, even more than those farmers had been. I wondered if that detective had saved any of them. Mirelurks were vicious and efficient. They wouldn’t have wasted much time toying with them. Maybe their dad sacrificed himself to save them, let the Mirelurks tear him apart while his kids found a safe place to hide. If there was a safe place.

Speaking of safe. I dumped the guard’s body over the edge of the post. He might have been twitching a little. Couldn’t do anything about the blood stains on the ground. Lets just hope no one looked too closely at the empty guard post. Yeah better keep moving. 

Knife and gun put away I strode out onto the street like I owned the place. Darting from shadow to shadow would take too long and draw attention in a place like this. pretend to be one of them. They weren’t walking around with their heads down. they stood tall and proud. What the fuck did they have to be proud of? their leaders? The Minutemen? What?! They weren’t doing anything. They lived their lives, day to day, scrounging around in the dirt. With nothing but their lives to show for it. meaningless. I refused to live a meaningless life. I’d leave my mark on the commonwealth one way or another. 

“excuse me, are you new around here?” 

For a split second the voice made me freeze and my arms tense. Calm down. they haven’t raised the alarm, they don’t know who you are. Adopting a sheepish look I turned. “haha, yeah… how’d you guess?” 

the woman had a dirty face and equally dirty hair. Like many of the others she had a pipe pistol in her hand. judging by the way she carried it, she wasn’t used to it. “it’s a small town, pretty hard to go unnoticed for long. Where ya from?”

“Goodneighbor.” The best lies were always the ones with a grain of truth in them. “haven’t been here long. The boss told me to have a look at the terminal for the turrets. Said they’ve been acting up.”

“isn’t that usually Sturges thing?” 

“he’s got his hands full with repairs elsewhere.” While the simple lie slipped out easily I concocted a better one to use. 

Turns out I didn’t need it. the woman nodded in understanding and pointed down the street toward a shack off the road. “it’s in there. Good luck. And hey since you’re new, why don’t you swing by my place for dinner sometime?”

“that would be great.” Cheerfully I waved, and it wasn’t all entirely an act. These people, all of them too oblivious to see the Deathclaw hiding in the Brahmin. The hardest part was out of the way. Maybe I’d let that one live, take her up on the offer one day. 

Ahead the shack stood apart from the rest of the buildings. Wires left it from the windows and headed for the turrets. I slipped inside without being noticed then turned. 

And instantly froze.

A man stood there, tired eyes wide, matted black hair flat against his head. He had on leather armor over a white tattered t-shirt. “O'Malley?!” 

My body reacted before my mind caught up. In a rush I lunged at him. my blade flashed across his belly, blood poured out in a fountain. He screamed through the hand I clamped over his mouth and forced him to the ground. Moans and tears of pain issued out of him while I straddled his body. Blood soaked right through my jeans. That’s fine, after this I shouldn’t need to go unnoticed. The shack was empty except for some spare turret parts and a terminal. Locked. “now, please don’t scream or I’ll make the last few minutes of your wretched life the worst you’ve ever endured.” 

the moaning didn’t stop but it was quiet. Slowly I removed my hand from his mouth. Spit and blood dripped out the corner of his mouth. “why…?”

“because, now don’t go passing out on me just yet, what’s the password to that terminal?” 

“I … don’t know….” He groaned quietly. 

“stay with me now.” I gently slapped his face, smiling. “you know the code, or you wouldn’t be in here. Now tell me what it is.”

Weakly he reached up and tried to grab my hand. “I won’t tell….”

Rolling my eyes I put my hand over his mouth again. Then stabbed his arm through the elbow join. The scream vibrated against my fingers. Patiently I waited for it to stop while I stared up toward the terminal. When it was done I slid my hand away. “how about now?”

“Outsider!” he screamed.

I punched him with my knife holding hand. Teeth loosened and my own knuckles split from the impact. Cursing under my breath I got up, leaving the pathetic man bleeding and moaning on the ground. “you’d better be telling the truth or I’m crushing your fingers next.” 

Nothing but a groan of pain in response. That’s about what I wanted anyway. stepping over him I input the password. “well, well, looks like your fingers are safe.” I murmured, navigating to the turret controls. Without a single moment of hesitation I hit the reset command. 

Almost instantly the turrets started firing. People screamed, first in surprise then in absolute pain and fear. I dropped to a knee. It would be just my luck if a stray bullet tore through the side of the shack and hit me. people started running, panicking. Rick may have been on to something when he told me to turn them off. At least that wouldn’t have drawn the entire settlement out. Ah well, this was more fun anyway. 

Smiling satisfied to myself I crouched in the dark shed, listening to the sounds of dead and dying people. Two sets of footsteps ran for the shack. my gun appeared in my right hand the knife in my left. At my feet the guard bled out, his eyes fluttering closed as the life left him. it was a better death than being eaten alive I suppose. 

Two people burst through the door. The first I didn’t recognize. A woman with shoulder length black hair and a flannel shirt. Her eyes shot wide when she saw the man dying on the floor. “Jun!! no!” without even noticing me she flung herself at his side and tried to staunch the bleeding.

I couldn’t help myself. If I had one vice it was gloating. “it’s a little late for that girl. Sorry.”

“you’re a god damn monster!” she shouted at me, reaching for her gun.

I shot her through the hand before she raised it. blood and bone sprayed in a wide arch. She screamed, collapsing over Jun’s dead body. A fist swung at my face that I managed to narrowly dodge. Dancing back a step I finally focused on the second figure. 

Macready bared his teeth at me, both fists clenched. Oh how I smiled. 

“why hello there. How are things?”

“turn them off!” 

“no can do.” I shook my head, weapons loose at my side. He didn’t even have his gun out yet. It would be easy to kill him with my gun. What would the fun of that be though? that would be way too easy. For him and for me. 

He surged around Jun and the woman, grabbing me around the collar. “turn the damn things off!!”

“I have a better idea.” Smiling directly into his face I pointed my gun at the terminal and shot it. the explosion made him flinch. I kneed him in the groin then dashed out onto the street. It was total chaos while civilians and guards raced around stupidly. There were a few fighting the turrets that plowed down everyone and anyone. There were already bodies cooling on the ground. Those were some impressive turrets. 

“you’re a god damn psycho!” 

I turned just in time to see Macready running at me. silently I side stepped his obvious swing and watched while he tripped. “you’re not much of a fighter are you? you were the Gunner’s sniper right?”

Macready collected himself. Fists tight and up he turned on me. He didn’t even have a gun on him. what a moron. “you did this! Why?! what the hell did any of these people do to you?!”

“to me? nothing, hell you haven’t even done anything to me.” as far as I knew. “this isn’t for me. Rick wanted this. I’m just doing what he tells me.” 

“I should have put you down the moment I saw you!” he shouted, one step forward. “once a raider always a raider!”

“I never stopped being a raider.” I smiled and put my gun away. There’d be no need for it. my knife was enough. I’d make Rush proud with it. “are you done talking now?” 

His eyes tightened while his face twisted with rage. Then he lunged, his right arm shooting toward my face. his movements were overcommitted and sloppy. Plenty of power behind his swings but no subtlety. The fist went wide as I ducked. He left his side totally open. The knife felt light. I saw the blood dripping out of his stomach. This could be over so quick. 

I danced out of his reach. 

Macready just chased me across the road. Every swing grew angrier, faster and harder to predict. I swung a few punches myself, drew a little blood and exploited some minor injuries he had. He’d make a wild uppercut, I’d side step and give him a left hook in the jaw or the kidney. His fist connected with my jaw. I rolled with it while my eyes watered from the pain. Like he’d won, he reached out and wrapped an arm around my neck. Before I realized what was happening he had me in a sleeper. 

“go down damn it!” 

He had height and weight advantage. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have chosen this fight. No winning this fight if it was clean. So I bit his arm as hard as my bruised jaw could manage. Swearing he released me, clutching at his bleeding arm. blood dripping down my chin I swung around on him and slammed my foot into his chest. There was just enough force in it to send him toppling backwards. He hit the ground with a huff. I launched myself on top of him. 

My hands found his throat. I pressed down on his arteries, grinning as he struggled to get my hands free. With gravity on my side he couldn’t do anything but stare up at me. I grinned into his face. “when I’m done with you I’m going after your wife.” There I went again, gloating. That was really going to get me in trouble one day. “I’ll make it slow. She’ll spend hours screaming until she goes hoarse. And you won’t be able to do anything.” 

He continued to struggle, the rage building while spit slid out the corner of his mouth. With blood flow cut off to his brain he’d be out in a matter of seconds. He knew it, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

“when I’m done with her I’ll find your sons next.” Leaning forward I put a little more weight into my choke while he gripped my wrists. His muscles were getting weaker. “the older one will go first, then the little one. maybe I’ll let him live. I’ve always wanted a kid to train. Bet he’ll make one hell of a raider.”

“you bitch!” rage fueled his arms suddenly and he slammed a fist into my ribs. 

Bucking I lost my grip on his throat. my ribs were still healing from what Rick had done. I’d almost forgotten until that moment. Scrambling I tried to find his throat again before he got in another shot but I was too slow. He slammed his fist into my ribs one more time. Fist tangled in my hair he threw me off of him. Gasping I rolled in the dust, clutching my side while my chest spasmed. On my hands and knees I blinked through the tears. Then a foot connected with my ribs and I cried out. 

“you’re a god damn freak!” Macready yelled over my head, landing another kick in my ribs for good measure. “you’re out of your mind! If you touch any of them I’ll tear you apart and give what’s left to a Supermutant hound!” 

In spite of the pain I laughed, struggling to sit up on my knees. Face laced with pain and laughter I looked at him.

“what?!” he shouted, fists balled tight.

“and here I thought you didn’t have any balls.”

“I’ll show you balls.” He scooped up a piece of wood from the ground and slammed it across the side of my head. Lights danced on my eyes and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. Mercilessly he brought the wood down on my back a couple times, each time yelling at me. by this point I couldn’t hear him, not that his words mattered all that much. 

For a few seconds I stayed on my hands and knees, enduring the beating. After all, I’d taken worse. Then he hit me on the back of my head and my face slammed into the ground. I blacked out for all of five seconds. When I came to it was to find Macready standing over me, his club dangling from his hand stained with my blood. I felt the stuff trickling down the back of my neck and forehead. 

Macready wasn’t looking at me. he had his eyes on the woman from the shack. her right arm dangled uselessly at her side, practically shredded to pieces. In her left she held a gun unsteadily, pointed at me. “Marcy, let me handle it.” he intoned in an enraged voice. 

Oh great they both wanted a piece of me. 

She shook her head and stepped forward. I was impressed she managed to stand with her arm torn apart. “she killed Jun! I’m going to kill her!”

Smiling around a bloody mouth I looked her in the eye. “go ahead…. Do it….”

“shut up!” they both yelled at the same time, her gun shook and he raised that club a little.

Marcy stalked right up to my side, gun pointed dead center on my forehead. Steadily I stared at the barrel. “go ahead, I deserve it.” 

“you deserve so much worse!” 

Then her arm exploded. The gun flew from her hand and she screamed. Her screams were cut off as her head tore apart in a spectacular bloody firework. Macready threw up his club defensively, eyes wide and angry. Then Rick ran into view, knocking aside the club with one hand and smashing the butt of his shotgun into Macready’s face. Blood spilled from his mouth in a wide arch while he bucked back. Rick, in his usual brutality, wasn’t satisfied by that. Wielding his shotgun like a club he slammed it into the other side of his jaw then punched him in the gut. 

“should have taken one of us with you.” an amused voice muttered in my ear. 

Turning over I found Rush smiling toothily at me. “what took you two so long?”

“what happened to turning off the turrets?”

“someone told me to.” Using his shoulders for support I forced myself to my feet. every movement sent pain shooting through my chest. It forced my breathing to shallow. “if you took much longer you’d be stripping my corpse.” 

“not after all the trouble I went through to get you here.” He laughed, seemingly unconcerned by the fresh injuries I was sporting. 

Rolling my eyes, which hurt like hell to do, I looked to Rick and Macready. it was Macready’s turn to be face down in the dirt. Rick stood over him, blood dripping from the butt of his shotgun. “you don’t have the right to beat on O'Malley!” 

Macready groaned, limp on the ground. Rick really didn’t hold back with him. 

Growling, Rick switched his grip and pointed his shotgun at Macready. “you and damn Gunners…. If it weren’t for you we could be running the commonwealth.”

His limbs shaking he forced himself to sit up. Already his face was swelling. Blood dripped down his neck from his nose and mouth. One of his eyes was red with blood too. Rick sure didn’t take it easy on anyone. Macready managed a glare, which was either the ballsiest thing I’d seen out of him or the stupidest. “we finished what she started.”

“shoot him.” Rush’s tone went low and angry, almost as angry as Rick sounded. 

I frowned at him. what did he care about the words of a soon to be dead man?

Rick’s finger slowly squeezed the trigger.

Then a laser hit him in the shoulder and he screamed. His armor burned away in an instant and the skin underneath burst into a series of boils and curled red skin. His gun dropped and he fell to a knee, gripping his shoulder. Rush whirled around, letting me go. I knelt beside Rick, tearing away his armor and clothing around the wound to get a better look. It didn’t hit anything vital at least and the leather had taken most of the heat. That hardly mattered while his skin continued to boil. The smell alone made me want to throw up. 

“we’ve got to get out of here.” Rush called, backing up.

I stood and turned to glare at the one that had shot Rick. Then I froze as my heart hit the pit of my stomach. A goddamn army marched up the road, all armed with machine guns or laser rifles. Their fedoras overshadowed their faces, making them all look like faceless old world ghosts. And at the head of them walked Hancock, Fahrenheit and Valentine. It was Fahrenheit’s gun that smoked gently, none of the others had their guns up.

For a few seconds we all just stood there, staring as an army came marching up to kill us. I was flattered if not totally terrified. Once again I had no death wish. Fahrenheit glared at Rick, Hancock had his eyes on Rush, but Valentine. He stared right at me. not a single sign of rage or anger, just pain. Pity even? Why the hell did he care? his words came back to me and my fists clenched. 

Then he spoke and it felt like he was talking directly into my ear. “I’m bringing you home Gray.”


	19. Remember What Made Her

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Gray stood there, beside Rick and Rush, face bloody, knuckles split and pain clear in her face. I wanted to rush to her side, I wanted to make sure that her injuries weren’t serious, that she got a Stimpak at least. Even if she was in her right mind there was no way she’d let me near her with a squad of neighborhood watch behind me. so instead I just stared at her. 

Behind them lay the dead body of a woman. Judging by the clothes it was Marcy though with the head blown off it could have been anyone. Macready lay there too, breathing but down for the count. Rick’s work probably. Who had beaten up Gray? 

Rush grabbed Gray by the arm and tugged her back. “we’ve got to go.” He hissed just loud enough for the rest of us to hear.

She nodded grimly. “get Rick up.” 

Rush helped Rick to his feet who shook violently with shock. Laser blasts hurt like hell, literally. There’d be permanent nerve damage and his shoulder would probably never heal completely. Good. He deserved it. they all deserved it for what they’d done. 

Gray stepped in front of them, staring us dead in the eye unflinching. “well, well, I’m flattered. Brought an army with you this time?”

“they really did a number on you….” John murmured. This was the first time he’d been confronted by what this Gray was capable of. if he’d seen what she did to the Warwicks he wouldn’t have been nearly as surprised.

I tore my gaze from her and scanned the settlement. It looked like the turrets had turned on the residents. They were all destroyed or deactivated. People were strewn across the road. Some alive and in pain, others going cold. A few brave souls were outside trying to help the wounded, not many. No sign of Violet or the kids. at least they were safe. And it didn’t look like Maria or Tag were around. I’m sure I’d have heard Maria already. 

“what, this?” Gray’s laughter brought my gaze back around to her. She waved a hand at her face, grinning to hide the pain. “this is nothing. If this is the best he could do then he’s weaker than I thought.”

“look at you.” John shook his head, his gun still pointed down. at least no one had made a move. If we had known they were in Sanctuary already we’d have split up our forces to cut off their escape. There was nothing we could do now but face them. “you’re a mess. Is this the gang you’ve decided to run with?” 

“are you asking to have me back?” Gray laughed again, her shoulders relaxing. “last time we met you told me, and I quote, ‘get out before I blow your brains out.’” 

“come on kiddo.” John extended his hands to either side, trying to smile. What was his plan? Did he think he could get through to her? It had been almost forty eight hours since they rewrote her memory. Maybe he thought he stood a chance of talking her back. “you know I didn’t really mean it.”

“that’s not going to work.” Rush called. He had Rick by the shoulder, supporting him as he swayed on his feet. “are you done love or what?”

“this reunion’s been touching John, really but I’m going to have to cut it short.” Slowly Gray took her gun from her belt and primed the chamber. 

The watch behind us instantly tensed. Their orders were not to kill her. If it came down to them or her though, I wouldn’t blame them for opening fire. “Gray, don’t do this.” I murmured quietly, caught between risking my life to grab her and… and what? What choices did I have?

She brought her gaze back to me. through the blood and the pain she stared. There was determination there. At least that hadn’t changed. But the determination wasn’t like what I was used to seeing in her eyes. the anger almost entirely covered it up. She hated us. Not just in passing but pure unadulterated hatred. Maybe Magnolia was right. Maybe Rush had managed to turn her love into anger. 

“look, lover boy, your obsession with me was flattering but as you can see, I’m taken.” She pivoted and slung an arm around Rick to help Rush support him. “so please stop chasing me.”

“we’re bringing you home O'Malley.” Fahrenheit intoned menacingly. Not quite the vibe we wanted to give off but I doubted Fahrenheit had many other settings. 

“I am home.” Before any of us could react she produced a flash bang from Rick’s belt. Rush tore off down the street with Rick stumbling along next to him. Gray gave us one cheeky grin before pelting the weapon toward us. 

The watch scattered across the street, desperate to get out of range before the damn thing blinded them. John didn’t bother running away. He, along with Fahrenheit, ran after Gray. I shut down my senses just long enough for the flash bang to go off. Still felt it in my chest but when my sight came back online I could see and hear perfectly. Useful trick with one of those things, not that useful when they were pelting one after another. 

Just when I looked up to find Fahrenheit and John stumble another grenade went off at their feet. at this distance it didn’t hit me full force but it sure as hell threw me for a loop. Before I knew it I was on a knee, blinking through the flash that burned my eyes. just ahead Fahrenheit and Hancock were on their hands and knees. Just beyond them gunshots had started up again. More flash bangs. They’d certainly come prepared for a tactical retreat.

Groaning I forced myself to my feet and staggered to John and Fahrenheit. “you two alright?”

“go!” John shouted, finding his feet in spite of the sway in his stance. “I can walk it off! Don’t let her get away!” 

Fahrenheit was still on her hands and knees, at least for the moment out of commission. John’s ghoul body didn’t need so much time to recover. I tore after Gray and the others, with John not far behind. The town was in a panic. Gray was tossing more flash bangs as they ran, covering their retreat. Each one sent the civilians screaming and a puff of smoke into the air. For a split second I lost track of them entirely. Someone ran into me, almost knocking me over with their speed. 

When I recovered I glimpsed Gray disappearing around a building to our right. with a hand gripped around John’s arm I dragged him off the street and out of the carnage. No more flashbangs. Gray ran across Sanctuary’s farm down toward the river then made a left. What was the point of that? The gate was in the other direction. There was nothing but wall where she was headed. Should have known she had a plan, a good plan too. Why didn’t I see it?

“stop!” John shouted, throwing up his shotgun. “god damn it stop! I don’t want to shoot you!”

She came to a screeching halt just before the wall. Slowly she lifted her hands, empty except for the belt she’d stolen from Rick with the flashbangs, didn’t have any more of those. We were in the corner of sanctuary, where the generators whirred away powering the settlement. The sound made it almost hard to hear her. “well, I guess you’ve cornered me.” 

“you split up with Rush and Rick.” I didn’t raise my gun. I knew I should. This woman had been dangerous before Rush, she was even worse now. I couldn’t just turn my gun on her though. 

She glanced around, as if just realizing she was alone. “well, would you look at that. It’s alright, Rick was dead weight anyway. I guess I have good old Fahrenheit to thank for that.” 

“he had it comin.” John muttered, taking a careful step forward. I mirrored him. Maybe we stood a chance of catching her now and putting an end to this chase. 

Expected her to get angry at his words but she just smirked. “ah yeah, I guess he did. He just wanted to make Macready pay for what he did to us. I was just helping a friend.” 

“what he did to them.” John corrected. “you weren’t there remember? You never left the commonwealth with them.”

A frown flashed over her features before she smirked. “what are you trying to pull John? Trying to turn me on the only family that’s ever loved me for who I am?”

“this isn’t who you are.” The conviction sounded real enough to my own ears, and hopefully to everyone else’s. deep down I wasn’t sure anymore. 

“look at him kiddo.” John waved a hand at me. “I can see it, you’re trying not to. So look at him. you know what he means to you.”

That’s not going to work John. She isn’t human, she won’t bleed through. That wasn’t my gray, but she could still be salvaged, if we got her back. I had to keep telling myself that, hoping that maybe it would make turning my gun on her a little easier. Then I saw her eyes again. Under the rage, the cold, recognition. 

“I see a man out of time, who doesn’t belong here. The kind of person the commonwealth is built to chew up like candy.” 

“how do you know that?” my voice couldn’t have been any rougher. “I thought you didn’t know me.”

“I….” confusion over took her features in a flash. Frowning she dropped her gaze to the ground at her feet, brows drawn.

John took that as his opportunity and rushed her. She snapped back to the present in the next split second. Stepping into his strike she blocked his fist, grabbed him around the coat and flipped him the ground. With a huff he lay there, momentarily dazed. “nice try zombie. Now I’ll be going.”

“you’re cornered, the rest of your gang isn’t here to help you. it’s over.” Raising my revolver I felt the weight of it weighing my arm down. pointing it at her head was out of the question so I kept it trained on her legs. “surrender, we’ll bring you back to Goodneighbor and fix this.”

“fix me you mean?” the laugh that came out of her made me shiver. I fought the urge to take a step back. for several seconds she just stood there, head tilted back, laughing at the sky. Then she stopped abruptly, glancing around with an irritated frown. “well, dramatic timing failed….”

Then one of the generators exploded. Smoke and fire filled the space. I threw up an arm to protect my face while another generator consumed itself. In a chain reaction each one tore apart. I hit the dirt, hands over my head. The fire licked at my clothes and the back of my neck. Good thing I didn’t actually have lungs or I’d be coughing out one with all the smoke in the air. 

The last generator exploded and I sat up on my knees. John was up already, standing on one of the guard posts. “god damn it!! she’s gone!”

“what did you expect, that she’d stick around and make sure we survived?” I grumbled sarcastically, forcing myself to stand. My trench coat was singed, ash slowly settled on us standing around there. “we’re lucky she didn’t shoot us while we were distracted.” 

“I thought Amari said the tampering wouldn’t last more than a couple of days.” 

“she said it could last as long as a week.” I lied. With luck John was too angry to think too carefully about it. “come on, lets go check out the damage. Sanctuary is going to need a hand recovering from this.”

Without argument John followed me back to the road. Fahrenheit stood in the middle of the blacktop, directing relief efforts like she was born for this job. “get the wounded into the house! Make room! you! see if you can fix what turrets are left, this place needs defenses now!” 

“where’s Violet and the kids?” I questioned even before I had her full attention. 

Fahrenheit took a moment from her yelling to look at us. “I saw her with Macready headed for their house. She looks alright.”

“thank you.” first thing first. Check on the kid. then figure out what our next move should be. I picked my way around the civilians that wondered the street dazed. This was the first major attack that sanctuary had suffered and it wasn’t even that major. It had only been three madmen with a vendetta. This would be a wake up call for all of them. Most of the injured were being transported to a house across the street. Violet’s home was quiet. 

Danny sat outside with Codsworth trying desperately to comfort him. “it’s alright young sir! Your father will be right as rain in no time you’ll see!”

“but who did this to him?” Danny questioned. Like any wastelander he wanted someone to blame. 

If Codsworth had known the answer I’m sure he’d have been a hundred percent honest with the boy. Thankfully he didn’t and just drifted around aimlessly. “I don’t know young sir, but I’m sure whoever they are, they’ve already been locked up good and proper.”

“they should be killed!” the boy cried and buried his face in his hands.

“hey Danny.” I dropped to a knee beside him, a hand on his back.

He looked up and brightened right away when he recognized me. “Nick! Are you here to find who did this to my dad?” 

“yeah.” Nodding I hoped he didn’t catch on to the tone in my voice. 

“see young sir?!” Codsworth added delightedly. “with Detective Valentine on the case I’m sure they won’t get away with this!”

“good.” Danny got to his feet, fists clenched at his sides and anger on his face. “they deserve to die for this.”

Old world Nick would have been horrified to see a five year old kid say something like that. Hell I was still a little shocked. I should have been more shocked to be honest. The wasteland was starting to get under my skin it looked like. Gray’s words from months ago came drifting back to me, don’t let the wasteland rust that heart of gold. Sorry Gray. 

“take care of him Codsworth, I gotta talk to Violet.”

“of course, come along young sir, perhaps there’s something we can do to help clean up.” 

While they drifted away I watched them. It had been too close. What would she have done to the boys if she’d found them? John and Fahrenheit walked up the sidewalk to me so I entered the house. 

Macready was lying on the couch, his face a bloody mess while Violet carefully cleaned his injuries. Shaun stood to one side, grimacing in sympathy at the pair. “is he going to be alright mom?”

“he’ll be fine sweetie, don’t worry.” Always the mother Violet actually sounded confident about that. 

“so long as his jaw didn’t get fractured he’ll be fine kid, don’t worry.” John offered with his usual tact.

Violet jumped a little then glanced at us. “hey Shaun, will you go find your brother. I don’t want him wondering off alright?”

“sure mom.” The smart kid knew something was up but like a good son he didn’t question her. We waited until he was well out of the door before moving to sit in Violet’s living room. 

She sat on the couch next to Macready who breathed slowly. “I gave him some pain killers and a sleep aid. He won’t be going anywhere for a while.” She explained when she noticed Fahrenheit’s eyebrow. 

“kid, I’m so sorry about all of this.” I murmured at the floor between my feet, elbows on my knees, hands clasped. “I didn’t realize what they were capable of. If I’d known, I’d have come back-”

“stop it.” her snap brought my gaze up to her. She was glaring like I’d just said the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. “you couldn’t have known and if you had been here then you could have been killed. Don’t apologize, you don’t have to.”

“Macready would say otherwise.” 

“well he doesn’t get a say right now.” 

“he did just get his face beat in by an angry raider, I think he gets a little say.” 

“not till he wakes up.” 

“you’re even scarier pregnant than otherwise.” John commented. 

She fixed him with a look that made him deflate instantly. “so what’s the plan? I’m guessing you’ve got a plan Nick, you always do. What can I do to help?”

“absolutely nothing.” I growled, hoping it sounded more menacing than dejected. 

Violet blinked before her eyes narrowed. “you can’t be serious.”

“you don’t know what’s going on, the safest place for you is out of harm’s way.” 

“so then tell me what’s going on!” she threw arms into the air, exasperated. “and don’t give me that look Nick, just tell me.”

“O'Malley’s memories been tampered with, she thinks she’s a raider. She came here looking to kill you, Macready and your kids.” Fahrenheit explained in a dry tone. 

I gave her a disgruntled look before looking back at Violet.

Surprise filled her face while she glanced down at Macready. She put two and two together then let out a shuddering breath. “so… she’s the one that did this?”

“don’t know who did, could have been her, could have been either of the two she runs with.” I’d have to thank Fahrenheit for taking over the conversation there. 

“so Rush got to her is what you’re saying.” 

“yes.”

Heavily she sank into the couch, almost sitting on Macready’s limp hand as she did. “god… what are you going to do then?”

“we have to her back.” sitting up I looked to John who had been surprisingly quiet this whole time. “and to do that we have to find her. Any ideas?” 

“Fahrenheit got Rick pretty good with her laser.” He answered, reaching for his pack of Mentats. This time he wasn’t just popping chems for the sake of it, he wanted to be sharp for this. “they’ll be looking for someone that can patch him up. A doctor.”

“then who do we know in the commonwealth that can do that?”

“well there’s doc Sun in diamond city.” Violet offered in her attempt to add to the investigation. “and Croker from the Railroad.”

I shook my head. “they won’t even try asking for help from someone in a settlement. They’ll be after doctors not surrounded by guards and walls.”

“who’s still drifting around the commonwealth?” Fahrenheit asked. “last I heard there was Weathers and Anderson.”

“there’s Bethany too out by ArcJet.” John nodded, face slack as the chem sunk in.

“Anderson is here actually, Macready brought her in on his way here.” Violet added.

“so that leaves Weathers and Bethany.” I put my chin in my hand and contemplated the carpet. Either one of them would be easy targets. I knew Weathers by reputation. He wouldn’t have cared who he was operating on so long as the caps were good. This all supposed that Maria wouldn’t be able to handle Rick’s injury. Laser burns were no cake walk to treat. They’d still need plenty of supplies and robbing a roving doctor would be easier than trying to rob a settlement. “our best bet is to split up. Weathers could be anywhere in the commonwealth but Bethany stays put more often than not right?” 

“right.” John nodded sitting forward in his chair. “I know the way, she’s out of the way but it won’t take me long to make the trip.”

“you want to go alone?” Fahrenheit gave him a skeptical look. 

“I can move faster alone.” 

“you’ll be out in the open. Didn’t you see the way she looked at you? you’re next on her chopping block.”

“and if she tries anything I can handle it.” 

“sure but there are five of them.” Fahrenheit countered angrily. I’d never seen her get this upset over anything, surprised wasn’t a strong enough word. 

Yet John wasn’t taking it seriously. “I’ll be fine.”

“at least take the neighborhood watch with you.”

“no way, they’re staying here.”

“what?” this time Violet’s voice joined Fahrenheit’s. 

A no nonsense look came to John’s face as he rose from the chair. Times like these helped remind me that he was an actual mayor. Not just that low life trouble maker from his days sneaking out of Diamond city for chems. Back when he first started sneaking off I’d been put on his trail. He refused to stop even when I threatened to get security involved. It had always surprised me that he made as good of a father as he was. 

“Sanctuary is hurting, most of your people are out for the count. We’ll leave what neighborhood watch we’ve got with you.” without so much as warning to the rest of us he made the decision. “there are enough at Goodneighbor to make up the difference.” 

“I’m not about to ask you to do that.” She tried to protest. 

But the rest of us were already on board. “if we leave them here then we shouldn’t split up. We should all go see Bethany first then track down Weathers.” I added ignoring Violet’s protests. 

“we don’t have time for that.” Fahrenheit shook her head. “it’s going to take us a while to track down Weathers if he’s not resupplying at Bunker Hill. That could take us the better part of a day.” 

“and if there is tracking to be done then Valentine needs to go looking for him.” John finished. “you two go looking for Weathers and I’ll contact Bethany. With luck I’ll convince her to come with me back to Goodneighbor for protection.” 

“can we get back to the part where you’re leaving me with an army?” Violet interjected irritably. 

“what part is confusing you?” Fahrenheit’s tone became mocking, in her usual cutting way. “the bit where we leave or the bit where we’re trying to keep you alive?” 

“no point arguing with us kid, this is for your own good.” I got to my feet adjusting my trench coat. “it’ll take a load off my mind and keep Macready from waking up with a vendetta against me.”

“he won’t wake up with a vendetta.” 

If only that were true. The moment he woke up he’d be so angry I wouldn’t be surprised if he went looking for Gray himself. He’d try to kill her, no doubt. I had to find her first before he had the chance. “just keep him here for as long as you can, give us some time to fix this before he runs off on his own like an idiot.” 

“why do you think he’ll go off the first chance he gets?”

Before I could answer Garvey ran into the house, looking pale and horrified. We all stood at the same time, wide eyed, waiting for the minuteman to gather his breath. “it’s mama Murphy…. You’ve gotta come….”

We were all out the door following Garvey before any of us fully understood what was happening. A crowd of people were gathered at the far end of the settlement, at a space between two of the houses. Garvey shoved his way through leaving us a clear path to the other side. Here we found Sturges, on the ground cradling Mama Murphy gently in his arms. Blood seeped out of a wound in her chest around the coat they were using to staunch the bleeding. 

Her eyes had always been glassy but this time they were nearly unseeing. One of her frail hands held loosely onto Sturges’ smiling softly. “she’s here…. Violet….” 

“I’m here mama Murphy.” Violet stepped around us and knelt down beside the old woman. we were all silent. John and Fahrenheit didn’t know Murphy, I didn’t really know her, but everyone in sanctuary did. Garvey stood to one side, arms folded and a stricken look on his face. the gathered crowd were as silent as the grave, some were hiding tears behind hands, others couldn’t even look at Murphy. First their home was attacked and their families killed, now this. It was the darkest day of Sanctuary’s history. 

Murphy reached out to brush a bit of Violet’s hair away from her eyes. “I’m sorry kid…. I tried to stop them…. But the evil in that man….”

“sh, it’s alright, you did fine.” She murmured through a thick throat. 

Grimacing I came to kneel at her side, putting a hand on her back. no point saying anything. There was nothing I could say to make this right. 

“they wanted a sanctuary.” Murphy’s voice was even more dreamy than I’d ever heard before. Her eye lids fluttered, staring up passed Violet’s head to the sky. “I told them this would be it… but I knew it wouldn’t be forever….” 

“what are you saying?” Sturges murmured thickly, hand pressed firmly against her wound. “you knew this would happen?”

“the sight… isn’t always a blessing….” Blood dripped out the corners of her mouth. Couldn’t be sure if she was pain or not. How could she not be? Her breathing was slow and shallow by now. there wasn’t anything any of us could do. Except watch her die. 

“you shouldn’t have been out here….” Garvey dropped to his knees while his grief crushed him. “you should have been hiding with everyone.” 

“I … had one last vision.” Murphy drew her gaze slowly to meet mine. It wasn’t the first time I’d had to watch someone die, it wouldn’t be the last. But looking into her milky eyes made me feel worse than any of the other times. “your heart is … dark right now… you’ve lost someone.” 

“not if I have anything to say about it.” I murmured more to myself than her.

She smiled a little, her lips quivering against the motion. “that’s the spirit…. You … just have to remember….”

“remember what?” frowning I leaned in closer.

The smile slipped from her face while her eyes drifted closed. “remember what made her….” 

Silence filled the crowd. No one dared breathe, say a word or even move. Murphy went limp in Sturges’ arms, eyes closed face peaceful. Violet leaned down slowly and placed a soft kiss on the old woman’s head. She didn’t even say anything. The only sound was the quiet sobs wracking themselves out of Garvey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...


	20. Best Laid Plans

The water sloshed quietly in the distance. Somewhere in the deep mist it was there but I couldn’t be sure where exactly. I knew this street, I’d seen it half a dozen times before. It was on the water front, in South Boston. Nothing ever happened here. It was insignificant. Yet it felt like I was really there. This place was burned into my memory as sharply as my old room in Goodneighbor. 

The billboard for some cigarette company. The sandwich shop with blown out windows and torn up booths. The scrub brush growing out of the cracks in the blacktop. The crumbling buildings. It was all so sharp and detailed. I could feel the cold breeze across my skin, tiny bugs zigzagging across the road. Standing there in the middle of the street my chest felt tight. I didn’t know why. it was like I expected a fight but there was no fight to be had. My limbs felt weak too. My knees threatening to give out altogether. Why? 

A figure stood a few feet away, his back to me, staring down at the blacktop. Unlike the rest of the scene he was out of focus. All I could make out were his broad shoulders and the hat he wore. Then he turned. I couldn’t make out his face, but when he turned to me I felt my chest tighten. What was this feeling? 

It felt like he said something and his words made my shoulders slump. What the hell was all this? eventually my legs gave out entirely and I fell. The figure ran forward and caught me before I hit the ground. The arms felt solid enough, don’t know why I expected them to be as insubstantial as the man they were attached to. He gripped me tight to his chest. The pain in my chest eased away. This was right. whoever this man was this was what was supposed to happen. 

But it wasn’t Rush. 

Or Cormac, or Rick, or even Tag. Who was this guy?

Hands came down on my shoulders. Before I was even half awake I had a knife in my hand, pressed against their throat. They chuckled, my knife vibrating against their throat. “it’s a little early to do that don’t you think love?” 

“don’t sneak up on me.” I didn’t take my knife away from his throat until my vision came into focus. Rush was kneeling over me, hands on my shoulders smiling at me in spite of the steel on his skin. It would be so easy to end him here. How could he be so stupid? he of all people should know better than to get this close without warning. I could practically see the blood dripping from his slit throat as he coughed up the last of his life. 

Either he didn’t care or didn’t think I’d do it. he just kept staring me in the eye, smiling. 

Sighing heavily I took the knife from his throat and sat back. my head was throbbing and it had nothing to do with a good time the night before. Although messing with sanctuary had been fun, getting my face beat in hadn’t been part of the plan. Macready hadn’t held back much and my jaw and ribs could attest to that. Without a word I reached over to the back pack that lay open next to my makeshift bed. It was overflowing with chems and Stims. 

“I wish we’d gotten the chance to kill Macready before we left.” Rush grumbled more to himself than me. with a step back he put himself beside the door and leaned up against it. I noticed he had his shirt unbuttoned again. That jagged scar almost shone in the weird light of the room. 

Before answering I jabbed myself in the arm with another Med-X. relief flooded me and I sat up. Between Rick’s beating, fighting that machine, and Macready’s beating Med-X was about the only thing keeping me moving anymore. Any normal person might have decided to lay low for awhile and heal up. But I wasn’t bleeding out, so what was the point? After the chem sunk in I got to my feet. “we could have wiped out that whole settlement if Hancock and the Neighborhood watch hadn’t interfered.”

“how’d they find us quick?” a little anger laced with amusement slipped into his voice as he grinned. 

“they got lucky.” With a twist of my neck I popped it and sighed in relief. “or it’s Rick’s fault.”

“how do you figure?” one of his brows shot up at me.

“think about it.” I put my armor back on, strapping my gun on my hip and hanging my knife on the other side. This felt better. Safer. Wondered why exactly. It’s not as if Rush or any of the others were trying to kill me. “Rick was the one that wanted to kill Macready. it’s cause of him we went out there in the first place. If we hadn’t, then we never would have gone up against Hancock.”

“so are you saying he ratted us out?” his hands tightened on his arms and his face went dark. 

It would be so easy to turn him on the others. But that’s not what I intended. Lightly I laughed, shaking my head. “honestly? Do you really think Rick would double cross us just to side with Hancock or that detective or even Macready? you saw what he did to the kid.”

“maybe….” 

Frowning I looked Rush in the face. “I’ve noticed that you and Rick aren’t getting along all that well. Why is that Rush?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about love.” He smirked back at me, trying to hide whatever it was he thought about. Pretty convincing too but his knuckles remained white. “he and I have always been at each other’s throats, there ain’t anything new there.”

“really?” with a hand on the wall beside his head I leaned in, smiling to show off my teeth. “you wouldn’t lie to me right sweet heart? You and I are partners. I can’t trust anyone but you after all.” 

His breath became ragged, washing over my face. he slipped his arms around my waist. With our chests pressed together I could feel his heart beat. What an easy man. “I wouldn’t hide anything from you love. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. You’ll never get rid of me.”

“thank you, that means everything to me.” with my hands tangled in his thick hair I brought our lips together. Hungrily we kissed. So eager the kiss was sloppy and wanting. I bit playfully at his lip, drawing blood and he groaned. Heat seeped up between us. With a forceful shove I pressed him against the wall, making the kiss deeper. His heart hammered like a Stingwing’s wings. His hands searched for the edge of my shirt greedily. 

Then I pulled us apart, a hand set firmly on his chest. Didn’t take me long to steady my breath and smile into his shocked confused face. “we shouldn’t keep the others waiting, I’ve got some work for us to do.”

Rush fought to regain control of his breathing. Rage flitted across his eyes, horny desire too. If I let him he’d take me right here on this dirty floor. It would have been fun too. Might have enjoyed it, but I had better plans in mind. “you’re such a cruel woman….”

Smiling seductively I stepped a little closer, running a finger down the scar. It got a shiver out of him and my smile widened. Men were so easy. “I know.” 

With that I left him alone in that room to deal with his raging boner and his anger. 

No doubt I was blushing, but the likelihood of any of the others noticing was slim. So with a bright smile plastered on my face I walked back to the main room. Med-Tek was on the edge of Malden, fairly close to the city ruins which made it a good place to stash ourselves for the time being. It also had labs that were still mostly functioning which is why I’d had Maria come here ahead of us. 

In the middle of the lobby Tag stood beside a cooking fire, several skewers of meat cooking over it. I took in a long lung full of the smell, just as my stomach growled. “smells good Tag, as usual.”

He glanced at me. without so much as a small smile he went back to cooking. 

“you know, I know you used to talk to Cormac.” Sure as hell hoped that smile was as welcoming as I intended. Tag needed to see that I meant what I said. “it’s been a long while since then, I hope you know you can confide in me too.”

No response, just more cooking.

Alright fine. Shrugging I sat on the lobby desk with folded arms and glanced around. From a door at the back appeared Maria. She had a drawn expression, heavy. Not that I’d seen her without that kind of look lately. “how’s Rick doing?”

She jumped at my voice, eyes going wide as if she truly hadn’t been expecting me to be there. The surprise slipped away and she grimaced. “I’ve administered several Stimpaks and Med-X. but I don’t have the experience handling laser burns.” 

“guess you should have brought the doctor here instead of killing him for his stuff.” Rush called loudly from down the hall. He appeared, shooting me an accusatory glare. 

I just smiled at him. “I couldn’t risk him running off or telling anyone where we are. Besides his Brahmin makes for good eating.”

“not wrong about that.” Rush laughed, marching up to the cooking fire. 

Maria shuffled up to my side, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help him anymore…. He’s going to be in a lot of pain for the rest of his life….”

Gently I put a hand on her shoulder, smiling. “it’s alright, ya did what you could. No one else could have done better.” 

“but…. Rick’s….”

“is gonna be fine.” With a thrust I pushed off the desk and stood proudly in front of her. “ya think he can’t handle a little pain? He’ll be fine, and there’s nothing a good chem can’t handle right? if you really feel bad figure out how to make him long lasting Med-X or something.”

That suggestion brightened her mood a little. A small pathetic smile flashed across her features before she leaned in closer to whisper. “I did that thing you wanted.”

“yeah?” perfect, the pieces were falling into place. “the Rad-X? you did it?”

Nodding proudly she produced a bottle of pills from her bag and handed them over. “they’re five times the strength of normal Rad-X. I figured out a way to purify and combine Rad-X with a dosage of Radaway to increase and prolong it’s effects. It should last you about a half hour for each dose and make you almost immune to radiation up to fifteen rads.”

“so you tested it?”

“not exactly….”

“do you think we need to?” I wasn’t about to risk my life on the theory that her new chems worked. 

Sheepishly she grimaced at the floor between us. “maybe once… but I don’t want to risk any of our lives.”

“don’t worry, I’ll get you a test subject, how many do you need?”

“two should be fine, in case the chem doesn’t work correctly the first time.” 

“I’ll bring you three just in case, Rush, Tag and I can handle that.” I already knew of a couple of farms we could hit that were nearby. Then of course there were the raiders in Malden. They may present a problem being brought in alive. It would be a nice warm up for what I had in mind next. “come on, you should eat something, you’ve been working so hard.”

“I should check on Rick again….”

“he can wait for a few minutes, come eat.” With a hand on her shoulder, I steered her toward the fire. 

Rush already sat beside it, happily munching away on one of the kabobs. His shirt was still wide open like before. It made me roll my eyes. Tag handed a kabob over to Maria before giving me one. “Thanks Tag.” Still no response, not even a smile. It was honestly starting to irritate me.

“so who are we going to kill next?” Rush questioned across the campfire. “Sanctuary was fun but I haven’t gotten to kill anybody myself!” 

“feeling left out?” I smiled at the memory of killing that boy in the shack. what had the woman called him? Jun or something? hardly mattered now. 

Rush brandished his kabob stick at me. “of course I’m feeling left out, you and Rick have had all the fun so far.” 

“he got shot by a laser.” Maria shot him a scathing look that I hadn’t thought she was still capable of. 

“and he got to beat the shit out of Macready. I’m just asking for a little thought here.” 

“let me ask you guys something.” taking a bite of my brahmin meat I waited until I had all their eyes on me. Even Tag looked, still silent as can be. “I know Rick’s answer but what’s yours. Who’s responsible for the sorry state of our little band?”

Maria and Tag instantly exchanged looks. Could those two communicate telepathically or something? I was beginning to feel left out of their conversations. While they did whatever they were doing Rush answered. “well we’ve got the Gunners, they ran us out of the commonwealth. That detective’s the one that killed Cormac and Chloe.”

“yes, yes but why did their deaths end up mattering? Why were the Gunners able to run us out so easily?”

“superior man power?”

“no.” I groaned, of course they didn’t see it. “we were uprooted, without leadership. If we’d had a place to hide and regroup we could have been fine. If Goodneighbor had let us stay then we’d have been absolutely fine.”

“you’re talking about Hancock.” Rush smirked across the fire, like this brought him satisfaction. “look, after what happened at Sanctuary you don’t need to convince me to hit him but isn’t he the guy that raised you? you think you can kill him?”

Kill him, who’d said anything about kill? I waved a hand. “why should I care about that piece of shit? He turned his back on me and now he’s in my way. Twice now he and his people have sabotaged us. I’m sick of it. I think it’s about time someone taught Hancock just how vulnerable he really is.”

“and what about the synth?” Maria questioned in a venomous voice. 

Smiling tenderly I reached over and put a hand on her knee. “don’t worry Maria, I promise we’ll make him pay, but he’s surrounded himself by the neighborhood watch and Hancock. If we take Hancock out of the picture first then we can take our time with the detective.” 

That didn’t quite satisfy her, I could tell, but she didn’t have a better argument. So with a little frown she dropped her gaze and sat back. “ok….”

“so you want to target Hancock.” Rush finished off the last of his meat and tossed the stick in the fire. “how are we going to do that exactly? We could get into Goodneighbor but once we’ve killed him there’ll be no escaping.”

“which means we have to draw him to us.” 

The flash of distaste sped across his face at that suggestion. Why wouldn’t he like that idea? “alright, and how are we supposed to do that? From what I hear Hancock doesn’t often leave Goodneighbor.”

“if only that were true we’d be camping out in Sanctuary right now.” I grumbled before tearing another piece of meat with my teeth. “Hancock doesn’t leave Goodneighbor unless he’s asked to by a friend.”

Rush’s face became guarded. “how does that help us?”

“it doesn’t, but there are other ways to get him into the open.” With my empty stick I started prodding at the fire. At this distance the flames were almost too hot. Any closer and my skin would boil. “if he thinks his territory is being threatened for instance. He’ll leave the safety of his walls to make sure his stashes are safe.” 

Now Rush understood. He sat back on his arms, grinning toothily. “so you want to raid his stashes to draw him out?”

“not raid, I want to burn them to the fucking ground.” 

He laughed. “alright then, I guess you know where his stashes are?”

“not all of them, but if there’s one mistake he made it was talking business in front of a ten year old.” Pulling a map from my jacket pocket I stood. The others followed me to the reception desk to see as I spread it out. “I know where quite a few are. There’s one here in a warehouse on the pier, another in near Taffington boat house.”

“the boat house is a farm.” Maria interjected, leaning over the map with interest. 

“those so called farmers are a front for Hancock, they protect his stash.” Tracing my finger across the wrinkled map I pointed out more spots. “there’s a subway station here that’s sealed off from the system he uses, and then the club over in Boston Commons. Swan makes for an excellent guard. Then there’s the freight depot on the other side of the Mass pike.” 

With a finger to his chin Rush nodded appreciatively. “you remembered all that from your time in Goodneighbor?”

“maybe I did a little digging after I left.” Honestly I couldn’t remember exactly where I’d gotten this information before. It was right though. my gut knew that at least. These were active stashes. Most of them would probably be unguarded with all the men Hancock had in play in the commonwealth. It would be like taking candy from a dead man. That’s how that saying went right?

“well I’m in.” Rush laughed, placing his hands on his hips. “I’m looking forward to giving that ghoul some hell.”

Smiling I nodded. I could rely on Rush to follow me through hell itself, he’d said as much already. The others though. I turned on Maria who was staring at the map fixated. Maybe she was imagining where the synth was right then. No doubt she was beginning to wonder why the rest of our vendettas were taking precedence. I’d be angry if I were her. I squeezed her shoulder, drawing her gaze around. “I know you’re mad, but don’t worry, I swear, the detective will die before this is over. Have no fear of that.” 

That same deranged madness I’d seen in her before flashed over her face. for a split second I thought she might just leave, go looking for the synth on her own. My hand inched toward my knife. I couldn’t have her going out there and putting the rest of us at risk. Then the rage was gone replaced by that dead look I’d grown so accustomed to. “ok….”

“ok.” Relaxing I leaned over the map and pointed to a spot some ways north of us. “Me, Tag and Rush will handle hitting Hancock’s warehouses and ambushing him. I need you to meet us here with Rick.”

She looked at the spot I pointed to and frowned. “why that place?”

“believe me, you’ll appreciate it. of course we’ll have to bring you your test subjects first wont we?” 

Something bordering on excitement came to her features. “I understand now….”

“what?” Rush leaned in trying to get a look at the spot I pointed to. “I don’t get it.”

“you will in due time.” At last I turned my eyes on Tag. It remained to be seen if he’d refuse anything I said. He’d always followed Cormac’s orders without question but I got the distinct impression he didn’t afford me the same respect. It bothered me. I was twenty times the leader Cormac had ever been. What more did Tag want from me? “can I count on you to have mine and Rush’s back?”

Silently he stared back at me, mouth drawn into a tight line. How could a man like this have such control over his own expressions? Compared to a human he might as well have been a synth himself. Poker face didn’t quite do it justice. It would have been impressive in poker. In the real world though, I needed a straight answer. Eventually he nodded slowly, eyes moving to stay locked with mine.

Well that was the best I was liable to get I guess. “perfect. Then we can get moving. Rush with me, we need to get Maria some … assistants.” 

“dead or alive?”

“alive, but… Maria do they have to be whole?” 

“not necessarily, they just need to last long enough for me to get them exposed to radiation.” She went back to the fire and picked up the last Kabob. “I’m going to go check on Rick now.”

“you do that, Tag why don’t you give her a hand? we’ll let you know when it’s time to head out.” 

He gave me a look that was as void of emotion as any of his others. The problem was it wasn’t a dead look like what Maria had a lot of the time. There was something in there, I just couldn’t be sure what. Then he followed the chemist down the hall back toward Rick.

“do you think Rick can make it?” Rush asked as we walked toward the front doors. 

“I’d have thought a bullet wound in the chest was un-survivable but you’ve proven that we’re a bunch of stubborn bastards haven’t you?” pointedly I tapped his chest scar then scowled. “button up your shirt please.”

“why?” purposefully he pulled back his shirt and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “does it turn you on?”

“no.” replying flatly I pushed out the doors. 

It was early morning, a lot earlier than I usually ever saw. Beams of light rose from behind the horizon but the sun hadn’t shown itself yet. A cold chill filled the air that almost seeped through the black leather jacket I wore. Maybe it was time to wear something warmer. Standing on the steps leading into Med-Tek I scanned the blacktop. 

This place felt familiar. My eyes were drawn of their own accord to the right, to a parking structure that sat beside the building. Something tugged at the edge of my memory. Something that made my heart speed up and my stomach turn on what I’d filled it with. That couldn’t be…. Was I scared? Why in the hell would the sight of this place scare me so much? I hadn’t even been afraid of the turrets at Sanctuary, or when it looked like Macready would kill me. what made this fucking place so special? had I felt the same thing on the way in last night?

Rush stepped into my view, brows raised at my expression. “something wrong love?”

Groaning I waved my hand and marched down the steps. “no, lets go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly early chapter, going to get a lot of grading this weekend so i decided i ought to post early. 
> 
> Hope you're all still there and enjoying. this aint the kind of thing you want to read when you're already sad but it's nice if you're in a vindictive mood. 
> 
> take care everyone.


	21. Story Time

“Weather’s resupplied with us two days ago.” 

“any idea what direction he went after that?” of course our luck would continue like this. at least if he’d been at Bunker Hill still then he’d be out of danger. But then we wouldn’t have a lead. I suppose that was the silver lining in all of this. 

The woman in front of us, Kessler, had almost refused to be helpful when we arrived. It took Fahrenheit threatening to take Goodneighbor’s business elsewhere to get her to talk. You could get anything in Bunker Hill for the right price. “he said that he’d head for county Crossing then make the circuit around by the Slog then back through to Taffington Boathouse. From there he usually passes by Covenant and heads back for diamond City then south.”

“if he left two days ago,” Fahrenheit muttered around a cigarette. “then he could be on his way back from the Slog.” 

“we can’t be sure, we’ll have to retrace his steps from farm to farm.” I resisted the urge to take out my own cigarette. Now wasn’t the time. 

“do we have that kind of time?”

“can we afford to miss a clue when we don’t have any other leads?” 

Fahrenheit wanted to argue with me. Direct action, that was her area of expertise. But she could recognize when someone else was better suited than she. So with a begrudging grunt she sucked on her cigarette, walking away. 

I turned my gaze back on Kessler. “is there anything else we should know? How many guards does Weathers have with him.”

“just three and a Brahmin he calls idiot.” She shrugged with a shake of her head. “good luck finding him, maybe you’ll catch up to him.”

“maybe.” Or maybe someone else already had. How many people had Gray already killed? No I had to stop thinking of her as Gray. Thinking of her as Vel didn’t help matters either. What was I supposed to think of her as? Just some other raider? I couldn’t do that. If I made things that simple I’d just end up killing her by mistake. 

That was the last thing I wanted in all of this. 

I found Fahrenheit just outside the gates of Bunker hill, smoking away like it was just another day. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, no matter how much I thought a cigarette might help to take the edge off. Of all people I didn’t deserve to be comfortable in all this. “ready to go?”

“yep.” She tossed aside her cigarette, then gave me an expectant eye brow. 

County Crossing wasn’t far north of bunker hill. An easy three hour walk we reached it only to discover that Weathers had already long passed through. Of course I hadn’t been expecting to get that lucky. When questioned further the farmers said Weathers had camped out for a few hours helping them with their Brahmin before going on his way. Headed toward Finch farm.

So off we went again, taking a surprisingly leisurely pace across the commonwealth. Our mission was urgent but what would be the point of tiring ourselves out before we even got to where we were going? Or at least that’s what I kept telling myself. The Finchs were only a couple hours away. They’d seen Weathers late the day before, and pointed us on down the line. 

By this time even Fahrenheit was getting irritated. Results is what she cared about. “why don’t we split up? We know where Weathers was going.” 

It wasn’t a bad idea, if we did in fact know where Weathers went. “you know as well as I do that plans in the commonwealth don’t always stay the way they are.” I answered over my shoulder without looking back at her. “Weathers could be anywhere in the commonwealth, our best bet is to follow his trail, not try to predict where he’s gonna be.”

She grumbled something inaudible under her breath at that but kept up the pace with me. the Slog came into view an hour later. The ghouls here weren’t much greater help than the last two had been. “Weathers? Yeah we saw him.” Wiseman grumbled, barely taking the time to look up from his tar berries. 

I tried not to act impatient. “and do you know which direction he went in?”

“no idea.” Dismissively Wiseman waved us off. 

“ya know for a ghoul who wants to make a better name for his kind you’re not doing a great job of it.” 

“excuse me if I don’t care about that asshole.” Wiping off his hands on his shirt he straightened to look up at us. He was working in the pool alongside the rest of the farmers. They’d gotten increasingly reluctant to work with outsiders since the brotherhood had rolled into town. But they knew me. for that matter they knew Fahrenheit, what was the problem?

“he camped here overnight right?” Fahrenheit came from around the corner, ignoring the argument that was about to brew.

Wiseman turned a cold shoulder to me to talk to the red head. “that’s right. he left early morning. If you hurry you might catch him passing through Malden.” 

“headed toward Taffington Boat house?” 

“that’s what he said.”

Having heard all I needed to hear I left the ghoul to his work and headed back into the wasteland. It wasn’t long before Fahrenheit caught up with me. “get your head in the game Valentine.”

“where do you think it is?” ah hell I was starting to sound like Gray. With a disparaging breath out I shook my head. “sorry.”

“if you keep this up you’ll alienate the whole commonwealth then where will you be?” although her tone didn’t sound as if she cared that much. If anything you’d think this was just another boring mission from Hancock. How could she compartmentalize that much? 

“you care about her don’t you?” I couldn’t help myself asking. It was a genuine question considering her attitude up till this point.

I didn’t even have to look, I felt her rolling her eyes. “I’m not carrying my minigun anymore am I? Hancock and I were worrying about her long before you came along Valentine, I’d sooner let you get torn apart by Brotherhood of Steel than see that girl running with those scumbags a minute longer.” 

“on that we can agree.” My shoulders relaxed and my pace went fluid. It wouldn’t be long to Malden maybe two hours at the most. Fahrenheit didn’t tire like other humans I’d run with. That was a blessing. 

“I gotta wonder though.” her voice took on that edge, the one where you knew she was trying to play things carefully. Like when she had all the cards in poker. That tell was her reason for staying silent during our games. “why are you in such a rush?”

“what are you talking about? Didn’t you just say you’d rather see me torn apart than Gray with that gang a minute longer?” 

“the way I see it, they’ve got maybe a couple hours before O'Malley goes back to normal if she hasn’t already.” 

I tried not to react. Keeping the truth from Fahrenheit was hard to begin with. Of course she’d start questioning it. maybe Hancock was thinking the same thing. I could only hope not. If he ever found out what had happened to Gray, he might kill her and then me. “and if she does come back when she’s with them what do you think they’ll do?” 

My question was meant to trip her up, give me more excuse to be this impatient but Fahrenheit was a better strategist than me. “then I’m sure O'Malley could handle herself. If anything she might even get the drop on them and put an end to this for us.”

“you’re assuming that Rush isn’t ready for that.” 

“you think he’s that dangerous?” 

“let’s see.” Venom leaked into my voice in spite of myself. “he stalked and terrorized Gray for over a week without revealing himself to me. he’s been alluding us for longer than that. He managed to draw her out of Goodneighbor, kidnap her and rewrite her memory. And let us not forget that he had to get a memory lounger out of Goodneighbor ahead of time to do it.” 

“but he isn’t a mastermind.” She said flatly. “he’s not the institute after all.”

As much as I hated to admit it, Rush wasn’t far off. I wouldn’t have thought he was capable of half of that before. Yet, here we were. We’d underestimated him up until this point but now, now we had Gray on his side. If Sanctuary had taught us anything it was that underestimating them could get whole settlements killed. 

“so why are you so focused on getting her back when she could just come back on her own?” 

“I don’t want to risk her life on the off chance that she can handle Rush and the others alone.” 

“I’m not sure that’s all there is.”

“it’s the truth.” And in a way it was. At least I’d stand by that excuse until she backed me into a corner. Fahrenheit at least didn’t push the subject any further than that. Silence followed us across the wasteland as we passed by Greentop nursery then wondered toward Malden. By this time tracks started showing themselves. The unmistakable tracks of a large weighted Brahmin appeared periodically in the dirt. Three sets of prints alongside it. it could have been anyone. Likely it had nothing to do with our man, but I couldn’t overlook the tiniest clue. 

“we’re not far from the boat house.” Fahrenheit pointed out when we entered Malden proper. 

“what do you make of those tracks?”

“could be our guy, could be any other wastelander.” 

“worth following?” 

She grimaced, meeting my gaze as I turned to look at her. Then her eyes widened and she threw up her weapon. I dived to the side just as she opened fire. Rolling I came up on a knee, gun in hand. Raiders. They always showed up when you least wanted them to. And there were a lot of them. They swarmed up the road, firing at us as they inched their way forward. Fahrenheit looked as fearless as ever. It would just get her killed. 

As one of the raiders stepped out with a god damn missile launcher I grabbed Fahrenheit and dragged her off the road. The blacktop where we’d been standing exploded into shards. The shockwave alone carried us several feet forward into what looked like a monument. Some machine looking human bust stood high up on a pillar in the middle of a cobbled circle. At the back of my mind I smirked at the idea that someone had erected a monument to machines. 

The moment of satisfaction fled when two raiders careened around the corner, pipe pistols firing. Behind them the missile one reloaded. “get up! Move!” angrily I tugged Fahrenheit to her feet. but this was another one of those times where I forgot what it was like to be human. Her legs tilted under her, like she was drunk, while her eyes danced back and forth. Stunned. Easy when your eardrums weren’t made out of a metal alloy. 

Hauling her to her feet by her arm I forced her to wrap an arm around my neck, dragging her across the square. Slocum Joe’s corporate headquarters was still mostly intact. We didn’t stand a chance out in the open but up close and personal skill was more important than a damn rocket launcher. Speaking of that idiot had already loaded and was brining the pointed end down toward us. Throwing together a few swears that’d surprise even Gray, I tossed Fahrenheit on the safe side of the building. I dived to the side, narrowly avoiding becoming shrapnel. 

“give it up Valentine!” someone jeered from around the corner. 

Back to the wall I sat up. “Fahrenheit! Fahrenheit, talk to me!”

“why are you so fucking popular?” she growled, forcing herself to her knees. 

Good question, usually one I had an answer to. Standing up with my gun gripped in both hands I leaned out just enough to yell. “sorry friend, don’t think I caught your name!” They were spreading out, judging by the footsteps. I glanced at Fahrenheit then nodded at the second floor. She nodded back and quietly made her way toward the stairs. 

“you don’t know me!” 

“ah, well then care to give me a clue why you’re out to kill me?” staying still I waited until I heard the quiet footsteps overhead. Fahrenheit was in position. It was her rodeo now. she had the high ground, she knew what we were up against. I’d just have to keep talking until she started shooting. “I don’t take it personally, you’re not the only one out for this bucket of bolts!”

“Darla sends her regards!” another missile whistled as it flew through into the side of the building. 

The wall behind me came crumbling down. I tried to run but my foot caught on something and I went down. bricks and concrete buried me from my waist down. groaning I dug my hands in the rubble, trying to pull myself out of it. Overhead gunfire went off, the distinctive sound of a laser rifle going off. “Get up Valentine!” 

Would love to. My legs were stuck. As I pulled and tugged something tore in my right calf. Pain shot through my spine. I bit down hard on the cry of pain that threatened to slip out. Gingerly I stopped moving. This wasn’t good. 

Laser fire spread out. Twisting I caught a glimpse of the raiders scattering in any direction. At least they’d run out of damn missiles. Didn’t fancy the idea of going out like that. Right then I didn’t fancy the idea of going out at all. Fahrenheit was doing a good damn job keeping them off me from that angle but they’d go around the building soon enough. There just wasn’t enough of her to stop all of them. Gun, I needed my damn gun. 

It lay just out of arm’s reach off to my right. flat on my stomach I reached for it, biting back the pain as my leg dragged against whatever had it. just hoped Ellison could fix that. She’d have a lot more to do if I didn’t get my gun. Above I could hear Fahrenheit swearing and moving. She had no idea I was trapped, wouldn’t even think of it. and she had problems of her own. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two raiders race up the stairs to her level. Had no fear there, she could handle herself plenty better than nearly anyone else I knew. 

That still left me wide open. “come on….” Teeth gritted, pain tearing through my leg, I reached. My metal fingers brushed the very edge of the grip. Just a little further damn it. you weren’t about to let these scumbags finish you off. Not when you still have cases to close. Now grab it!

A raider’s boots came into view from around the corner. Slowly deliberately they stepped toward me. “gotta say, I’m a little disappointed here.” The raider scumbag from earlier, of course he was a gloater. “when Darla asked us to kill Detective Valentine I thought she was pulling a fast one on us. But she paid up front, even gave us that nice toy to do the job.”

“Toothless Darla’s still sore?” no point trying to pretend I wasn’t doing what I was doing. While he gloated over the top of my head I kept reaching for my revolver. “if she wants I could make the name stick.”

“they always said you were a lot of talk.” A boot came down on my outstretched hand. if that had been the other one it would have hurt. It just felt weird as it was. Teeth bared I twisted to stare at the barrel pointing toward my head. “they also said you were one of the most dangerous people to cross in the commonwealth.”

“wouldn’t know why.” I grumbled around gritted teeth. 

“me either.” His finger went to squeeze the trigger. 

Then his head exploded. 

I flinched, blood splattering over my face. twisting I tried to see where the bullet had come from. That wasn’t a laser blast so it wasn’t Fahrenheit. Where the hell did that come from? No sign of anyone though. not that I could see much trapped under the rubble. 

“Valentine! You alive?!” 

“I’m fine! You?!”

“pissed.” 

Fair enough. Irritably I shoved the dead raider away from me. his blood bled out a massive hole in his head, rapidly forming a pool. I’d be covered in it soon enough. Teeth gritted I tried to twist around, dislodge the debris or something. eventually I got one leg free which let me turn around and unbury the other. A tear ran from my knee down almost the full length of my leg. Gingerly I dislodged the jagged rock that had caused it from my shoe, wincing all the while. It hurt, even now. “damn it.”

“looks nasty.”

I flinched at Fahrenheit’s voice at my side. Her laser rifle was slung over her shoulder, like any other day. Ignoring the pain I forced myself to stand. “are the rest of them taken care of?”

“course, they were just common trash.” She handed me over my revolver. 

Maybe it was time to start carrying a second weapon, like a knife. Like Gray. Ignoring the sting to my ego this whole situation had brought, I put my revolver away. “are any of them alive?”

“no, how’d you kill that one?”

I glanced down at the dead man then up at the streets. Whoever had killed him was likely long gone, or watching us still. Being indebted to someone was never a problem for me. when that person didn’t show their face, that made me nervous. “no, lets move. I don’t want to risk another hit team finding me out here.” 

“there’s something you need to see.” Leaving that ominous sentence hanging in the air she turned for the other side of the building. 

We picked our way through what was left of the building. A couple more missiles and this place would be flattened. We were lucky. Darla could have armed them better. If she had, we’d be digging ourselves out of a debris field at best, cold on the floor at worst. that mob boss would be a problem, I’d have to deal with her next when this was over. Hopefully she’d know what’s good for her. 

Fahrenheit led me out onto the other side of town to the road. “I saw it when I went up top.” 

She didn’t have to point it out. Lying in the middle of the road were three bodies and a Brahmin. Packs and supplies were scattered across the road. The Brahmin was butchered expertly, the bodies stripped of their weapons and ammunition. “ah damn.” Grimacing I strode up to the scene, kneeling beside the doc’s body. “it’s definitely Weathers, who the hell did this?”

“it was a 10 millimeter.” She knelt beside one of the other bodies, tilting the head around to get a better look at the exit wound. “close range. No signs of a struggle. No running. They weren’t ambushed.”

“they were lured here.” Just bullet wounds in the humans. Nothing more to tell from there. So I moved on to the Brahmin. The knife cuts were careful, perfect, and … familiar. A cold hand gripped at my insides. “I know who did this….”

“bit of coincidence don’t you think?” no doubt Fahrenheit had already come to the same conclusion I had. “10 millimeter guns are common out here. It might not be her.”

“but the knife cuts are his.” Disgusted I got up backing up from the crime scene. “Rush doesn’t hold back on anything, he used the same techniques on Vadim.”

“sick.” And coming from Fahrenheit that was saying something. “how can you tell?”

“in my line of work you get used to memorizing the small details.” I didn’t need to look at the butchered Brahmin again so I just pointed at it. “it’s the same kind of knife, combat, not built for precision but Rush uses it with precision. You can tell where it bit deeper than he wanted and he backed out. Even when he’s butchering meat he refuses to be mediocre.” 

“so we’re too late?” 

“unless you see their prints, there’s no way to track them from here.” And I certainly couldn’t make out any other footprints in the blacktop. But of course they’d have been careful after leaving these dead men behind. This wasn’t about intimidation or mockery, which was likely why Weathers had gotten off with a bullet. He was lucky. The next one wouldn’t be. 

“tell me the truth Valentine.”

Slowly I turned to face Fahrenheit. She stood beside Weathers’ body. Tense shoulders, gun gripped tight in her hand. she wasn’t about to take any dodging or half answers now. shit. “what?”

“I’m not taking another step with you until you tell me everything.” face grim she pointed her rifle at my chest. I didn’t even bother tensing. “why hasn’t she turned back?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

Her eyes narrowed. Anyone else would be on their knees, telling her whatever she wanted to know. Of course anyone else might actually be in danger. Even when she stepped forward and pressed the barrel of her gun against my chest I didn’t flinch. “then let me tell you. I think you’re worried about getting her back before Hancock. I think that she’s not going to go back to normal because she isn’t normal. I think the memory manipulation is going to stick in spite of what Amari told you.”

“good theory.” I stood still. Making any kind of move wouldn’t cost me my life but Ellison already had enough repairs to do now. 

“the thing is, I happen to know a guy that tried getting his memory shifted around.” She continued quietly. “he kept going back cause they wouldn’t hold. Human memories can’t be permanently changed, but a synth’s memories?”

“what do you want me to say?” 

“when did it happen?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“stop pretending. She’s gotten plenty of people killed. If we stand a chance of getting her back you’re going to tell me everything you know.” Her gun didn’t waver at all. My confidence that she wouldn’t pull the trigger wasn’t nearly so well off. “is she a synth?”

She’d already figured it out. It didn’t matter how good my poker face was, she knew she was right. the only reason that she hadn’t beaten me over the head with that rifle was because she wanted to see if I’d come clean. What choice did I have? breathing a sigh I put a hand on the rifle and gently brought it down. “follow me.”

Without argument Fahrenheit fell in line behind me as I walked down the street. Maybe it was for the best that we were here. Maybe it was just a plot tool. Either way, it would help get my point across. I stopped just outside of Med-Tek. Deliberately slow I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. When the smoke drifted toward the sky I turned back to her. “on October 28th, 2287, on that parking structure, Vel O'Malley was replaced by a synth. She didn’t know, I didn’t know. The institute didn’t program her like an agent. She was totally unaware of where she came from.”

“and how long have you known?” the rifle remained down while her eyes were on fire. 

“we suspected since that day, but it wasn’t confirmed until we went to far harbor back in August.” Jaw tight I looked her dead in the eye. “we didn’t tell you or Hancock because she was terrified that you would kill her outright.”

“Hancock will.” She nodded, expression softening by a mere fraction. “if he finds out that she’s not human he’ll gun her down himself. Your instinct is right.”

“and you?” every fiber of my body tensed, waiting for the moment when I’d have to draw on her. Could I get my gun up before she could? Maybe. I’d have to try. If I had to kill Fahrenheit to protect Gray I would. She might not forgive me, hell I wouldn’t forgive myself, but for her I’d do it. 

Fahrenheit smirked. “she’s a pretty damn good copy, didn’t notice the difference. As far as I’m concerned she’s still that eight year old that I rescued out of the ruins.”

“so….?”

“so we’ve got a lot of work to do if we want to get ahead of Hancock.” Leaning her rifle on her shoulder she headed back down the way we’d come. 

I felt a little numb from her reaction. I expected more. Something at least, maybe an argument? I don’t know. But this? this just left me confused. Wasn’t the type to a look a gift horse in the mouth though. so with another drag on my cigarette I followed her. “any ideas? We’ve come to a literal dead end this time.” 

“finding missing persons is your job.” She replied flatly.

“wonderful.”

“but if anything finding her isn’t even half the problem. We’ve already tracked her down twice and each time she’s slipped through our fingers.” For a moment she paused beside the bodies. The latest evidence of how far gone Gray was. “we’re lucky we’re still alive. The next time we see her we need a better plan than talking her down.”

“I know….” In spite of myself I let my shoulders fall. “we’re not getting her back by talking to her. But I don’t want to risk hurting her.”

“we might not have a choice. Would you rather her be whole and psycho, or hurt and back by your side?” 

“fair enough….”

“but I’ve got an idea.” From her own pocket she produced a cigarette, lighting it with a bored faraway look. “Ellison’s gonna have her work cut out for her but she can handle it. you focus on figuring out where they’ll go next.”

Easier said than done. I glanced back at the parking structure. That memory came in sharp and clear. Watching as Vel fell with a bullet in the brain only to reveal another one cowering on the ground. At that time I’d had to make a choice. Either believe that the synth had died, or kill the one that was left just to be sure. There’d been a split second where I’d considered the other option. And then I saw the terror in her face. I couldn’t turn my back on her then, and I couldn’t do that now. 

“I need time to think, and I’ve got a favor to ask Ellison. Lets head back to Goodneighbor.” 

“agreed, hopefully you’ll have a plan of attack before Hancock gets back from the wasteland.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely sure if Fahr would actually be this accepting but sometimes I gotta use a bit of a Deus Ex to let the plot move. Plus i didn't want to kill her.... for now. 
> 
> So 76 came out, either means no one is reading this anymore or there's an influx of people reading fallout fanfiction again. We will see. 
> 
> if anybody's interested I play 76 on Xbox one, my gamer tag is also ScorpioDarkMoon, yeah yeah yeah real original i know. anyway hope everyone's having a good week and is enjoying the new wonderful wasteland Bethesda's given us. See you next week.


	22. Hello John

“I saw what you did.”

“aren’t you supposed to be in position?” I murmured at the trip wire I was setting. 

“we’ve got at least another hour before he gets here. And I want some answers love.” The way he said the word love made it twisted and disgusting. 

With a breath I washed away my irritation and smiled up at Rush. “what are you talking about?”

“you saved that machine’s life back in Malden.” Rush stated flatly. He leaned up against the wall, arms loosely crossed. He had his shirt buttoned again, finally, but that made me a little uneasy. Was this his version of a serious face? 

“oh that.” With a light laugh I armed the trip wire and carefully stepped over it. “we were passing through, shooting that raider was more for fun than to save his life.”

“don’t try to bullshit me, I taught you how to do that.” Was that a snarl? Maybe I’d been pushing him a little too hard lately. Every man had their breaking point, maybe I’d just been expecting too much from him. 

I forced a laugh and put my arms around his neck. “come on sweetheart, you know there’s only one man for me. don’t tell me you’re getting jealous?”

Crazed anger flashed in his eyes. his hands clamped around my forearms and before I knew it, he had me pinned against the wet cold stone wall of the sewer. An evil grin split his face, the kind of grin that wasn’t playful or funny, just threatening. Rush’s true colors. “then why’d you go saving his life?”

The smile I wore became softer and I reached up to gently touch his face. “because, I didn’t want to let the raider have the satisfaction. I promised you all that we’d get our chance to make him pay and that’s what I’m going to do. If that raider had killed him? what would that leave us?” 

“that the only reason?” 

In answer I tugged on his shirt and forced him to close the distance between us. I met his lips and didn’t waste any time with the kiss. For a second it looked like he might shove me off, so I tightened my grip on his shirt, holding him in place. His hands found my wrists. Fiercely he tugged my hands off then pinned them to the wall behind me. that’s when he really got into the kiss. Excitement surged through me and my heart hammered. 

Then the sloshing of water reached our ears and we parted. Tag appeared through the tunnel entrance, staring at us without so much as an accusatory expression. Rush groaned against my lips. “a little privacy?”

Tag didn’t look at him, he just stared at me. 

“is he on his way?”

He nodded.

“then you two had best get in position.” Tenderly I kissed Rush before slipping out of his grasp. “we’ll finish this later.” 

“that better be a promise too.” He murmured back huskily but following Tag back out of the sewer. 

Had to trust that those two would play their parts right. if not then this might not even go according to plan. The trap was set, baited and waiting, all we had to do was wait. This was a drainage pipe under Malden, so not technically a sewer but still a sewer. The floor was covered in water that refused to drain out the other end, pillars down the middle, and a long ramp led up to a cage on one end. If you just took it at face value it wouldn’t be much. But take a short walk across the pool using a pipe and you’d find one of Hancock’s many stashes. Or rather, his last stash. 

Gun held in my hand I walked across the pipe and took a seat facing the entrance. A bit melodramatic I’ll admit, but what was the fun of doing any of this if you weren’t going to have a little extra fun with it? perched casually on the pipe I settled down to wait. First he’d go to the boat house, check with the people there. When he discovered their mangled and cooling corpses he’d head this way. He’d be expecting a fight, he’d be expecting for us all to be here ready to ambush him. he might even leave a couple of his men outside if he had enough to do it. 

And that’s when it’d be over.

Excitement and anticipation filled me. was this how kids felt during Christmas? At least back when Christmas still meant something. what would it have been like to grow up before the war? Ah what the hell did I care? I’d never had a chance. the wasteland chewed up everyone and spat them out. If you came out of that functioning then you were lucky. Most people just ended up blubbering idiots. They didn’t last long after that. Was it lucky that it had done it to me so young? Maybe. Kids were adaptable or that’s what they said. Who they were I didn’t know. Small wonder that I’d ended up with a band of equally broken psychopaths. 

You don’t belong with them.

Shut up.

You know you don’t, they’re not family.

They’re the closest thing I have.

They’re not and you know it.

“shut up.” I growled aloud before blinking down at my reflection in the murky water. Talking to myself. Great. Maybe I really was losing my mind. 

Then voices drifted down the tunnel. I looked up, plastering a smile on my face that was somewhere between welcoming and sinister. Three figures treaded water through the pipe, backlit by the light of the setting sun behind them. That hat couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. The man wearing it, would die wearing that thing. John Hancock stepped through into the pool, flanked by two of the neighborhood watch. Under the shadow of his hat I couldn’t make out his eyes. 

“hello John.” 

“did you bring drinks?” 

“what?”

He tilted his head up to grin at me, showing off his rotted teeth. “drinks, hope you brought some.”

“that’s… not exactly what I expected you to say….” I admitted slowly, leaning over my knees.

With a shrug he stuffed his hands into his pockets and stepped forward. His men remained at the entrance. Likely with instructions to keep me from leaving. Their fixation on capturing me was really starting to get amusing. “what’d you want from me? ya left me a trail of dead men and burning warehouses. You could see the smoke from a mile away. You’ve successfully ruined me, congratulations.”

“you don’t seem upset.” What a cocky dick bag. 

But he was still walking into my trap. The tables hadn’t turned yet. Slowly he sloshed his way deeper inside. “pissed me off pretty good for a minute there. You’ve put Goodneighbor in a bad way. If we get attacked by more Supermutants anytime soon then well, we won’t have the caps to rebuild.” 

“shame.” 

“your smile makes me sick ya know that?” his black eyes narrowed.

While my grin grew. “why don’t you come over here and wipe it off?” 

“I’d love to, but….” He knelt in the water, ignoring the way it soaked into his already wet coat. Into the water he reached. A distinctive click went off and he tugged the tripwire out from the water. “seems to me you’ve got some toys getting in my way.”

Well that was disappointing. Not entirely unexpected though. Hancock hadn’t become the leader of Goodneighbor with his good looks and stunning personality after all. Thinking that I’d outfox him was hilarious. “well, can’t blame a girl for trying.”

Tossing aside the wire he stood, inspecting the surrounding water. “let me guess, low level Tesla coil under the water? If one of us trigger it everyone gets a nice shock. Am I right?”

“that you would be.” Enjoy your gloating while you could. “you had some nice toys at your stashes. Traps, chems, caps, a couple of stealth boys. We helped ourselves before we set fire to them.”

“and then you’d finish the job. Bullet to the head or would you do something more personal?”

That actually made me laugh. The guards still standing beside the entrance tensed. Their machine guns went up a couple inches. “aren’t you hilarious John? Why would you think I intend to kill you?”

“you’ve got yourself a track record.” He answered through a rough voice. He hadn’t been expecting that reaction. 

“what? Those farmers and Sanctuary?” still smiling I leaned over my knees to fully face the ghoul. “I was bored with the farmers, their deaths were just for fun, and Sanctuary was a battle. I wouldn’t clump you in with that riff raff.”

“how kind.” At last he was reaching for his shotgun. He was finally starting to understand the kind of danger he was in. a little late for that. “and what about men at the stashes? Were you bored then too?”

“it isn’t my fault you didn’t get there in time.” Gun held loose in my hand I let it hang over the side of the pipe. Out in the open, so he could see it and know. “I left … most of them alive when we left. You could have saved them, if you were fast enough.”

“you’re even worse than I thought.” Shotgun held at his side he stepped passed my tripwire to face me. his head tilted back. “so what’s the play here? You and I start shooting? The rest of your gang outside runs in to take care of my men? There’s some shooting, maybe some banter, people get hurt and you what? Kill me?”

“I have no intention of killing you John.” Slowly I rose, still standing on the pipe. “but yeah, that’s about the long and the short of it.”

He fired. Something I hadn’t been expecting. It was only thanks to gravity itself that I dodged the birdshot. In fact to be honest my foot slipped on the pipe and I went tumbling into the water at his feet. before I could recover he got the shaft of his shotgun around my neck, hauling me up. With him straddling my back I bent painfully, tears leaking out of my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you kiddo but you’re not giving me much choice.” 

Gasping I struggled to pull the gun from my throat. It bit so painfully into my windpipe I wouldn’t be surprised if it left a bruise. Hancock might have looked scrawny but he was stronger than you’d think. Stronger than me. come on think. You weren’t going to let him get the best of you! my hand slid down the shotgun until I found the trigger guard. I was going to regret this.

I forced Hancock’s finger to pull the trigger. The gun bucked, gouging a shallow cut across my neck. Hancock lost his grip, flinching more violently than me. my ears were ringing, wouldn’t be hearing much of anything till I got a Stimpak in me. While he reeled I swung my elbow up into his face. that dislodged him and let me roll out from under him. my gun was gone and I had no time to find it. It wasn’t fair that he had his, best even the playing field. 

Fiercely I kicked out at his wrist that still held the shotgun. He grunted in pain but held on tight. He didn’t use it though. maybe he’d decided that it wasn’t worth killing me. when he turned I gathered a clump of mud in my hand and flung it at his eyes. while he reeled out of the way I found my feet at last. My knife was in my right hand, held backwards. 

Where the hell were Rush and Tag? They should have heard the gunshot by now. Out of rage my eyes darted toward the entrance which Hancock of course noticed. He smirked, wiping mud from his face. “expecting someone? Forgot to tell ya, I’ve got some extra men out there.” 

Of course he did. That shouldn’t have stopped Rush or Tag. What were they playing at? For that matter the other two men Hancock brought with him hadn’t moved yet. Maybe they were under orders from the ghoul not to interfere. He thought he could handle me one on one. so far he wasn’t entirely wrong. “guess it’s time to stop playing around huh?”

“this is all a game to you isn’t it?” 

“oh this must be the banter part.”

Hancock’s face just twisted around in disgust. didn’t take him long to figure out just how useless words really were. Unfortunately for him he didn’t let his gun do the talking though.

He actually threw it at me, a good distraction for what it was worth. I blocked it and he went in, throwing a punch toward my jaw. It connected, pain lanced through my spine. “you’re the fourth fucking person to go for the jaw!” I shouted in a sudden burst of rage. “why cant you god damn people be original?!” and by original I meant going for the sternum, which is what I did to him with a firmly placed kick.

The breath left him in a rush, he staggered a step back. this was starting to annoy me, had to finish this fast. Putting the knife away I ducked his fist again then grabbed him around the middle and bore him down to the water. For a split second we were both submerged before I broke the surface. Straddling him I swung a punch into his temple, forcing his head back down. this might be the time for some gloating but I wasn’t about to waste breath on that. I’d gloat plenty later.

One of his hands shot out, grabbed my wrist and wrenched me to the side. Before I realized what was happening he had me in the water. His bony knees bit into my sides. Rough hands around my neck he started chocking. I dug my nails into his wrists, glaring up into his grim face. he didn’t look happy, if anything he looked like he was in pain. Why in the hell hadn’t he just shot me? Why was he so focused on capturing me? 

Darkness ate at the edges of my vision, my head got lighter. Damn it not like this! Where the hell were those pieces of shit?!

That answer came in the form of a scream. 

Hancock flinched, his hands loosened giving me just enough time to wrench them off my neck. When he looked back down at me I slammed my forehead into his nose, or at least what was left of it. Blood spurted, he swore, falling back. I got one foot free of his legs and kicked him hard between the legs. A bit low but I’d already thrown mud at him so how much lower could I get? Groaning he put distance between us, fists up, face twisted in rage.

A quick glance to the left filled in the rest of the scene. Rush and Tag were finally in the room, fighting Hancock’s guards. In fact the one Rush faced already sported a deep bloody gash along his back. Rush danced around his opponent, grinning maniacally, confidently. There was no way he’d lose to a guard who spent more time drinking and doing chems than shooting. 

Tag’s unreadable expression alone gave his opponent trouble. More than that I could appreciate for the first time Tag’s skills. He wasn’t a straight forward fighter like you might think. He’d faint, he’d jab, he’d dance, it wasn’t just a test of who could swing the hardest punch. The guard couldn’t predict what Tag would do. The man was a beast. No he was a strategist. It impressed me to say the least. 

I swung my eyes back to Hancock. Time to finish this. 

Hancock’s eyes were darting back and forth between me and the guards. He was debating on helping them. Always such loyalty to his men. They were all almost as bad as me. why the hell hadn’t that same loyalty extended to me? why had he turned on me without so much as a second though? he cared more about his neighborhood watch than he ever had about me.

His eyes lingered on them for a split second too long. For what I hoped would be the last time, I ran at him. in a fierce grip I grabbed one of his hands, using my own momentum to spin him around. He lost his footing. Then his face smashed into the pipe. Didn’t let up. I kicked at the back of his knees, forcing him down. I got in around behind him while his hands reached toward my arms. Not good enough. 

With his head gripped in both my hands I smashed his face into the pipe one more time. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew a frontal assault wouldn’t be enough to knock him clean out. This was just a little fun. His hands clawed weakly at my arms, drawing bloody tracks with his nails. Kudos to him for that. Switching my grip I leaned in and heaved his head into the wall one final time, temple first. That finished it. 

With a groan he went limp, slumping into the muddy water underfoot. His hat hadn’t even slipped off. Panting, ignoring the sting in my jaw and ego, I looked back at the others. Tag had his man in a headlock. The poor guard didn’t stand a chance, flailing his legs kicking up a melodramatic spray of mud and water. Rush sat on his, gleefully cutting into him while the guard screamed for mercy. As usual.

“are you done?” I called in a bored tone.

Rush looked up, a splattering of blood plastered over his face. “do I look done?” 

“where’s the rope?” 

With his gore covered knife hand he pointed at the end of the pipe. “right where you told me to leave it. now shut up.” And he immediately went back to cutting into the writhing guard. 

Rolling my eyes, I retrieved the rope then went back to Hancock. “well, well… you’re already waking up? You ghouls really can take a beating.” 

Sluggishly Hancock was trying to push himself back to all fours. Blood dripped down his face making him look almost feral. When I was finished with him he would be. 

“no, no.” firmly I pushed him back down with a foot on his shoulder blades. 

He hit the mud, groaning in pain and anger. “what…are… you doing?” 

“I told you, I didn’t go through all this trouble just to kill you.” I sat on his legs just to make sure he didn’t get any bright ideas with those. Then with no mercy I tugged his arms up behind his back and tied them as tight as I could manage. “if I wanted you dead I’d have just shot you in Goodneighbor. Maybe when you were making one of those speeches you’re so fond of. Fahrenheit too. Nah I’ve got other ideas.”

Satisfied with the knots I hauled him to his knees, dragging him through the water back toward the others. Tag looked up at my approach just as his guard went limp. “you’ll have to teach me how to do that.” I said with a smile, rubbing my jaw. “it might have saved me some headache.” 

No response from the big brawler, as usual. Those eyes looked at Hancock though. 

“take him.” I handed Hancock over to Tag. If he tried anything Tag would be better suited to beat him back into the ground. “Rush! Isn’t enough, enough?” 

The guard gave another blood curdling scream as Rush jabbed his knife into his shoulder joint and twisted. With the knife still lodged in him, Rush looked over his shoulder at me. he was like a child being told to stop playing. That glare wouldn’t look so misplaced on a playground, minus the blood spatter of course. “why can’t you do what you’re going to do here?”

“because I have a better idea.” Hands on my hips I sloshed to his side, leaning over to admire his handiwork. We’d let him lose on the other guards at each stash. He’d gotten into it then too. Hard to tear him away. I knew I’d need to let him have some fun soon or he wouldn’t stick around much longer. “come on love, I promise I’ll let you at Hancock a little.” 

Hancock laughed. 

We both looked at him. bloody, wet, mud staining his red coat. He didn’t look like much. Hell he looked like the drifter he’d always been underneath. One of my brows shot up. “something to add John?”

“you’re gonna torture me? hate to break it to ya, but you and your boyfriend ain’t got anything on what’s already been done to me.” he smirked around the blood.

Rush’s eyes narrowed. “that a challenge zombie?”

“damn straight.”

“I’ll make you beg.” 

“you’ll try.”

“boys, please.” I waved a hand between them then contemplated Hancock for a second longer. “you know Rush… maybe we’ve got some time to kill. Not much mind. How does a half hour sound?”

Excitement flooded his face like a child told they could have ten more minutes at the monkey bars. “I could do a number on him with that.”

“not him.” slowly I removed my knife from its sheath on my shoulder and handed it down to him. “Hancock is mine, but you go to town on his men.”

“wait!” Hancock pulled against Tag but he had a firm grip on his arm. “you don’t gotta do this! stop!” 

Rush smiled brightly, taking the knife from me. his eyes slid hungrily over the whimpering guard he already had pinned. “it’s not going to be the same… but it’ll do.” 

“leave them the fuck alone!!” Hancock kept struggling against Tag, desperation making him stupid. nothing he did made a difference. That’s what I wanted to see. Good. “they were here because I asked them to be, don’t do this!” 

“don’t do what?” Rush’s brows shot up at him. “this?” with a jerk he twisted the knife, tearing through tendons and flesh. The guard screamed in agony, head bucked back. 

Hancock wanted to look away, I could see it, but he kept staring. Had to give him that. He was tougher than I’d have given him credit for. For a minute he stopped struggling and glared at Rush. “I’m going to kill you.” 

“and what about Vel?” Rush questioned, dislodging his knife. 

Gradually his eyes found mine. One of my brows shot up. There was disgust there, which was about what I expected. Hell anger too but there wasn’t a trace of that there. Why not? I’d beaten him after all. And he was about to sit there and watch a madman pull his neighborhood watch apart. Shouldn’t he want me as dead as Rush? 

“this ain’t you.” he said thinly. 

He’s right.

“yes it is.” Smiling broadly I leaned down to bring us to eye level. “why are you so convinced it’s not?”

Firmly he stared right back at me. hard to tell with his eyes a pure black but I was fairly certain they weren’t even shaking. He was so fully convinced of what he had to say. Part of me almost believed him. “cause I know you. Valentine’s gonna figure out how to get you back. you know where you belong.”

You don’t belong here.

Anger flared up my chest and slammed my fist into his temple. He jerked with a grunt, blood spraying. My arms shook, fists tight at my sides.

He chuckled, slowly bringing his gaze back to me. “why so angry?” 

“I can’t wait to wipe that grin off your face.” I growled. Arms swinging mechanically at my sides I made my way for the entrance. “have fun Rush. I’m going to make sure Maria and Rick get off from Med-Tek alright.” 

“where are we going next?” Rush asked although I doubted he was paying enough attention to really care. he was already sticking both knifes into the guard’s chest, or rather up and under the ribcage. The guard was screaming again, giving me a headache. 

I glanced back at him then to Hancock. “the Mass Fusion dump.”

“why the hell are you goin there?” the mayor questioned in a bark.

Once again I just smiled at him. “you’ll see.”

I left, leaving Rush to work on the guards and give Hancock more reason to hate me. That was the main point of that really. I was sick of that look, of how much he seemed to want me back. it was sweet and all but I doubted I’d make it back in one piece. Hancock probably just wanted to teach me a lesson I wouldn’t soon forget. Just like what I planned to do with him.

Or he actually wants you back.

For the love of god shut up.

Leaving the pipe I headed down the muddy creek bed. Rick had better be fit to travel or I was gonna leave his ass behind. I was so close to having my revenge on Hancock that I wasn’t about to let him and his injury get in my way.

They all want you back.

They just want me dead, I don’t blame them.

Not Nick.

“Valentine should have been dead ages ago.”

But he isn’t. why is that? Why did you save him?

“To save the best for last.”

That’s not true. You haven’t even given a single thought to how to make him pay the way you have with Hancock. You don’t want to kill him. You know you don’t.

“For a voice inside my head you’re remarkably talkative.” Then I stopped, glowering at the mud underfoot. “fuck I’m talking to myself again… this is getting ridiculous.” 

Ridiculous or not the voice did bring up one good point. I hadn’t thought much about what I’d do to Valentine when I was done with Hancock. I’d been so focused on the ghoul and keeping my gang happy. I hadn’t spared much time to think about what came next. 

What did come next? 

Unlike Rick I wasn’t interested in taking over the commonwealth. Controlling a swath of territory would be fun for a little while but what was the point? All you’d have were farmers under your thumb. That got you maybe a couple hundred caps a month? There was no big prize to be had there. Controlling Diamond city though, that would be a different story. Did this mean I wanted to go legit? Of course not, there were ways to control the city from the shadows. That was a worthy enough goal. 

A smile pulled at my lips as I entered Med-Tek. I found Maria and Rick sitting in the lobby around the fire, while she changed the bandages on his shoulder again. Got a glimpse of the wound. Puckered putrefied skin. “that must hurt like hell.”

Rick looked at me, his eyes a little more tired than usual and skin much paler. In spite of that his expression was more irritated than pained. “what’s going on?”

“we’ve captured Hancock.” I announced proudly, hands spread wide. “we’ll be transporting him to the shed here as soon as Rush has his fill of the guards. Do you two think you can make it to the shed on your own?”

“do I look like a cripple to you?” he snapped.

“that’s what I like to hear.” Turning back to Maria I smiled at her as tenderly as I could manage. “could I have some of that Rad-X? we might get there ahead of you.”

“sure.” From her bag she produced the pills and handed them over. “they’ve been tested. They should be enough for what you have planned.” 

“thank you.” smiling now brightly I hugged her with an arm.

Rick gave me a skeptical look. “and what are you planning?”

“ghouls are an interesting people.” I said casually, admiring the bottle. “they’re resilient, damn near immortal if they don’t fall apart or go feral. Maybe the most amazing of all is that not only are they immune to radiation but it helps them heal too.”

He gave a grunt in response to my pause. The man could never appreciate a little showmanship. 

“imagine how much a ghoul can take if he’s surrounded by radiation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, I hope everyone's had a good week so far, and a good Thanksgiving for those that celebrate. 
> 
> Sorry I haven't said much in the notes lately, things have been rough since the beginning of October. I just haven't been in a good place. But i'm getting better, slowly. Holiday season starts which means it's all about baked goods and old holiday music for me. hope everyone is still enjoying this. remember i do want to hear what you think of it, good or bad. 
> 
> love you guys, never stop writing and reading! I'll see you next week!


	23. Barroom Confessions

I wish I could drink.

It was a thought that didn’t often cross my mind. Back in the day the old Nick would frequent bars, especially after Jenny got shot. He’d been an alcoholic and a chain smoker. Those urges had been passed on to me. for the first few months I’d found myself hurting for booze, with no way to cure it. Addictions weren’t just part of the body, they were part of the mind too. took me a good long while to get over the psychological withdrawal symptoms. Hate to admit it, but if I’d been capable of drinking back then I’d probably still be an alcoholic. 

The same way I still smoked when things got stressful. Smoking helped calm my nerves, not cause the smoke did anything for me, but because in my head it was supposed to. There was a word for it, but right then I couldn’t think of it. not with the cigarette sticking out of my mouth and the beer bottles mocking me. smoking helped, a little, but it sure as hell couldn’t compare to what they could do.

So I wish I could drink.

“have you considered writing a program that simulates getting drunk?” 

Magnolia’s smooth husky voice brought my attention around. She’d come down from her stage. When had she stopped singing? “taking a break?”

“I couldn’t stand watching you brood for much longer.” She smiled with a chuckle. 

“seems to me I got the right to brood this time.” I growled around another drag from my cig. 

Magnolia sat beside me at the bar. Charlie didn’t wait to hand over her usual choice of drink. Envious I stared at it before letting out a long breath. “no luck with O'Malley?” she asked.

“if by luck you mean we’re three steps back from where we were when this started, then yes, plenty.” With an irritable huff I flicked off the ash from the end of my cigarette. It bounced off Charlie’s metal head, not that he noticed at all. Internally I apologized. 

“what happened?” Magnolia leaned into me, her shoulder familiar against mine.

Grimacing I glanced around at the bar. No telling how many of them had heard already. Or even guessed. But I wasn’t gonna risk Gray’s reputation like this. “is there somewhere we could talk? Privately?”

Silently she took me by the arm and steered me across the room. a few people gave us smirks, as if they knew exactly what we were doing. It was Magnolia I suppose. I wouldn’t be the first person to have a ‘private’ conversation with her. She took me through the doors to the VIP room. Been in here plenty of times with John and Gray. There were a couple patrons, shooting up with Jet. 

“hey!” one of them barked before his eyes fell on Magnolia. “oh! Hi Magnolia!”

“hi boys.” She replied in a sultry voice. As if she needed to put on an act with these two. They were already totally enamored with her. Probably should have been disgusted if I didn’t honestly find it entertaining. “do you mind giving us some privacy?”

“no, no course not!” they shot to their feet, wavering as they stood there for a moment. Literally wavering, I could see them tilt back and forth on their legs. Once they found their balance they staggered toward the exit. I stepped silently out of their way, trying to avoid their flailing limbs.

Magnolia gave a long breath, her shoulders relaxing visibly. “there, now we can talk freely.” 

“I get the feeling I wasn’t the only one that wanted privacy.” Grumbling under my breath I sat heavily on one of the couches. The room really wasn’t much of a VIP place. There wasn’t even a door on the entrance. Anyone could walk in. 

But Magnolia seemed comfortable enough as she sat beside me on the couch, her legs tucked under her, shoes off. I couldn’t remember ever seeing Magnolia this casual before. “do you mind?” she nodded pointedly at the cig in my mouth.

Comfortably I offered her one from my pack then offered my lighter.

“don’t waste the oil.” With a gentle hand she forced me to put the light down. She leaned in close. This close I could really take a moment to appreciate how pure blue her eyes were. Most people had a mix, some green or brown but hers were pure blue. Dark too. something tugged at the back of my mind, an itch that wouldn’t go away. Then she leaned back and the feeling disappeared. She’d lit her cigarette against mine. “thanks darling.” 

“no problem.” Clearing my throat I sat back against the arm rest. A not so subtle attempt to put distance between us and she knew it.

She eyed me, sadness flickering over her eyes, before she smiled. “don’t worry Valentine, I’m not trying to take you from O'Malley, I see the way she makes you feel.”

Felt like electricity surged through my insides. Grimacing I dropped my gaze to the floor. “yeah….”

Magnolia shifted, a hand went to my knee. “there’s still a chance Valentine, you’ll get her back.” 

“she’s not making it easy.”

“did you really think she would?”

I scoffed. “guess not, a guy can hope can’t he?” sighing I leaned over my knees, plucking the cigarette from my mouth. It hung loosely in my hand, the metal one, that reminder. “did she come through here at all when she was running with the gang back then?”

“no.” 

“that’s helpful.” 

This time she let out a sigh. Maybe I was being too self deprecating now. if Magnolia couldn’t handle it…. “she didn’t set foot in Goodneighbor until she left the gang. And even if she had, that’s a different O'Malley.”

My shoulders stiffened in spite of myself. “you mean that the one we’re dealing with now isn’t the same personality as that one had been.”

“no, I mean it literally, and you know it.” 

Jaw set, I turned back to her. That look she gave me didn’t leave room for arguing. And here I’d thought only Gray and Ellie were capable of calling me out on my bullshit. “how did you figure it out? We’ve been careful.”

“it’s pretty easy to spot others when you know what you’re looking for.” She took a drag of her cigarette. Of course she managed to make that every day motion look seductive. Was there anything this woman wasn’t capable of? “whether they know it or not, they always have little tells.”

“like what?” tried to keep my voice even but this wasn’t a conversation I’d expected to have with anyone. 

Magnolia gave a half shrug. “well with her it was when she came through to get shit faced. I’d seen O'Malley get drunk before, I knew what was her normal, that wasn’t normal.”

“what was it?”

“painful.” She answered with a little drop of her head. “she didn’t… well the Vel that grew up in Goodneighbor wouldn’t have flirted with the nearest hunk of meat in the room. she had better self preservation instincts than that.” 

“I don’t know.” I drooped, letting my head hang. “I’ve known the truth for months now and I … still don’t know how to think of her….” 

“I’ve been meaning to ask….” Reluctance filled her voice. Didn’t need to ask to know what she wanted to know but I waited for her to finish. This wasn’t a story that I wanted to relive unless she brought it up. “when she was replaced… what happened do you know?”

This would be the second time in as many days I’d had to remember that day. It made my insides writhe with disgust. how must it make Gray feel? Especially knowing the truth? She refused to talk about it to me. “I was doing a case out in Malden when I heard the gunfire and explosions. Of course I went to help not knowing who was there. When I got to the parking structure I saw G-Vel standing there, back to me. it was so normal, I was getting ready to call out to her when…. When the brotherhood of steel put a bullet through her brain.”

“god….” Magnolia gasped.

Out of the corner of my eye I looked at her, the stricken face. to my horror I realized that she was hearing the way a friend of hers had died. I was delivering that news to her. It made me sick. Not that it was the first time I’d had to be the bearer of that kind of news. Not all of my cases ended in happily ever after. So I plowed on. “when Vel fell I found Gray sitting behind her. Didn’t know which one of them was the synth at the time so I just convinced myself Gray was the human.” 

“and Vel? The body? What happened to it?”

“I don’t know.” Grimly I shook my head, guilt seeping into my mouth. “we didn’t… have time to go back for it…. damn it…. I can’t believe I just left her out there.” Miserably I buried my face in my hands, cigarette hissing dangerously close to my temple. If I was capable of crying I would be right then. I was man enough to admit it. anyone would under this kind of pressure. This was just one more damn thing to add to my long list of mistakes. 

“don’t beat yourself up over it Nick.” Magnolia’s arms went around my shoulders. Their warmth did little to comfort me. neither did her words, even while she kept at it. “Vel wouldn’t have cared, and she’d have laughed at you for trying to go back for her body.” 

“that ain’t the point.” My voice shook. It hurt, everything hurt so damn much. “I should have…. I should have gone back for her but I didn’t. I didn’t because I was scared. If I went back it meant possibly facing the truth.”

“what are you talking about?”

“I knew about the component.” My shoulders were starting to shake now as I turned my head upward. This wasn’t something I wanted to admit but now the words wouldn’t stop. “back then I knew about the synth component, that it was in the head, and how to find it. I could have gone back, looked for it to get the truth then but… I couldn’t…. I was too damn scared that she’d died out there and I’d helped the synth replace her!” angrily I tossed my cigarette onto the concrete floor and smashed it under my foot. “but… I’d done just that anyway….”

“Gray isn’t a replacement.” Magnolia said firmly, now leaning away like she was disgusted. “she isn’t an imposter or a copy any more than you or I am.” 

I smirked, now grasping my head between my hands while I glared at the ash remains of my cigarette. Be lighting another one soon. “easy for you to say, you don’t have an entire life of a man that lived two hundred years ago trapped in your skull.”

“and she doesn’t either.” Her voice became so fierce it brought my eyes back up to her. Her eyes were narrowed, black hair shadowing them just enough to give her a little more anger. It occurred to me that I’d never seen her get this angry before. “she was fully convinced that she was Vel and she lived her life like she was. She’s a different person now, different from Vel, different from who she was when she first got to the commonwealth. She’s her own person Nick, don’t think of her as Vel or the synth, just think of her as Gray.”

While her words hung around in the air I just stared at Magnolia. Her passion, more than her words astonished me and helped strangely enough. After all those were words I’d heard and had said to myself plenty of times before. The knot in my chest loosened a little and I produced a smirk. “you’re real good at this ya know that?”

She smiled, something between sad and pleased. “I learned from the best.” 

“and who was that?”

“you’re a detective, you figure it out.” 

“sorry, plate’s a little full at the moment….”

“then you’ll just have to figure it out on your own time.” She rose, slipping her feet back into her ridiculously high high-heels. Knowing her she could probably kick the snot out of anyone while wearing them. 

“hold on.”

Slowly she turned, giving me that same exact smile as before. Thought it was for Gray but now I was beginning to wonder if it was for another reason. “what?”

“we can trust you right?” it felt wrong asking her that but I couldn’t just leave this unsaid. Taking off my hat I rose to face her. “Gray and I, we can trust that you won’t tell anyone about her.”

“hers isn’t the only secret I keep Nick.” That smile slipped a little, showing more of the sadness underneath. “I’ll protect you both to the end of my days.”

That sentiment set me aback. My mouth fell open like an idiot. Once the shock wore off a little I tiled my head down. “you know a lot about synths, memory imprints and the like. I’m guessing you were a railroad agent at some point.”

She chuckled, actually amused by the remark. “I suppose that is as good as any cover. Yes, we’ll say I was.”

“do you know who could have done this to her?”

Her face went slack, smile turned to a frown. With two small kicks she tossed off her heels then returned to the couch. “off the top of my head there are five people I know of that could.” 

“five?” that was unexpected. As far as I counted only two people were around that could. And I doubted very much that either of them would do it. 

Magnolia however seemed more than convinced. “yes, Amari, and Irma obviously, and then Faraday in Acadia.”

“you know about Faraday?”

“I hear a lot of things in the Third Rail Nick when I’m on stage.” Smoothing out her dress she stared down at her knees. “I heard about Acadia from a traveler half a decade ago. Faraday could manipulate her memory, but I doubt he would.”

“I don’t want to dismiss anyone.” And besides, after what DiMA had done, and what we learned about Acadia, Faraday wasn’t exactly an innocent. “who are the other two?”

“I heard rumors of a rogue courser that used to do memory wipes, but it’s possible that she could do memory manipulation as well. Then there’s….” she trailed off, in an annoyingly cryptic way. 

I held down my impatience, although it wasn’t easy. “who Mags?” 

The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips, before it was gone and she looked me dead in the eye. “Samuel Hintzen.”

Something inside me flipped over and I actually leaned back. How could Hintzen be involved? Granted he’d been remarkably quiet ever since the No-Nose case. None of his usual contacts were acting up, nothing major had happened in the commonwealth. If I didn’t know any better I’d have said he pulled up stakes and moved on. Been nice to believe it. It seemed ridiculous that he’d have tracked down Rush and the gang just to sic them on us now. what was his end game? 

“I’m not sure that this scheme smells like him.” Magnolia’s voice brought me out of my tumbling thoughts in time to see her drop her cigarette. “but, he is one possible suspect.”

“thanks.” With a groan I got to my feet. my shoulders were heavier than before. This talk had not made anything better. In fact I felt worse.

Magnolia grabbed hold of my arm and leaned up against me. once again I became aware of how much our bodies touched. That itch got worse. “you don’t have to do this alone Nick. Let me help you.”

“no, absolutely not.” I took her by the arms, glaring into her face. “there are already enough people in danger right now, I am not letting you put your neck on the line too.” 

“you’ve never had a problem with it before.”

“what the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

She stared me dead in the eye, determined and heavy. “you can’t be in two places at once. You have to get Gray back, you can’t also be chasing down the person that did this to her. Let me do that.”

“do you have a death wish or something?” this was ridiculous. Mags was probably one of the most capable women I’ve ever met but that meant squat. “these people are dangerous, you’ll get yourself killed if you make the wrong move, please let me handle it.”

And that look said I was wasting my breath. Well at least she wasn’t pretending to later go around my back. with gentle hands she eased my arms down, holding my gaze. “I don’t know how many times you saved my life Nick, I can do this one small thing for you. I’ll find out who changed her memory. Hopefully by the time you get her back I’ll have answers for you.”

“please….” To my surprise real pain filled my voice. Strange too since I’d rarely even talked to Magnolia. This though, this was real heart ache. “Mags please, I’m begging you here, don’t go after them. If Hintzen is involved, in any way, you know what he’ll do to you.”

“I know.” And judging by that look she did. What kind of history did she have with that man? “but the risk is worth it if it means helping you figure out who’s the cause of all this. won’t you and Gray sleep better knowing that?” 

There was nothing I could do. She’d already decided and sitting here arguing with her wasn’t gonna make a damn bit of difference. There I went, putting people I cared about in danger. What was that? I didn’t ask for help, but all these damn people wouldn’t stop giving it to me. I hung my head, mumbling miserably under my breath. “why are you helping us? Why do you care?”

One of her hands cupped my cheek and brought my head up. Her blue eyes sparkled, the smile so sad and yet genuine. More than anything else there was recognition there, familiarity. Like she’d seen this all before. “because she’s like family, and that makes you family. Anybody in Goodneighbor would do the same.” 

I tried to smile, but I’m not sure it worked out quite that way. “thank you Mags….”

Leaning in she kissed me softly on the cheek. The gesture took me aback which let her slip out of my reach back toward the bar. “I’ll let you know when I find something.”

Alone in the VIP room I just stood there. There was something there, in the back of my memory, just out of reach. The harder I tried to remember the further it slipped away. It felt important too. damn it. replacing my hat I left the bar. 

It was early morning when I emerged form the Third Rail. Wouldn’t know it from the dark atmosphere down there. Hell time hardly existed in the underground. I’d slunk down to the bar late last night. At least I was fairly certain it had been night when I left. 

Fahrenheit and I had arrived back to Goodneighbor late yesterday. John hadn’t gotten back according to everyone we talked to. She wasn’t worried and I guess I didn’t have a reason to be. So long as he wasn’t stupid enough to go after Gray himself, alone. 

Should have known something was wrong, guess I was just too numb. 

Hands jammed into my pockets I trudged back toward the state house. Half expected Fahrenheit and Ellison would be asleep still. Should have known better. When I walked in a guard silently pointed down the stairs, a pale look on his face. Ellison seemed to have that effect on people, that’s for sure. 

Downstairs I found them in what was rapidly becoming Ellison’s workshop. There were scraps and gizmos on every available space, along with tools that she must have made herself. A small makeshift chem station sat in one corner and workbenches lined the walls. Goodneighbor finally had their own tech head. Kleo might not be happy about being replaced but there was something to be said for apposable thumbs. 

Ellison was bent over the chem station, one of her frustrated, five year old impressions on her face. against one wall leaned Fahrenheit, reading a slip of paper silently. Neither of them looked up when I entered, but Fahrenheit spoke. “you done brooding in the bar?”

“for now.” ignoring the jab I looked to the scribe who still hadn’t noticed my presence. “how’s the work going?”

“from what I can catch she’s a little unsatisfied with the ammunition.” She turned the page over, continuing to read casually as if I wasn’t even there. “says she’s got to be a bit more precise than she had been with the Supermutants or we risk making O'Malley a vegetable.” 

“we wouldn’t want that.”

“no I didn’t think so.”

With a huff I took off my hat and ran a hand over the top of my head. Fahrenheit’s plan was a good one, in fact her side of the plan was almost flawless. So long as she was a crack shot. which I knew she was. That left my side. Getting Gray, Rush and the others out into the open. Which first meant I had to figure out what they wanted next. 

“any news on Hancock?” Fahrenheit’s guarded tone spoke volumes.

Carefully I looked at her but she wasn’t giving me any eye contact, still had her eyes on the paper. “not yet no. he’s not back and no one that’s come through from the ruins has seen him.”

“I want to assume that he’s taking his sweet damn time but this is too long….” At last she put the paper down and met my eyes. A rare moment of concern flashed across her face. Fahrenheit made a career out of acting aloof and uncaring. That didn’t mean she didn’t. I wasn’t sure about all their history, I knew John had given her a way out of her gang and she’d taken it. beyond that I didn’t know exactly what they meant to each other. And I’d never pried because as Gray had once said, I shouldn’t detective my friends. 

“I could go looking for him.”

“and put one of our pieces on the board that they want? Not a damn chance.” she snorted, concern gone like it’d never been there before. “sorry Valentine but you’re too valuable a piece to go out there right now. Hancock can handle himself but he’s taken too long.”

“did you send someone out to Bethany?”

“yeah, earlier this morning, news should be getting back in a couple hours.” The paper entirely forgotten she folded her arms. That could not be comfortable when she was wearing that armor. “knowing Hancock there could be any explanation. Least of which isn’t he spent the night with Bethany.”

“would he do that in the middle of this?” John, the irresponsible, drug addict, ghoul mayor would do something like that. At least under any other circumstances he would. 

“I don’t know, it’s also possible he’s trying to convince Bethany to come in until we’ve dealt with Rush.” Angrily she brandished the paper at me, like I’d been the one to deliver that news. “and I just got word that Hancock’s stashes are up in flames.”

“what?”

“first Supermutants, then Rush now this. I’m beginning to think someone is just trying to tear Goodneighbor apart.” Irritably she tossed the paper onto a workbench and dug a cigarette out of her pocket. 

“what do the reports say?” I took the paper, glancing over it for myself.

“the warehouses weren’t sacked, they were just destroyed. Initial inventory says everything was still there minus a few traps and stealth boys.” With a flick she lit a match against the edge of a table.

Ellison suddenly came out of her mumbling trance and span around. “no! no, no, no, no! this is delicate work! take that disgusting thing out of my workshop!” 

Fahrenheit actually rolled her eyes but obliged anyway. with he lit cigarette held loosely in a hand she led the way back to the stairs. “anyway, pier side and the commons club were both hit some time yesterday. I’ve got men checking out the others.”

“any idea who did it?”

“since they weren’t ransacked I doubt it was raiders, so far I’d say Supermutants but they aren’t smart enough, or organized enough, to hit more than one intentionally.” She took a drag then shook her head. “of all times for Hancock to go off the rails, fuck.” 

Had circumstances been different I wouldn’t have hesitated to offer my help on this case. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to help in the midst of all this. so I just stood there awkwardly, handing back the report. 

Fahrenheit sensed it at least, and wasn’t expecting me to offer. “any thoughts on where Rush and O'Malley will go next?”

“they’ve got medical supplies for Rick. I’d like to say that they’ll lay low until he heals up but that’s wishful thinking.” Wasn’t even sure Rick himself would lay low after getting a bullet to the shoulder. that man was like a bull, getting in his way would be dangerous. “the upside about Sanctuary is that their attention should be firmly set on you, me and John now. Macready and Violet should be safe.”

“should be isn’t good enough, which is why we left the watch with them.” She folded up the report and stuffed it into a pocket. The cigarette in her mouth was distracting. “so what? They’ll be out for our blood, how does that help us figure out where they’re headed?”

“we may not need to figure out their next move.” Finally I gave in to the urge, digging out my box of cigarettes. “if we can somehow get word to them that you, me or John are out in the open and vulnerable then they’ll come to us.”

“how are we supposed to get word to them?” 

“I’m still working on that.” 

She let out a breath, smoke drifting up toward the ceiling lazily. “well you figure out how to make and bait the trap, I’ll handle springing it. so long as Ellison comes through.”

“she will, don’t doubt that.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” she started walking up the stairs. About half way up she paused and looked back. her expression was heavy now. “Wally is recovering alright, but there’s not a lot we can do, even with the supplies we brought back. there’s going to be plenty of scarring, to say nothing of the psychological impact this has had on him.” 

Guilt filling my stomach I dropped my gaze. “we’ll need to figure out what to do with him when this is over….”

“for the time being I suggest keeping him here. He’s safe in Goodneighbor and he wouldn’t be the only one with scars to spare.” 

“are you running an orphanage now?” I chuckled under my breath. “first Gray, then Wally?”

“Goodneighbor’s always been where the outcasts go. Do you think he’d fit in at Diamond city?”

“no.” and I wasn’t sure I’d want him that close to Gray anyway. no telling what he would do when he recovered. Would he be angry? Vengeful even? Would he try to kill Gray for what she’d done? Gray would probably let him. the guilt of what she’d done would kill her once we got her back. The fallout after this would be… well as bad as nuclear fallout. Couldn’t think about that now, just had to get Gray back first. “we’ll discuss this more later.”

“sure.” 

Together we walked back up to the main floor of the statehouse. As we were about to head up another floor the front door opened and a guard walked in. “Valentine!”

“yeah?” I raised a brow at him. 

“got a message for you at the gate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be taking a few liberties with some already vague lore from the game, then again, that's what fanficiton is all about right? 
> 
> Nick knowing about the component just came out while i was writing this chapter, i didn't plan it. Sort of felt like Nick actually needed to confess it. It made sense too, after all he probably does know almost as much as the railroad about synths just on principal. I don't know, you guys tell me, what do you think?
> 
> see you all next week!


	24. Sticks and Stones...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! 
> 
> graphics depictions of torture, death, blood, gore ect. 
> 
> i'm sorry for all of you that are overly disturbed. see you on the other side.

Those gray eyes stared into my identical ones. It was like the earth had fallen out from beneath me. My head churned, my stomach flipped upside down. there was a real danger I might throw up. What I saw just couldn’t be real. There was no way. No fucking way. Her short brown hair, her silenced pistol at her side, the rifle on her back, the leather knee length coat. It was all mine. It felt like looking in a mirror, a mirror that moved of its own accord. 

She looked exactly as shocked as I felt, her mouth slightly agape like mine, her eyes wide like mine. Her right hand drifted to her pistol while she maintained eye contact with me. Fear etched her face, my face, and our shoulders shook. In a flash, at exactly the same time, we drew our pistols and pointed them at each other. “who the fuck are you?!” we both yelled in unison. Her voice sounded exactly like mine. 

A mixture of fear and anger flooded my veins and watching her face I was sure it did the same to her. She spread he legs apart the same way I always did when I was taking careful aim. the world around us seemed to fade away. Aiming down the sights I tried not to look at the face, instead opting to stare at her chest. “You can’t take my face!”

We stood there, in the most bizarre stalemate I’d ever sat in. her expression went slowly from angry to sad then to… pity? She dropped her gun. “you’re pathetic you know that?”

“what?” I responded sharply. 

In spite of the fact that I still had a gun on her she holstered her weapon. When she looked back up it felt like she’d changed. We weren’t the same. She was different. But I didn’t get how. “you’re hurting so many people because you don’t know what you’re doing. You know you don’t belong with them but you refuse to see it.”

“oh I see.” Irritably I stowed away my gun too, glowering at her. “so you’re the voice in my head are you?”

“I’m the real you.”

“who’s the one really dreaming?” 

“you are.” She answered and it felt like I was supposed to draw more conclusions from her words than she let on. “you’ll figure out the truth eventually.”

“yeah, great, now can I wake up? This is all way more dramatic than I care for.” 

She rolled her eyes before the vision faded away. I opened my eyes to find the ceiling of the mass fusion shed waiting to greet me. I’d only meant to take a nap, a quick break for me and my prisoner. Judging by the light streaming in from the cracks in the walls it had been a bit longer than that. Groaning I sat up. Every inch of my body ached, particularly my jaw. The Med-X had worn off. Great. 

Shaking off the dream I got up and left through the front door. a light fog clung to the wasteland, chilling me to the bone. The rest of them were up already, sitting around the campfire outside the shed. To call this place a shed was a little misleading. It was after all a full sized warehouse meant to store nuclear waste. The radiation didn’t seep outside the walls or in the office much. Which made it safe enough to camp there and around. 

Rush sat with Maria and Rick around the fire, casually passing around bits of jerky. “anything to report?” I stretched as I approached them. 

Rick cradled his bad arm which was tied to his body by a sling. Maria was as quiet as ever but Rush smiled up at me. “nothing much, you were right about the radiation. His bones have already healed and it’s only been a couple hours.”

“I told you.” smiling I knelt to our supplies. I jabbed a fresh Med-X into my arm followed closely by a Stimpak. The pain ebbed away. “I hope you didn’t decide to add your touch to him. I want this to myself you know.”

Rush snorted, glowering into the campfire. “Maria checked on him, I haven’t been anywhere near him since you took your break.”

“good.” Playfully I bent down and kissed him on the neck. 

But Rick’s eyes glaring across the fire at me brought the moment up short. Rush didn’t seem to notice. He leaned back and pecked me on the cheek. “go have some more fun, we’ll keep an eye out. We sent Tag out looking for more Stims so don’t skimp between sessions. Make sure he’s ready for ya when you get back to it.” 

“thanks sweetheart.” With another peck, I sat up. Simultaneously swiping a piece of jerky from his hand. happily chomping away at it I strode back toward the shed. One of Magnolia’s lively tunes came to mind. Before I knew it I was humming it to myself. Didn’t know the lyrics, never took the time to memorize them, but the tune was nice. 

I walked by barrels of nuclear waste and dead rad roaches we’d killed on arrival. It was warm in here, which was actually kind of nice, even if it was coming from nuclear waste. Speaking of which. Still humming I stopped by a table next to a cage in the back of the warehouse. There was Maria’s special Rad-X. So far it’d worked like a charm, hadn’t started coughing up blood and other than my aches I felt great. And we still had plenty of it. 

Popping a few pills I continued humming. Through the first security gate I walked, all the way to the back. here the air got warmer and it wasn’t surprising. This was where most of the nuclear waste barrels were stored. A few of them had cracked open over the years. there should have been enough radiation in here to make you sick. The pills pretty much took care of that. Plenty of wonderers knew about the nuclear dump out north, and knew to avoid it. after all there wasn’t anything to be had here except a bad case of radiation poisoning. 

Which had made it the perfect place to enact my revenge. 

I had Hancock tied down to a table in the middle of the room beside a cage that held stacks of barrels. I’d been kind enough to take off his coat and hat before we got started. What was the point destroying a historic set of clothes like that? Be a shame to get them bloody. Although I’d done a fairly good job of not drawing blood so far. For the most part anyway. “morning John, rest well?” 

He stirred slowly. The ropes on his wrists and ankles were thick and rough. Judging by the scarring he’d been trying to break free since I left. Painfully he smirked at me, mildly glaring. “thought you forgot about me kiddo.”

“how could I forget about you?” leaning over him I smiled into his face. “lets check those hands shall we?” 

His shoulders went tense as I gently felt around the bones in his hand. in spite of the cocky little smirk he was actually scared. He hadn’t started begging yet though which was a little disappointing. Mostly I felt inadequate. Certainly wouldn’t want him to take it easy on me. His hands had healed, just as I’d expected. The bones, which had been nearly shattered when I left, were fine. Next I checked his ribs and his legs. All healed. Perfect. 

“you were humming one of Magnolia’s.” he said casually, while his shoulders remained tense. 

“I like Magnolia.” I answered. Satisfied with his condition I turned around to the tools I had laid out waiting for me. mostly blunt objects. A stick, a mallet, a hammer, a jagged rock and a knife for if I felt like cutting into him. I was determined to inflict as much pain as possible without breaking skin though. while I ran a hand over my tools I continued, “I’ll probably let her live when all is said and done.”

“you plan to do to Goodneighbor what you did to my men?” he snarled. 

“anger, that’s good.” Decided on the stick for now. Hadn’t experimented with bruising just yet. I’d had a good time with the mallet the other night. “I hope you can hold on to that anger for a while. It’ll make this more fun.”

“that song you were humming. You know what it’s called?”

One of my brows shot as I turned. I guess I could entertain him a little. “no, what’s it called?” 

“she calls it Train, Train.” His thin voice was just smug, impressive considering what I was about to do to him. “the thing is, she wrote that song two years ago. Now how could you have heard it?”

“maybe on the radio.” I shrugged. 

“that sound right to you?”

“I really don’t want to have to start by breaking your teeth Hancock, you can’t grow those back.” I sighed heavily. Leaning over I tapped his cheek with the stick. “and you’re going to need them when I’m done with you.” 

“so you’re not gonna kill me?”

“spoilers.” Sitting up I scanned over his body. His scarred chest and his scrawny legs. Where to start?

“not gonna let me in-” a cry of pain cut him off as I slammed my stick into his side. Groaning he shut his mouth.

“sorry, I didn’t catch that.” With a small frown I climbed up on the table and straddled him. there we go, this would be a better angle. “did you say something?”

Still smirking he looked me in the eye. or I assumed, those black eyes were not easy to read. “not gonna let me in on your plan?” 

I hit him again, right in the kidney. Yeah this was a better angle for sure. He groaned, moving a little under me. “that would ruin the surprise wouldn’t it? I thought you liked surprises.”

“they’re alright.” He muttered quietly. 

“don’t disappoint me John.” To accentuate my point I threw the stick into his side a few times in a row, each swing harder than the last. He kept quiet, taking it like a champ. His side was already starting to darken. Just a bruise. No internal bleeding yet. I’d have to hit harder to make that happen. Hitting too hard I ran the risk of breaking his skin. That would just ruin it at that point. 

“I’ll try not to.” Hancock groaned around gritted teeth. 

Could hold him to that I’m sure. I struck him across the collar bone next. A few swings just to experiment. Plenty of bruising and I was fairly certain I felt the bone crack at some point. He still kept quiet. “I’m starting to realize that all this torture might be a bit boring to watch.” I said, moving back down to his chest. Maybe I could snap a rib, make it hard to breathe instead of puncturing his lung. If I did that then it would be over. 

Hancock took it, eyes screwed shut and mouth drawn in a thin line. 

“especially since you’ll be spending most of your time either silent or screaming in pain.” I added contemplatively. Switching grips I hit him with the heavier end and a rib cracked. He gasped but managed to bite down on the scream. I hit him again. And again, and again until his breathing got shallow and raspy. Perfect. Even breathing would be painful during all this. and the bruising was rapidly becoming a work of art on itself. Satisfied I got off him. “so I guess that leaves it to me to fill the silence. I hope you don’t mind.” 

A groan in response, then a rattling breath. 

“honestly, running around with those scumbags out there, it’s not as fun as I’d have liked.” Which tool to use next? The mallet? Wrapped in rubber it wouldn’t break skin as easily. And I’d need more force to break his femur. “they’re alright, but they think so small. Maria is out of her little mind, which is endearing in its way. Rush is obsessive and so fun to toy with. Tag, well Tag is Tag. And Rick.” Hammer gripped loosely in my hand I slowly turned to face his legs. I’d done this as a proof of concept. Wouldn’t hold back this time. 

Hancock forced himself to look at me. “sounds to me like-” 

I smashed the mallet into his shin. A strangled half cry slipped out before he clamped his teeth around it. “and Rick…. You know he suffers from the same problem you do, that Cormac did, that Cutty did.” Hadn’t broken the bone yet, maybe a couple more swings. I raised the hammer. “notice how I’m lumping him in with all of the losers for a moment. But he still believes that there’s honor among thieves.” 

At last the shin snapped and this time Hancock couldn’t stop the scream. Panting shallowly his entire body tensed up. Most people would have started struggling by now. man must have realized how useless that was. Setting aside the mallet for a moment I leaned in. still hadn’t broken the skin. Some prodding produced hisses of pain from Hancock while I explored the break. It could be easily set. Perfect. 

“honor doesn’t exist here.” I picked up the mallet again. With it tapping against my chin I contemplated the next bone to break. “not even among good people, if good people actually exist that is. Everyone’s out for themselves. Given the choice between helping themselves or helping someone else, nine out of ten times they’ll help themselves. Then that one out of ten gets themselves shot a few minutes later.” 

The femur this time. That would take a lot more work to snap so maybe I’d take a break after. No pun intended. This time I took a stance, the mallet held high over my head. It came down hard on the middle of his thigh. He groaned, no screaming, hadn’t done anything to the bone. Damn. “Rick doesn’t seem to get that…. He wants to take over the commonwealth by making alliances with raiders that are already here. Now I’d get making an alliance with someone powerful but those rats? Why even bother?” 

I brought the mallet down again on his leg. It bruised it, no breakage. Grimacing in irritation I hit him again, and again. “Rick’s short sighted and it’s irritating. He should know his place. Even after you three shot him he still thinks he’s in charge.” 

The femur gave way and Hancock screamed, this time without trying to hold it back. smirking in satisfaction I waited around until he quieted back down. “the hard part is that I need him. there’s something to be said for a brute like him even if he is as dumb as a brick. Do you see my dilemma?” 

A long drawn groan issued out of him.

Smiling I leaned over his face. “are you going to pass out on me already John? I’m having a real heart to heart here, I can’t talk to just anyone about this.”

Blinking blearily he tried to focus on my face, his eyes of course drifted. “they sure did a number on you….”

“and I’m going to do a number on you.” anger flared up in my chest and I brought the mallet down on his sternum. He gasped, trying to get air in his lungs. I leaned on my hammer, keeping him from taking a breath. “why haven’t you and the other two killed me yet? I don’t get it. after all the shit I’ve done anyone should want me dead. But you three seem to be hell bent on capturing me. what for?”

No response was forth coming as he lay there, gasping. Spit trickled down the side of his mouth, he started struggling against the ropes. When his eyelids began to flutter I let up, allowing him to take in a long rattling breath. 

Disgusted I moved back down to his legs and slammed my mallet into another place on his femur. He cried. “I assume with you and Fahrenheit you’re just planning to make me pay in full, like I’m doing to you right now. but what about that detective Valentine. What’s his game?”

Another hit, another cry. 

“every time he looks at me it’s like he’s looking at someone else. He gets that I’m a murderer and a psychopath right?”

The mallet came down again, the bone cracked and Hancock screamed. 

“I just can’t figure him out. I figured that he’d be the angriest of all of you, after all he’s the one that started dismantling my gang. Maybe he’d just want to finish the job.”

Purely out of curiosity I grabbed his foot and made him lay it flat on the table. He groaned. With it flat I pressed the mallet to his ankle. This should be a good hit. 

“but he hasn’t done it. there’ve been plenty of opportunities for him to shoot me, but he hasn’t. why is that? John? Are you still with me?”

I broke his ankle and he screamed again. This time it lasted longer, drawn out. I closed my eyes, listening to his pain. 

“I just don’t get it. prewar cop like him should want nothing but to kill me.” wait, prewar cop?

Confused I set aside the mallet, frowning. How’d I know that? Why the hell would I even say that? Prewar cop? What the hell was that supposed to mean? He wasn’t human or a cop or anything. He was no better than a toaster. 

You know you’re wrong.

“shut up!” 

“I didn’t… say anything….” Hancock coughed painfully. 

I tossed the mallet aside, striding back to my tools with rage. The hammer was heavier, more likely to draw blood but at this point I just wanted to inflict some pain. 

“you having… trouble?” 

“I think I liked it better when you were quiet.” I came to stand directly above his head. 

Stop this.

Just to show that voice in my head I brought the blunt end of the hammer down on the palm of his hand. the bones broke like brittle toothpicks. 

Don’t do this. 

“I’m going to stop talking now. I need to concentrate or you could die. Try to stay awake alright?”

Couple hours went by. I worked my way up and down his body. Went to town on his left leg for no apparent reason. His screaming got a little annoying after a while so I gagged him. after that he just screamed through the gag. By the time I was done my wrists and arms ached from all the swinging. But I’d managed to break bones without breaking skin. Had to say I impressed myself. 

I sat with a huff in a chair beside him while he panted painfully through his nose. the fact that he hadn’t begged impressed me. but I’d gotten enough screams out of him that I was pretty proud of myself. I dropped the hammer down on my table of tools, sitting back. “well… this has been fun….”

“O'Malley!”

“oh great, daddy’s angry.” Huffing I stood up to face Rick as he marched through the cage toward me. Rush followed him a few paces behind, both looked angry.

He stormed up into my face. for a moment he glanced at Hancock’s mangled body lying on the table. Liked to think that gave him pause but it didn’t look like it. “are you done?”

“just about.” I admired my own handiwork. Some of the best I’d ever managed. “why? you getting impatient?”

“we’ve been sitting around here too long.” He barked jabbing a finger at the entrance. “it’s only a matter of time before they come looking for him. how long do you think we’ve got before they track him here?”

“I don’t know honestly.” Leaning on the table I tilted my head at Rick. “why should you care anyway? cripple like you, they’re not gonna even bother wasting a bullet on you.”

His good hand clenched. “I’m not a cripple.”

“there’s no shame in admitting it.” dangerous, I knew this was dangerous, but what was the point anymore? “you’ve got a bum arm now, big deal. Well it is a big deal seeing as you’re gonna be a liability now.”

“fuck you.” he growled. 

“oh I’m sorry.” I waved both my hands, mocking him. “did I strike a nerve? That laser certainly had. Can you even move your fingers anymore? Can you shoot a gun?”

“I don’t need a gun, or two hands.” Snarling now, good.

Rush shifted around in the back but didn’t make a move. Couldn’t tell what he was doing or why he was here. They must have been arguing of course. It then occurred to me that Rush and Rick hadn’t exactly been getting along. 

“maybe you should think about retiring.” I relaxed my shoulders and my neck. Ready to roll with the punch. “you’re pretty much useless to us now after all.”

There was the punch. A clumsy left hook that connected with the hinge of my jaw. I rolled with it, over the top of Hancock’s prone legs. The ghoul groaned and flinched. He was watching through bleary eyes.

Rick grabbed the back of my neck and dragged me off. Even with one hand he was still strong. He tossed me into a wall then proceeded to jab me in the ribs. I covered up and swung my own punch. I wasn’t about to just take this from a guy like him. My punch just made him angrier. His next swing went for the kidney and I doubled over, groaning. Bad move. His knee found my nose. blood spurted from it. 

“you’re not one of us!” he was shouting now, what a child. “doesn’t matter what Rush does to you, you’ll never be one of us! I should have just killed you!”

He grabbed me around the neck, forcing me to sit up. Blood dripped down my face over my mouth. It was disgusting on my tongue. Through it I grinned. “you’re right, I’m not one of you.”

“you spent five years running around with that detective. Rush couldn’t have erased it all.”

“that’s enough.” 

A distinctive click cut Rick off mid rant. We both looked to find my 10 mm pistol pressed against Rick’s temple. Rush held it steadily, green eyes fierce. 

Rick eyed it, debating. Debating what? Why if he could kill me before Rush killed him. he’d wanted to, I realized that now. He’d wanted to kill me since all of this started. Didn’t know what all that shit was about five years. maybe he was just trying to convince himself it was fine to murder me. why did he need to convince himself of that?

Eventually his grip loosened on my shirt and he let me fall. My feet swayed a little under me before I found my balance. He took a step back, still staring at the gun. Rush followed him, warning in his eyes. the stalemate was kind of fascinating. I’d never seen these two go critical before. 

“you think you can control her?” Rick questioned, now glowering into Rush’s face. 

“I don’t need to.” He answered silkily. 

Rick took another step back. “you made her this way, guess that makes you the ideal match made in hell.” 

“I’d like to think so.”

“she’s gonna get you killed.”

“we’ll see.”

With a snort Rick finally relaxed his stance. Rush lowered the gun while he kept his eyes firmly on the bigger man. Rick looked to me. “I hope you wake up, and I hope you kill that scrawny freak.”

“thank you, I think.” I rolled my eyes. “is this goodbye then?”

Like it was suddenly all business he straightened his sling. “I’m done here. You’re both freaks.”

“shame, we could have been such good friends.” The venom dripped from my words.

Rick snorted before turning to leave.

My hand brushed the tools still lying on my table. “Rick.”

He turned.

And I slashed his throat open wide. Blood spurted from his arteries and out his mouth. It got all over the cage. And after all the work I’d put into keeping it clean too. wide eyed, he pawed at his spewing neck. With a pair of thuds he hit the ground. Gargling blood he just knelt there. 

Gently I set the bloody knife down on the table. As I looked up Rush was giving me an eye brow. “what?”

“you killed him.”

“technically he isn’t dead yet.” I pointed out. Rick doubled over, falling flat on the ground while blood bubbled out his mouth. “technically his own blood is what’s gonna kill him.” 

“you like to talk a lot.” He murmured slowly.

“you’re just noticing that?” with a roll of my eyes I took my gun back from him and shoved it in my holster. “we couldn’t have him running off and telling people where we were. It’s better this way. Besides he was a cripple. How long do you think he’d have lasted out there? Better this than eaten alive by a pack of ghouls.”

“guess so.” Arms crossed he turned. With a thrust of his chin he gestured toward Hancock. “what are you going to do with that?”

“hm?” I turned. 

Hancock had watched the whole thing. Honestly I was surprised that he hadn’t said anything during that little confrontation. Might have been on account of the gag. As I walked toward him his body stiffened. 

“I think I’m done here. There aren’t many more bones I can break without straight up shattering them.” 

“then let me kill him. I’ll make it slow.” One of Rush’s arms came around my shoulders. His warm breath brushed my ear. “you go ahead and take a break.”

“oh no, we’re not killing him. no I have a feeling that he’s either going to kill himself when he realizes what’s happening, or a settler or a Minuteman will kill him.” as gently as I could manage I untied the ropes on his hands. There’d be no danger of him running off until those bones were healed. And there was even less danger of him actually trying to attack us. “what do you know about ghouls Rush?”

Rush didn’t make a move to help or stop me. casually he leaned against the wall, one brow cocked. “not much.”

“they’re remarkable creatures, gotta say. I brought John here because the radiation would help keep him alive while I tortured him.” the ropes were all loose and Hancock still didn’t make a move. He kept watching me. if he moved even a little the bones would grind under his skin and he’d put himself in more pain than he already was. Standing beside Rush I smiled at the ghoul. “but here’s the thing, it’s a double edged sword. sure he’s immune to radiation, and it helps him heal but do you know what else it does?” 

I paused for dramatic effect. Hancock stared at me angry. No doubt he’d already put two and two together. Rush waited patiently though for me to finish.

Smiling I stood up beside Hancock’s head. With a hand on the table I leaned over him, watching as the fear slowly sunk in. “I know what your worst fear is John. It isn’t about pain, or death, or humiliation, or having Goodneighbor taken from you. that’s all too trivial.” 

Rush groaned. Now my dramatics were getting to him. 

But Hancock understood, his breathing quickened while the fear filled him. after a few more seconds I finished. “I’m not going to kill you. I want you to spend the rest of your short existence with the knowledge that I beat you. I want you to think about that while you slowly lose your mind to the radiation. And one day, maybe, I’ll come back here to see just what you look like as a feral.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well for those of you i haven't alienated, THANK YOU! look there are some things that characters just want to do, and trying to keep them from doing it is literally impossible. So our Evil Vel, EVel, is getting what she wants. 
> 
> besides the outrage, let me know what you all think.
> 
> until next week! Write on! 
> 
> PS. cliche dream sequence is cliche
> 
> PPS, i've switched to Deviantart, here's the link to my profile https://www.deviantart.com/scorpiodarkmoon posted some concepts of characters and the old art from my instagram. now that i have a flat bed scanner again i'll probably put more here.


	25. A Truce

“you sure about this?”

“do I look sure about this?”

“no.”

“then there you go.” I grumbled, sticking another cigarette into my mouth. The note was tucked away in my trench coat. Smooth, sure handwriting that I didn’t recognize. the messenger that delivered it hadn’t been helpful identifying who sent it either. Pretty simple note on its own. 

_She has him, mass fusion dump._

Might have been angry with the sender for their vagueness if I didn’t already have a decent idea what they meant. She was Gray. Him was Hancock. Hadn’t figured out yet why she bothered going all the way to the fusion dump though. it was a good enough place to hide away. Well off the beaten track, and most people avoided it at all costs. But there were plenty of other places that were decent places to hide. Less dangerous too. it was known for attracting every ghoul for miles after all. 

Maybe she was finally loosing her mind. I didn’t know if I found that comforting or terrifying. For one it might make it easier to take her in. on the other hand, she was more dangerous that way. And if she wasn’t, then what was her reason for setting up camp all the way out there?

“what’s the plan?!” Fahrenheit called. We were marching along the road toward Malden. It was the fastest way to get there. Lucky we didn’t have to look up the place or we might not have known where to go. “Ellison wasn’t finished.”

“can we afford to wait?” I questioned over my shoulder. “if she grabbed John, what do you think she’s going to do to him?”

“I’ve got a fairly good idea what she’s going to do.” 

Maybe an even better idea than me. Fahrenheit had once been a raider too. She might know better what Gray was planning than me. Either that or I didn’t want to think about what she’d do. So far she’d only attacked people at random, with no personal reasons. John wasn’t just some random person. 

Malden was quiet as we raced through. The mass fusion dump was only a short walk over a hill directly north of it. before we crested the hill Fahrenheit stopped me with a hand. “hold on. We shouldn’t go rushing in there without knowing what we’re getting into.”

“binoculars?” of course neither of us had been smart enough to bring a set of those. Sighing irritably I got down low and peered through the trees at the entrance. It looked deserted but recently so. There were ghoul bodies scattered around the blacktop. A campfire still issued a little smoke. “think they’re inside?”

“if they are we may have a chance of taking them by surprise.” Fahrenheit’s voice went low with anticipation. She’d done a remarkable job keeping her temper down. John was her best friend after all, even if neither of them would admit it. She could have been angry, furious or scared and no one would blame her. 

Hopefully she could hold her temper for a few minutes longer. There was a slim chance we could finish this now. “is there another way in?”

“just the loading dock, which should be blocked off if I remember.” From her belt she took her laser rifle. Once again she’d opted for precision instead of her usual minigun. Thankfully. Firefights got too chaotic as it was without one. 

“front door then, keep low and quiet. Hug the wall on this side.” Hardly needed to give her any instructions at all. 

Together we crept slowly across the landscape toward the building. The concrete structure was a couple stories tall. Nothing fancy. Nick had memories of protests when they built the dump so close to town. It really didn’t seem all that smart to me either. Backs to the wall we made our way to the front door. No sounds came out of the warehouse. No talking. No arguing or fights. Silence. 

And the reason became clear as we stepped inside. It was empty, totally empty. With our weapons we swept the main room. Radiation spilled out of the barrels stacked four high against every wall. The Geiger counter in my chest and the Pipboy ticked incessantly. 

Eventually Fahrenheit straightened, tucking away her rifle. “they’re not here.”

“and if this is a trap then they’re not doing a good job of it.” still didn’t put away my gun. “but someone sent that message for a reason. Why?”

“are you sure you can’t get anything from it?”

I dug the note out of my pocket. Now barring some handwriting analysis there wasn’t anything more I could tell from it. Had to be good at matching handwriting off the top of my head since I didn’t exactly have a database of writing samples to draw from. This one didn’t belong to anyone I knew. The paper was a stained bit of newspaper. Easily picked up off the ground anywhere in the commonwealth. “just keep looking, there’s got to be something here.”

Fahrenheit didn’t like that. At last her façade was starting to break a little. 

I left her to pick around the warehouse, strolling toward the back. there was a cage here that cut off a section from the rest. Probably where they stored highly contaminated barrels. On a table beside the open gate sat a bottle of Rad-X. curiously I examined one of the tablets inside. Professionally brewed. A real chemist had to make these. High strength? Maybe. 

The cage was cluttered with barrels tools and equipment. That’s when I saw him. Rick lay face flat on the ground, a thick round pool of blood surrounding him. my eyes strayed passed him to a second gate leading deeper into the shed. Then I came to a dead stop.

John lay flat on a table in the next room, arms outstretched over his head, clear rope burns in his wrists. His coat and hat were no where to be seen. For a moment I just stood there, horror slowly sinking in. until I saw his chest slowly rise. “Fahrenheit! Get in here now!” practically kicking Rick’s body out of the way, I ran up to Hancock’s side. 

They’d done a number on him and that was putting it mildly. He looked like one big bruise, all black and purple. Parts of his limbs were stretched at odd angles. His rib cage was partially collapsed. “John? Can you hear me? you still with us?”

Nothing but a groan came out in response which was good enough for me.

Fahrenheit barreled through the door, actual fear in her face. “Hancock! God damn it, what’d they do to you?”

“take it easy.” I grabbed her hand before she could lay it on him. “looks like they’ve broken every bone in his body. We need to be careful.” 

Reluctantly she retracted her hand, eyes narrowed and tight. 

We said they but we both knew who was really behind this. Gray. For the time being at least Fahrenheit wasn’t focusing on that but I was sure that conversation wasn’t long in coming. Instead I looked around. “we need to set the bones so we can transport him. We’re not leaving him here or he might go feral before we have the chance to get a doctor to him.” 

Fahrenheit didn’t say anything but went to work gathering up what she could find. Neither of us were strangers to field patches. She would be better suited since it had been two centuries since I broke a bone. At first we didn’t find anything, some pipes and rebar that could work for splints, nothing to tie them with. Then my eyes drifted over Rick. As grim as this next bit was going to be, we had to. 

“got a knife on you?” 

Without question Fahrenheit handed over a combat knife.

I probably should have felt something as I tipped Rick over to his back. his throat had been slashed, deep enough to rip open his jugular. must have been slow, simultaneously bleeding out and drowning in his own blood. his entire front was covered in it. Should have been disgusted with myself for tearing off his shirt and ripping it into strips. Old man had plenty of scars on his chest. From hundreds of battles. His right arm was in a sling, which I took from him without so much as a second thought. When I was done he lay there, looking more like a mugging victim than a hardened killer. 

“here, take these. Do we need anymore?”

“we need a stretcher too. see what you can find out in the warehouse, I’ll set his … everything….” 

I almost asked if she wanted any help but thought better of it. if Fahrenheit gave you an order you’d better not question it. reluctantly I left her to take care of John. While I searched for supplies to make a stretcher I went looking for other clues too. it didn’t look like they’d been there long. Foot prints walked back and forth from the cage to the front entrance. There was a mattress in the main entrance, some used stims and chems around it. we could butcher the mattress for the cloth but we still needed something for the handles.

A scream tore through the building. If I had a heart it’d have stopped right then. John’s cries were strangled and thin. This was the first time I’d heard him in that much pain. Damn it Gray…. Why’d you have to do this? It wasn’t easy ignoring John’s screams as I tore up the mattress for its cloth. Why couldn’t Fahrenheit be gentler? That was a dumb question. setting bones was about as painful as breaking them. 

I continued my search outside and eventually found two sticks long enough to make a stretcher. There was a bag beside the smoldering campfire too with a couple Stimpaks and Med-X.

Back in the cage Fahrenheit had done an impressive job. Even if John wanted to move he wouldn’t have been able to. All his limbs were in splints and those limbs were tied together effectively making a splint for his chest. Even his neck was held in place with a few rolls of cloth. When I entered she was staring at a tri corner hat and red coat in the corner. John’s tri corner hat and red coat. 

“I’ll kill them.” She murmured at the hat.

“for what they did I won’t blame you.” shame kept my eyes down as I assembled the stretcher. What was the point arguing with her? I wanted to protect Gray as much as I already had but after seeing this…. “it’s unforgivable….” 

She shifted around. “look me in the eye and tell me you still believe that O'Malley is worth saving.” 

Reluctantly I forced myself to meet her gaze. Impressed how little anger I saw there. She just waited, the best poker face I’d ever seen plastered on. “I still believe she’s worth saving. If to save her I have to take her out of the commonwealth so that you won’t see her again, then I’ll do that too.” 

Fahrenheit scoffed in what at first I thought was disgust, then realized was amusement. “you won’t have to go nearly that far. This ain’t O'Malley, this is what Rush wants O'Malley to be. Once we get her back and fix her head then we’ve got her back.”

“that’s… not what I expected from you.” I only just managed to keep my jaw from falling open. “not everyone is going to be able to separate Gray from what she’s done. I wouldn’t blame you if you can’t.”

“look I won’t pretend to understand exactly what’s happened.” She gently folded up John’s red coat and put it in her pack. “but if there’s one thing I do get it’s that our O'Malley wouldn’t have done this. Rush is the one behind this and he’s the one that will pay for it.” 

That was way more reasonable than I’d come to expect from her at all. Not even I could separate Gray from all this anymore, not entirely. It wasn’t from lack of trying. “thank you….”

“for what? You’re the one that’s still convinced we can get her back. if you lose hope I’ll consider her a lost cause.” Her dry tone made that sound terrifyingly final. 

So it all depended on me huh? If I couldn’t get her back she’d be lost forever. If I lost hope the others would turn on her, regardless of if we fixed her. And if I couldn’t protect her from herself she’d just get her and everyone else killed. No pressure. 

“yo, Valentine, you enter sleep mode?”

“sorry what?”

“help me with the stretcher.” She pointed at the nearly finished stretcher at my feet.

She checked my work to make sure the stretcher was secure enough. Once she was satisfied we positioned it up next to the table. In a rare moment of concern, Fahrenheit leaned up next to John’s ear. “Hancock you hear me? we have to move you, it’s gonna hurt like hell, so sorry.”

He just groaned, barely cognizant enough to understand us. 

“I’ll get his legs, you get his shoulders. Just try to be careful.”

As I rose footsteps reached my ears. We both turned, guns raised, at the entrance. For a tense moment we listened to the footsteps, half expecting it was the gang returning. If it was, would I shoot? Could I? instead of Gray though out stepped Tag. 

His hands were raised, walking slowly through the gate. When he noticed us pointing our weapons at him he came to a dead stop. No fear though. those pale brown eyes held my gaze unflinchingly. 

“what the hell do you want?!” Fahrenheit yelled in rage while her gun remained steady.

He didn’t even glance her way. He kept my gaze. Slowly I put my gun down. 

Fahrenheit gave me an outraged look. “what are you doing?!”

“put it down.” 

“are you insane?! Don’t you realize who this is?”

“he’s unarmed, alone, and I want to hear what he has to say.” Gradually I put my gun back in the holster under my arm. 

Tag then transferred his gaze to Fahrenheit, his hands still raised, unmoving. Had to give him points for being that fearless in the face of the Goodneighbor enforcer. I looked at her too. no one moved or said a thing. Her eyes tightened then with a groan she dropped her rifle. “talk, I’m going to take care of Hancock.”

I offered her the stims and chems I found which she swiped form my hand angrily. At last I turned back to Tag. “well? What are you doing here? Were you the one that sent the message?”

“I couldn’t watch it anymore.” He spoke in a deep warm voice, the kind of voice that would normally be comforting. “what Rush’s done to her is wrong. Not even the Vel that ran with us would have done this.”

“having a change of heart?” Fahrenheit scoffed.

Tag didn’t even react to her jab. “I cared about her. She was like a little sister to me back then. She didn’t belong with us, she still doesn’t. whatever Rush did he’s completely changed her. She’s out of control.” 

Grimacing I pointed at Rick’s cold corpse. “she do this?”

“yes.” 

“saved us the trouble.” I wanted to tell Fahrenheit off for that, course I shared her sentiment.

Sucking in a long breath I took off my hat and ran a hand over my head. “so what are you doing here? Why did you lead us here?”

He spread his hands pleadingly. Under his ripped sleeves I could see the dozens of scars he sported. Didn’t know much about Tag like I did the others. His story wasn’t as easy to dig up. I did know that he used to fight at the Combat Zone. Most people that ended up there had been or still were slaves. Wouldn’t be surprised to find out Tag had been one himself. “I want to help you stop them. Vel is too dangerous to leave out there and Rush is only encouraging it. and Maria… she needs help….” 

“are you trying to make up for your mistakes?” I couldn’t control the venom in my voice. It just came out that way. Did I blame him? no, but he’d certainly allowed all of this with his inaction. 

His gaze dropped a few inches, shame weighing on his shoulders. “I can’t make up for what I’ve done, there’s no point trying. But Vel doesn’t have to live with the same guilt I do.”

“she killed Cormac, are you saying that you don’t blame her for that?” this might have been considered looking a gift horse in the mouth. Tag might be the single best chance we had of getting Gray back. I wanted to be sure though that he was committed. This could still be an elaborate trap set up by Gray to lure us in. 

“she killed Cormac, and I do blame her for that. Like I blame you for killing Chloe.” He nodded, nothing but honesty in his voice. “She got out. I was honestly happy for her. I hoped that she’d get the chance to go legit. When Rush decided to come back and find her I should have stopped him.”

“but you didn’t.” I finished. 

“right.” his gaze remained downcast. 

Another sigh escaped me. “look Tag, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but how do we know we can trust you? up till this point you’ve been with them. I can’t buy a sudden change of heart.” 

“and you shouldn’t.” that wasn’t helping your case kid. “I helped Rush capture Vel, I helped him make her like this, I helped her torture the Warwicks and didn’t stop her from going to Sanctuary. And now Hancock might never walk again.” 

“screw you kid.” Fahrenheit snarled. “you don’t know what you’re talking about. Hancock’s gonna be fine.” 

“that still doesn’t explain why you’d help us.” 

A little frustration leaked into his otherwise calm face. with a long drawn groan he turned on the spot, scratching at the burn scar on his head. “part of it is because I want to help her, but I know you wont believe that. She and Maria are the only family I have left and Rush is going to get them both killed. So this is a trade. I’ll help you save Vel if you help me save Maria.” 

Strings, there were always strings. At least this one wasn’t too long, long enough to hang myself with unfortunately. Of all of them Maria was the most hell bent on ending me. Chloe had been her girlfriend from what I understood. Maria’s rage wasn’t the kind of thing that just went away. “even if I agree to this, Maria isn’t going to make it easy on us. She’ll try to kill me and I can’t guarantee that I won’t kill her first.” 

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t.” 

“how are you going to do that?” 

“we’ll leave. She was fine before we came back. if I take her out of the commonwealth will that be enough for you?” 

It wasn’t ideal, but the thought of killing her didn’t sit right anyway. And we needed Tag. Having a man next to Gray would be invaluable. With his help we might stand a chance of getting out ahead of them. To say nothing of other uses for him. “and what about Rush?”

“what about him?” Tag’s head tilted a little.

“what do you want to do about him?”

He hesitated for a few seconds, eyes darting from my face to the ground then back again. “he’s dangerous, and none of us will be safe if he’s left alive. So… he has to die. I don’t want to be the one to do it but I will if that’s the terms.”

“seems to me our goals are aligned, for the most part.” the fire and anger left Fahrenheit’s voice. She stepped forward to my side. From a pocket she produced another cigarette. “Rush is going to die. You can help us make sure Vel and Maria aren’t caught in the crossfire.” 

“I can live with that.” 

“then it’s settled.” I thrust out a hand to him, the metal one. “a truce.”

Another hesitation only this time he frowned at my hand like he wasn’t sure of it. I got that reaction a lot. Not only because shaking hands was such a foreign gesture in the wasteland but the metal gave most people the willies. In a strong hard grip he took it and shook. “deal. Now let me help you get Hancock out of here.” 

It wasn’t easy. Fahrenheit had given him enough Med-X to numb a behemoth but with John’s tolerance for chems that didn’t amount to much. We lowered him onto the stretcher carefully only to have him groan painfully with every move. Me and Fahrenheit took the stretcher and let Tag clear the way for us. It was going to be a long perilous trek back to Goodneighbor. 

“where are they now?” I questioned, sweeping the surrounding landscape carefully. It would be just our luck if they decided to come back and finish the job. 

Tag glanced at us over his shoulder. “she said that they’d hold up in a place called Egret Tours Marina. She said she had it on good authority that the place was recently vacated.”

The Marina, where’d I hear that name before? The Synth killer of course back not long after Gray got replaced. She’d still been going through so much back then. Was the fact that she knew about its vacancy a sign she was coming back? I couldn’t even afford to hope for that. Besides, I knew she wouldn’t bleed through on her own. “if they’re so far, can you help us get Hancock back to Goodneighbor? We need three people if we’re going to do this safely.”

“I’ll do what I can.” 

“Egret’s pretty far south.” Fahrenheit murmured. “isolated, in the middle of nowhere. With an hour or two I could have a strike team ready to-”

“no.” Tag and I said at the same time. That didn’t please her, even less so as I continued. “we go in guns blazing and Gray’ll fight to the last breath with Rush and Maria. They’ll all die. No we have to be careful and do this right.”

“so then what are you suggesting?” Fahrenheit would have turned to glare at me if she’d been able to. “if an army won’t work what will?”

“how much longer until Ellison is finished with the gun?” 

“probably a couple hours why?” while we talked Fahrenheit started the march back toward Goodneighbor. Tag held true to his word and walked right alongside us.

The gears turned inside my head. Don’t take that literally, as far as I knew there weren’t actually gears in there. “Tag, do you think you can lead them to a place of our choosing?”

“shouldn’t be difficult.” That tone wasn’t exactly brimming with confidence however. 

I’d have to take what I could get. “Fahrenheit where is the best place close to Egret Marina to set up an ambush?” 

She contemplated that for a second. Couldn’t watch her face so I had to content myself with staring at her shoulders as we walked down the cracked road. “Fairline Hills. There are enough buildings that they won’t know what direction we’re coming from. And its surrounded by open terrain. Unless they’re insane enough to get in the middle of the Supermutants by Fallon’s they won’t have anywhere to hide.”

“How easy would it be to get them there Tag?” 

The brawler looked back at us. “it shouldn’t be hard. But what are you planning for the ambush? If you’re not even going to bring an army what chance do you stand of capturing them? Neither one of them are going to go quietly.” 

“don’t worry about that, we’ve got that covered.” Fahrenheit barked venomously. 

Tag just shut his mouth and turned his eyes ahead again. 

Ignoring the uncomfortable silence I plowed on. “it’ll take you a couple hours to get back to the marina. And take us double that time to be ready for them.”

“so we set up the ambush for the morning.” Fahrenheit finished. “they won’t leave the safety of their camp when night falls. We have no choice but to wait till the morning.” 

“agreed. Besides if Tag tries to make them leave at night they’ll know something is wrong. It’s for the best.” I was starting to feel impatient suddenly. There was real hope. Between Tag and Ellison this could be it. I could finally get her back. It felt like it had been weeks since she was changed. There were other things to worry about once we did have her. If we managed to restore her memory and bring her back then the guilt over what she did would be crushing. The only thing I had to compare it to was when Kellogg had taken over my mind. Lucky me he hadn’t killed anyone. I didn’t know how I was going to help Gray through this. 

“I’ll follow you back to Goodneighbor then leave you to organize the ambush.” Tag’s tone became guarded, almost angry, if he was capable of that. “just remember our deal. Maria for Vel.”

“don’t worry, we won’t forget. We’ll do what we can to make sure she survives.” And I had no intention of going back on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OF Course i'm not going to turn Hancock feral! I'm a monster but i'm not that bad! (andbesidesiwasn'tallowedtokillhim) 
> 
> anyway! I'm still not satisfied with the way i'm having Fahr react here. I mean she should reasonably want Vel dead at this point but if i wrote her that way then.... well Blood Alloy would end. I usually pride myself on using no Deus Ex Machinas to write me out of a bind but the only time i use a Deus Ex is when it comes to a character's reaction to something. And in a way i guess that's not really a Deus Ex, people are complicated and emotional after all, so this could be reasonable but i don't personally think it is. there are only a handful of places where characters react in what i consider out of character ways. 
> 
> so let me know what you think, still invested? thanks for reading and write on!


	26. The Ambush

“I’m so sorry for what happened to Rick, Maria you have to believe me.” I filled my voice with as much sorrow and regret as I could manage. Leaning forward I grasped Maria’s hands. “I didn’t want to but he left me no choice. He attacked me, I defended myself. It was an accident.” 

Her big eyes looked back and forth between mine. She was confused, conflicted even. When we left Mass Fusion I couldn’t help but notice her looking at me. Thankfully she had been confused enough to keep the anger down. if it hadn’t, I had no doubts that I’d be as dead as Rick. Her mouth twisted into a small frown that almost looked adorable. “did he really attack you?”

“yes.” I gestured at my split lip and swollen nose. “Rush was there. Rick wanted to kill me. please all I wanted was to keep our family together you know that.” 

“I know you didn’t want to.” Her confusion finally disappeared, devotion returning. “he was very angry at you…. I’m sorry he did that.”

“I’ll be fine.” With a pained smile I waved aside her concern. “thank you for understanding. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

A light blush touched her cheeks as she dropped her gaze.

That was one crisis averted. Still holding onto that pained smile, I turned to leave the diner. It was early morning, a chilling fog clung to the wasteland making visibility difficult. Egret Marina had been as deserted as I promised, well mostly. There had been a couple scavengers which we’d shot and drowned in the river on arrival. Nothing extravagant. Rush hadn’t been too happy about it. he gave me a little grief for it too. 

But I’d lost my appetite for inflicting pain, at least for now. Hancock had been a nice distraction. Leaving him there alive had been a tough choice. There was still a chance that he could come back and kill me for what I’d done. Or at least that’s what I told myself to justify the knot that had formed in my stomach. 

It was just about self preservation. I didn’t actually regret what I’d done. 

You know that isn’t true. 

Shut up.

You can still go back, save him. it’s the right thing to do.

“since when did I care about the right thing to do?”

You’ve always cared. That’s why you turned on them in the first place. 

“I didn’t turn on anyone.” 

you’ll remember.

“shut up!” 

“I didn’t say anything.” 

I spun on the spot. Somehow my feet had carried me outside of the buildings that made up the marina. What the hell was wrong with me? Rush walked toward me slowly, his hands in his pockets. That look didn’t give me a whole hell of a lot to go on. “are you mad at me for Rick?”

His brows shot up then he grinned. “hell no. you ask me that guy had it comin. If you didn’t do him I’d have.”

My shoulders relaxed, the hand that inched toward my gun going slack. So Rush wasn’t angry either. The only person left to worry about was Tag. Our fist fighter had disappeared along the way to the marina the night before. When he came back he’d seemed heavier almost. He’d hardly left Maria’s side either. “hey Rush, let me ask ya something.” 

“yeah?” together we made our way back toward the buildings. From out here I could just make out Tag and Maria sitting together in the diner. 

“Do you think Tag has a thing for Maria?” 

He huffed out a short chuckle. “probably, personally don’t get it. although, I think you’ve got her wrapped around your finger.”

“now that’s just ridiculous.” I laughed. 

“sure, but I’m getting a bit jealous of the looks she gives you. If you lay it on her any more thick she’ll start worshiping you.” 

“kinda like the sound of that.”

“isn’t my worship enough?” his amused voice hid the tight anger underneath. Arms went around my waist and I smiled at the hard chest against my back. “I think I’ve earned your exclusive attention by now.” 

“that you have.” gently I held onto his hands, leaning back into him. his lips were on my neck before I knew what he was doing. A shiver ran up my spine. 

“promise me something.” that husky voice made it hard to think. He probably knew it too. the bastard didn’t know when to stop. “you and I will stay together. No matter what else happens.” 

“getting sentimental again?” I chuckled. 

“promise me.” 

“alright, alright, I promise, we’ll stay together.” Even as I said the words bile rose in my throat. what for? I meant them after all. Rush was the only one that had my back and the only one that ever would. But then why did the feel of his arms on my body make my skin crawl? “we should leave.” I pulled myself away from his grasp. 

Rush let out an airy groan but didn’t protest. 

We reentered the diner. Tag shot to his feet while Maria slowly rose. That look she gave me wasn’t a good sign. She wasn’t really attracted to me was she? God damn it that would complicate things. “we need to move out, this place isn’t as safe as I’d like. Anyone know where the next best place to hide is?”

“Tag and I were talking.” Maria bounced to my side, smiling brighter than I’d ever seen. “the Mass Pike Tunnel is supposed to be empty. It’s the perfect place, close to the city, out of the way, hidden, multiple escape routes.”

“you make a hard sell.” I laughed. 

She backed down, her blush growing just a bit worse. “un-unless you have a better place in mind.”

Over in the corner Rush let out a light groan. 

It took all my willpower not to smirk at him. instead I made my smile gentle and looked Maria in the eye. “it’s worth a shot if nothing else. I’m sick of all this running around and hiding, we need a base and mass pike will be perfect.” 

The smile came back enforce, like I’d just praised one of her latest works. Part of me felt bad. The rest knew this would be a problem. 

“lets move out then, we can get plenty far in this fog. We’ll have some work to do when we get there.” 

Tag was the first out the door, leading the way out of the marina into the wasteland. I followed with Maria practically hanging on my arm with Rush bringing up the rear. If I didn’t do something with him soon he might just kill Maria. Although that would be entertaining. Watching them go toe to toe. I had no desire to lose anyone else from our gang. 

The fog created a double edged sword. Sure it was easier to go unnoticed but we wouldn’t see the attack coming before it was too late. I should have been scared, I knew that, the voice knew that, and yet I wasn’t. what was that? It didn’t make any sense. It actually bothered me as we trekked through the wasteland. 

Tag led us up a hill. For a minute I had no idea what the hell he was doing. This would lead close to that Supermutant camp at Fallon’s. from here I could see the smoke rising from their campfires even through the fog. Houses loomed out of the white at the top of the hill. Before long we found ourselves at Fairline estates. It wasn’t how I remembered. One of the houses was nothing but rubble. Any car that wasn’t rusted was exploded to shrapnel. The fog was somehow thicker up here.

“hey Tag!” Rush barked from behind us. “pick up the pace will ya! I’m sick of being in the open.”

Instead of picking it up, Tag came to a dead stop.

Maria and I stopped, we were both frowning at his broad shoulders. “what’s wrong Tag? Are you hurt?” she pulled herself from my side. 

Rush stepped up beside me, a bemused expression on. “ya in there big fella? We’re a little exposed out here.” 

“Tag?” Maria held his arm gently, frowning up into his face 

That’s when I noticed his clenched fists. 

The hairs on the back of my neck shot up. My gun flew form its holster. 

The houses! Look to the houses!

At least the voice was being helpful.

“I’m sorry.” 

I didn’t recognize that voice so it took me all of a minute to pinpoint its source. First I looked to Rush who’s jaw had fallen open, gaping at Tag. Then I looked at him. he was staring right at me. light brown eyes hard as steel. Maria looked as shell shocked at Rush did. 

Somewhere in the fog a gun popped. I hit the dust rolling, trying to make as small of a target as possible. It worked. When I came back up out of the roll Rush and Maria were both scattered. I met his eyes for a minute. Then his gaze darted at Tag. I looked too, the rage building up in my chest. “you set us up! You fucking piece of shit!” 

Before any of us could do anything another pop went off. Each of us darted away. The space grew between us. Tag didn’t move, he just watched me with a sad expression. He really had set us up, or he’d be dead. Of course those weren’t bullets. I knew what a sniper sounded like and that wasn’t one. an air rifle maybe? Syringe gun? Now where in the hell had they gotten that kind of tech? 

A dart landed in the dirt by my foot forcing me to start running. The fog was doing me some favors. It may have been hiding the glint of the scope pointed at me, but it made it harder to aim at me. if we just got far enough out of range we could regroup. “Rush! With me!” I shouted then darted to Maria.

She was beside herself with fury. Hands curled like claws she faced Tag who didn’t make a single move against her. “you! you’re just like her! You want to kill our family! Why did I trust you?!”

“no time!” I grabbed her around the waist, hauling her up onto a shoulder. thank god she was a scrawny thing or that wouldn’t have worked. She struggled against my grip as I ran, pounding her tiny fists on my back. 

As I ran I could hear the heavy footfalls of Tag, chasing us. 

Rush came even, risking a glance over his shoulder. “shit….” 

“what?” I panted over Maria’s screams.

“nothing keep running!” 

What was the effective range of a syringe rifle? Not very. In this fog, even less. If we made it beyond the houses we stood a chance. the playground zoomed out of the fog to stop us. Old toys and equipment tried to trip us up. We stayed on our feet. on the other side I thought we were safe. If I’d known who was behind the rifle I wouldn’t have thought that.

Another pop echoed off the buildings. 

Rush grunted in pain, staggering a step before he found his footing again. Of course he didn’t say anything and kept running. We cleared the street. “into the house! Get to cover!” I shouted. Who cared if Tag could hear us. If I got the chance I’d put a bullet in his head. 

We tumbled through the nearest door. Maria at least had stopped struggling. I set her down then ran to Rush’s side. He leaned up against a wall, trying to reach the dart in his back. “got me good….”

“damn it….” I plucked it out. Empty already. The full dose. Of what though? probably a tranquilizer. Doubted they’d use a poison to make it slow, hollow point could have been more painful. 

The door burst open and in came Tag, but not alone. 

To my rage the machine followed him close behind. Maria screamed like a banshee. All I saw was a flash of blond then she and the machine hit the ground in a heap. With bare hands she clawed at his face while he kept his arms up. That Pipboy saved him form a lot of the damage. Her screams were incoherent at this point. 

Tag grabbed her around the waist and hauled her off Valentine. She struggled, kicking and screaming. One of her elbows smashed into his face. as blood dripped down his split eyebrow he still held on. “let go, let go, let go, let go, let go!” Maria kept yelling. 

“hold her off!” Valentine got to his feet and turned on me.

That look surprised me. up till this point he’d always looked sad, maybe desperate. Like a lost puppy or something. now he stood before me with grim determination. It brought a smile to my face. “have you finally figured out the only way to stop me is to kill me?”

“it’s over Gray, surrender.” 

“so you got one of my men to turn on me, big deal.”

“he’s trying to help you, just like the rest of us are.”

“help me?” 

Listen to him!

I scoffed, more at the voice than him. “I thought I might let you live but I’m beginning to see that’s not an option.” 

“killing me isn’t that easy.” It sounded like he was just stating fact rather than acting confident.

“oh I don’t know.” My pistol shot up. “bullet to the head ought to do it.”

Maria gave another scream. She broke free of Tag then launched at Valentine once more. At the same moment Rush collapsed into me. I grabbed him, swearing at him as we toppled over. He laid on top of me, nothing but dead weight. Trapped beneath his snoring ass, I could only watch in horror as the scene unfolded.

Valentine backed up against the wall, staving off Maria’s attacks as best he could. He didn’t even swing a punch why the hell not?! Tag got in behind Maria and put her in a headlock. He murmured something in her ear but I couldn’t hear what it was over the screams. Whatever he said didn’t do anything to placate her. She reached up and clawed at his face, drawing deep gouges. Blood dripped down his face. one of her hands eventually found his eye. not even Tag could endure that much pain without screaming. Her nails dug deep and obliterated his eye. 

Screaming Tag released her, throwing a hand to his face. Maria lost interest in Valentine. Her rage now turned on Tag. “you’ve killed us! Our family! How could you do this?! how could you betray us like this?!” 

Blood poured down his face, the ruined eye going with it. I could hardly look at him as he rose to full height facing her. She snarled, running at him. Her hands found his neck before he could defend. Struggling he fought her grip, how a scrawny blond like her could compete with his strength was beyond me. they fought each other across the room. desperation seeped into Tag’s movements. Eventually he grabbed her around the shoulders. With all his strength he tossed her around. She smashed into a wall, collapsed and hit her head on a coffee table. There she stayed, unmoving.

Maria was dead.

As if that was the wake up call I needed, my body started moving again. Internally apologizing for it, I kicked at Rush’s limp body. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Tag stand there, staring in shock at Maria’s body. Valentine put a hand to his shoulder out of actual sympathy. “I’m sorry Tag….” 

Tag didn’t say anything. This time I knew better than to assume it was out of muteness. 

At last I got my legs free, but stopped. Could I leave Rush behind? What would they do to him? Maria was dead, Tag had betrayed us, that left Rush and me alone. Abandoning him here and now? after I’d promised to stay with him? what would he do? Fight to the last breath to keep me safe. Not out of love, out of obsession. 

“Gray, please, don’t fight us.” 

Valentine’s voice rekindled my rage. I glowered at him, the gun gripped so tight in my hand my knuckles turned white. “you’ve ruined everything! this all started because you killed Cormac!”

He shook his head, a little irritation in his eyes. “this started when _you_ killed Cormac.” 

The door burst open and in came Fahrenheit. The surprise her arrival helped cover my retreat. Leaving Rush behind was a strategic choice. I couldn’t do anything for either of us if they had me in ropes. Head low I ran out the back door into a dead barely fenced in yard. I only had one chance to escape. I already hated it. 

They gave chase but didn’t fire. If they weren’t firing at me then either Fahrenheit had run out of syringe ammunition or she wasn’t chasing. Didn’t have time to look back. the hill tilted down toward a cracked road. My speed picked up so fast I almost tripped several times. The road rushed up to meet me. to my utter horror my foot caught on something and I went tumbling down the last few feet. the breath left me as I hit the ground face up. At this angle I could see who was chasing me.

It was just that machine. Damn him. 

I raised my gun, which had somehow managed to stay in my hand during the fall. Either he didn’t notice or didn’t care as he kept running down the slope toward me. one shot, at this distance, it would be easy.

Stop!

My gun wavered. Then he was too close. Teeth bared I forced myself to my feet and tore off down the road. Anyone who had decent self preservation instincts knew to stay as far as you could get from this town. There might be good scavenging in the hospital and the mall. If you were brave enough to face off against a town full of Supermutants. 

Their totems sprung up on either side of the road, bloody messes that made even my nose scrunch. They weren’t far beyond that. The first mutant I saw had a red light beeping on its belt. Skidding to a stop I went down on a knee and took aim at the nuke. The mutant turned just in time to see me before I set of his nuke for him. the explosion rocked the ground and sent a shockwave of radiation slamming into me. I tumbled head over heels, coming to rest on my stomach.

Then a set of hands came down on my arms. Someone wrenched my gun from my grip. “what the hell are you doing?! Do you have a death wish?!”

“do you clockwork dick!?”

“that’s synth detective jackass!” he was trying to tie my hands. If only he had time for that.

The howls went up before we saw the hounds. They came careening around a car toward us. Valentine swore, releasing me to fire at them. He had a knee on my back so I had no choice but to fire right alongside him. my gun jumped to my hand and I took down one hound before it reached us. He dealt with the rest. The hounds’ masters weren’t far behind, and they’d have guns. 

I bashed the butt of my pistol into Valentine’s knee forcing him to release me. I rolled out from under him, taking my bag with me. he tried to grab at my arm. with a vicious kick to the other knee I kept him at bay long enough to find my feet. by now the entire Supermutant camp was running toward us. A few of them were already firing. We went low. Valentine glared at me. “how’re you planning to get out of this knucklehead?!”

In answer I stuck a hand in my bag. My fingers found the dials and I activated the device inside. At first I thought nothing happened but then Valentine’s eyes widened. “you’re god damn kidding! Where the hell did you get a stealth boy?!”

Before he could start flailing around to catch me I danced back, grinning with pleasure. The Supermutants were almost on him. cursing under his breath he span around to face them. His revolver had maybe ten rounds at max, and he’d already used three. The Supermutants would overrun him and that’d be it. 

I turned on the spot, a hand pressed against my active stealth boy. Hancock’s warehouses had had a few goodies in them. I hadn’t burned all of it. I thought they’d come in useful, and as it turned out I was right. two stealth boys and a couple of grenades. I’d kept the stealth boys but given all but one grenade to the others. In hindsight that was a poor decision. The stealth boy wouldn’t last long and it would burn itself out. I needed to get out of here before that happened. 

“Gray! I could use some help!” 

Valentine’s voice brought me back around. Four of the mutants were down but he was reloading. They were firing clumsily at him. he took cover behind a car. He was going to die. Assuming the mutants didn’t just decide to tear his legs off and display him like the other corpses on their totems. I turned to walk away.

“Gray please!”

Help him!

The bag felt heavy on my shoulder. I did have another stealth boy. And the grenade too.

“Gray!”

God damn it save him!

I pulled the pin of the grenade with my thumb then lobbed it at the Supermutants. It went off right at their feet, eviscerating their legs. Those that remained backed up a few feet, running for cover. I went in close, crouching in behind Valentine. He gaped at the Supermutants while his hands worked to reload his revolver. 

“you should upgrade your gun.” I whispered into his ear and handed him the other stealth boy. 

This time I didn’t stop or look back. I ran out of the town like my damned life depended on it. if Valentine used my distraction and that stealth boy it was entirely up to him. I’d done what I could to save his life. Hopefully that fucking voice would shut up for a few hours. 

As I ran out into the fog filled wastes the stealth boy in my bag started to sputter. I skidded to a stop and hid in a ditch just as the stealth boy gave out altogether. I watched my body flicker back into view. If I’d had time to marvel at the fact that I couldn’t see my hands I’m sure it’d have been better than a chem trip. Panting I lay there in that ditch, listening to the shouts of confusion from the mutants. They’d lost their prey. Valentine had used the stealth boy.

Thank you.

“shut up.” I growled at the fog. 

Gradually I got my breathing under control. After a few more minutes of silence I was satisfied that no one had spotted me. with a groan I sat up. The wasteland was quiet. As the sun rose warming the air, the fog slowly pulled away. My cover hadn’t been blown yet. I could risk it a little more to get some information. 

Carefully I picked my way out of the scrub brush back toward the hill of Fairline estates. Sitting just beyond the yard I could watch through the backdoor. Fahrenheit had Rush bound and gagged, leaning up against a wall just inside the house. If it had just been her I’d have shot her and been done with it. but Valentine appeared. He tossed aside the used stealth boy, an absurdly pleased look on his face.

Fahrenheit glared at it. “what are you so happy about? She got away.”

“maybe.” He glanced toward the town forcing me to retreat behind cover again. “I think we might be closer to getting her back than I thought.”

“how do you figure?”

He pointed at the used up stealth boy. “she’s the reason I’m here instead of adorning one of the mutant’s latest works of art.”

She scoffed in disbelief. With a hand she gestured back toward Rush. “what do you want to do with him? I’d like to even the score between him and everyone else.”

“not quite.” Valentine’s voice went low with rage. “I’ve got some questions for him and he’s going to answer every single one of them. We’re going back to Goodneighbor.” 

“and what about Tag? He ran off as soon as you went after O'Malley.”

He sighed. “priority is getting Rush secured and out of reach. When that’s handled we’ll go after Tag.” 

“where do you think he’ll go?” their voices grew muffled. I risked sitting up to find them entering the house. 

“I don’t know.” Valentine shrugged. “but after this he’s earned my respect…. And sympathy.” 

“that’s one down, one traitor, one captured but we still don’t have the big prize.” Fahrenheit counted us off like we were just a bunch of animals. If I’d had another grenade I’d have tossed it at them. Of course that would kill Rush. I couldn’t do that after everything else. 

“we’ll get her back. But first I need to know what Rush knows.” He crouched down to Rush’s level. At this angle I couldn’t see what he was doing. “and he’s going to tell me everything.” 

I had no choice but to watch them go. They gathered up Rush, trust up like a Brahmin on the spit, then left. Silently I waited until they disappeared out of sight. Once they were gone I entered the house. Maria’s body was gone. They hadn’t taken it. had it been Tag then? He must have really loved her if he bothered doing that. 

The way I saw it, I had two choices now. I’d have to do both at some point it was just the order that mattered. 

Go save Rush.

Or go kill Tag.

I had some questions of my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter! I'm gonna be traveling tomorrow so i thought i should post this today to make sure i don't forget. 
> 
> happy holidays everyone! i hope that you're all having a wonderful week and that the last couple of the year treat you better than any other! Take care! and Write on!


	27. Figured out What Made Her

I stood outside the old state house, staring up toward the top of the Rexford with a cigarette sticking out of my mouth. Nick had had some memories of Goodneighbor before the war. It used to be the red light district. He’d never visited it himself of course, but he’d gotten the lowdown from a few colleagues. Wonder what he’d think of it now. Maybe he wouldn’t have thought it was an improvement. Hell it was probably worse, being run by a junky mayor after all. John had killed more people in Goodneighbor than had probably died before the war on the streets. It occurred to me then that I was friends with just the sort of people I’d have arrested before the bombs. What did that say about me? 

A door opened behind me. With one last drag, I dropped my cigarette and crushed it underfoot. Fahrenheit stepped up beside me. “don’t stop on my account.”

“it was my last one.” grumbling, I shot a glare at the empty pack in my hand. “haven’t had time to find another pack since before Yafim’s birthday party.” 

“tough break.” Without the barest hint of sympathy she took out her own pack, which was nearly full, and lit one of hers. “I was upstairs checking on Hancock.”

“how is he?”

“he’s healing fast, like usual. We’ve done what we can to make sure the bones heal the right way but his left leg is too busted up. He’s gonna have a permanent limp.” With a hand on her hip she stared up toward the top of the State house. “I don’t know how angry he is yet.”

“he won’t kill her outright.” I stated with just enough confidence to be sure.

Fahrenheit shook her head. “no, he won’t, but that’s not to say anything of him wanting to see her again. I think you need to be prepared that he might not want to see you anywhere near Goodneighbor either.”

“I can live with that.” I wasn’t so sure about Gray though. John was family to her. As much as it’d hurt her she’d have to give up on coming to Goodneighbor. “what about the kid? Wally?”

Her frown turned into a flat grimace. “he’s still unconscious for the most part. he woke while we were gone screaming for his mother, according to the guards.”

“damn….” 

“have you talked to Rush yet?” 

Back to the situation at hand then. At least Fahrenheit wasn’t gonna let me dwell on the boy’s condition too long. Things were already complicated enough. Wally would have to come later, as much as I hated to admit it. “not yet, I thought you’d want to be there when I do.”

“I told some of the guards about him.”

“you what?!” mortified, I sped off down the street toward the warehouse. We’d put Rush in the white warehouse near the Third Rail. I thought he’d be safe there. Turns out I was wrong. The guards weren’t even on duty like they should have been. I slammed the door open furiously, marching down the hall and through a door on the right. The warehouse had once been used by the Triggermen to keep merchandise. Garbage and junk littered every corner. Four pillars held up the ceiling.

Chained between two of them hung Rush. Two ghouls, who were obviously on the neighborhood watch, stood in front of him obscuring him from view. “what the hell are you doing?!” I barked.

Neither one of them flinched all that much. Slowly they turned. Behind them Rush hung heavily on the chains keeping him upright. Blood dripped down his face from his mouth and nose. his chest was exposed, filled with cigarette burn marks. 

I felt nothing for him. but I was furious that these two had tortured my convict. “get out! Now!”

They exchanged looks defiant for a few seconds. 

Then the door opened. Their eyes widened when they noticed who else I brought with me. murmuring to themselves they left out the front door. I stood stiffly watching them go with my eyes. 

Fahrenheit spoke up once the door closed behind them. “I let them in here for O'Malley’s sake.”

“how the hell do you figure?” I gave her the darkest glare I could muster.

Of course, she was totally unmoved by it. “we’ve been lucky so far that only a handful of us know what’s actually going on. Most of the guards know that O'Malley was kidnapped but they don’t know that she’s the one that’s been killing people.” She took a long breath of her cigarette. “I had to give them Rush to give them something else to focus on.”

“you could have just kept up the lie instead of letting them in here.” I jabbed an angry finger at Rush who groaned a little. At least they hadn’t beaten him into non-responsiveness. 

“they’re simple people Valentine, they needed to see him or they wouldn’t believe the lie.” 

“even after everything she’s done you people still think you can save her.” A dry, humorless chuckle cut the air like a knife. Rush slowly looked up to meet our eyes, grinning through the blood. “you’re pathetic.”

“pathetic are we?” his words didn’t bother me. in fact the ghost of a smile crossed my own face. with deliberate slowness I grabbed a chair and dragged it before him. he watched me carefully until I sat. “I lost Gray for five nights, you lost her for five years, and I’m the pathetic one?” 

Rush tried not to react but his face tightened in response. 

Leaning over my knees I looked up into his bloody face. This would be the first time he and I had come face to face. it was a long time coming. A familiar feeling filled my chest. It reminded me of facing Winter. Except the difference was most of the rage I’d felt toward him hadn’t been entirely mine. This time Rush was my enemy. “what did you do to her?”

“you’re going to have to be a bit more specific toaster.” Smirking Rush readjusted himself, like hanging from his wrists wasn’t even uncomfortable. “I’ve done a lot of things to her. She’s done a lot to me too.” 

That could hardly even be considered an innuendo. My hands tightened in spite of myself. Don’t let him get under your skin, that’s what he wants. “how did you modify her memory?”

“with a memory lounger.”

“answer straight you piece of shit!” Fahrenheit barked.

I gave her a warning look over my shoulder. the guards had already drawn blood. I wouldn’t let us stoop to his level. “let’s start with something simple. Where have you been for the last five years?”

Beside me Fahrenheit shifted, irritation rolling off her like radiation. I knew how she felt. I wanted to hurt Rush, make him pay for Gray, the Warwicks, for Sanctuary and John. Holding myself in check wasn’t easy either. It would take every ounce of training Nick and I had for this interrogation. 

Rush spat blood at my feet, smiling. “well I don’t remember much of those first few months, on account of the bullet you put through me.”

I didn’t bother reminding him it was Gray that had shot him. 

“how’d you survive? A bullet to the chest should have been a death sentence.” 

“a lot of surgeries. The doctors out near the Pitt aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” 

“you got all the way to the Pitt before you died?”

“it was Rick’s idea. He said he and Cormac had friends out that direction.” The chains rattled as he shrugged. They might have been a bit excessive, Fahrenheit’s doing for the most part. it was a compromise I’d had to make to keep him in Goodneighbor. “life was good out there. We ran our own little patch of land with a few farmers under our thumb.”

“so the nice life.” If nice meant tormenting innocent civilians because they were too lazy to do the work themselves. “you spent five years out there?”

“we moved around a bit after some Brotherhood jackasses came by.” Another shrug. Rush sure liked to talk about himself. That hardly surprised me. narcissism had been one of his flaws Vel always said. “drove us away from the Pitt further west.”

“and all that time you left Vel alone?” 

That gave him something to think about. His stupid cocky grin slipped a little, revealing the pathetic boy he was underneath. “they told me she was dead….”

“they?” 

“Rick, Maria, they said that they’d killed her after I went down….”

Now that was interesting. Fahrenheit voiced my next question sounding less interested in the answer. “why’d they do that?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Rush snarled at her to which she swung a punch at his jaw. The chains rattled while he flinched. 

Against my better judgment I chose to ignore it. “speculate for us.” 

“probably thought coming back here was a bad idea. Guess it was for those two.” Cocky as ever, he smirked at me, in spite of the fresh line of blood running down his face. “she enjoyed it ya know, killing Rick. Even more than she enjoyed torturing Hancock.” 

Fahrenheit’s fists tightened near my face. 

Keeping myself from reacting like that was hard enough without telling her off. “I don’t get it, how’d you find out she was alive? Did they have a change of heart?”

“of course not.” He actually laughed at that point. 

“then how did you find out?”

Rush stopped laughing for long enough to contemplate me. he reminded me of serial killers Nick had interrogated. There’d been a couple of those in his memory. Rush had the same glint in his eye, the same cold smile, the same exact confidence. “tell ya what Valentine, I’ll answer these questions if you answer mine.”

“we’re not answering any of-”

“deal.” I cut Fahrenheit off. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her glare at me. 

Rush was delighted. “good. Thing is we had no plans to come back to the commonwealth ever. We were honestly thinking about heading out to the NCR and seeing what kind of shit we could get into.”

“with the legion between you and there?”

“didn’t say it was a perfect plan.” His eyes narrowed. “that was a question, now answer mine. How does it feel? To know that Vel loved me first?”

There was the right answer and then the answer he wanted. The Synth had never loved him, she’d never even known him. he didn’t know, or didn’t understand that. But he wanted to see me react. So I let him. gripping my hands in front of me I dropped my gaze. “it disgusts me.”

Amused chuckling filled my ears. It was hard to ignore the rage that brought to me. “it should, she never stopped loving me.”

“answer my question, why did you come back?”

“we got a message from someone in the commonwealth, hiring us for a job.” You could have mistaken that tone for ecstasy. Even chained up, beaten and bleeding he acted as if he would still win. “when we got back here the person that sent the message told us that Vel was alive. He offered us a hand.”

“who?!” 

“no, no, I finished answering that question, it’s my turn.” 

With gritted teeth I looked up again. “fine, what?”

My apparent irritation fueled his pleasure even more. “when you touch her, are you reminded of all the times she and I fucked?” 

God no. What kind of masochist would I have to be to think about that? It was disgusting and ludicrous. The idea alone made my skin crawl. That wasn’t going to be the answer he wanted. “at least she never called out your name when we did it.” 

The ghost of satisfaction tugged at my lips while his eyes widened. The pleasure completely left him, switching entirely over to rage. He wanted to play this game, then he’d lose. 

“now tell me who brought you back to the commonwealth.” 

“ya know I think I’m done talking.” 

“you don’t get that choice.” 

“Fahrenheit!” as if yelling was going to stop her.

She grabbed Rush by the back of the head and made him look up into her face. “you’re pretty satisfied with yourself aren’t you? The only thing you cared about was taking her from us!”

“Fahrenheit back down!” of course I made no move against her. Not yet.

“well you took her from us didn’t you?” completely ignoring me, Fahrenheit slid on a set of brass knuckles. I’d seen her break the jaw of men with that. “but you wont live long enough to enjoy it. so answer our questions.”

“she used to talk about you and Hancock.” If Rush had any sense of self preservation it had gone right out the window. He smirked into Fahrenheit’s face, completely unafraid. “five years ago she talked about you a lot. She loved you guys, said she’d go back to you if she ever decided to retire. It made me sick.”

Unwarranted Fahrenheit slammed her fist into Rush’s side. He swung under the force, grunting. She put her fist up to his face. “that’s just a warm up, the next one will break bone.” 

A painful cough broke out of him. gradually he looked her in the eye. “even back then I knew if I was going to make her mine I’d have to get rid of you two. Just never got the guts to do it. I was young and stupid.”

“so that’s something you took care of.” I stated flatly. Now we were getting to what I needed. “you changed her memory to think she’d been rejected by Hancock and Fahrenheit.”

“that’s right.” he cackled.

Which Fahrenheit cut off with a swift punch to his ribs. This time I did hear something crack under his wheezing. “I told you.” she growled. 

“remember the day she turned on you?” time to make him angry again. His furious green eyes found mine. “that farm. What do you think was going through her head when she shot Cormac? How weak he was. How pathetic he was? Or maybe it wasn’t about him at all.”

“the fuck are you talking about?” 

Casual, I leaned back in my chair. With a hand I waved. “if recent events are any indication, Vel was a piece of work back then. She killed Rick in cold blood, didn’t so much as shed a tear when Maria was killed. Ya think she actually cared about any of you?”

“it was your fault!” Rush bellowed. The chains rattled against the strain of him leaning forward. Fahrenheit promptly jabbed him in the rib again. Painfully groaning he went limp again. 

“you were weak.” Ignoring the interruption I kept talking. Wish I still had a cigarette just to help with the show. That would really rile him. “she knew that. When she got to the farm she saw a way out and she took it. simple as that.”

“you’re fucking wrong!” as if he didn’t remember the sting of Fahrenheit’s fist he shouted. Spit actually flowed out of his mouth with the blood. what an animal. “you made her turn on us!”

“she was going to turn on you anyway.” again I waved my hand dismissively. “it was only a matter of time.”

“it was you and that damn woman!” 

Woman? the frown threatened to break my show but I kept it firmly in place. Smirking instead, I leaned forward. “how could me and a woman turn Vel on you? I thought you said you were family.”

He ground his teeth, glaring back and forth between me and Fahrenheit. No doubt trying to figure a wait out of this one. if he was any kind of smart he’d know there was no way out. Even if he managed to break free of those chains, and kill me and kill Fahrenheit he’d still have to fight through an entire town that was out for his blood. “I saw it, I saw fucking everything. when she talked to that fucking slut, that’s when she changed. She was spooked.”

“that woman wasn’t special, she was just a farmer.” 

“that pregnant bitch and you were the reasons Vel turned on us!”

That’s when it clicked. Sitting back I allowed myself to gape. Of course. I remembered now. That day. Gray, or Vel, had told me about what she remembered of the day her family was attacked. I had no idea that was connected. 

I rose to my feet, making Fahrenheit flinch. She shot a brow up at me. “got what you need?”

“yep, time to move.” 

One more punch for good measure of course. Rush swung back and forth by his wrists, huffing. Another rib broken. He deserved so much worse. We left him dangling there. Out on the streets the guards were waiting, a small crowd had even formed in the square in front of the third Rail. Every ghoul was hoping for a bit of blood, and I had half a mind to give it to them. 

“this ain’t a show! Get back to your posts!” Fahrenheit barked at them.

They didn’t move at first. They exchanged looks between each other. Then one stepped forward. “the rumors true? That the guy that’s been causin’ all this shit?”

“rumors are true.” She nodded.

“we deserve a shot at him for Hancock!” another voice yelled from somewhere in the back. 

Mob mentality. They were all angry, all blood thirsty and that was a recipe for disaster. There was just the sort of thing I was worried about.

Fahrenheit on the other hand knew how to handle her men. “if anyone goes in there I will personally knee cap you! are we clear?! Hancock’s the only one that deserves a crack at that shit!”

They grumbled. “and what if he doesn’t recover?”

As worried about their boss as they were angry at the person that put him there. Loyalty was the last thing I ever expected John to inspire. But he did. And he inspired a lot of it. “John will be fine! He’s gone through worse!” I shouted at them. 

Another set of murmuring with exchanged looks. 

“look, I want Rush to pay as much as the rest of you, but we need him to get back O'Malley. Do any of you want to explain to John that you mucked up the single best chance we had to get her back?!” 

Those looks were a little more sheepish this time. 

Fahrenheit took a step forward. “get back to your fucking posts! Scot! I want you on guard duty here. No one in or out got that?!” 

The ghouls scattered. Grumbling like a bunch of kids the whole way. One ghoul with a Tommy gun took my place in front of the warehouse. 

We left him and I lead the way to the entrance. “do we need him?” Fahrenheit questioned out of the corner of her mouth.

“I’ve got a plan, part of a plan anyway.” we stood by the front gate, quietly murmuring to each other so no one could hear. “I know what he did to her memory now. I have a feeling that if we recreate what turned her on them in the first place we might be able to bring her back without a memory lounger.”

“that’s real optimistic Valentine. How do you know that’ll work?”

“I said it was a feeling.” But I’d long learned to trust my gut, even if it was made out of plastic and metal. Gray had saved my life once. Surely that meant there was a chance to get her back. in the very least it might turn her on Rush. We stood a better chance once we’d severed her ties to him. “keep Rush alive until I get back. we’re going to need him if we want this to work.”

“and what exactly is this?” she sounded skeptical, and I would feel the same way if I wasn’t me. 

“just trust me.” I didn’t want to risk saying it aloud and figuring out how absolutely ridiculous this was. I shoved through the gate.

“wait!” Fahrenheit reached out. “where are you going? What the hell’s so important you’re leaving me with this mess?”

“Sanctuary, I need help to recreate that day. I’ll be back before nightfall.” There was no time to talk this through, or come up with a better plan. So far everything we’d done just ended up getting people hurt. For the first time this was my show. No pacts with Tag to keep Maria alive. No Neighborhood watch to muddy things up. No civilians. Just me Rush and hopefully one other person. So long as she agreed. 

Getting to Sanctuary wasn’t a problem and with no humans to slow me down I could keep a steady run. The neighborhood watch we’d left here were on guard and almost shot me when they saw me coming. Thank god they recognized the damn fedora and trench coat. I didn’t stick around to ask them questions. 

The town was grieving, clearly. They’d lost three of their oldest citizens not to mention a handful of others. None of them had seen Gray’s face during the attack though. as far as they were all concerned it was just another attack by some raiders. Only two people knew the truth. I didn’t even knock as I walked into Violet’s house.

“kid! it’s me! we need to talk!”

“Nick!” footsteps came bounding down the hall. Violet appeared waring her usual jeans and t-shirt. Her red hair was wild and unkempt. Never seen her like this before. “did you find her? Oh god tell me you found her.”

“not yet, have you… have you been losing sleep over her?” my jaw fell open.

“of course I have!” she threw her arms into the air, next to hysterical. “she’s my friend Nick for god’s sake! What am I supposed to do!?”

“I ….” Shit. Suddenly faced with her, guilt and reservations started darting around in my head. Could I really ask this of her? Especially after what happened to Macready? if I had another option, literally anyone else, friend or not, I’d have gone there. But Violet was the only one that I knew that could help me. “we haven’t got her back but… I think I know how we can….”

She dropped her arms, brows up, hysteria gone. Well that made it easier I suppose. Next determination filled her face. “what’s the plan? How can I help?” 

“I… let’s sit for a second so I can explain.” 

Violet glanced down the hall before following me to the living room. we sat, she on the couch and me in the chair. With clasped hands in front of me I tried to drum up the courage to do what I’d come here to. One of her hands found my knee. “Nick? What’s going on?”

“Rush went in and changed the memory of the day she turned on the gang.” I was talking fast. All that pent up energy pouring out. Just hoped I was making sense. “instead of shooting Cormac and Rush she stayed with them in that memory.”

“how can you be sure?”

“we captured Rush, he let a few key things slip.” Hopefully he wasn’t just stringing us along. Oh god, was he stringing us along? No, he was too angry to lie convincingly. If neither Fahrenheit or me picked up on it then there was no way he was lying. 

That news put a little anger into Violet who glared. “and what about Rick?”

The one that had beaten Macready to within an inch of his life. “he’s dead, Gray killed him.”

She let out a sigh. “it won’t make things better but….”

“of course it makes things better, don’t try to be noble about it.” that came out more callous than I intended. So I quickly plowed on to keep her from dwelling. “the point is, I know what made her…. Just like Mama Murphy said….” 

Violet frowned. “and you came all the way out here to tell me? I’m not getting it Nick.”

Now came the part that didn’t taste right in my mouth. “if we recreate the day Gray turned on the gang we might get her back. I need you to do that. You know I hate asking but-”

“you don’t need to say anymore, of course I’ll help.”

“no you won’t!” from down the hall came charging Macready. most of the swelling had already gone down, probably thanks to Stims, but he still looked like shit. Not to mention he held his side as he marched in a rage. “you’re not taking my wife out to face off against a psycho like O'Malley.” 

“psycho’s being a bit harsh.” Violet shot him a dark look.

“he’s not wrong….” Dropping my head I stared at the floor between my shoes. God this was wrong. “Gray is out of control. She’s hurt a lot of people, and she’ll keep hurting people if she isn’t stopped.” 

“then lure her out with Rush and let me snipe her, problem solved.” 

“Robert!” Violet swung around, her hair flying everywhere. “that’s our friend you’re talking about!”

“she killed Jun! and she might as well have killed Marcy and Murphy too.” he shot back, so angry he didn’t even realize who he was yelling at. “she’s a scumbag. A homicidal scumbag.”

“but that isn’t her.” The steel came back to my voice. Turning hard eyes on him I silently dared him to argue. “the Vel we’ve been chasing is twisted sure but Gray isn’t responsible. Gray’s still in there. I’ll be damned if I don’t try everything to get her back.” 

“I’ll help you just tell me what I need to do.” 

“Violet!”

“Robert!” she was on her feet now, hands on her hips, glaring daggers at her husband. I’d never seen them get like this before. God damn it why did I have to bring this on? “Vel is our friend, she’s nearly family. The boys love her and I want our baby to meet her. So I’m helping Nick. End of discussion.”

“this isn’t the time to be stubborn! This is your life we’re talking about!” he strode around the couch until he faced her. With his hands on her arms he looked her in the eye. “not just your life, our baby’s life too! you’re not just my wife you’re my son’s mother. Are you going to leave him motherless again?” 

That hit home so hard she staggered. 

It hit me too. if I had a stomach bile would be surging up my mouth right about then. “this is the last option I have…. if this doesn’t work then….” 

I felt Macready’s glare on me more than saw it. 

Violet sighed. “please RJ, let me do this. I owe Nick so much you know that. And they’re family.” 

He groaned airily. “Valentine, you say this is your last option right? well if that’s true are you ready to make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone else again?” 

My fists tightened but I made myself look at him. “yes….” 

“then I’m going with you.” 

“RJ no!” Violet grasped his arm. “you’re still healing.”

“and your pregnant.” He stated a little angrily. “we’ll go along with your plan Valentine. Lure O'Malley out and whatever else you’ve got in mind. But if it looks like it isn’t working, or if O'Malley turns her gun on Violet, I’ll be there to put her down like the dog she is. Are we clear?” 

“crystal.” And if it came to it, I’d probably be too dead to care one way or the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I was going to miss today's posting, being on break I am in a perpetual state of Saturday and enjoying it before spring semester comes and kicks my ass all over again. Plus the internet's been weird. 
> 
> Let me know what you're all thinking. Do you think Nick's going to get through to Gray? Or is this going to end badly? If they do get Gray back how are they going to handle the memories of the last week? Is there any happy ending to be had here? 
> 
> Happy New Year! And ... oh shit i'm making this joke... See you next year!! Write on!


	28. Confessions of a Dead Man

“so… word is you can talk….” I called into the dark empty auditorium. Sort of wish I’d gotten the chance to see this place in its hay day. The stage looked big enough to hold a huge band. What sort of things were on offer here before the war? There was still some remanence of its glory days, you could see it in the red velvet seats and the walls. Under all the raider blood and booze and cigarettes, it could have been a nice place. The weird construction the raiders had put up here wasn’t half bad either. 

It was empty, for the most part. usually you could find an assortment of lowlifes come to bet on the matches. The cage stood center stage, lit up like a Christmas tree. No one inside. Tommy wasn’t around, neither were any of his fighters. I guess Tag must have convinced them to leave. 

“ya know I’m a little insulted.” I called into the theater as I walked on. Only my footsteps echoed off the wall. The lights were left on, fan fair for an empty cage. “I’ve known you for how long and you’ve never spoken a word to me. but you turn around and talk to that detective. It hurts.” 

Silence followed my question. I could have been wrong. No I wasn’t wrong. I’d tracked him. followed his trail from Fairline estates all the way into the city. Lost it for a while but picked it back up at the commons. Led me right to the combat zone. He was here, somewhere. 

“I’m going to kill you, but you knew that already.” Standing in front of the stage I looked around. Still hadn’t spotted him yet but I was more convinced than ever that he was here. “Before I do I want some answers. Either you’re going to give them to me willingly, or I’m going to take you into that cage and make you tell me.”

More silence. Well he certainly had a stubborn streak. Had to give him that. For a minute there I thought he might have left already. Snuck out behind my back. Tag never struck me as the type. But then he hadn’t struck me as the type to turn on us. 

He hadn’t snuck out. I spotted him at last, sitting on a balcony to the right of the stage. Unmoving he sat there, leaning over his knees, just staring. Like a statue. He had a blood soaked bandage wrapped round his right eye. It could hardly be called a bandage. I grinned at him. “that looks painful.” 

As I walked up the ramps to the balcony he didn’t move. He could have. He could have tried to escape or get the drop on me. for some reason he didn’t. when I got to the balcony he was still sitting there, staring at the stage. My wrist ached. I should just kill him now and be done with it. He hadn’t given us a chance. Why should I give him one? 

Hear him out.

I let my hand fall from my pistol and took the seat beside him, on the blind side. Awkwardly I sat with him for a few silent minutes. Like it was just another day and we were waiting for the fight to start. Eventually I managed to find my voice. “I’m surprised you came back here. Sentimental?” 

“it’s familiar.” He murmured. His voice was deep and warm. It made my stomach tighten knowing what I’d have to do. “spent a long time fighting here before Ray found me.” 

“Ray Cormac.” I chuckled, sitting back in my chair. It creaked like it might give out under the strain. “I forgot that was his first name. he never let us call him that.”

“he wouldn’t stop me.” 

“he liked you more than he liked the rest of us.”

Tag leaned heavily on his arms. His head dropped. “he knew where I came from, he saved my skin. If it weren’t for him I’d have died in this place.”

“well you are going to die in this place.” 

A bitter little chuckle left him. “I guess I knew that. That’s why I came back.” 

Carefully I removed my gun from its holster. The weight of it made my wrist ache with anticipation. Killing Tag would feel so good. Gently I set it on the table beside me. “what’d you do with Maria’s body?”

“I burned it.”

“that what she’d have wanted?” as far as I knew most people wanted to be buried. Personally I didn’t care. Hoped I’d go out fighting a Deathclaw, that didn’t leave much room for funeral arrangements. 

“I think so, it was the best I could do with the time I had.” He forced himself to look up again, out across the room this time instead of at the arena. “I knew you were coming for me, didn’t give me a lot of options.”

“no I guess not.” I had no sympathy. Funerals were for prewar people and people who had too much to lose. There wasn’t enough left of my life for me to care. of course that made me curious. “did you love her?”

“not the way you mean.” He shook his head and sat back. “Chloe was gonna propose to her, did you know that?” 

“no….”

“once things settled down Chloe was gonna ask her to marry her. Ray was in on it, he was trying to set them up for life.” 

My jaw dropped. “you’re kidding. No fucking way.” 

“why’d you think he was having us attack bigger and bigger targets? He figured that if we dislodged the Gunners then they could retire, move on.” Staring at his hand, he flexed his fingers experimentally. “Ray wanted to make sure that we could help them if they needed it and they could live normal lives.” 

“I had no idea….” 

“he wouldn’t have told you.” Tag turned his head a fraction toward me. He couldn’t see me on this side which would have made me tense. He didn’t seem to mind it at all. “he honestly thought that you’d spend the rest of your life in raider gangs. He thought you were suited to it. He said he was going to make you his successor.” 

“well he was right wasn’t he?” With my hands behind my head I leaned back to stare at the broken ceiling. How much longer would this building stay standing? “I’d say I’ve been pretty successful being a raider.” 

“you’ll never be as good as him.” 

“that so?” one of my brows went up. “how do you figure?”

“he was a tough guy, a beast, but he was a good man under all that.” 

“he was weak, he wouldn’t be dead if he wasn’t.”

“you killed him.” 

Anger flared up in my chest which I managed to keep in check. “you know I’ve heard that a couple times now. people saying what I remember isn’t what happened. Why don’t you tell me how you think it went?” 

“would you hear me out?” 

“my gun is over there, I’ll hear you out.” 

Tag sighed heavily. His broad shoulders slumped. Since I couldn’t look him in the eye I looked at his hands. The scars from countless fights made his skin rough. Those knuckles had split against dozens of faces. “five years ago Ray told us to target a farm. Out north somewhere. It wasn’t worth much but we were desperate to get something. so easy target.” 

“go on.” We agreed to this point at least. I waited for his story to take a turn. 

“we split up and you went with Cormac to talk with the farmers. When you came back you weren’t the same. You saw something that scared you.” even if I wanted to I couldn’t stop listening to him. his words pissed me off but something in them felt right. “I was too far away to see what it was but you didn’t come back the same person. you argued with Ray. He forced you to take the first shot. when he marched onto the battlefield you shot him in the back.” 

My stomach tightened. “I didn’t, you’re wrong….”

“you said you’d hear me out.” He lifted his face toward the ceiling. “it didn’t kill him. I’m guessing that’s when you realized what you had to do. You met him face to face. said something but we were too far away to hear. Then you shot him in the head.”

“enough.” My gun went to my hand before I’d even rose. With a tight angry fist I grabbed his throat. pain flashed over his visible features while I bore down on him. the barrel of my gun was pressed to his jaw. “I’m sick of hearing these lies. I didn’t kill Cormac. I would never kill Cormac. He was family!”

“That’s what Rush wants you to think.” Not a single trace of fear played over his face. if anything he looked dead inside. That one good eye just stared at me, waiting for me to pull the trigger. “after you shot Ray Rush confronted you. He was yelling, daring you to pull the trigger on him. then you did.”

“shut up I didn’t shoot him.”

Yes you did.

“you did.” Still no fear. Blood started seeping out from under his bandage. An injury like that may never heal right, Stimpaks or no. “Maria went crazy after Valentine killed Chloe. I had to carry her out, Rick took Rush. We left the commonwealth after that, fled to the Pitt where Rick had friends.” 

“ _we_ fled to the Pitt.” I growled. 

He shook his head. “no, you stayed behind. You went back to Goodneighbor as far as I found out. Five years we were out there and you were here, living the life you were supposed to live.” 

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“it means exactly what I said.” He gripped my hand. his fingers could wrap almost entirely around my fist. “you got out. You were happy with Valentine. But when Rush found out he couldn’t stand the thought of living without you. so he came up with a plan.” 

I wanted to argue. Yell into his face right before I blew his brains out. Neither my voice or trigger finger worked though. they refused to follow my orders. Instead all I could do was stand there and listen to this man erase everything I thought I knew. 

“he spent days harassing you until finally he lured you into a trap. Rick beat you to within an inch of your life.” You’re lying, you’re fucking lying. But my jaw throbbed with a memory I didn’t have. none of this made any fucking sense but at the same time it totally did. Had Rush really done what everyone kept telling me? “Maria tortured you too. you were the reason that Chloe was dead and Ray was dead. They wanted retribution.”

“and what about you?” I asked hollowly. Swallowing dryly I tried to clear my throat of the lump that had begun to form. My hand loosened on his throat. the gun glided away. Why was I doing this? shoot him and have done with it! there were more important things to do than listen to these lies! Like saving Rush’s worthless hide!

Just listen.

As if I had a choice.

Tag relaxed once the gun was out of his face. he gingerly pressed his fingers against the bandage on his face. the blood kept flowing. “I was angry for years, I still am sort of, but anger never got me anywhere just like it won’t get you anywhere.” 

My limbs felt heavy as I sat. a numb sort of heaviness filled up my chest. “so Rick and Maria put me on the edge, then what did Rush do?”

He looked at me fully, for the first time it felt like that one good eye actually saw me. he wasn’t just telling a story because I’d asked him to, he wanted to tell me. “I don’t know all of the details, Rush didn’t say, but he got someone to use a memory lounger and change your memory. He changed what happened that day and he erased the last five years of your life.”

“but I remember the last five years.” I retorted, feeling as if I’d suddenly found a flaw in his story. “how in the hell could I have any memory of the last five years if he erased it all?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted and I grinned in triumph. This had all been bullshit after all. “all I know is that he wanted to make you what he thought you should be. He thought he was doing you a favor.”

Something stirred around in the back of my mind while my stomach tightened. It took me all of a minute to figure out what I was feeling. That was fear. Some how those words filled me with fear. It didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t scared of anything anymore. Why was the prospect of Rush saying those words so frightening? 

“it doesn’t make any sense.”

“I can’t imagine what it’s like, realizing that your life is a lie, but you’ve only been living the lie for the last five days.” 

That didn’t help. groaning, I leaned over my knees, running my hands through my hair. “I refuse to believe you.”

“that’s your decision to make.”

“I haven’t left Rush’s side once since I joined Cormac’s gang.” 

“you left five years ago.” 

“I was with him during the surgeries. I remember waiting outside the room for the doc to tell us he was alright.” My voice shook while I spoke. Damn it. how had Tag done this? how had he made me so uncertain? “I remember living in the Pitt, the jobs we took, the people we met.” 

“I don’t know why you remember that.” He shifted in his seat, taking his eye off me. 

I clenched my fists in my hair. This made no fucking sense. “I remember the last five years! you’ve just been trying to turn me on Rush. Why the hell would you even do that? Is it because you lost Maria and now you want me to share your pain?”

“Rush is going to kill you.” Tag stated flatly.

“you don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.”

“you don’t know what you’re talking about.” For the first time a little rage seeped into his voice. That’s right get angry. Get so angry that you’d swing a punch, that would make this so much easier. “Rush is a monster, a sick twisted son of a bitch. You thought he was bad before, something in him broke that day you left and he’s never been the same.”

“I never left.” I growled with more anger than conviction. 

“the moment he thinks you’re about to betray him again he’ll kill you.” Tag didn’t let up, he didn’t stop. I didn’t know whether to be impressed or not. “he’ll make it slow and painful. What you did to Hancock will be nothing compared to what Rush will do to you. He’ll revel in your screams and begging until you’ve gone hoarse.”

“you paint a vivid picture.” One that honestly I didn’t have a hard time seeing. 

“when there’s not enough life left in you for you to care to beg, that’s when he’ll kill you.” Tag finished on a rather ominous tone.

I tried to scoff at the ridiculousness but sweat dripped down the back of my neck. “and how do you know he’s capable of it?”

“he bragged to us what he did to Vadim Bobrov.”

“what?!” anger flared up in my chest as I surged to my feet. Tag stared up at me, one confused brow up. My nails dug into the palms of my hands while I stared into his face. “he killed Vadim?! You’re god damn lying!” 

“no, I’m not.” He shook his head a fraction to the left and right. “he didn’t tell you?”

“no he didn’t fucking tell me! why the hell would he kill Vadim?! He was the one god damn person in the commonwealth that would give any of us a hand!” my arms were shaking now. it just couldn’t be true. Vadim of all people?!

But Tag just kept my gaze, frowning. “he killed Vadim to get to you and Valentine. Didn’t matter to him how good Vadim had been to us, he tortured him for hours.” 

“don’t lie to me Tag.” My gun was up again, pointed at his forehead. “tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth.” Leaning over his knees his gaze dropped back to the stage floor. “you’re going to kill me no matter what, what do I have to lose? Rush killed Vadim. He tortured him. He tortured and tormented you until he broke your mind to make you his. Whether you believe me is up to you, I don’t care anymore.”

“that’s it?!” my voice rose, a laugh was coming. This was all so ridiculous. “you tell me all these things and you leave it on the note, ‘I’ve got nothing to lose?’ that inspires all kinds of confidence Tag!” 

“you don’t believe me go to Diamond City.” He retorted without fear. “go ask around, hell the paper might have an article. You’ll recognize Rush’s handiwork when you get the details.” 

“why should I play your game?”

“you’ve known me a long time, have I ever played games?”

“you betrayed us.” 

“I did.” He fell back in his chair to look me in the eye. “and I deserve to die. Not because I betrayed you and Rush, but because I betrayed Maria. And killed her. So go ahead kill me. it’s the least I deserve.” 

You don’t have to do this. 

“of course I do.”

Look at him.

“I see a man that got his family killed.”

“you got your family killed too.” Tag interrupted the argument I was having with myself. “you just don’t remember it.” 

“you were never my family.” The words didn’t even sound like mine as I said them. They didn’t feel right in my mouth. They weren’t my words. 

I expected him to reply but he didn’t. as silent as ever he just sat there, waiting for me to pull the trigger. Just like a statue. Impassive. What a piece of shit. The silence went on for a long time. Don’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe for him to say one last thing, my own words hung in the air. Only when it became clear that he wouldn’t say anything, I pulled the trigger.

His head jerked. Blood brain and bone shot out the back of his head. The bandage came loose at last, gently drifting down to the floor. His eye had been completely wrecked, a gaping bloody wound where it should have been. It stared at me, accusingly. 

All his fucking words echoed around in my head. Ignoring it was no longer an option. Like little worms those thoughts creeped in. what if what he’d said was true? What if I had shot Cormac that day? What if these last five years of my life had been lies? What if Rush really had broken my mind? 

One thought surfaced though, one damn question I wouldn’t rest till I got an answer to. 

Leaving Tag’s body in the place that he’d chosen for his tomb I emerged into the ruins. The sun was low, threatening to plunge me into darkness at any moment. It had taken most of the day to track Tag down. I suppose I still had some time to find Rush but I knew exactly where he was. Goodneighbor wouldn’t be hard to get into. Getting him passed whatever guards they had posted on him would be a different story. Rush would just have to wait.

I picked my way west toward the old baseball diamond. Along the way I stumbled over a dead man wearing a baseball cap and some sunglasses. I took them both. The guards might not recognize me at the diamond, I wasn’t about to take the risk. Disguise in place I zipped up my jacket and marched up to the gates. The guards barely glanced at me as I entered. Security was so damn lacks it wouldn’t be hard for Rush to sneak in and sneak out. 

A wave of nostalgia washed over me. Little had changed in Diamond city over the last five years. in fact…. I paused at the top of the steps, frowning into the market, at the streets and the roof of the houses. Nothing had changed. The city I remembered was this exact same city. What the hell was that about? Things should have changed, nothing ever stayed the same in the commonwealth. People at least came and went. But as I peered into the market at the stalls they were all the same people. Moe, Arturo, even crazy old Myrna. That wasn’t right, five years ago some of these people didn’t even live in the city.

I walked down the steps. An annoying little girl stood on a box to my left, shouting about the damn paper. Recognized her too, she was way too young though. “hey lady!” she yelled before I could slink away. “buy a paper! Know what’s goin on in the commonwealth!” 

“how much?”

“ten caps.” 

“how bout five and I don’t kick your ass.” I growled.

Her eyes just narrowed. “do I know you?”

“ten caps it is.” Couldn’t risk this little shit raising the alarm, even if she did think she knew me. I handed over the caps and she gave over the paper. 

I flicked it open while I walked toward the Dugout Inn. Rush killing Vadim, that was ridiculous. 

_Community._

_I wanted to take the time to write an issue to everyone in Diamond City. This won’t be your usual article, no facts, no calls to arms, no synth paranoia. This is just about our city._

_We’ve suffered a great loss, we all know that. Vadim was a great man and a good friend to each and every one of us…._

The article left me feeling hollow inside as I finished it. No details on the death though. Tag could have been stringing me along. He could have heard about this and spun a story to make me turn on Rush. It didn’t mean that Rush had anything to do with it. I had half a mind to break into the detective’s agency and get the case file but that might take me hours and he could be back at any minute. So it was the old fashioned way.

Ignoring the other patrons I entered the inn with the paper stuffed under my arm. the atmosphere in this place was suffocating. Course it was. Vadim had always been the life of the party. Without him the Dugout inn was basically… well the third rail with worse music. A couple of patrons sat at the bar, drinking hard. One person sat at the table. The room was silent except for a set of voices drifting out of the office door to the left. 

The first I recognized right away as Yafim’s. “it wasn’t just nothing. You put a lot of heart into that article and I appreciate it.”

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there.” That was a woman’s voice, vaguely familiar not enough to place it. “the funeral was something to behold I was told.”

“my brother made friends with everyone.” Yafim sighed. The distinctive thunk of a bottle on wood followed his words. Yafim was as deep in his cups as the patrons at his bar. “it hasn’t been easy, running this place without him.”

“we’ll help in any way we can.” A male voice. Didn’t know that one at all. “I know a thing or two about running a business. You’ll stay afloat.” 

“I don’t know, I’m thinking that I should… move on.” 

“you can’t Yafim!” the woman cried. “the Dugout Inn is part of the city, and so are you. you can’t just leave.”

“you didn’t see it….” Yafim’s voice filled with pain while it shook.

As the conversation had gone I drifted steadily toward the door, listening. I now sat so close to it I could practically lean out and see the people inside. 

“there was so much blood. someone cut him like a piece of meat. I can’t get the smell out of our room. it’s awful. I just see his face every time I go in there…. I wonder if I’d been there…. Wouldn’t it have been me or him? …could I have saved him?” his voice broke and sobbing started up. 

My heart throbbed. Yafim and Vadim were the last people I wished this kind of pain on. His words. Cut up like a piece of meat. That sounded like Rush alright. Was it proof? Hell no. It did make it possible. I’d gotten all I needed from here, it would be smart to go but I stayed. 

Yafim’s sobbing got worse and worse as the seconds ticked by. The woman made shushing sounds, trying to calm him. the other guy remained silent. “I know it’s hard Yafim…. Maybe you should ya know… go some place else. Take a break? Maybe Sanctuary? Violet’d love to have you there.” 

“yeah, we could hold down the fort here.” The man piped in with a little more excitement than even I thought right. this guy was grieving for god’s sake, don’t be so eager to drive him out of his own bar.

Yafim sniffed a few times while the sobbing quieted down. “I just…. Have either of you heard if Valentine found the bastard that did it?”

Hesitation. The answer was obviously no. of course it was, Valentine had had his hands full with chasing me down, he wouldn’t have time to go after Vadim’s killer. Unless Vadim’s killer was running with me. 

“I’m sure he’s on the case.” The woman finally spoke shakily. 

“yeah don’t worry about it, that old synth and O'Malley will find the bastard.” The man added.

Something hit the pit of my stomach. 

“Nick’s good on his own but when he’s with her they’re the best damn partners on the planet.” The woman smugly added. “they’ve closed more cases together in the last six months than Nick had in the year before.” 

“have you seen them lately?” Yafim asked thickly. 

A split second of silence followed before the woman answered. “no…. I heard rumors that Nick was running around the commonwealth with Fahrenheit of all people, but I haven’t gotten word about O'Malley.”

“I hope she’s safe…. I can’t stand to lose any more people….”

I’d heard enough. My heart hammered so hard against my ribs I thought it might actually pop out. Ignoring every single person that got in my way I ran out of the Dugout Inn and straight out of the city. Only once I was hidden down a side alley in the ruins with the open night sky over my head did I stop to take a breath. It felt like my world was shaking apart. Tag’s last words filled my head. Hancock’s words, Rick’s words… Valentine’s words. They all came crashing down on me. something was wrong. Something was definitely fucking wrong. 

And there was only one person that could give me the straight answer.

“alright love…. Time for us to have a little chat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far one of my favorite chapters I have ever written. Going into it I had plans of Tag fighting back, of Vel dragging him out into the cage and making his death slow while he told her everything. But when I got here neither of the characters reacted that way. Tag wouldn’t move, I literally couldn’t make him, and Vel stayed her hand herself. It was a really cool moment just to see these two decide for themselves how this scene was going to play.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me! this depressing journey is almost over, things will be better in the next one. See you all next week, until then write on!


	29. Last Resort

I pulled my shirt back on, carefully buttoning it. “you sure the upgrades will work?”

Ellison stopped putting away her tools to give me a hurt look. “don’t doubt me Mr. Valentine. I’ve tested these upgrades to the best of my ability. I promise they’ll do what you need them to do.”

“I’m trusting you on this.” which wasn’t something I wanted to do. It wasn’t that I didn’t think that Ellison was perfectly capable. I just didn’t want to have to rely on her this much. “be ready to make emergency repairs when I get back.”

“you think this will go that badly?” 

“I’m not an optimist.” I swung my coat on next. The familiar weight of it took the edge off the apprehension I was feeling. Then the Pipboy brought it right back. it felt so damn heavy on my arm. why was I still wearing it?! “up till this point Gray hasn’t made it easy, I’ve got no reason to believe she will now.”

“you have a plan though yes?” with a hand on my arm she stopped me from picking up my hat which lay on the table. “you’re not just going into this with no plan. That’s absolutely unacceptable, I won’t let you leave this building until you have some sort of plan.”

“calm down Ellison.” With a gentle hand I eased her grip off my arm. “I have a plan, it’s not a good one, but it’s the only chance I’ve got left.”

“what is the probability that it will fail?”

“I don’t think in probability.” Picking up my hat I stared at the worn faded material. It had been that way when I got it. I had others but this one was special. Gray’d given it to me a while back when she accidentally burned one of mine. She’d been so sheepish about it, blushing so hard you’d think she was trying to propose. God I missed her. My hands tightened on the hat and my shoulders started to shake. “this has to work… it just has to….” 

Ellison didn’t have enough social graces to pick up on the crack in my voice. She did notice my shaking though. “are you alright Mr. Valentine? Are you malfunctioning? You should probably let me make sure that my upgrades were installed correctly.”

“no Ellison I’ll be fine.” With a long drawn breath I steadied myself. Now wasn’t the time to have a break down. keep holding it together Nick. It could all be over in a matter of hours. And you’ll have Gray back. that was worth a little more time. “thanks for the upgrades. I’ll see you soon, probably.” 

“are you sure-”

I was already out the room and up the stairs before she finished talking. If I stopped to think about any of this I would probably walk myself out of the commonwealth. I was putting too many people I cared about on the line with this. Violet, Gray, even Fahrenheit. Not to mention all the others that had already been caught in the crossfire, like John, the Warwicks, the Longs and Murphy. So many lives hurt or lost because of the decisions I’d made. 

I had to finish this tonight. Whatever price I had to pay I’d pay it gladly, I just prayed to god that no one else would have to suffer.

Scot, the ghoul Fahrenheit had ordered to guard Rush’s prison, still stood at the door. he diligently eyed anyone that got too close and practically jumped when he saw me coming. “easy there kid, what’s the story?” 

He glanced over his shoulder at the door, shifting from foot to foot. “I think he’s whistling.”

“let me in.” 

Reluctantly Scot stepped aside to let me pass. Sure enough as I entered a perverted tune drifted through the warehouse. Rush still dangled there, dried blood on his face and shirt. There weren’t any fresh burn marks though so at least no one had got passed Scot. He didn’t stop whistling when he noticed me. in fact his tune picked up tempo. It sounded familiar, probably something from the radio, but it came out all wrong from his lips. Silently I waited with folded arms until he was finished.

The song came to an end. He grinned broadly at me. “enjoy the show? That was Vel’s favorite back in the day ya know.” 

“it isn’t anymore.” Don’t encourage him or it’d make this damn trip a living hell. Scratch that I was already living in one of those. Ignoring his shit eating grin, I reached up to unlatch the chains from his wrists.

“you turning me over to Goodneighbor finally?” he didn’t know when to quit did he? How could someone be so confident but so damn stupid? “I’ve been looking forward to what those ghouls will do to me. or maybe you’re letting me go? Nah who am I kidding. But then again, judging by that disgusted look you hate what you’re about to do.” 

I tugged his arms together behind his back, with maybe a little more force than was strictly necessary. I cuffed him. “too tight for you?” 

“nah, Vel’s had them tighter on me.” he laughed. 

Beginning to wish I’d taken Fahrenheit’s suggestion of a gag. This was gonna be a long trip. Holding him by the arm I steered him toward the door and out into Goodneighbor. Scot almost tripped over himself to get out of our way. Rush eyed him like a predator that just spotted a chicken. “enjoyed the song kid?” 

“don’t bother with him.” I told the ghoul. “let Kleo know that I’ve taken this piece of shit out of Goodneighbor alright?”

“sure….” Scot practically couldn’t take his eyes of Rush while I lead him through the town. In fact anyone that knew his face or guessed couldn’t stop gawking. The whole town was watching us by the time we got to the gate.

Rush tugged his hands free to spin around and happily grin at all of them. Had I let him stand there for much longer he’d have been stoned to death. And as much as that would have been a good end, I still needed him. I grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him out into the ruins. He staggered, laughing. “those looks were priceless! Makes all the cigarettes worth it.” 

“keep walking.” With my right hand clamped so tightly on his should I actually drew blood, I shoved him down the street. 

“where are we goin anyway?” Rush questioned in a loud annoying voice. No doubt he was trying to draw anything with teeth and claws to our position. Funny considering he’d stand less of a chance than me. “back to the agency? I’ve been meaning to see how that assistant of yours is doing. Rick sure did a number on her didn’t he?”

It would have been nice to make him eat his words, and his teeth, but I held myself in check. Even reacting a little would fuel his deranged rants.

Not that he was about to stop now of course. “she’s cute by the way, I see why you keep her around. Real sweet too. Girls like her are real hard to come by these days. Mostly cause they don’t last that long.” 

The threat couldn’t even be considered veiled. Despite my best efforts not to react, my grip tightened on his shoulder. If I wanted to I could probably kill him with that hand. we passed by what was left of the Supermutant camp then headed around toward the commons. No one in their right mind came this close to the commons but Gray had always for some reason chosen it as her regular path. Swan sat in its pond like always, barely aware of us as we passed. Apparently Rush didn’t want to die by a Behemoth cause he kept his mouth shut as we walked through it.

Once we were out of the area he spoke up again. “where’d you pick her up from anyway? she’s cute. Vel and I could use someone like her.” Out of immediate danger Rush started gawking around, like he was on a pleasant Sunday stroll. He was doing everything he could think of to get me angry. “I have a thing for the innocent ones. Vel was pretty innocent when she first joined up with us. That sure changed fast didn’t it?”

I couldn’t help myself. Some sick twisted part of me got curious. “what was it like when she first joined up?”

That gave him pause, and me a blissful few seconds of silence. The road ahead was stained with fresh blood but no bodies. They’d already come through here and done the work for me. so long as no one came in after them it would be smooth sailing all the way out to South Boston. We left the commons behind and passed the combat zone. It was quiet. A little unusual for the place. I didn’t have time or the right mind set to go investigate it. 

“she was cute.” Rush went on in an almost nostalgic voice. “headstrong sure but innocent. She’d seen some dark shit already which caught my attention. met her in the third rail. Magnolia was singing one of those slow songs. Remember it like it was yesterday.”

“maybe it was yesterday.” I replied in a thin irritated voice. 

He glanced at me with a raised brow. “what was that toaster?”

“what if someone’s done to you what you’ve done to Gray?” maybe this was a little low to pull. But I was sick of that smirk. I wanted to watch it slide off his damn face. After everything he did he deserved to feel at least that much uncertainty. 

“fuck you, I’d know.” He snapped viciously.

I smirked at his face. “does Gray know what you did to her?” 

There it was, the fear, exactly what I was hoping he’d feel. It wouldn’t last long so I enjoyed his silence for as long as it would last. Steering him with a tight grip we passed by burned up camps and rusted cars made into beds. Other than that there wasn’t a single sign of any raiders or Gunners or even Supermutants waiting to pounce. As we turned a corner I risked a quick glance back.

There she was. Just like I knew she’d be. As far back as she dared risk but within ear shot. she darted from car to car, cover to cover. For some reason she hadn’t shot at us yet. I’d almost expected her to. Maybe she was curious. I’d been banking on her curiosity to get us this far. So long as it lasted we’d be safe. Stay with me gray, I’d have you back soon. 

“where are we going?” Rush questioned in a dark angry voice. 

I guess now was as good as time as any to let her get a head start. This all hinged on getting into position after she arrived. If we got there first she would be too alert. “Fahrenheit and Hancock didn’t want you in Goodneighbor anymore.” 

“was I that much trouble?” Rush cackled to which I gave him a little shove. “still haven’t answered my question machine. Where are we going?” 

“there’s a safe house under the Spuckies in South Boston. I’m keeping you there until I figure out what to do with you.” I let my voice carry as far as I could. To do any more would look suspicious. 

Rush’s laughter carried further than my voice and it made me want to shoot him in the shoulder. “a sandwich shop? Seriously? That’s your big plan? Just shoot me already so I don’t have to listen to your damn voice! Ya know you want to!”

Angrily I swung Rush around and slammed him into a car. With my gun pointed at his face I gritted my teeth. He smirked, like he actually thought I was going to pull the trigger. Jokes on him. out of the corner of my eye I saw her peel away down a street off to the side. If she ran she could get there before we did. This was working out exactly as planned. “keep smiling while you can, I’ve got a feeling you’ll be a bloodstain on the pavement before the day is out.” 

He narrowed his eyes but kept on grinning. “and are you gonna do it?”

“it won’t be me, that I promise you.” I tossed him further up the street. “now keep moving. We’ve got a long way to go.”

Being out in the open like this went against every instinct I had. The only consolation was that so far nothing had gotten in our way. I thought about Gray as we went. This was the slow route to south Boston, I’d known that when I picked it. she knew all the safest, fastest routes through the city. I was banking on her remembering those routes. She’d have to get there before me. if she did, she’d think she had the upper hand. she’d think she was getting the drop on me. and if she thought that, then she’d get sloppy. 

Rush didn’t make the walk easy. He just wouldn’t shut up, every step of the way. When we came to the mass pike he refused to climb the barriers until I punched him in the side. While he crumpled over he smirked up at me. “I knew you had it in ya.” 

“careful or you’ll see what else I’ve got in me.” I growled forcing him up over the first hurtle.

“ya know what I miss?” while we climbed over concrete and rusted metal he just kept talking. I was beginning to realize just how much this guy liked to run his mouth. “the night she made her first kill. Man was that something to see.”

“enough.”

“oh? Struck a nerve have I?” he cackled. “don’t like to hear how she became a killer?”

“she’s not a killer.”

“there you would be wrong.” We were on the far side of the mass pike. At this distance I could just make out the profile of a lift slowly descending from the top. That would be her I expect. Just like her to take the high ground. “she’s always been a killer. You want to know what she told me that day?”

I grabbed his bloody shoulder and forced him to slow down. had to give her just a few more minutes head start. 

“she told me it wasn’t her first.” 

Something in my stomach flipped over, whatever it was. My hand twitched which was the only reaction he needed to know that he’d gotten under my skin.

“she never told you? that’s just delicious!” tilting his head back he actually came to a stop and laughed at the sky. The laughter turned from normal to deranged, loud enough to draw every Deathclaw for miles right to us. “here I thought you said she loved you.” 

“keep moving scumbag.” My anger sounded hollow even to my own ears. I didn’t want to hear this but I couldn’t stop listening.

“when her family was attacked, the day they all died, she ran away with her uncle’s pistol.” He continued gleefully. I doubted he even knew or cared where we were going anymore. “she wondered around for days. Says she doesn’t remember much but she does remember one thing. Someone found her, out there, in the ruins. Grabbed her. They were looking to make a slave out of her.” 

I’d never heard this story before. Gray had never once mentioned it. and I could understand why. the days after her family was killed and before she found Goodneighbor must have been nightmarish. They’d erased almost everything. She didn’t even know her birthday or last name after all that.

“so she shot em, killed em dead.” he chuckled, the laughter finally dying down to give me some peace. “that was her first kill. Eight years old and she got her first taste, and she liked it, she said.”

“gray doesn’t like hurting people.” I growled.

It was stupid to try to argue with him but I couldn’t help myself. Rush smirked back at me. “ya sure about that? She ever tell you about how her wrist aches? How it burns every time she picks up her pistol?”

What? No, no of course she hadn’t. what the hell was he talking about? 

He sneered when he saw those questions flicker across my face. he turned his head forward again. “maybe you should ask her about it, if she lets you live long enough.”

He’s just trying to get under your skin. Stop listening to him. To him Gray was some freak, just like him. He was wrong. Not least of which because she wasn’t the person he had known. How would he react if he found out that the human Vel had been killed over a year ago? I’d liked to have been the one to tell him. maybe if he lived long enough….

We turned on a street next to the water. Above us the highway cast a deep shadow. Fog rolled off the water, just thick enough to obscure the corners. I wondered how Macready was fairing in these conditions. Whether he had a good vantage point or not. I could practically feel his scope on me as I lead Rush to the sandwich shop. The familiar spot sent a mix of emotions through me. sadness for Jenny and Nick, fear for what had almost happened to Gray here. Confusion at the feelings that had started to blossom right here. This was the spot that I’d fallen in love with her, whether I knew it at the time or not. Had she felt the same way back then? Or had it taken her longer? 

The hub flowers were still alive and well tucked away under the billboard for gray tortoise cigarettes. The cross Gray had made all that time ago lay on it’s side. I left Rush standing in the middle of the road while I knelt to right it. 

“friend of yours?” he snickered once he noticed what I was doing. 

“not mine.” I murmured too quietly for him to hear. Slowly I got up and faced him.

He turned in a small circle, looking around with raised unimpressed eyebrows. “this it? where’s your safe house toaster? I don’t see anything.”

“under the sandwich shop.” With a hand I took him under the arm and started dragging him toward the building. 

Then footsteps clear and clean came walking out of the door. “I don’t think so.”

Fiercely I tugged Rush back, simultaneously drawing my gun on the woman that I loved.

Gray smiled at the gun. Her grey eyes, scars and hair were all the same. Everything else was different. Her black leather jacket. The bloodstains on her pants and shirt. The cruelty in her eyes as she looked me in the face. “you have something that belongs to me toaster, I’d like to have him back.”

Rush smirked at me. “see that toaster? Told ya she’d come find me.”

Steadily I stared her in the eye. It hurt to do what I had to do next. If Gray made the wrong move now she’d be dead, and she didn’t even know it. “can’t say I’m surprised, you were following us from Goodneighbor weren’t you?”

“I’m not here to talk to you.” she muttered thinly, looking down at Rush that I still had gripped. “I’m here for my dearest over there. So hand him over.”

“afraid I can’t do that.” 

“that wasn’t a request.” Now she drew her pistol. The same pistol she had always used. The one that her uncle had used. Rush’s words came back to me. Was being a killer always part of her? “hand him over.”

“you’ve killed Rick.” I continued to hold my ground. The gun pointed at my head didn’t scare me. even if she might pull the trigger. “you let Maria die, what about Tag?”

“I killed him.” she stated flatly.

Rush laughed out loud again, giving me a hard time to hold him in place. “you killed that traitor first! Of course you did you blood thirsty woman! tell me all about it! how’d you make him die? Slow. God tell me it was slow.”

“no.” she murmured almost too quietly to be heard over his laughter. 

He stopped, his jaw falling open a few inches before he smashed it shut again. “guess he gave you no choice huh? He fought back didn’t he?”

“no.” another flat reply.

One of my brows went up. There was a look in her eyes. something akin to remorse though I hadn’t seen that in her since Rush screwed up her mind. Was part of the work already done for me? it was almost too much to hope for. “look around Gray.” 

To my surprise she actually obliged. With her gun still steadily pointing at my head, she cast her eyes around the street. At the cracked blacktop, the foggy alleys, the broken buildings with their shattered windows. Then they came to rest on a point passed my elbow. 

“you remember this place right? you’ve been here before.”

“I’ve been here loads of times, there’s nothing special about it.” she shrugged but didn’t take her eyes off that point.

With a small shove I made Rush move. We circled each other, guns pointed at each other. This was a stalemate I’d never thought I’d be a part of. as we circled her eyes snapped back onto my face. there wasn’t any gloating there anymore. She wasn’t here just to get Rush back, she was here for a reason. “I get the feeling that’s not true.” I stated firmly. “this place is important to you, to me too.” 

Her gun started to waver. She took another look around, almost taking her gun off me to do it.

Rush gaped at her. “what the hell is wrong with you?! he’s just playing mind games with you! look just shoot him and get me out of here!” 

“quiet.” She growled as her eyes fell on the hub flowers behind her. 

“you’re not actually listening to him!!” Rush started to struggle, tugging at my hand. “look at him! he shot Cormac and Chloe! He destroyed our family! Shoot him!”

Gray looked back at us, but the gun kept wavering. 

“think about it.” I let my gun hand fall. This was it. it had to be. If this didn’t work I didn’t know what would. Or at least I wouldn’t be around to see if anything else would work. “you were here. You and me. you helped me kill Winter. He almost killed you. that scar on your neck. Remember where it came from.”

Her fingers reached to the burn scar I’d left to save her life. Then slowly her fingers touched the scars on her eye. “and what about these? Who gave me these?”

I grimaced. Would telling her the truth make her think that Rush was right? or would it help her remember? “I … did….” 

Her hand dropped and her gun steadied. “you should have killed him when you caught him. you should have killed me that first day we met.”

“I won’t kill you.” to prove my point I put my gun away. Now standing there, unarmed I stared down the barrel of her gun, waiting. “not till you’ve heard me out.”

“alright, talk.” Of course her gun didn’t go down.

Rush tugged even harder so I let him hit the pavement in a heap. “just shoot him already!”

With a death glare she growled at him. “shut up Rush.”

That shut him up. Wish I’d known that trick on the way here. “listen Gray, I know you think the last five years of your life you’ve been running around with this scumbag, but you haven’t. you’ve been with me. we’ve saved lives, solved cases and actually made something out of you. don’t throw that away.”

“give me proof.” There wasn’t any anger in her voice, it was hollow and confused. 

“I don’t have any.” I shook my head but took a step forward. “I don’t have any other proof.”

“I thought you were a detective, how do you expect me to believe you if you don’t have any proof?”

I held out my hands. “because you know I’m right.”

Her gun started to shake, her eye twitched like she was in pain. Her eyes clouded over while her gaze drifted. Yes, that was it. come back to me Gray. Wake up. I know you were still in there. Just fight it. she pressed her fingers to her eyes, teeth bared. Words slipped out in a mumble that I couldn’t here until suddenly she snapped her gaze back to me. “I’ve heard enough.”

And then she killed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're here. now you all know how we got to this point. did i kill Nick? is Gray going to get her mind back? will Rush pay for what he did? even if we get Gray back how is she going to live with guilt of what she's done? will Hancock forgive and forget? What of Wally? (about half way through this imagine an old timey show narrator voice) 
> 
> Tune in next week for the thrilling - ok i can't do this anymore XD 
> 
> There's about a month left of chapters, and i've decided something. Wouldn't it be more thrilling if you didn't know how many chapters were left? at this point you know there's more but if you didn't next week's chapter could very well be the last and you'd all hate me! So for the foreseeable future installments, including NdG and so on, i won't be telling you how long the work is. you'll just have to live with the constant fear that any moment everyone is going to die and i'm going to end it there. 
> 
> anyway! let me know what you think! any theories on what i have planned. and i'll be with you all next week! till then Write on!


	30. The Long Fall

I watched the bullet smash into his forehead the light flicker out in his eyes while he collapsed backward. It should have been satisfying. To finally put a bullet in the man that had taken away everything that I’d cared about. 

Instead all I heard was screaming. 

Something screamed so long and hard inside my head that it actually hurt. cringing I dropped back pressing the heel of my hand against my forehead. It wouldn’t stop, it just wouldn’t shut up. My chest felt tight. I could barely breathe. What the hell was wrong with me? that voice! That god damn voice wouldn’t stop crying!

“that’s my girl.”

Rush’s voice at my elbow startled me out of my head. I swung around to point my gun at him before I even knew what I was doing. He didn’t care, he smirked right down the sights at me. “come on, get these cuffs off will ya?” 

“fine. Turn around.” I holstered my gun then went to work on the locks with a bobby-pin. 

“Nick!!” someone screamed making us both jump. A woman came tearing out of the sandwich shop. Her red hair flowed behind her like fire and she collapsed over the top of the machine. Tears streamed down her face, actual terrified tears. “Nick! Wake up! No, god no!”

I raised a brow at her. “who are you exactly?”

“that’s Violet Macready.” Rush provided in my ear.

“the broad Rick wanted to kill?” 

“that’d be the one.”

Macready splayed over the machine’s body protectively, glaring up at me like I was the devil himself. “he was trying to help you! he loved you! and you killed him!”

“help me?” that made me laugh. Shaking my head I turned to face her. “if he wanted to help he could have shot himself and saved me the trouble.” 

“how can you say that?!” she surged to her feet. there was a gun in her hand but that’s not what I noticed. For the first time I got a good look at her and I felt my heart hit the pit of my stomach. She was pregnant. Not just, she was pretty far along judging by the bulge. Pain split across my forehead, the same pain that had hit me before I shot the machine. This time I saw a farm. A pregnant woman cowering under Cormac. I felt the jerk of a rifle in my arm then there was blood. 

“put the gun down bitch.” Rush took a menacing step forward. 

I grabbed him by the bloody shoulder and held him back. “leave her.”

“the fuck are you talking about?”

“if she’s Macready’s wife then what do you think he’s doing?” I muttered now looking around at the buildings. “he’s the best sniper the Gunners ever had, frankly I’m surprised we’re not dead yet.”

“so you want to leave her alive?” Rush gaped, more than surprised out right astonished. 

“if we try to kill her we’ll be dead too.” the cuffs were still on his wrists so I used them to steer him down the road. “we’ll kill her and the rest of these pricks later. I got what I came for.” 

He tried to protest some more but I shoved him up the road. I cast one more glance back. Macready stood in the middle of the road, staring after us. The machine’s body still lay there, ready and waiting to be turned to scrap. Pain coursed through my skull again. For a split second I could have sworn she was wearing a vault suit. 

Eventually Rush stopped trying to fight my grip or argue with me. once he did I took the moment to unlock his cuffs. “where are we going?” he asked as I walked away.

“I don’t know yet.” Which was the truth. I had no idea where we were going. All I knew was that it was time to get the answers to some very bothersome questions. I lead him out of South Boston to a lift that carried us to the top of the highway. Hopefully this would put us out of range of any idiots trying to snipe us. 

“you don’t believe all that shit he was trying to feed ya do you?” once we were up on the highway Rush reached out to grab me. with a hand he forced me to face him, glaring into my eyes. “come on that was a load of bullshit ya know that.”

“right.” those were the words he wanted to hear after all. With a slap of my hand I brushed aside his. This high up the fog couldn’t reach us. The sun hung high in the sky. A weirdly bright day that contrasted with the storm brewing up inside my chest. 

We started walking. The highway could take us all the way back to the city. There were plenty of buildings and camps we could hide out along it’s sides if we chose to. If anyone was following us they’d have a hard time figuring out where we’d gone once we slipped into one of those. Of course I wasn’t sure I had the intention of doing that. 

“so I had a talk with Tag before I killed him.” I spoke casually over my shoulder at Rush.

He scoffed. “can’t imagine it was a very enlightening conversation.”

“actually….” I didn’t feel any guilt remembering how I’d killed him. I didn’t feel any pleasure at having finally murdered the machine. I felt nothing, empty. The smile I put on was just a show. “he had some fairly interesting things to say.”

“yeah? Like what exactly?” He was skeptical clearly, maybe even a little annoyed.

He had better listen carefully, his answer to my questions would determine everything. “He cleared up some questions I had about what we were doing back in the commonwealth. Ya know, the bits that were still fuzzy after Rick bashed my face in.” 

“we’re here to take the commonwealth for our own.” He answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“we forgot something right?” I pressed. 

“can’t imagine what it was.” Now his tone became guarded.

“we left something behind in the commonwealth didn’t we? And we came back to get it.” I pressed without hesitation. The anger was returning to me. I latched onto it. anything to not feel empty inside. 

“what exactly did Tag tell you?”

“what did you do to Vadim?”

Silence followed my question. we were inside the city now, standing among high rise buildings that threatened to give out like so many others. There were signs of Supermutant and Gunner camps. Both empty. I’d already come this way once today. Rush’s footsteps stopped. Slowly I turned around to find him standing there, staring at me. 

“I don’t think I quite caught that….” He murmured slowly, his hands slack at his sides. “could you repeat that?” 

On that broken high way I turned to face the man I thought I loved for so long. It felt like seeing him for the first time. I saw the scars on his face, the muscles coiled tight on his arms. His expression dark and filled with suspicion. What was the point pretending anymore? “answer the question Rush. What did you do to Vadim?”

“I killed him.” the voice he used didn’t have any emotion behind it. it sounded just the way I’d felt after shooting Nick. 

Wait why did I use his name?

“why?”

“because I wanted to.”

“he’s never done anything to us.” I murmured. If I drew on him I could finish this in a matter of seconds. killing him with this gun though? something about that didn’t feel quite right. “he was the only person between Diamond City and Goodneighbor who gave us the time of day. He and Cormac and Rick were friends, and you’re telling me you killed him because you wanted to?” 

“got a problem with that?”

“yes actually.” 

He smirked, disgust filling up his face. “what happened to that blood thirsty woman that I fell in love with huh? Where is she? She’d have egged me on while I did it.”

“I don’t have a problem killing and torturing people, I’ve got a problem killing and torturing people that invite us to their bars.” He wasn’t getting it, that much was clear. 

“look I killed him for my own reasons. I left Yafim alive for ya. Why don’t we go find him and kill him?”

“one of us isn’t leaving this high way alive.” I answered quietly.

At those words all tenderness, any mercy he had in his face fled. He rolled his shoulders back, the tension slipping away. “gotta say, I’m disappointed, he promised that the changes we made would stick.”

“who’s he?” I questioned softly, following him with my eyes as he walked up to the railing. An odd little bump jutted out from the high way, probably to provide someone with a view. At that point I didn’t care. 

Rush leaned over the railing, staring wistfully across the city. “ya see it? you can see Diamond city from here.” He pointed at the lights of the baseball diamond, then scanned to a glowing mist in the far distance. “and the glowing sea. Bet we’re not far from Goodneighbor either.” 

“tell me the truth Rush before I kill you.”

“you honestly think you can kill me? you’ve had dozens of opportunities to do it and you didn’t take a single shot.”

“look at my face, do you think I can’t do it?”

He looked over his shoulder at me, at the grim, angry look I had plastered on to hide the emptiness underneath. With a shake of his head he scoffed. “can’t believe this shit. I thought we had it made. You and I, alone. Look at this place. We could have had it all. Until you started listening to them.”

“start talking sense now.” to drive home my short patience I put my hand on my pistol.

He didn’t even look back. “you remember now, so why should I tell you?”

“because whether you start talking or not will decide how much longer you have to live.”

“why do you want to kill me?”

“because I’m sick of looking at you.”

“words hurt you know.” He turned around, leaning on the railing with his arms splayed out. “he promised that if I changed up your memory that it would stay changed. That I could make you into whatever I wanted. He got me that woman to help, he even arranged it so I could get a memory lounger out of Goodneighbor.”

“who’s he?” 

“never got a name, his courier called him H.” Rush shrugged then cast his eyes out over the city one more time. “he gave me everything I ever wanted. Thought there’d be a catch. Now I’m beginning to think you were the catch the whole time.” 

“so everything they’ve been saying is true.” It should have hurt to know it. or at least I thought I should feel something. the headache was back instead, pounding behind my eyes. it wouldn’t go away. At least that voice had shut up. “I killed Cormac, drove you out of the Commonwealth. Then you came back. killed Vadim, fucked around with my memory and made me this way. Is that it?”

“that’s about the long and short of it.” he transferred his angry green eyes back to me. “so what are you going to do about it love? Kill me? ya really want to kill the man that created you?”

That was laughable. With a shake of my head I shrugged off the leather jacket. My bare arms prickled with goosebumps as a cold wind blew over us. The cold helped bring my mind into focus. “I don’t owe you anything. In fact, I’m sick of you. did you honestly think you’ve been in charge this whole time? Sure I let you think so but in the end you were the easiest to manipulate.” 

The rage started leaking back into his face. he stood up, fists tight. “you saying you’ve been using me?”

“of course I’ve been using you.” that time I actually did laugh. The laugh made him angrier, the anger would make him reckless. “the same way you’ve been using me. Did you honestly think that you were doing me a favor? No, you needed me. it wasn’t about love or whatever convoluted stupidity you convinced yourself of.” 

“you don’t love me.” he actually sounded a little hurt at that.

It made me smile. “people like you and me, aren’t capable of love.” 

That did it. he launched himself at me. I wasn’t ready, honestly I was expecting more talk from him. I managed to get my gun out of its holster but no further. His shoulder slammed into my stomach. Tangled with one another we went tumbling over the highway. My gun skidded away. Rush didn’t see it or didn’t care. this was personal and he’d make my death personal. He slammed an elbow into my jaw, then my nose before wrapping his hands around my throat. 

“you ungrateful bitch! I thought we’d rule the commonwealth together! I thought we’d have it made but you just had to go and fuck everything up!”

I threw my knee up into his groin which forced him forward. His hands slipped from my throat and I bit one of his fingers. Blood rushed into my mouth. He cried out in pain and punched me to force me to let go. I took the hit then turned us over entirely. With a kick I got him off me. he sprawled for a second, clutching his broken finger. I spat blood on the ground. “you’re such a sissy. You never could handle the pain. Could always dole it out but never take it.”

“shut up!” he swung his good fist toward my face.

I ducked it then jabbed him in the ribs. Had Rush and I ever fought like this before? Had we even ever sparred? I seemed to remember once or twice but I couldn’t decide if those memories were real or another fabrication. How many of my memories were just made up? Had I even had a life? Was Nick lying too? had I spent my years with him? 

And I’d killed him.

Even if my mind wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t, my body had its own instincts. My battle instincts were as sharp as they ever had been. The pain in my body made it hard to maneuver. He aimed an elbow at my face which I dodged only to fall for the knee in my ribs. Pain lanced through my spine, I gasped, remembering all the beatings I’d gotten over the course of the last few days. He grabbed me by the hair and swung me around.

I slammed into a car, dazed for a split second I splayed over the hood. Rush got his hands on my shirt and forced me to my back. “he was right all along! You were planning to kill me this whole time!” he slammed me hard into the hood of the car. My head banged against the metal sending stars across my vision. “you were planning this the whole time weren’t you!? you and that machine were in on it together!”

Grinding my teeth against the pain, I wrapped my legs around his middle. With all the force I could muster I slammed my head into his nose. blood poured out on my face and he tried to move back. Instead I forced him to the ground, bearing down on him with my arm in his throat. “Valentine and I don’t know each other, I’m doing this cause I want to. Just like you killed Vadim cause you wanted to.” 

“I wasn’t talking about Valentine!” he threw a well aimed punch into my face. 

Rolling I found my feet just in time to side dodge the kick aimed to break my neck. He was a lot stronger than I thought. Add to that my stiff movements and the pain that was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. I might not make it through this. I had to finish it quickly if I stood a chance in hell of getting off this high way alive. 

Rush got to his feet slowly, panting from the effort. The blood flowed freely down his face. it made him look the part of the monster. Of course there were no humans up here to begin with. “I wont let him have you. your mine, and I’ll kill you before I see you in his arms again!”

“just try it!” I didn’t have the space to think about banter, or anything clever to say. 

He threw a handful of dust into my eyes. blinking furiously I turned away. He had me by the shirt collar. Before I knew it I was flung through the air and back down to the ground. He landed on top of me. I couldn’t see through the dust, pain and tears. He was just a big dark shadow bearing down on me. his grip felt like a vice on my throat, quickly cutting off any chance I had to breathe. 

I clawed at his hands, drawing blood and making him wince but he grinned. The rage was gone replaced by excitement. “this is it! this is how I make you mine.” He cackled as he bore all his weight down on my throat. “I’ll kill you, then you can’t fight back. you’ll be mine forever!” 

Disgusting. When I realized I couldn’t get his hands free I went scrabbling around for something else. My fingers scraped against concrete, dust and rocks, nothing worth grabbing. Darkness started eating at the edges of my vision. It would be a blessing if he killed me instead of just making me pass out. I knew Rush. He wanted to make my death slow. If I gave him the chance he’d spend days until I finally screamed my last. I’d rather tip myself over the highway instead of endure that. 

My fingers brushed something cold and rough. I gripped it firmly in my fist then stabbed it into Rush’s side. He bucked and gasped. I got my foot under him and shoved. He toppled away giving me a second to get my breath back. when I looked back at him he was standing there facing me, a long piece of rebar sticking out of his ribcage. I had to have punctured at least one of his lungs with that. But he stood there, smirking. “good one girly. But not good enough.” 

Dizzy on my feet, I stood. Somehow I’d managed to get to the far end of the freeway. I had my back to open space. The railing felt cold as I gripped it for support. It was barely waist high. 

Rush reached up to the bar, while his eyes remained locked with mine. Slowly, painfully, he removed it, barely wincing as it came free. Gore was stuck to the ridges on it. blood poured down his side staining his shirt and pants red. Still he grinned, even while a steady stream of blood trickled out of his mouth and his breathing rasped. “you never can kill me ya know. You tried once, but look where that got ya?”

“I told you, one of us isn’t leaving this highway alive.” And judging by the shaking in my knees it was going to be me. my ribs hurt so bad it made it hard to breathe, my jaw barely wanted to function anymore. This was it. 

Experimentally he swung the rebar around. There was no way he could still be standing, not with a hole that size through his side. Yet he continued to smirk. Gradually he unbutton his shirt, one loop at a time. Then he pulled it back to reveal the jagged ugly scar on his chest. “this was the mark you left on me. I took it to heart you know. I’m just disappointed that you didn’t.” 

“you’re insane.”

“you’re just getting that?!” he cackled then charged. 

I dodged the swing of the rebar, kicked at his legs, and grabbed his arm. he went head over heels over the edge of the high way. I held on, by some miracle, I held tightly to his arm. he dangled there over the edge, in mid air, over a twenty story drop to the concrete below. 

He looked up at me, a little surprised and shocked, just about the same way I felt. “ya going to drop me?” 

“probably.” I groaned around gritted teeth, it was an effort to keep him up. My hand would slip on its own even if I didn’t drag him up. “answer me one last thing before you die. Did I love Valentine?”

The rage was back. he took his piece of rebar and plunged it through my hand and through his. I screamed. My fingers uncurled and his whole weight came down on that rebar. “you did love him! but that doesn’t matter cause we’ll fall together!”

I clutched at his arm, trying to relive some of the weight from the bar. He was determined to take me down with him and it didn’t matter how much pain that cost him. it was enough to send me over the edge. I dropped low so that the railing dug into my armpit. this hurt so fucking much. Even with Stimpaks would I ever be able to use that hand again?! Damn it. 

Shaking from the effort and agony I unsheathed my knife from my shoulder. 

“what are you gonna do with that?!” he laughed. “cut your own hand off?!”

“not exactly.” I stabbed him through the wrist he screamed. I stabbed him again. The bone came free. Tendons strained to keep him together. 

“stop! No!” he reached up with his other hand but it was no use. Even if he had the strength he couldn’t stop me.

I cut through his tendons with one clean slice. 

Rush fell. It was kind of melodramatic really. Some small part of me half expected the world to go into slow motion. I watched him plummet so fast that I barely had time to blink before it was over. When I looked back Calum Rush was a splatter of red gore on the pavement. There’d be no need to go down there to make sure he was really dead. not sure I wanted to see what was left of him anyway. 

Shakily I forced myself to stand. The rebar still stuck out of my hand with his attached to it. What an insane piece of fuck. It made me want to throw up. I probably would have if my ribs didn’t hurt so bad. With a jerk I pulled the rebar out of my hand. screaming I collapsed to my knees, cradling my useless left hand. I was sure the bones had been completely shattered. Maybe a doctor worth a damn could put some hardware in there to make it work again. I doubted I’d ever regain full use of it. 

Tears streamed down my face in torrents. Everything hurt so much and suddenly it felt like my heart was exploding. I’d killed Rush. I’d killed Valentine. I’d killed Rick, Cormac, Chloe, Tag. What did that leave me with? Was Hancock dead too? had he gone feral by now? with a head full of memories that weren’t even mine, what was I supposed to do? 

Footsteps reached my ears from somewhere down the highway. I stood to face whoever it was. Half expecting to find a Gunner, or even just an average raider come to finish the job Rush started. Well I was half right. 

Macready walked toward me, rifle held in both his hands but pointed down on the ground. He had a stony expression. 

“saw that?” I murmured gesturing with my good hand at the railing where Rush had fallen. His hand still lay near it attached to the rebar. 

Macready nodded. “I’ve got sharp eyes.”

“now what?” ignoring the pain in my hand I let it fall to my side to face him full on. “are you here to kill me?”

“I promised him I would if things didn’t work….” his knuckles turned white on his rifle, his finger slid from the trigger guard. After a few tense seconds he relaxed. “but he’d be mad at me if I didn’t bring you back.”

“who’s he?”

“Valentine.”

“you were watching weren’t you? I shot him.” I grumbled. This was stupid. where was my gun? Blatantly ignoring him I cast around for my weapon. It had managed to slide part way up the highway. Thank god it hadn’t found a hole or I’d never have found it. feeling marginally better, I slid it back in its holster.

“you did, but you didn’t kill Vi.”

“cause I knew you’d shoot us if we did.”

“that’s not true, he knew it wouldn’t be true.” 

If it didn’t hurt so much I would have clenched my fist. It didn’t matter. That woman, with her familiar red hair and her pregnant belly flashed over my mind’s eye. Fucking hell! “well if he knew so much, then why didn’t he know that I’d shoot him?”

“he knew that too.” Macready sounded so confident it actually made me a little angry.

If I had any energy left to be angry. “what are you doing here?” I sat down on the hood of the car that had mine, and Rush’s blood on it. “shouldn’t you have sniped me when Rush had me dangling over the edge?”

“I promised I’d get you back to Goodneighbor if you didn’t kill Violet.” He took a step forward, rifle leaned up against his shoulder. “so I’m taking you back to Goodneighbor whether you come willingly or not.” 

Sighing heavily I leaned over my knees. I was literally teetering on the edge of passing out now. “you’re gonna have to carry me then bucko or I’m not going anywhere.” 

Irritation crossed his face. from his shoulders he shrugged off his backpack. I watched him shuffle around in it curiously before he tossed a shredded coat at me. “here, that’s yours. If you remember anything then put that thing on and come with me. if not, then I’ll leave your ass up here, understood?” 

I unrolled the coat to discover that it was the one I’d worn before attacking the Warwicks. The familiar leather, the tears, the patches. With it came a flood of shadowy memories. Things that might as well have been dreams themselves. Rush had been lying to me, he said as much. Whatever he did had erased five years of my life. Those were my years. if there was any way to get them back it was at the memory den. Amari was my best chance.

And well, if Macready was offering to escort me there, then who was I to stop him? with no small degree of effort I put the coat on. Funny how after only a few days it didn’t feel quite as right as before. “alright Macready, lets go pay Goodneighbor a visit.”

“he’ll be waiting for you.” he turned his back on me, headed back down the highway.

“who?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was satisfying, probably one of the more satisfying deaths i've written. and i couldn't let Vel get out of this without some sort of physical handicap, after what i did to hancock. it's been a hell of a ride but it isn't quite over. just a bit longer to go guys. let me know what you all are thinking so far! even if you're reading this in the future i still want to know your opinions. 
> 
> have a good week everyone! and write on!


	31. Not Quite Finished

“-do you feel Mr. Valentine? All there with us?”

I groaned, reaching up to press a hand flat to my forehead. “I didn’t think getting shot in the head would hurt so damn much….” 

“I told you my upgrades would hold.” Ellison delighted bounced away, taking with her the tools she’d used to restart my brain. “of course I did have my doubts about the face plates. After all she could have shot you in the eye and then there would be nothing I could do.”

“call it a lucky guess.” I grumbled. Although I’ll admit, the fact that she had shot me didn’t leave much for me to feel comfort about. There was a small part of me that hoped it wouldn’t have come to it. that she’d have snapped out of it before Violet stepped in. it sure as hell would have saved me pain. After that though, it was up to her and Macready. 

Fahrenheit and Violet were supposed to drag my worthless ass back to Goodneighbor while Macready followed Gray and Rush. If my hunch was right, which it usually was, then she would turn on Rush. Judging by the looks she’d been giving him back in the field I suspected she was already pretty close to it. for all I knew, she didn’t need any prompting to switch sides and kill him. Macready had strict orders not to kill her, and if she was about to die, to step in. if he would or wouldn’t was still up for debate. He’d never liked her to begin with, and these events hadn’t done that any favors. He could easily kill her, and return claiming she’d fled the commonwealth. 

What was worse? Her alive, running around still believing all the lies that Rush had filled her with? Or dead? which could I live with? 

“you think he’s actually going to bring her back?” Fahrenheit spoke from the corner. 

“he should if he knows what’s good for him.” I grumbled as I got off the table. Hopefully I wouldn’t be finding myself in Ellison’s hands again any time soon. The way she looked at me made me a little uncomfortable sometimes. Ok a lot uncomfortable. 

“if she gives him the chance.” she countered. “you think she’ll even listen to him?”

“I don’t know.”

“you should have sent me after her.”

“Macready was Rick’s vendetta, Gray had no particular problem with him.” I picked up my hat, which they’d at least brought back with us. There was now a hole in it though. the hat that she’d given me. “she does, however, have a particular problem with you and John. If you’d followed her, she’d have shot you for sure. At least this way there’s a chance.” 

“slim chance.” she looked angry, puffing on her cigarette like it was made of candy. “you gambled a lot on this stunt Valentine. Odds weren’t in your favor.” 

“the odds were never in our favor, so long as Rush still had his claws in her.” These were all things I’d already argued with myself over a dozen times. Since this stupid plan had come to mind. Nothing she could say would be new to me. “if we didn’t manage to drive a wedge between them then she’d stay at his side till she died. This was all I had left.” 

That made her go quiet. The small victory just tasted bitter. Tossing aside my hat I strode passed her and up the stairs of the state house. Things were quiet, as usual. John still hadn’t woken up and until he did the town would keep acting like they were in mourning. When he finally did get up he’d probably berate them for it. honestly I looked forward to it. it would signal the return to some semblance of normalcy. 

I still wished I could wake up and find out this was some kind of screwed up dream. Only problem with that, I don’t dream. At least not in any conventional sense. Flashbacks of old times were a common enough occurrence but they never happened while I was shut down. nothing happened when I was shut down. so I couldn’t even pretend I was in a dream. This was about as real as reality could get. 

Outside I walked along the streets toward the Third Rail. Fahrenheit walked a couple paces back. no idea what she was thinking about and frankly I didn’t care. The thin frame of a ghoul ran into me as I turned the corner. “oh! Sorry Mr. Valentine!” 

“it’s fine, Scot wasn’t it?” I raised my brows at the ghoul. He looked like he might have been transformed when he was a teenager, but then again with ghouls it was hard to tell how old they were. Unlike some others I knew he had no hair, but his eyes were remarkably human still. “thanks for your help son.”

He grinned broadly, some cockiness leaking into his features that I expected from any teen. “thanks.” 

“if you’re ever looking to get out of Goodneighbor and need a hand, look me up. I’ve got a place in Diamond city.” I offered without thinking.

His face went a little dark. “I’m not allowed in Diamond City.”

“then send a message my way, I’ll come to you.” 

“stop trying to poach my men Valentine.” Fahrenheit grumbled without much conviction. She shoved passed me, heading for the front gate.

I gave Scot a half smile. “don’t listen to her. Honestly you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Make sure it stays there.” 

“thanks Mr. Valentine.”

Patting him on the shoulder I made to follow Fahrenheit. 

“uh, Mr. Valentine!” 

“call me Nick, Scot.” Holding that half grin, I looked back at him. 

His jaw was set as he looked me in the eye. “I hope you find O'Malley….” 

I blinked the smile slipped. 

Before I could respond the door to the Third Rail swung open and out walked Magnolia in her red dress and high heels. Scot didn’t seem affected by her appearance, like I expected any other man would be. “Hi Magnolia.” 

“hi honey.” She gave him a sultry smile before looking to me. “well? I heard something was happening, did it work?”

“Valentine! Get over here!” Fahrenheit yelled from the gate.

“we’ll know soon enough.” She and Scot followed me to the front court yard. 

Most of the town was gathered, some of them tense, others relieved. Fahrenheit stood in front of the doors, holding her laser rifle in both hands. Macready stepped out from around her, a dark look on his face. Violet appeared from the crowd, racing to him and flinging her arms around his neck. My heart gave a twinge at the sight of it. I was jealous and I was man enough to admit it. 

“nice welcome wagon….” A quiet hoarse voice spoke around Fahrenheit’s rigid form.

I stepped forward, leaving Magnolia and Scot behind. As I came closer I finally got a look at her. Gray looked like shit. Blood covered her face and front, maybe her own, maybe not. She cradled her left hand against her chest which was wrapped in a bandage soaked with so much blood it hardly did anything. Her eyes were tired as she shifted her gaze to me. 

“when Macready told me you lived I hardly believed him.” she said hollowly. 

“disappointed?” I asked in a guarded tone.

Gray contemplated that for a second. She was clearly in a lot of pain, and her knees shook so much anyone could see it. I wanted to carry her into the statehouse and get her cleaned up, but I doubted she’d let me that close. “I’m not disappointed… huh…. Wonder why….”

The crowd shifted uncomfortably, exchanging glances. We had to get her off the street before they put too many puzzle pieces together. I put a hand on Fahrenheit’s rifle and drew it down. “we’ve got a lot to talk about Gray, why don’t you follow me?”

“I’m only here for the memory den and Amari.” She replied thickly, swaying a little on her feet. “I’m here for answers.”

“then we’ll go together.” Standing to the side, I extended a hand down toward the memory den.

She looked skeptical. She must have known that if she walked through those gates in this condition she wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of escaping. I only hoped that meant she’d come to her senses, at least a little. Her eyes remained on me until she limped down the alley toward the den. I followed her. Violet came next with Macready. Fahrenheit stayed behind to issue orders to her neighborhood watch.

I kept my eyes on Gray’s back as we walked to the memory den. She didn’t stray for a second, although she had a hard time keeping up the pace. We passed through the doors into the warm, red interior. Irma was sitting on her throne when we arrived but surged to her feet when she saw Gray. “my god, miss O'Malley!”

“good to see you too vampire.” She growled bitterly but otherwise ignored the woman. 

Irma remained standing as we passed her to reach the stairs to the basement. The stairs proved impossible for Gray. Her feet tangled up and she almost went tumbling down them. I caught her gently and pulled her back against my chest. “careful.”

Her miserable tired eyes met mine. When she didn’t fight or protest, I helped her down the rest of the stairs into Amari’s lab. The woman was sitting at a terminal next to her memory lounger. She shot up when she noticed us, eyes going wide. “Vel! You’re…. they brought you back….”

“I’ve got a problem doc.” Gray finally shoved herself out of my arms. Quivering she stood to face the head doctor. “people are saying what I remember isn’t what I should be. Think you can fix it?” 

Her eyes darted to me and I gave her a small nod. 

“I could fix it, return your memories to you.”

“great, lets do it.” 

“that’s it?” Macready blurted in astonishment.

I rounded angry eyes on him, warning him to shut the hell up. If he screwed this up by getting her angry now I might very well kneecap him. 

“after everything you’ve put us through to get you here, you’re just gonna do it?!” he yelled.

“RJ stop.” Violet grabbed his hand in a small attempt to restrain him. “she’s here now that’s the important bit.”

“no!” he shook his arm free. Jabbing a finger at her chest, he got up into Gray’s face. “you killed the Warwicks! You killed Marcy, and Jun and Mama Murphy! You did all of that, and now you want to remember who you actually are?!” 

“stand down Macready.” I growled warningly.

Gray though didn’t seem bothered by his outburst. “yeah, I did all those things. And I got no one to blame but myself.” 

“what the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he looked ready to punch her. 

“it means that I’m a monster. If I come out of that memory lounger, and my memories of the last five years don’t change anything then I’m going to kill you, that wife of yours, the doc, pretty Magnolia over there and then I’m going to make a slave out of that machine.” Her voice went so low with anger, that it sent a chill up my spine.

Macready took a step back, mouth falling open and eyes wide.

She smirked at him. “now you’re getting it. I’m not here to surrender, or make amends, I’m here to get the truth. Plain and simple.”

“and what if the truth changes you?” I asked carefully. We still weren’t dealing with my Gray yet. Part of her might have bled through at some point but the woman in front of me now was dangerous. She would kill every single one of us if we gave her the slightest reason to. 

Her stormy, angry eyes swung around to land on me. “then I guess that’s a problem for future me to contend with. I don’t know who I was before Rush fucked up my head. For all I know I’m a god damn saint.”

Macready actually scoffed at that.

“I don’t know who I’ll be when I come out of that chair. But I thought I’d warn you.” 

“how kind….” I grumbled.

She shrugged, wincing as she did. “it’s the last kindness I’m liable to give.”

We all fell silent. Macready stepped back to join Violet on the edge of the room. no one dared look at her. Magnolia even had her eyes on the floor while Amari stood quietly by. Violet had a hand on her stomach. After several long quiet seconds I took in a breath. “well, I guess we’d better get on with it then.”

“sounds good.” Without prompting or instruction Gray climbed into the memory lounger. Amari typed in a few commands and the canopy closed over the top of her. Gray closed her eyes, settling in as the machine whirred to life. You knew when she was under cause her face went slack, peaceful instead of the knotted up hatred she’d worn for the last week.

“alright brain activity is stable…. Well as stable as it can be with all that trauma.” Amari spoke at the screen, grimacing as she read whatever those graphs were telling her. “she must be in a great deal of pain to produce brain activity like this…. poor girl….” 

“so can you fix her memory?” Violet asked with cautious optimism. 

“It’s a fairly simple mind alteration to unlock the memories that Rush had trapped. I can isolate the two signals and bring them back into harmony.” 

“but can you fix her?” 

Amari sighed, somewhat irritable. “yes, I can fix her. Very easily I can return the memories of the last five years to her.”

“and the memories of the last five days?” Macready asked in a heavier tone than his wife.

“she will still have those.”

“reset her.” I said.

They all turned wide eyes and gaping mouths on me. “excuse me?” Amari found her voice first, confused and alarmed.

“you’ve got a scan of her brain from the day before Yafim and Vadim’s party.” I elaborated, although it was frustrating to be forced to explain to her of all people. “we’ve been making those scans every month for this very reason. Reset her.”

“I’m not sure you completely grasp what that would do Mr. Valentine.” 

“what would that do?” Violet asked worried. 

“well…. I’m not sure….” Amari glanced down at Gray lying in that pod, frowning. “given enough time I could lock away everything about this Vel and imprint the scan from the beginning of January, but I have no idea what kind of side effects would occur.” 

“but she’ll forget what she did.” I said firmly.

“yes, but that-”

“you want to let her forget?!” Macready roared. “after everything she’s done! You’re willing to let her go on without so much as a whiff of guilt?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Slowly I turned to face the room. Magnolia leaned up in a corner, a finger to her chin. Violet stood a little behind Macready looking pale and as tired as I felt. Macready stayed on his feet, his bruised face absolutely furious. “it’s the guilt I’m worried about.” 

“she deserves it after what she’s done!” he shouted, jabbing a finger at her. “look at her! Is that the face of a woman that deserves to forget? She did this, she just got done threatening all of us!”

“all the more reason to reset her.” I didn’t let his anger leak into me. I knew what had to be done and this kid wasn’t going to get in the way of that. “just unlocking her memories might not fix her. For all we know she could come out worse than she went in. or she could come out with so much guilt she blows her own brains out right in front of us.” 

“he’s got a point RJ.”

“not you too Vi!” he whirled around to face her.

She grimaced, clearly confused and hurt by all this. “there were days after I blew up the institute that I thought about doing the same thing…. Had I had the choice back then I’d have erased any memory I had of the institute.”

“but that wasn’t your fault.” his voice became tender as he put his arms around her. “the institute was an organization hell bent on world domination. And Shaun….”

“he was still my son.” She looked him in the eye, a little conviction finally settling on her face. “he was my son and I killed him. that’s on me. and that guilt eats me up every day. Imagine what she’s going to feel when she realizes she’s killed so many people, and what she did to Wally! She loves Wally! That alone is going to tear her apart.”

“we have to reset her memory to before all of this got started.” Violet’s words helped put a little conviction back into my own voice. 

Amari though shuffled away from the terminal. “I honestly do not have any idea what long lasting effects this will have on her mental state Mr. Valentine. What I’ll be doing is essentially locking up one personality and imprinting another. But it will be more complicated than that. I don’t know if I can do it well enough to prevent long term side effects.” 

“how long term are we talking?” 

That made her pause. “well… years….”

“then we’ve got years.”

“I still don’t approve.”

“frankly doc, it isn’t your decision to make.”

“and is it yours?” Magnolia finally spoke for the first time, reminding everyone that she was there. 

Violet almost recoiled. “Nick! Should we be-”

“it’s alright.” I waved away her concern. “Mags knows.” 

Magnolia gave Violet a look before going on. “this is Gray’s memory we’re talking about. If anyone has the right to decide it’s her.” 

“we all know what she’d say.” Grumbling I looked down at her. All that blood, the pain and scars. Even if we did reset her, how was I going to explain all of this? “Gray’s a good person, even if she pretends otherwise. She’d tell us to keep her memory of the last week intact, that she deserved to live with the guilt of what she’d done.”

“then we should respect her wishes.”

“but what she wouldn’t get is that that guilt would kill her.” This conversation was going nowhere fast. Why were we even arguing about this? “I’d try, I’d try my damnedest to help her move passed it but it wouldn’t be enough. She’d kill herself. Can you all live with yourselves knowing that you could have prevented that? Cause I can’t.” 

“if the guilt’s so bad then why haven’t you erased your memories of Kellogg?” Macready countered, sounding triumphant as if it was his ace in the hole.

I dropped my gaze. “I live with that guilt, looking at her face every day I’m reminded of it. but I’m not going to let her live with the guilt of what happened. That’s my burden to bear.” 

“this is fucking stupid.” he growled. Throwing his hands into the air he started pacing the length of the far wall. 

“look, fine, if you’ve got such strong opinions of it, why don’t we put it to a vote?” I meant it as a joke more than anything else but no one else seemed to catch on.

“reset her.” Violet nodded.

“don’t, she deserves that guilt after what she did.” Macready added in from his corner.

Magnolia grimaced deeply. “don’t.”

“well I say reset, Amari, what do you vote?” I turned on her.

The doc shook her head. “no, I don’t feel comfortable voting on a person’s life. Simply tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it.” 

“then it’s a tie.” Macready grumbled.

“don’t I get a vote?” a thin gravely voice spoke from the doorway.

We all turned to find John standing there, leaning on a crutch but otherwise looking like he always did. Fahrenheit stood directly behind him, looking absolutely livid. No doubt because John shouldn’t even be walking around. “you start walking this early and you’re liable to rebreak a bone John.” I murmured with the barest hint of humor.

He smirked. “yeah, well, someone’s gotta run this town and it ain’t gonna be any of you knuckleheads.” Using the crutch for support, he limped into the lab. His left leg was still in a splint, so was his right arm. the leg in particular dragged a little on the ground, which must have hurt like hell. All because of what Gray had done. 

“John, listen to me-”

“what’s this about Amari?” He completely ignored me, which I had to admit, wouldn’t be the first time.

Amari looked a little flustered for a split second before clearing her throat. “there are two ways forward Hancock. Either we can simply revive Vel’s missing memories, or I can lock away the memories of the last few days and restore the memory of the last five years.” 

“I don’t get it.” he looked around at us, like we were all a bunch of idiots that didn’t know how to tie a shoelace. “this is up for debate? How long have you been at this?”

“see?” Macready waved at the ghoul. “he knows what has to be done. If anyone gets the final say it’s Hancock. He’s suffered worse than any of us.”

“John please, hear me out.”

John threw up a hand to silence me, glaring daggers at Macready like he might actually throw a dagger at him. “you tellin me, you want to leave Vel with the memory of everything she did, leave her with that shame?”

Macready deflated a little, glancing now between John and Violet, like she would have sound advice to give. “well… yeah….”

“you’re lucky I’m a cripple right now or I’d pound your ass into the ground.” John snarled.

“wait… you want to reset her?” I couldn’t hold back the surprise.

“I want her dead.” he answered and we all stepped back in shock. Then he chuckled thinly. “by her, I mean the shit Rush created. Vel O'Malley is still my kid. we’ve been chasing a different person for the last week. The person that tortured me, that wasn’t her.” 

“that’s… not what I expected from you….” 

“I’m full of surprises what can I say?” he looked down through the canopy at her. “sure does look like her though….” 

“if you need time away from her, I’ll make sure she doesn’t set foot in Goodneighbor again.” I knew that would kill Gray, not being able to come back. it was a small price to pay when faced with the alternative.

“yeah, for a while, I’ve got some things I gotta sort out before I can face her again.” Carefully he pressed a hand against the glass. His fingers were almost all crooked now, some of the knuckles bent at subtly odd angles. Make no mistake, John could still be dangerous. “I don’t know when I’ll be ready to see her, but if you fix her, it sure beats the hell out of letting that freak run around anymore.” 

“looks like the resets have it….” Violet murmured humorlessly.

John fixed her with his black eyed stare. “what made the rest of you think you got a vote? I’m her father after all.” 

“alright John, you’re acting delirious now, get back to bed.” I gestured for Fahrenheit to come closer but she shook her head. 

“I am her dad ya know. Sure a drunk, junky ghoul of a dad, but I’m the best she’s fucking got.” His hand slid away and he hobbled back toward the door. at the doorway he paused and looked back at us. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready to welcome her back into my town.”

“alright.” That would be the best we could do. 

John tried to walk up the stairs but Fahrenheit had to take him under the arm to help him. she cast me a somewhat sympathetic stare, before disappearing. 

Silence followed his departure for several long seconds. None of us dared look anyone else in the eye. we all had our heads down, like we risked getting punched if we did anything else. Amari was the first who dared speak. “so… shall I preform a reset?”

“do it.”

Macready shook his head groaning but didn’t protest any more. He knew he was out voted. 

“I should go.” Magnolia swaggered to the doorway, taking a moment to glance back at me. “tell her I said hello when she wakes up.”

“Mister and misses Macready should also depart.” Amari added, glancing at the pair. “it will be difficult enough to explain Mr. Valentine’s presence without explaining yours.” 

“fine, I don’t want to be here anymore, anyway.” still fuming, Macready left.

Violet looked back at him, then let out a sigh. “I’ll see if I can cool him off a little….”

“don’t bother, I’m not sure Gray’s gonna care if he hates her or not.” I shook my head.

With a sympathetic expression she strode forward and put her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, but honestly there was only one person I wanted to hug right then. “I knew you’d bring her home safe.”

“we’re not out of the woods yet.” 

“but you’re close.”

“thanks kid. seriously. If it weren’t for you, I’d never have brought her this far.” 

She kissed my cheek and took a step back. “just… next time don’t try to solve it all on your own.” 

I smirked. “can’t make that promise kid.”

She returned the smirk in equal measure then followed Macready back up out of the basement.

Amari stood at the terminal, typing a few quick commands in. “take a seat Mr. Valentine, I have a lot of work to do. It could be a while.”

“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” Stiffly I dragged a seat over to the side of Gray’s memory pod. She lay there peacefully, there wasn’t even a trace of pain in her face like there should be. Her hand looked bad I wondered what she’d done. I guess if I ever wanted to find out what happened I’d have to ask Macready. I’d do that later, when I was sure Gray was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this chapter so much. i want to know what you all think but i'm not feeling good enough to write a long note.
> 
> thanks for reading guys! write on!
> 
> PS yes, Deus Ex Machina on John's reaction, i hate it, but i didn't have a better choice....


	32. A Stroll Down Memory Lane

Through the scope, I watched the pregnant woman charge out of the house in a fury. Had to give her props for recklessness. The look on her face reminded me of years half forgotten. With little more than a pistol to her name, she charged out into the field. My heart leaped into my throat at the sight. An instinctive need to charge across the field surged through me. Damn woman, the hell were you thinking?!

Cormac reached her first. Over his shoulder I caught sight of Valentine running toward them. He’d be too late. Cormac batted her gun away then threw up his own. It would be over so quickly, if he chose to make this merciful. She didn’t look scared as she stared down the barrel of his machine gun.

Then I made a fatal decision. 

I squeezed the trigger. The bullet careened across the field into Cormac’s shoulder. Instantly he dropped the gun. Blood poured out of his shoulder down his arm. Through the scope I saw him spin round and glare at me. That wasn’t a playful ‘what the fuck’ glare, that was a full I’m going to kill you stare. My throat felt thick and I swallowed hard to clear it.

Instinctively I pulled the trigger again but the gun clicked uselessly. Swearing I got to my feet, jaw set, feet shoulder width apart. The way I saw it I only had two options. Run or fight. Running would be fine. At least I’d save my skin for the day, but what about the next? And the day after that? And the day after that? I’d spend years after looking over my shoulder, waiting for Cormac to kill me. 

I refused to live that way.

So instead I tossed the rifle aside. I wouldn’t let Cormac repeat history. History I’d witnessed 13 years ago. I wouldn’t just run while another family was butchered like cattle. I pulled my gun on him. My 10 mm. The only other witness that had survived that day. The witness, that was a good name for it.

Cormac’s face twisted into rage the moment I un-holstered it. He started stalking toward me, entirely forgetting we were here to raid this farm. The woman backed up, gripping her hand. at least she wasn’t stupid enough to get involved with this. Chloe came up short to glance back at me. It was then that I noticed the others were nowhere to be seen. Why hadn’t they moved in? What were they waiting for?

Those questions fled me as Cormac opened fire. With one good arm his aim was shit. Lucky me. I dived away, arching around him. Had to get between him and the girl. When I reached her I found the machine was already there. Helping the woman up. 

“get inside! Now! we’ll handle this!” Valentine ordered authoritatively.

I planted myself in front of Cormac, gun raised. “please boss! Let’s just go home!”

“fucking cunt!” he bellowed pointing his gun dead center at my chest. “I knew you were weak all along! Because of you I’m gonna burn this shit hole to the ground! I’m gonna make you watch while I butcher that bitch and her bra-”

One bullet changed everything.

I put one between his eyes. A clean shot. The perfect shot. Any triumph or pride I’d feel about that evaporated instantly. Cormac immediately went silent. For a few agonizing seconds he remained standing. His gun hand fell limply to his side. Shock dominated his dead face as slowly he fell backwards. 

When he fell it revealed Chloe standing directly behind him. She gaped, the sort of astonishment I’d never seen on her before. Nothing surprised her, except this. Her hand fell to her knife, the only other weapon she owned. If she had her sniper I’d probably already be dead.

“please Chloe.” My vision swam and I blinked furiously to clear it. Now wasn’t the time. “don’t make me.”

“you fucking traitor!” with a snarl like a cat she ran at me, leaping over Cormac’s dead body. 

Shock held me in place just long enough for her to reach me. With a swipe, she hit the gun from my hand. Her other found my neck and squeezed so brutally I was sure I would have a bruise. She took me to the ground. Even if I thought it would help I couldn’t say a thing. 

“you killed him! you fucking bitch you killed him!” her knife came down toward my face, I just managed to twist out of the way before it skewered my brain. 

I got a foot under her stomach and shoved her off. Knife and all she went tumbling away. My gun where the hell was my gun? I span around. Nothing. Fuck.

Chloe screamed again lunging toward me. My ass on the ground weaponless, I was dead. In her mind, I already was. Maybe it was better this way. Chloe would at least make this quick, not like the others.

Then three shots broke through the air. A cluster of bloody holes appeared in her chest. Her momentum carried her a couple feet further before she came to a dead stop in the dust. Face flat. Good, I didn’t want to see the rage she’d died with.

Chest heavy I turned to find Valentine offering me a hand up. “how many?”

“f-four.” I stuttered rising unsteadily.

He offered the grip of my gun back to me. Looking me carefully in the eye. “can I trust you?”

That was a question I was beginning to ask myself. I’d killed Cormac. Now Chloe was dead too. I was a traitor. But it was always going to go like this, wasn’t it? “I won’t let them hurt these people.”

His hand fell from my gun, giving me full control. “that’s all I ask.” Turning he called into the house. “there are four left! Do what you have to do!”

From inside the house three armed and angry men poured. At nearly the same time the rest of my old friends appeared. Chaos quickly engulfed the farm. Gun fire rang out all around us. Someone tossed a grenade and nearly killed the brahmin.

“you bastard!” a high pitched scream pierced the air.

Valentine and I turned just in time to see Maria before she crashed into him. Wasn’t sure what her plan was, clawing at his face with her bare hands. Guess she didn’t have a plan. With Chloe’s body cooling in the dirt reason totally and utterly abandoned her. The normally strategic and careful of our group was reduced to a snarling animal. Valentine kept her at bay but he couldn’t get to his gun.

“you killed her!” she kept shrieking. “you killed her you son of a bitch!” I’d never seen Maria lose control like this. She of all of us had been the surest, the calmest. Even in the face of Rick’s rage she was steadfast. And this was my fault. 

A gun going off snapped me back to the present. Blinking I ran at Maria, tackling her off Valentine. While we tumbled over the dust I screamed over the battle raging. “I don’t want to hurt you! Please Maria stop!”

“he killed her! He killed her!” she shrieked into my face. I’m not sure she even realized I was there. “he’ll pay! I’ll make him pay!”

Her strength was unreal. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she’d done Buffout. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and tossed me aside brutally. My head smacked against a rock. Stars danced on my vision while I staggered to a standing position. 

When I did, Rush was standing there, arms outstretched to either side of him. staring at me. “what happened love?” he asked smiling brightly as if this wasn’t the second worst day of my fucking life. 

All around us people were shouting, guns were firing, explosions went off. In that moment I couldn’t hear any of it. I only had eyes for Rush as he slowly stepped toward me. It filled me with such a cocktail of emotions I didn’t know what to do. “come on love, I know you didn’t shoot the boss in the back for no reason. Let’s talk.”

Tears were beginning to form on my eyes, the damn things. My arm raised my gun against the pain in my chest. It was always going to end like this. “this isn’t right Rush. It’s never been right!”

Something in him changed the instant I raised my heirloom. Those eyes, which had always been possessive were now sharp. His arms fell to his sides and his shoulders relaxed. Like a predator on the hunt. “you going to shoot me too? Hm love?”

“don’t make me.” I pled, tears coming hot and fast now. “please, Rush, just stand down. for us, please.”

“I made you.” He snarled menacingly, all trace of affection gone. A mad glint filled his eye. That used to excite me, nights in camp when we were supposed to be keeping watch. I loved that glint. Now though, I was terrified. “I brought you into the gang, I taught you how to survive, I showed you who you really are!”

My hand shook. I grabbed it with my other to steady it. “stop, please just stop!”

“I own you!” he was shouting now, face filled with animal rage. “you’re mine, you’ll never belong to anyone else!”

A hand shot out of nowhere and clocked him in the jaw. I jumped about half a mile and snapped my gaze to who had struck him. Valentine stood there, face dark and drawn. Didn’t even realize a machine could show that much emotion, but his face was contorted with disgust. “she doesn’t belong to anyone.”

Clutching his jaw Rush recovered. As he span around, he had his own pistol out and trained on me. “we’ll see about that.”

Two shots were fired.

A searing pain burst across the side of my ribcage. My gun bucked violently in my shaky hands. Blood blossomed on Rush’s chest. A look of astonishment remained frozen on his face. As I stared, horror slowly sank in. My chest constricted. The gun suddenly felt too heavy to hold. It slipped from my hands with a dull thud. “Rush! I’m so sorry Rush please!”

A great mass slammed into me, knocking me clean off my feet. The gunfire came back. By the time I recovered my feet it was over. In the distance I spotted Rick, carrying a heavy load in his arms, Tag right behind him with Maria over his shoulder. Two of the farmers were chasing them off with pipe rifles chattering.

My heart felt cold and raw.

A hand appeared in my vision, made of metal. “you made the right call.”

Even in half a daze I was a stubborn bitch. I rose on my own, face grim. Didn’t need this machine to help me. “how’d the farm fare?”

Valentine took a sweeping glance. “someone got their skull bashed in but he’ll live. It could have been much worse if not for you.”

“if not for me.” I scoffed. Without permission, my eyes strayed to Cormac’s corpse. God damn it, what had I done?

Valentine deliberately blocked my view of it, forcing me to look up at him. “don’t mistake me, it’s your fault this happened. But you did the smart thing in the end.”

My eyes narrowed at him. “maybe I should even the sides a little.”

“forget I said anything.” He turned his back on me, a sure sign he didn’t consider me a threat. My pride burned at it. Slowly I bent and retrieved my weapon, now heavier with memories than it had been.

My grip was tight as I glared at the machine. He pissed me off. I’d just killed Cormac! He was practically shrugging if off! He didn’t care! And, why should he? As far as he was concerned he’d just been a raider. We’d all just been raiders. 

Bile filled my mouth. To think I’d become the very thing that had killed my family. When had that happened? How had I forgotten? Cormac was brutal, they all were, but they had been family. They still sort of were. But we were raider scum. I was raider scum. 

Miserably I shoved my gun back into its holster. Turning my back on them I faced the wasteland.

“where are you going?” Valentine’s voice brought me up short.

I refused to look at him. I didn’t need to see that look again. He didn’t need to remind me what I was. “why do you care?”

He was right behind me, I could feel it. Or maybe I was just paranoid. His voice sounded so close when next he spoke. “looks to me like you’re in a bad way. Come with me back to Diamond City. Start over.” 

“the fuck do you care what I do?!” I snapped bitterly.

“because despite what you think, you’re not too far gone.”

Nice sentiment, and in the coming years I’d come to believe it more and more. Right then, with Cormac’s blood not five paces away, I thought I was the worst kind of scum. “I don’t need you and your handout. I’ve got a place.”

“fine by me.” Valentine became guarded, almost instantly. His presence slipped away leaving me feeling colder than ever. “offer stills stands if you ever wise up.”

I didn’t particularly want to. Hell I was about ready to throw myself off the nearest building. Killing Cormac meant that I’d lost the only home I’d known for four years. Chloe was dead by Valentine’s hand. Maria would be out for his blood, or coolant or whatever he had. Rush was dead, I was sure. No one could survive a gunshot to the chest. Tag probably would mourn like a human being but wouldn’t seek revenge. And then Rick. He was the real danger in all this. Only a matter of time before he came after me. I needed friends and fast.

The only question left, if they’d take me back.

The walk shouldn’t have taken more than a day. It took me two full ones to reach the gates. Exhausted, hungry, thirsty, I didn’t have the energy to second guess myself. Deliberately I shoved through the gates of Goodneighbor for the first time since I was seventeen. The familiar scents and sights filled my senses. It was bitter sweet to return. Just like the day I’d left. 

I could feel the several pairs of eyes snap to me as I stepped through. Were they suspicious? Angry? Guarded? Hard to tell. They didn’t instantly kick me out though so that was a start. Nobody harassed me as I entered the old state house and walked up the stairs.

I found just the man I was looking for. He sat on his couch across from Fahrenheit. They were playing chess again. A game they had tried to teach me once but I’d never had the patience for. Neither of them looked up as I entered but Hancock spoke. “you’re back. Thought you’d have ended up dead.”

“I should be so lucky.” I murmured quietly, coming to a stop in the doorway. Didn’t dare approach. What was I supposed to say? Four years ago he’d warned me about Cormac and Rush and I’d refused to listen. Now here I was. Exactly where he said I’d be. 

Slowly he reached down to one of his pawns and slid it toward the middle of the board. “well? I’m waiting.” 

Swallowing hard I fixed my gaze on him. No point dropping my gaze. Hancock wouldn’t care for that kind of shit. “you were right. They were scum bags.”

Sighing in satisfaction he sat back with an arm over the back of the couch. His black eyes fell on me, as heavy as ever. “took you long enough to learn your lesson.”

“yeah well….” I spread my arms out. “you going to let me back in or not?”

“and where would you go if I said no?” he smirked at me knowingly. That fucking asshole. Did he have to act like this? 

Angrily I averted my gaze. That’s when I saw him coming up the stairs. A fedora and a faded trench coat. Yellow eyes strayed to me and his brows shot up. “fancy meeting you here.”

“who the hell do you think you are? Were you fallowing me?” it was a stupid question in hindsight but when you met the same person twice in the span of three days you could hardly blame me for jumping to conclusions.

Valentine rolled his eyes exasperatedly. “no, I wasn’t. Hancock asked to see me.”

“I had a job for you, but it looks like the job solved itself.” The ghoul rose, leaving Fahrenheit to groan and grumble under her breath about interruptions. With a leathery hand he slapped me on the shoulder, still smirking that knowing smirk. “kiddo finally came limping back with her tail between her legs.” 

Irritably I shrugged off his hand. “so does that mean you’ll have me back?”

“you’re gonna have to earn your keep, but you can stay, like the rest of them.” Hancock raised his brows at me and for the first time I thought I glimpsed genuine happiness. Maybe not quite that strong, maybe only a sliver of it. he couldn’t actually be glad to see me, could he? 

“I’ll earn it, I promise.” Had a lot of shit to make up for.

Valentine scanned me, frowning a little. “if you ever need caps, look me up. May have some work for you.”

“cold day in hell.” I growled.

The statehouse faded away.

I opened my eyes. 

And immediately felt like throwing up. The pain coursed through my body so hot and bad that I quickly keeled over. “oh god…. What….” Tears filled my eyes. my hand hurt like it’d been shot. my ribs ached and it was almost too painful to breathe. My jaw felt like it’d gone three rounds with a Supermutant. That was to say nothing of splitting headache coursing through my brain.

The canopy of the memory lounger hissed open and a pair of familiar hands reached inside. “Gray, can you hear me? you with us?”

“it hurts so much….” I whimpered cradling my bloody, bandaged hand. what the hell had happened to me? where the hell had all these injuries come from? Last I checked I was in full working condition what was with all this pain? 

Nick’s hands gently pulled me out of the memory lounger then set me down in a chair beside it. through my swimming tears I could see his face. there was a flood of relief there. Why should he feel relieved I was in agony over here. “let me see your hand.” he murmured gently reaching for my left hand. 

I flinched away, grasping it to my chest. “no, don’t, please….”

“Gray.” The name sounded weird coming out of his mouth. What was with that? “let me see.”

Grimacing against the pain I gradually reached my hand out to him. he took me around the wrist then unwrapped the bandage. A thin hiss escaped me when the injury came into view. A hole, about half inch around, went clean through the middle of my hand. bits of shattered bone clung to the edges of it. tears started coming hard and fast now, staring at in shock. “what the hell happened?! Nick what’s going on? What did this? look at me!”

“doc do you have some bandages and Med-X?” he refused to meet my eyes, or even acknowledge my questions. That wasn’t like him. what the hell was going on?!

Amari came around from behind me, making me jump and cry out in pain when my hand twitched. “I’m sure we have some upstairs, give me a moment.”

“thanks.” 

My shoulders were starting to shake. Everything hurt so badly and something felt so wrong. Nick still wouldn’t look at me. he leaned forward, examining my hand as a distraction. “Nick talk to me god damn it, what happened?” I whispered hoarsely.

Stiffly he sat up to look me in the eye. for a split second I saw something there. It wasn’t exactly relief and it left me with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then it was gone. “you got into a fight with some bad people. Almost killed you. We had to reset your memory or risk permanent brain damage.”

“that literally makes no sense!” then the full implications of what he just said dawned on me. “you… you had to wipe me?” 

“yes.” He nodded. 

I wanted to throw up. Between the pain and the fear and the agony now rolling around in my chest. Nick manipulating my memory like that? Sure it was to save my life, so he said, but that felt so wrong. Like if he’d used the recall code. Moaning I leaned forward on my knees, screwing my eyes shut. 

Nick ran his hand through my hair, trying to comfort me as best he could. “I know what you’re feeling and I’m sorry. We had no other choice.”

“how much time?” through gritted teeth I growled. That hurt my jaw so I let up. God damn it where was that Med-X when I needed it?! 

Hesitation followed my question so I swung my gaze back on him. I was angry, the anger helped hide the absolute terror I was starting to feel. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of. someone coming in and taking away my memory, or manipulating it. DiMA had threatened to do the same and since then I’d never been able to shake the fear. All I wanted to know was why Nick had done it. 

Eventually he sucked in a breath. “almost a month….”

“what?” my heart went numb and my mind went blank. A month? He’d taken a whole month from me? “Why?! Nick damn it just tell me the truth! What happened!?”

Amari came back then, handing over bandages and a syringe. “you’ll need to go back to Diamond City, I don’t have enough medical knowledge to treat her.” 

“once she’s stable we’ll go.” 

“stop doing that!” with my good hand I grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. “Nick look at me! Tell me what happened! Please! I’m begging you I just need the truth!” 

His heavy yellow eyes fixed on me. Breathing became even harder staring into those eyes. he was hiding something, and it was killing him to do it. or maybe whatever he was hiding was killing him. I couldn’t tell. He reached up with his whole hand and gently cupped my face. “you trust me, right?”

My throat went dry. “yes….”

“Then trust me when I say… don’t go looking. It’s for the best. Please. Just do this one thing for me.” 

What had happened? Nick looked scared, maybe even hurt. had I really come that close to dying? Maybe the headache had something to do with it. get punched in the face enough I guess there could be some memory loss. Or something. it still felt like a flimsy lie to placate me. If I weren’t in so much pain I might have argued with him. if I wasn’t so scared I’d probably have kept demanding answers. But the bad feeling in my gut kept me from doing any of that. “ok… I’ll… I’ll trust you.”

“thank you.” gently he kissed me. it was brief but it felt like he hadn’t done that in weeks. I guess as far as I was concerned he hadn’t. when we parted he held up a Med-X. “hold still, let me do what I can then I’ll get you back to Diamond City.”

“ok….” Grimacing I just sat there and let him stab me with the needle. numb relief spread through my arm and across my chest. The headache ebbed away to be replaced by a dull throbbing. He went to work on bandaging my hand next. “ya think there’s a chance to fix it?” I tried to make conversation but my voice scraped against my throat. 

He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. Sun might have some ideas.”

“I hope so….” 

When he was finished Nick helped me stand. It wasn’t easy. My legs shook under me as pain wracked through my body. Walking back to the diamond did not sound fun. “Nick… can’t I just stay here and send someone for Sun? I’m not sure I can make it….”

“he won’t come out here, we’re just going to have to go to him.” 

“but I can barely walk.”

Without replying he scooped me up in his arms. I bit down on the cry of pain that tore out of me. my ribcage burned even under the chem in my system. “just hold on to me, don’t let go.” 

I got the feeling that those words held more meaning than he let on. What had happened to us Nick?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last chapter left to go, I hope you've all been enjoying this journey of hurt and pain, as much as you can. Nick's plan to reset her worked but of course we all know this won't be the end of things here. There's still a little more ground to cover next time so until then, Write on!


	33. Epilogue: Five Weeks Later

“she hasn’t stopped asking questions.” I murmured at the brick wall across from me. “not to me, she won’t ask me because she knows I’m not going to tell her, but she’s gone around my back.”

“did you honestly think she wouldn’t?”

“I hoped….” Sighing painfully I took a long drag from my cigarette before letting it fall back to my side. “Amari says that if she discovers too much she runs the risk of remembering what happened. I keep telling her that it’s not worth it…. but of course the stubborn woman won’t listen to me. thankfully she’s too spooked by the idea people’ll figure out she’s a synth to ask particulars.”

“has she lied to you about it?” 

“no, not directly, but I haven’t asked her directly.” Begrudgingly I tossed aside the cigarette. It sizzled in a putrid puddle on the concrete. In this back alley of Goodneighbor it could have been anything. “I’m not sure what to do…. I can’t tell her the truth but if I don’t she’s gonna figure it out herself.”

A warm soft hand landed on my shoulder and Magnolia stepped between me and the wall. She was sympathetic, not that it did anything for my dark mood. “think about it Nick. Who knows the truth? You, me, Hancock, Fahrenheit, Amari, Macready, Violet and … Wally. Everyone else either thinks that she was just kidnapped or they’re dead.”

“I guess that’s one thing I can thank that… woman for.” I couldn’t bring myself to call her Gray, or even Vel. The person that had done so much damage was neither of them. Honestly I still wasn’t sure how to reconcile all of it. “she made sure there weren’t witnesses to her crimes.”

“so there’s only a handful of us that know any of the truth.” Magnolia continued, leaning in close to whisper. “and none of us are going to tell her.”

“you wont, and I won’t, but I’m not sure about everyone.” In particular Macready. He hadn’t exactly acted normal around Gray since. If anything he was more aggressive than ever toward her. And I didn’t blame him. thankfully she hadn’t picked up on it yet, writing it off as Macready being an asshole. It made me wonder how long that would last. 

“Hancock still hasn’t agreed to let her back?” surprise in her voice which I almost scoffed at. 

“come on Mags. We cant expect him to get over this that quick. His leg is never gonna be the same. And after how much she put him through we’re just damn lucky he didn’t kill her.” Hancock’s mercy had been surprising to say the least. And the fact that he’d stuck to his word about it was even more surprising. I’d done everything I could to make sure that Gray didn’t come back to Goodneighbor. Ellison living here had helped, but Gray was starting to ask questions about that too. “I don’t know how much longer I have until I have to give her something.” 

“resetting her was always going to be a temporary solution, you knew that.” A little bitterness crept into her tone. That’s right. Magnolia had been one of the people that wanted to leave it up to Gray. Since Mags was a synth I could understand her distaste for the decision I’d made. It didn’t sit entirely well with me either. But it had been for the best. 

“I know, and I’ll figure out what to do, eventually….” 

She let out a long sigh and dropped her hand. “after you’ve dealt with this.”

“exactly.” I nodded and glanced around the corner. 

It was almost midnight. Goodneighbor never slept but it got sluggish around this time. The guards were slouched against their walls, the drifters asleep or high on their beds. Lights were on in the Statehouse which probably meant Hancock was up playing chess with Fahrenheit. At least that hadn’t changed. The memory den was closed and silent. A few moments later the signs on the front switched off. 

“time to go.” I took a step before pausing to glance back at her. “are you sure you want to do this with me? You got me this far, I can go the rest alone.”

“no, you can’t.” she shook her head, narrowing her eyes. “if you’re not going to tell Gray about this then you need a partner. Who else do you trust?”

Honestly, I still wasn’t sure why I trusted Magnolia. All I knew was that my gut did. And if there was one thing I did trust it was my gut. “alright… let me do the talking….” 

Silently we slipped out of the alley between the Rexford and the Memory Den. Nobody even glanced our way as we moved. Magnolia had thankfully chosen not to wear her red sequenced dress for this, opting for a subtle t-shirt and jeans. She somehow even made that simple outfit attractive. While she kept watch I quickly picked the lock. Gray could do this in less than a minute, I wasn’t nearly so good. The lock did eventually pop free and we slipped inside.

The place was lit up by dim lights and warm red tones. Would have been comforting, and before all this it had been. I’d spent a lot of time here trying to work out my memories of the institute. A fruitless venture as it turned out. There used to be comfort here, knowing Amari and Irma had my back. but now I was here for the woman that had taken Gray from me at the request of two mad men. 

We strode into the main room. Irma stood beside her lounger, examining a terminal with a drawn look. She didn’t notice us until we came to a stop in the middle of the room. “what’d she ever do to you Irma?”

The woman flinched visibly, spinning around to face us. Shock raced over her usually carefully controlled features before she reigned it in. “oh, Mr. Valentine, it’s so good to see you. forgive me if I’m a little flustered, I thought I locked the front door.” 

I waved a hand. “spare me the act Irma. I’m sick of it. why’d you do it?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But sweat dripped down the side of her face.

“let’s start from the beginning then.” I started pacing the length of the room. the memory den practically smelled of the woman. I hated it. if I never stepped foot in this place again it would be too soon. “there’s something I’ve never quite been able to figure out about the replacement synths the institute used to spit out.” 

Irma stiffly sat in her chair, smoothing out her skirt with careful hands. She was doing a good job of keeping herself in check, but it didn’t faze me. I knew the truth now. 

“the replacements had to have the memories of their originals right? or they wouldn’t make for good replacements. But if the institute abducted people, took them down into their labs, and released them again, then they’d run the risk of discovery. Imagine if one of those kidnapped wastelanders had escaped into the institute. I doubt those eggheads would take that risk.”

“I’m not sure I know what you’re implying.” Irma murmured slowly, keeping her face neutral. 

“the institute had to get those scans somewhere right? but where?” gradually I turned in a tight circle, scanning over Irma then landing my gaze on Magnolia. “if they’re not abducting their victims ahead of time, where could they possibly get scans of their brains?”

“there’s only one place I can think of.” Magnolia’s blue eyes fell on Irma pointedly. “the Memory Den.”

Irma let out a forced laugh that bordered on hysterical. “really Mr. Valentine I thought you were a detective, not a conspiracy theorist.” 

“you’d be surprised how blurred that line gets on the job.” I turned back to her, now slowly approaching her little stage. “it’s sound reasoning though right? and it makes sense. Of course, I’ve suspected it for a year now, but I didn’t have any proof.”

She stiffened. “there is no proof Mr. Valentine because it simply isn’t true.” 

“true, there’s no proof, but that brings me to the second reason I’m here.” It was a dangerous game I was playing as I sat down beside her. Irma, like anyone in Goodneighbor, shouldn’t be underestimated. Likely as not she had a knife stowed somewhere discrete. She could try to kill me, and Mags, but I doubted she would. “what if there was, what if someone did have proof that someone was working for the institute from within the Memory Den? What if that person wasn’t even aware of the proof she had. Until it was too late. Until someone decided to go in and erase it from her mind?”

A fluttery laugh escaped her, forced like the other one, just not as strong. “what in the world are you suggesting Mr. Valentine?” 

“I found some interesting notes, passed back between you and Rush.” Magnolia spoke up from where she still stood in the center of the room. “he seemed to think that Vel O'Malley had some sort of dirt on you regarding the institute.”

“he was convinced, and you were convinced, so much so that you agreed to help him manipulate Gray’s memory.” I finished with a low tone. 

Irma tried to laugh, tried to smile. But the smile didn’t fit on her face anymore and the laugh came out as a nervous giggle. We all sat there in silence, me and Mags staring at Irma waiting. Any other person would continue denying the truth, criminals didn’t have dignity when cornered. But luckily Irma had some. “and where are these letters?”

“safe.” I answered glancing at Magnolia. She nodded. I couldn’t keep the letters at the agency, in case Gray stumbled on them, so she had agreed to hold them for me. “and they’ll remain so as long as you cooperate with us.” 

“I suppose if I refuse to, you will hand those letters over to Vel.” 

“no, we’ll hand them over to Hancock.” Leaning on an arm I whispered into her ear. “imagine what he’ll do when he finds out that you helped the institute, and helped Rush do this to her.” 

She swallowed thickly, fear finally filling her face and chasing away the confidence. We had her. going into this I’d been worried that Irma also knew that Grey had been replaced by the institute after all she provided scans for the institute. If she did, she could have easily used that as counter blackmail to keep us off her back. All she’d have to do is let it slip to someone in town then Goodneighbor would be out for Grey’s blood. But Irma didn’t seem to connect those dots as she looked me dead in the eye. “very well… what do you want from me?”

I managed to hide my relief. “do you know a man named Hintzen?”

She froze, face going slack and mouth threatening to fall open. “I … yes…. Hintzen has, at times, provided services and items to the Memory Den.”

I should have figured as much. The man had his hands in every pie across the commonwealth. Even Goodneighbor wasn’t safe. Rumor had it that he had regular talks with McDonough too. well at least her awareness would make this easier. “I want you to find him.”

“what?!” Irma actually laughed at that, brows shooting up so high I thought they might get lost in her hair. “are you joking? Hintzen is one of the most dangerous men in the commonwealth and you want me to find him? you don’t find him he finds you.”

“then you let him find you.” I replied thinly. Anger rolled around in my chest. I had to keep that in check for a little longer. 

Shaking her head Irma threw her hands up. “why? what good will that do you?”

“because someone has to take him down, and it’s not going to be anyone else.” 

“you really think you, a washed up robot can dismantle the empire of a man like Hintzen?” now she laughed out loud, like I’d just made one of the funniest jokes in the commonwealth. “he’ll tear you apart then use the pieces to decorate his dinner table.” 

“if I’m getting turned into scrap, then I’ll make sure you go down too.”

That shut her up. Going pale she finally looked down at me, for the first time seeing how serious I was. “you wouldn’t….”

“I would. If you don’t help me, if you turn me over to Hintzen, if you hurt Gray ever again, I will make sure Hancock knows that not only have you been working for the institute, but you broke Gray’s mind just to hide your own sins.” 

“so will I.” Mags stepped forward to stand at my side. 

“you won’t have direct contact with me.” now for the terms. With Irma hooked I wouldn’t even give her the chance to renegotiate. This wasn’t a negotiation. “you won’t come anywhere near Gray or me. Magnolia will be your handler. She’ll relay your reports to me. if she decides that you’re stepping out of line then I’ve given her full authority to hand the evidence over to Hancock. Are we clear?” 

Irma’s jaw tightened with rage. No doubt she wanted to argue, or at least tell me to go screw myself. Irma and I had at one time been friends. That was a thing of the past. She brought this on herself. 

I turned my back on her and started walking away. “you’ll gather every piece of information you can about Hintzen. Or Hancock will kill you slowly.”

“is this how you prewar cops did things?!” she blurted after me, absolutely hysterical. “this is blackmail!”

“this is justice.” Without turning around, I looked at her over my shoulder. “you are my pawn now Irma. You’re going to help me win this game.” 

***

I couldn’t keep my promise to Nick. 

He was terrified, that much I knew. But I didn’t know of what. I had to know. What had happened over that missing month? What made him so scared? What made Macready hate me so much more? Why did Violet refuse to meet my eyes? why couldn’t I go back to Goodneighbor? What did any of that have to do with resetting my memory? 

Nobody seemed to have answers. 

Worse yet a lot had happened over that month. 

Vadim’s death, Yafim leaving the commonwealth, Zoon taking up the Dugout Inn. Then Sanctuary suffering from a recent raider attack. And then there was the weird banishment I was suffering from Goodneighbor. Nick tried to pretend but I could tell he was actively keeping me away from the place. Eventually I’d have to confront him about it, or sneak around his back and go back myself. At the moment though, I had more pressing matters on my mind. 

Sun had told me to stay in the city until my hand was fully healed. Between his medical expertise, and Ellison’s genius, they’d managed to reinforce the bones in my hand with metal rods. Still hurt like hell sometimes to grip things and I didn’t dare try to punch anything. They both said it would be a solid three months before I could use it properly again. That being said, there were still plenty of other injuries in my body that had only just healed. 

In spite of their warnings, Nick’s pleas, and my own body being a pain in the ass, I couldn’t sit around. Not after I heard about the Warwicks. So with Nick out of the agency on some secret mission to Goodneighbor I left the diamond without a word to anyone. My hand was wrapped up in a thick cast to keep me from using it. didn’t mean that I couldn’t still shoot fine. Ordinarily I’d have agreed going out into the wastes this injured was dangerous but I was sick of waiting around. And I wasn’t sure I could trust Nick to let me go.

The commonwealth didn’t throw anything hairy at me. in fact it was an easy trek from Diamond City down to the Warwick’s farm. A couple dead raiders lay across the path, freshly killed, so I hurried passed them. The sun was bright and the sky clear. Good visibility for miles around. And yet I still didn’t see anyone, or anything, that might kill me. 

I reached the Warwick’s farm in a little over two hours. As I approached the gate that bad feeling in my gut got worse and a headache started to form behind my right eye. 

The walls were still standing. So it wasn’t a Supermutant attack that did it. scrap metal lay scattered across the road and deeper inside. At this distance I couldn’t tell what it was. As I approached I noticed a large crater in the middle of the road, scorch marks sprayed out in a circle. There were bloodstains everywhere. Bits of bone left to bleach in the sun. grimacing I knelt and picked a fragment up to examine. Bite marks. Something had gnawed all the flesh away. Probably Molerats. 

Disgusted I tossed it aside and rose. There were other bones scattered around the place too. some still had meat on them, others were snapped to get at the marrow inside. It’d be impossible to tell how many people had died by counting the bones so I scanned for skulls. There were five, maybe, that I could see. One lay in a corner next to the stairs of the main building. Another half submerged in mud. The others were in different places across the field. 

As I approached the field the ground beneath my feet began to rumble. My gun flew to my hand just before the first Molerat surfaced with a snarl. Instinctively I reached to hold my gun with both hands. Pain lanced through my arm when I did and the Molerat got the first attack. It lunged at my face. things that low to the ground should not be able to do that. 

I dodged it, barely. The smell of its breath made me want to gag. It hit the ground head first. With a well aimed foot I kicked it half way across the field then put two bullets in its stomach. More were coming. I ran toward the concrete building. It had a concrete base. Molerats couldn’t borrow through concrete that thick. At least I hoped. Two more popped up directly behind me as I fled inside. They snarled and zigzagged to reach me. 

Just as I passed through the door I went down on a knee, gun up. The first one got hot lead to the face. the next one dodged my first shot then got capped in the shoulder for it. Screaming in pain it went down, wriggling its tiny little legs like it could go anywhere. Mercifully I shot it in the head.

Then something even bigger snarled directly behind me. I turned to find a god damn brood mother, snarling and standing on what had once been Jun’s bed. Two other Molerats popped out from under it, bounding at me at top speed. Which lets be honest, for a Molerat, wasn’t that fast. I still didn’t have enough time to get my gun up so I swung a kick for the first one. It caught my leg in its teeth, biting down so deep blood started flowing fast.

Gasping in pain I staggered. It wrenched my foot out from under me. I hit the ground hard, my head smacked on the concrete. Dizzy stars danced on my eyes and for a moment I forgot where I was. Pain surged up my leg quickly reminding me of the damn rat chewing on my ankle. Twisting around I sat up. The Molerat didn’t even see me point the gun at it before its brains were gone. It’d left a clear hole in my leg but nothing I couldn’t fight through. 

The next one went for the face though. it landed on my chest, spitting and snarling right into my face. desperate I grabbed my knife with my left hand and stabbed it in the back of the head. Blood splattered my face, my hand felt like it was on fire but the Molerat rolled off me. blinking through the pain I sat up one more time. The brood mother was coming for me. killing all her kids had pissed her off nicely. Foam leaked out of her mouth. 

My vision swam. The headache was worse. The pain in my hand made it hard to think or move. I watched her come near me, slowly, like it was dream. Everything seemed to move so slow. I couldn’t think. Was I breathing? What the hell was going on? It felt wrong, I felt sick, I felt like I was going to throw up.

The next thing I knew I was standing over the brood mother’s cooling corpse, gun in hand. the headache was gone and a strange sort of calm filled me. this wasn’t the relief from a battle well fought over. This was something else entirely. 

Then a strangled, thin, gravely voice spoke from the doorway. “it’s you!”

Dropping the gun I turned to find a boy staring at me from the entrance. He had on a ragged white shirt, some torn up jeans and a coat. Under the collar of his shirt I could see white bandages wrapped around his chest. His face though drew my attention. it was terribly scarred. The entire right side of his face was unrecognizable as human. If not for the other half, which faired better, I’d have called him a ghoul. His hair had all been shaved away to get at the injuries. One eye was gone, the other stared at me with so much hatred I didn’t know how to react. 

“why are you smiling?!” he shouted hoarsely, the voice coming out exactly like a ghoul’s would around that scarred throat.

I blinked, was I smiling? I was. What the hell was that about? The moment I noticed I let it fall. “I’m sorry….”

“sorry?! That’s all you’ve got to say after you killed my mom?!” 

What? 

The headache was back only this time I could see it. swimming images that might have come from a dream or a drunken night I didn’t know which. Jun lying dead on the ground. The rest of her family on their knees terrified. The feel of the gun on my hand. which was up and pointing at the boy. 

“no!” I forced myself to drop it, going wide eyed. 

He lunged for it, faster than I expected or I could even react to. Instinctively I ran. What other choice did I have? that was Wally! For god’s sake I couldn’t hurt Wally! Not after what already happened to him. 

What you did to him.

Outside I dashed into the morning light. A wind had picked up while I was inside. It tugged at my coat, made the blood streaks on my face cold. The gun went off. A bullet grazed my arm. I came to a dead stop, throwing my hands up. “stop, Wally please, it’s me. it’s Vel.”

“turn around!” he shouted.

Slowly I did, willing myself to make the movement smooth. 

His scarred furious face was lined with tears now. My gun he held in both his hands, shaking violently. As far as I knew, he’d never held a gun. Eight years old and he’d never held a gun, until now. “why?! why did you come back?! You already killed them! You already killed everyone!” 

“I’m sorry….” Why was I apologizing? I didn’t understand what was happening. Wally was convinced, more than convinced, he knew. When had I killed his family and why? “W-Wally if you’ll just put the gun down… we can talk alright?”

“why?!” he shouted brandishing the gun as he stepped toward me. “can you bring my mom back? my dad, my sister?! Can you bring them back?!” 

My knees were beginning to feel weak. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t run anymore. The headache felt like a knife behind my eye. “I can’t… I can’t bring them back Wally I’m sorry.”

“why did you kill them?!”

“I don’t know.”

Because it was fun.

He was now within feet of me. “I thought you were my friend!” 

At last my knees gave out entirely. I dropped to the ground. Staring up at him I knew what he was saying was true. I didn’t know. I didn’t remember. But my gut knew. My heart knew. “I’m sorry Wally…. I am…. I don’t – nothing I say will make this better….”

The tears streamed out of his one good eye and leaked out of where his other should be. I couldn’t imagine how much pain he was in. No way he’d survive those injuries without treatment. Where had he come from? He should have been dead if he was alone. “why….?”

“I don’t know.” I fought the sting in my eyes. what was the point of crying in front of the kid? “but I swear I’ll find out why.”

His lips started to tremble. What did he see? Had I really killed his parents? And his sister? Had I done that to his face? why couldn’t I remember? Was all that he saw the face of the monster that had done this to him? taken away everything that he knew and loved and left him with nothing but a gun and hatred. Had I really done to him what the raiders had done to me so long ago? “I hate you.”

“you should.” I swallowed hard staring up into his stricken face. 

The gun grew steady pointing dead center at my forehead. “I want to kill you.”

“do it….” I whispered hoarsely.

He blinked. 

“do it.” I repeated a little more forcefully. “I deserve it for what I did to you. kill me. it’s the right thing to do.” 

What the hell is wrong with you?

Wally blinked his one good eye. he didn’t know what to do. All he knew was what he wanted to do. I could see it. he wanted me dead. he was conflicted though. by the same thing that had made me hesitate killing that man the day my parents were killed. Since that day I’d lived with the guilt, the way that made me feel, how sick it made me feel. That’s not what I wanted for Wally. He deserved better. He deserved a life. He deserved to be happy even if it meant sacrificing myself to make it happen. 

“if you don’t…” speaking gently I lifted my hands to the gun. “I’ll protect you, I’ll make sure you’re safe. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you alive and happy. You won’t have to be alone like I was. I swear Wally.” 

The gun kept shaking pressed against my forehead. I didn’t dare try taking it from him. that might just spook him into pulling the trigger anyway. he just kept staring. It had been so long since I was in his place I couldn’t be sure exactly what the debate was in his head. Kill me for revenge? Was revenge something eight-year-olds understood? Don’t kill me? I was the only person he might have left? Did any of that matter? 

Apparently not. 

Rage overcame the grief in his eyes and he held the gun steadily. “you’re not my mom.”

First his head exploded then I heard the gunshot. Blood and brain splattered me as he fell to the ground. Shocked all I could do was kneel there and watch him fall. The blood leaked out of the side of his head. Some clinical side of me recognized a high caliber exit wound. That the sniper had come from a fair distance away. And that it had been one hell of a shot.

None of that registered to my conscious mind as I collapsed over his body, tears streaming over my face. “Wally! No, no, no, no Wally please!” 

His tiny, broken body was so limp in my arms as I gathered him up. Blood stained my coat and arms but I didn’t care. gently I tilted his face toward me. he was calm. If not for the blood and gore he could have been asleep. Tears swam in my eyes, fell on his face. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Wally. Please god no. why?!” 

Good riddance.

“shut up.” I moaned into his chest, cradling him so tightly I was afraid that I’d break him. he didn’t deserve this. none of them deserved this. had I brought this on them? Had I really been the one to kill this family? A family that had taken me in without question when I was at my lowest? And Wally had died for me.

Make no mistake, I knew who was behind that sniper and it made me sick. Still crying I threw angry eyes up to where I expected the bullet to have come from. “I’m going to kill you Murtagh. Make no mistake.” I mouthed carefully, hoping that he was still watching and could read lips. “I don’t care if Hintzen told you to protect me, I’ll make sure you die slow.”

That’s my girl.

A bullet broke a piece out of the concrete five feet away from where I knelt. So he got the message. Good. Carefully I picked Wally up. Most people in the wasteland didn’t bother with funerals, there usually wasn’t a lot of time or resources to do it. hell I didn’t care for mine, since I was hopeful that I’d end up a Deathclaw’s lunch. But Wally. I couldn’t just leave him here in the open for a damn Molerat to come chew on his bones. 

I took a blanket from the house, wrapped him in it, then left him on one of the beds. Then I went looking for a shovel. Outside the wind had died again leaving the sun to bake up the ground. The shovel felt heavy in my hands as I dragged it to a spot near the garden itself. I guess this was as good a spot as any. With a kick I put the shovel into the ground then lifted. Pain lanced right up my arm to my shoulder and I gasped. Clutching my left hand tight to my chest I blinked through the pain. 

After several more breaths in I picked the shovel back up. 

It was a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And at last we're here, the final part of Shattered. It's been a hell of a ride these last few months hasn't it? But we're here. Nobody was making it out of this without some scrapes and bruises. Gray's got a lot to handle now and Nick is trying to finish the business he started years ago. Will Hancock ever recover? What has Fahrenheit got planned keeping Gray's secret? Will anyone come clean to anybody else? 
> 
> Well all those questions are going to have to wait. I've got a couple shorts to show you in the next installment Case Files. A series of shorts outlining some of the adventures and people Nick and Gray meet on the job. The first file is up now to read since i wanted to cut you all some slack from the pain fest that was Shattered! So head over there and enjoy that if you want some relief! 
> 
> so until next week everyone! Write on!


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